Simply Efen

Used To Be..........

2010-07-01T14:44:00.002-05:00

Truthfully, I have no idea what the fuckin problem is with my lack of 'blog participation'. It seems like my 'participation' in pretty much everything has been off as of late. A few examples:

Used to be: Worked in the yard, a lot. That 'best lawn' thing really meant sumthin

Now: Cut the fuckin thing once a week, trim maybe every 2 weeks. If its not 'the best', who gives a fuck

Used to be: Enjoyed my 'downtime' playing on-line computer games..nightly. It relaxed me....seriously.

Now: Use it to check my e-mail and baseball scores/stats. Occasionally 'borrow' some music I want. Haven't played a game on-line in a couple of months and don't miss it one fuckin bit..even 'porn surfing' has been effected.

Used to be: Spent at least one day a week fixing something (or overseeing it get fixed) at my daughters/parents house. Making sure things were good was as important there as at my house

Now: Drop by every couple of weeks with either little or no intention of making sure everything is in working order. Did try to fix a leaking outside faucet only to end up watching it leak more after I 'fixed' it. So, I hooked up the hose to it and moved it out in the back yard so it didn't leak next to the house. I know..I'm still trying to grasp this myself.

Used to be: Watched every fucking detail of what went on here at work and 'reacted' accordingly.

Now: Pretty much operating under the illusion that the people I have in their jobs are doing things correctly and that they know the company needs to make a profit.

Used to be: Looked forward to planning some late summer/early fall mini-vacation.

Now: Not worth the hassle and the aggravation. Even the baseball trip I just got back from, had fun but the 'pre-trip' excitement just wasn't there.

Used to be: Enjoyed sending Elle dirty texts

Now: Figure I'm just bothering her

Used to be: S-E-X.........always on my mind, always wanting to do sumthin about it

Now: Now this only came about in the last month or so because just prior, it was totally the opposite..but frankly, at the moment, I'm really not all that interested.

I'm really hoping I'm going through a 'phase' but deep-down, I'm not so sure. Even Mrs. Efen commented, as recently as this morning, that she's alittle concerned about my lack of interest in anything fun. I would have liked to have been able to debate that with her and 'used to be', I would have. But 'now'............................

As one of my favorite all-time actors said.."With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60."

Now..thats insightful ;)

Life in Pictures

2010-05-21T10:43:00.002-05:00

Tabby's Going To Enter Him In Another Show

Mom Is So Proud!

Only the 'Head' Buckaroo Gets To Wear The Coat

Must Be A 'French' Thing

Guess Who's Pissed Because He Forgot His Shorts?

Boy, That Dog Looks Gay

Nothing Says 'Congratulations' Like Having Your Boob Squeezed

I Think Dad Enjoyed This Family Outing Alittle Too Much

Mom Was Too Embarrased To Fully Participate

Dad Showin 'His Girls' The Proper Technique

Evidently, Skippy Has Issues

If You're Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands!

Ahhh..Christmas Memories

WTF..Am I 17 again??

2010-05-03T16:27:00.002-05:00

I know its been quite awhile. Blame Elle....she got me into that 'twit' fuckin thing, which I admit, because of my extremely short attention span, I kinda like it. I mean I like it until you have more than one thought, then you're fucked. Uh..I guess that means I haven't had more than 1 thought in over a fuckin month...yeah, sounds about right. As a matter of fact, thats pretty much what this post is all about.

Lately...and how do I type this out w/o sounding like some back-alley perv....ok, lately, I've been ~~fairly~~ strongly obsessed with S-E-X. Which, surprise me because I thought I was pretty obsessed before. But sheesh...its gettin fairly ridiculous. Before (and several of my female readers will attest) I would always drop 'hints' about seeing boobs and the such, which I considered pretty fuckin normal for a guy..and still do. But...there was always room in my brain for other shit too.........in the last month, not so fuckin much. It's like I'm a pimply-faced fuckin teenager again (ok...I made up that 'pimply' thing..somehow I dodged that)

It just seems wherever I look, I'm always finding some girl who strikes me as extremely 'do-able'. Again, not far off the norm but at a higher level than before. There isn't anything really specific that I can say to illustrate my, er...uh..point (see?)....maybe its just a mental thing. I mean I'm not surfing porn any more than I did before, not making any more sexual innuendos to the girls at SV than I did before (altho..to be honest, there is a chick there (looks amazingly like a Kate Hudson and/or Ellen Barkin) who has been very 'friendly' and quite open about the things she likes and how much I would enjoy the things she does. Again, not blowing my own horn (see.....again) but this isn't something that hasn't occurred before so thats not the reason.

I'll admit, and it isn't like me to be this frank, but I find myself in an 'uncomfortable' position quite often...and, as only known to a select ~~few~~ ~~one~~ few, I then I have to take certain precautions (sorry for being cryptic but fuck, it is my blog..and NO, it isn't what you're thinking..geez..your minds;) so it doesn't become embarrassing. Again, not anything that unusual but the frequency of it is.

I know how intelligent my readers are (if there's any left) so I thought maybe someone could offer some insight to my dilemma, problem, issues, whatthefuckever you wanna call it. Hey, you have my attention (fuck...see, again).

A New Day..........

2010-03-02T16:21:00.005-06:00

I feel bad about the content of my last several posts. Not sorry that I posted them but sorry that they were all such downers. I PRAY that things return to 'normal'. With all that said, and I thank you all for sticking with me/by me, here is a post with a different 'attitude'.

Even though I may not be as 'vocal' as I once was, I still read most everyone's blogs. I read 'Elles' this morning. Evidently, most thought she ~~was a recovering lesbian~~ had been searching her whole life for a husband or something. Honestly, I am very surprised that the masses had forgotten she had been married....especially the part of when she finally got divorced (Uh....that part lasted longer than the actual marriage, didn't it? ;) Anyhow, she was right about one thing........if all that hadn't happened then there wouldn't of been an 'Elle & Efen' chapter...for which I will always be grateful. WHAT...you don't remember her posting about that either! Geez............. WTF??? FOCUS, people!!!

I'm becoming aware that technology has evidently passed me by. Everyone it seems (as I have been told) is doing the Facebook and Twitter thing in lieu of devoting much of their time to their blogs. Am I gonna get on board.....fuck no. I tried that FB thing once, didn't care for it. Twitter....fuck that too. When I have something to say I'm not going to be limited to 20 fucking words (or whatever the limit is). All that means is I'd have to (and I HATE this fuckin term) 'tweet' repeatedly and my attention span ain't all that fucking great. So, I'll live in the 'past', doin what I know how to do.

My daughter finally moved into my parents house, later than expected but when you're waiting on contractors to finish their fucking work, you're pretty much at their mercy. Funny though, as soon as the guy was done, he sent me a text..."Think I can come by and pick up a check?" My text to him "Think I can pay you in the same timeframe that it took you to finish?" Fucker.

She loves the house, loves the fact it was her grandparents and that my Mother was thrilled with the idea of her moving in. I thought she may get a little freaked at times and maybe she does but hasn't let on. It's different living in a house by yourself rather than an apartment or a condo, especially when you're a girl. But..she does have her 85# lab there and he does have one fucking fierce sounding bark. I thought about giving her one of my guns, whichever ones she wanted (more for my piece of mind, I think) but until I have given her complete safety training and shooting lessons, I think its best not to..............yet. She has really good neighbors, neighbors who depended on my Dad for years to help them do shit and to borrow one of the gazillion tools that he had. They've already assured me that they'll keep an eye on her.......much to my daughters great despair ;)

I did have a few things to rant and rave about but thought this post should be a 'kinder, gentler, Efen post'. Whew.....glad thats out of the way :)

Mother....I Love You

2010-02-23T08:03:00.000-06:00

I buried my Mother yesterday. She passed away on February 18th. I got there too late, my sister called and told me to hurry, I did, but Mother never did regain consciousness. I regret not only that but the fact that my sister had to be the one to witness the passing of our Mother. It should have been me. That should not be her last memory.

Mother was a kind and gentle soul. She had been in poor health the last several years and relied heavily on my late Father. When Dad passed away in December it seemed to take away whatever motivation she had to get better. They had been married for 65 years and I guess when you lose someone that you had shared your life with for that long, you simply cannot fill that void.

I am not asking for sympathy. Death is part of life, plain and simple. I am writing this for me, as a tribute to one who made sure I experienced the things that my Father wasn't going to teach me. She made sure I always read, anything and everything. Even when I was maybe 7 or 8, she'd sit me down and read poetry to me (something I'd never admit to my friends ;) and then have me read ones to her, ones that I liked. She taught me how to cook, do laundry, iron, and even how to sew buttons on. She always said..."Son, you need to know how to do things for yourself because if you do, you'll never have to depend on anyone doing things for you". She was so right.

One of my fondest memories came from when I was 5. Dad, ever the provider, was working two jobs, 7 days a week. I had a tricycle (still have it) but Dad brought home a two-wheeler and told me he'd teach me how to ride it as soon as he was able. Unbeknownst to him, because he was working so much, Mother would work with me every day and told me it was 'our secret'. I remember just before Dad got home one Saturday afternoon from work, Mother said "Ok, you're ready. When your Dad pulls up, I want you riding up and down the sidewalk. He'll be so surprised!" To this day, I remember my Dad's face as he got out of the car, seeing his little boy, however wobbily, pedaling up and down the sidewalk. He walked over to Mother, smiling, and put his arm around her and said 'Thank you for doing what I couldn't".

Mother.....I miss you. Say 'hello' to Dad for me.

Don't They Say 'Let Sleeping Dogs Lie?"

2010-02-11T14:24:00.022-06:00

Alright.........you motherfucks, you have now succeeding in pushing me over the fucking top!

Uh..guess I had better back up abit. Mother's still in the hospital and has been since February 2nd. As I said in my prior post, the ER Doc told me it was a "good thing I got her in when I did, or........"

She is supposed to be released tomorrow but I've been hearing that since last Saturday so we'll see. They're keeping her because of the pneumonia. The CHF is under control though.

Anyhow, when I was told yesterday about her impending release, I contacted the new Nursing Home again, just to make sure I had all my ducks in a row regarding her going there (there was some question if they would have a bed available but now it seems all good to go). Hearing this, I typed up a 'termination' letter to the old nursing home and drove over there. Not only to give them this letter but to get all of her belongings as well.

I go into the Social Workers office and present this letter to her. Now, me and this fuckin bitch don't get along. She's lazy, unprepared, and from what I had come to find out, a fuckin liar. She hates me I think and whatever I did to make her feel like this, I am glad fucking of it. I tell her Mother is not coming back after she's released and tell her I have put it in writing. I have two copies, one for her to sign and hand back to me.

FB: You want me to sign this?

Me: Yes....is there a problem?

FB: Well, if I'm going to sign my name to something I need to re-read it.

Me: Ok, its one short paragraph, 2 sentences. I'll have a seat if you're gonna need some time.

FB: (After reading it for what seemed like 15 fucking times) Mr. Efen..You do realize that we require a 10 day advance notice if your Mother isn't coming back? That you're responsible for the additional charges related to those 10 days?

Me: (Reminding myself that I have NEVER, EVER, punched a girl in her fat fuckin face)..Ok, If indeed you want to go down that road, then by all means, be my guest. I understand that I owe for the time that Mother has been in the hospital and not here, not a problem. ......BUT..Do YOU realize that the reason that my Mother HASN'T been here is because of the negligence by you and your staff? And.....guess who, if I'm going to be billed another 2 grand, that I'M going to hold responsible for her almost dying? And guess again whom I'm going after to recoup any monies that my Mother may have to pay for being in the hospital for over a week and any other costs associated? Sooooooo, you do what you have to do but believe me Missy, I'll do what I have to do as well. And...just in case you're thinking 'We have attorneys'.....well guess who I pay a retainer fee to each and every damn month?

(If she was so fuckin smart, she would have had me 'initial' the sentence she added to my letter, the one about me being aware of 'early termination fees..dumb, ugly fuckin c#*t......besides, it just so happens its my fuckin nature to live for shit like this, its one motherfuckin thing I excel at, so bring it, bitch)

Got all of Mothers belongings and bid adi-fuckin-os to that place. GawDamn...I just want to be left the fuck alone....... hmmm...how in the fuck is that workin out for me?

When it rains....it fucking pours!

2010-02-03T15:10:00.004-06:00

Fuck me...I am so tired of posting negative shit. I long for the good ol' days when I could just rant about shit that pissed me off, but really didn't have that big of a direct effect on me. Evifuckindently those days are over...or at least on some sort of semi-permanent hiatus.

As some of you know, Mother is in a Nursing Home. I think she has finally accepted that as she has quit correcting people by saying 'Rehab Center' when they let the 'N word' slip.

I know she doesn't like it. Fuck...I fuckin hate it, the fact that she's in there along with the place itself. I am so sick and tired of hearing "I'm sorry, I thought 'she, they, them, her', etc were going to do what you had asked". Along with 50% of them acting like they're put out when you ask them to actually do their fucking job.

As you may have gathered, I have developed quite a 'Fan Club' within the Nursing Home Society...from the Nurses, to the Aides, to the Social Workers, all the way up to the Administrator himself. And to that I say.......... "Fuck each and everyone of you"...specifically those that I have had 'issues' with.

I'm not even going to get into the daily failures of those not doing their respective jobs. I have actually been beaten down to where I now expect half-ass performances and attitudes..not only 'expect', but now view it as 'thats how it is'......that is until you surpass even my lowly expectations. And...that is what transpired yesterday.

I had a scheduled meeting (called by the NH) to 'discuss' the 'Care Program' for my Mother. Believe me, I was so fuckin ready for this. Armed with a copious amount of 'notes', I was going to turn this into a 'You Don't Care Program' discussion. That is, until I stopped in to see Mother first. There she sat, with her legs, hands, and arms badly swollen, obviously having difficulty breathing, and so weak she barely spoke above a whisper. I had been there the night before and while she was 'alittle' swollen, all in all she seemed pretty good. She tells me she doesn't feel very good and really doesn't feel like talking much. I tell her I'll be right back and make a fuckin beeline for the Nurses Station.

Me (after spying the Nurse Supervisor): Has anyone noticed that my Mother is in full Congestive Heart Failure?

NS: Well, yes, we had noticed she was 'alittle' swollen so we have a call into the Doctor for some medicine.

Me: Really? You have a call into the Dr? And just when did you place this call?

NS: Let me check..oh, there it is...at 9:15 this morning.

Me: Are you serious? That was almost 6 fuckin hours ago! What if he never calls back, you just gonna tell me, after my Mother dies, that the Dr. never called you back? You gawdamn people are pathetic! Blame anyone but yourself..unfreakinbelieveable. You get on that GD phone and get an ambulance here and have her taken to the hospital, right freakin now.

NS: Uh..yessir.

I go in and tell Mother that she's headed to the ER and she tells me whatever I think is best. 30 minutes later the EMT's show up with one of them obviously frustrated that people don't recognize him for whom he really is...... Ben Casey, MD. This fuck starts asking me 'why?' as in "why do you think she's in CHF? Why do you think she's having trouble breathing? Is because she's swollen the only thing you're going on?" "what do you expect them to do in the hospital?"I turn to him and say "I don't have time for your fucking questions. Get her on that stretcher and get her to the hospital NOW".

We get to the ER (I have been there so much in the last 6 months I pretty well know most of them by name) and they get her right in. They do the X-rays, EKG, etc and its not long until the ER Doc comes in. He tells me its 'pretty serious' and its a good thing I got her there when I did. He then proceeds to tell me that her CHF is very bad, so bad that while they think she has pneumonia, due to the fluid in her lungs, they can't be certain..But, they're going to treat her as if she does, just to cover all bases. 6 hours later she's admitted and moved to her room. Actually, I thought 6 hours wasn't bad. One time it took 9 hours but they do do stuff pretty much the whole time and I realize it takes time to get some of the test results back.

She's better today. They have reduced the swelling a great deal but their concerned about her heart, so more tests continue. Later on today I'm going to a different NH and I'm going to 'interview' them. At least now I know what questions to ask. I pity the person who has to go through this, especially when you don't know what to look for and you place your trust in a total fucking stranger. That will never happen again....believe me.

No Use Bitchin..It is what it is..

2010-01-12T09:56:00.010-06:00

Got a few minutes today so I thought I'd check-in ;)

I hope all had a good holiday. Personally, I'm glad it's over.

My Gawd...the amount of paperwork thats involved when someone dies is unfuckinbelievable. Of course, you can't do one damn thing without Certified Death Certificates and when I was asked how many I needed, I had no fuckin clue..so, I guessed and said "6". Seems to me the Funeral Director could have added some advice here. I quickly learned that said amount wasn't near enough so I upped my order by an additional 10.

In Missouri, they don't have any 'laws' stating how soon you get these (as they do in other states) so it took almost a month. Of course, everything was on fucking 'hold' until I could get these. I already had most of the paperwork filled out for the various insurance and financial institutions so when I got the DC's all I had to do was attach and (certified) mail. That was 13 days ago and still haven't received a response from any of 'em. Motherfucks.....yeah, take your sweet fuckin time...I'm in no hurry and don't let it concern you that every additional day just adds to my Mother's considerable angst.

It doesn't appear that my Mother is going to ever the leave the Nursing Home. To recap, she broke her shoulder in October, now, and who knows why, she can't walk, get out of bed, get dressed, etc etc, without being helped.

I came to this realization a few weeks back and at that time, I checked to see what 24/7 care would cost if she went home. The fuckin Nursing Home charges almost $6K/month (now that her Medicare has run out) and 24/7 Home Care is even more. WTF??? I'm still having trouble coming to an understanding as to why exactly the cost is so high (for either one). Yes, she does require assistance and some skilled care. Yes, they provide room and meals..but, at $200 per fuckin day? And...telephone, TV (you provide your own and pay for cable), laundry, medical transportation, toiletries, are all fucking extra? Geez.....maybe it's just me and I'm way off base but.........................

I considered having Mother move into my house but the fact that she isn't mobile creates an impossible scenario. Besides us not being home during the day, it would not be fair of me to Mrs. Efen....even though she said it would be ok.

My sister doesn't have any helpful ideas, actually, she doesn't have a fucking idea at all. All she brings to the party is "make sure you call me and let me know what's going on". Hmmm...I hope when I call you I'm not interrupting anything, like shopping, or napping, or whathefuckever.

One positive thing that is coming out of this is that my daughter is going to be moving into my parents house. I'm having the bathroom gutted and updated along with new paint throughout. My Mother likes this idea and my sister was fine with it...that is as long as I didn't change one thing and kept the house as it was. I asked her if it was one of her kids moving in would she expect them to live as their grandparents? "Well....no, but, I don't think 'we' need to do that much...I want the house to stay pretty much as I remember it, as I grew up in".

Do any of y'all have any fucking idea how hard it was for me not go fuckin ballistic? I understand that she was still reeling from the loss of our Father, that was she feeling considerable guilt for not being around more (not my problem though), that she was finally seeing the fact that our Mother would likely never step foot in her house again, but fuck, time to start being a little realistic though.

I finally gave her a 'compromise' (if that didn't work I was going to tell her that I was going to do what I wanted, because it was my right as one who has taken care of everyone and everything) which basically is going to end up with me doing things how I think they should be done anyhow.

If it turns out she isn't happy with my decisions, I'm going to remind her how all the decisions were left up to me from beginning and if they were good enough then, they're good enough now.

So...in a couple of weeks my daughter will have her own 3 BR, brick house, sort of. I'll take care of the upkeep and related bills but at least the house will remain 'in the family'. My parents had many good neighbors so that will help as well.

Geez....when I was her age, I lived in a 100 year old farm house that I shared with 3 of my drunken and drug-fueled buddies. I'm so glad she's more responsible than I was at her age ;)

Thank You All!

2009-12-11T14:26:00.005-06:00

I want to offer my sincere thanks for every one's kindness and condolences. The words expressed touched me deeply. Each and every one of you will always hold a special place in my heart.

The support of friends and family is one thing that is immeasurable and I thank you all very much!

I'll be back when things settle down some. In case I miss it, I want to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season!!

An Open Letter..

2009-12-07T09:02:00.005-06:00

Dear Dad,

I can never repay you for everything you have taught me. The value of providing for your family, the value of hard work, the value of accepting responsibility and being accountable. I know at times I was a 'slow learner' of those values, but I hope you saw me embrace those things as I got older.

I watched, as a kid, all the sacrifices you made so that my sister and I would have whatever we needed. Not understanding until years later exactly what you had done for us.

As I got older, I watched as you came to my house to fix things that had broken because you knew your son just wasn't all that handy. In reality, there were things that I would have had no problem doing but that was your thing and I knew how much you enjoyed it.

I watched as you smiled as I complained to you about your granddaughter, hearing you say "You know, she's no different than you were at that age". I just shook at my heard and wondered 'WTF?' when your grandkids would do things that I would have been killed for and hearing you say "They're just kids and those are things that kids do".

I watched as you took care of Mother for years when her health failed then watched you show patience that I had never seen when she got better.

I watched as your brothers would come to for any kind of help and saw how they looked up to you, even though they all had the same traits as you.

I watched as my daughter's face would light up whenever you two were together. You would gently tease her about things and later she would say to me "You know what Poppa said?"...then laugh as she repeated your every word.

I watched as you took your chemo and dialysis treatments, knowing full well you were doing those things because I had asked you to, for me, not for yourself.

The past 9 nine months were so hard on you. I watched as you struggled to do the daily things. I fought back tears whenever I asked how you felt and you said "I feel fine". You never, ever, complained or got depressed even though each week seemed to be harder on you.

We always had a great relationship, one that I thought couldn't get any stronger, but I was wrong. Over the past months, we have spent many extra hours together. Even though the circumstances were bad, I treasure the additional time we were able to be together. Talking about nothing in particular but both of us enjoying every minute.

I watched, with tears coming down my face, as the Doctor in ICU told you what the prognosis was. That was until you looked at me and said "Look...there's nothing to be upset about. I've lived a long and good life and I'm not scared or afraid. It's my time now. You and your sister will be just fine and I know you'll take care of your Mother"

I watched as you explained it to my daughter..."Honey, there's no need to cry. It's just like a train thats coming to the end of the line. I've accepted that so please don't feel sorry for me 'cause I sure don't. I'm so very proud of you".

I watched as I kissed you on the cheek and told you that I loved you and you looked me in the eye and said "I love you too, son" and then said 'Go home...you've been here all day. They'll take care of me....don't worry".

My Father passed away December 2nd, 3:15 AM. I will miss him terribly.

Summer Classes Now Being Offered!

2009-11-10T14:18:00.009-06:00

Summer Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, May 15, 2010

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours b eginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Since I haven't been 'mfed' in awhile..I thought I'd just throw this out ;)

Note: Part 2 of 'Pink Houses' still to come

Little Pink Houses (And The Wedding)....Part 1

2009-10-27T09:32:00.009-05:00

I know...its been awhile.

Dad's kidneys have gotten so bad, as a result from his blood cancer, that he's now on dialysis 3 times a week plus with with his bi-weekly chemo treatments, its all starting to take a pretty big toll on him. So, its been very hectic here in 'Efenland' and it doesn't appear to be getting better anytime soon. But.. we had a wedding to go to in Sarasota (wife's niece) and had made all the plans to ensure that everything was covered while we were gone.

Was all set for a week's vacation (or as they say in 'LauraVille'...vacay;) 1/2 of it in Key West and the other remaining time in Sarasota (for the wedding). That was until I got a phone call the Saturday night before we were leaving....at 9:32 PM to be exact. It was my Mother, telling me that she had slipped on a rug and that '911' was on the way. "Are you hurt?" I asked. "Well...I hit my head and there's alot of blood". I rush right over and the EMT's are there. I find my Mother in the bedroom, sitting on the floor with her back against the bed...and there's blood...blood fucking everywhere. They had a bandage around her forehead and I could see that her shoulder looked 'funny'.

I get Dad settled and off I go, following the ambulance to the hospital. It's now almost 10:30. They get her right into ER but thats where things slowed 'somewhat'. Her care was good but being that she has other medical conditions, test after test is performed..with a lengthy waiting period between each one. Finally the ER Dr. comes in and tells me that not only does she have a broken shoulder but its dislocated. He tried to put it back in but no luck. He said either an Ortho Surgeon could do it manually or he'd have to put it back surgically. Mom gets into her own room at 4:15 and I get home close to 5:00.

Well, our plane was supposed to leave in 6 hours so I get on the phone and cancel everything..plane, hotel(s), and car rentals. I felt really bad for my Mrs. Efen because I knew how much she had been looking forward to our trip and coupled with the fact that my sister was coming in from Orlando for the week to take care of my Dad, well, it seemed like a rare opportunity lost.

After seeing my Mother, I go to see Dad. The 1st question he asks is "What times your plane leaving?" I tell him the changes I made and he gets alittle pissed. "Listen, you've been dealing with me and your Mother for 10 months now, with no breaks at all. You need to get away from this crap. Your sister will be here in a couple of hours, she can handle everything....so go and quit worrying". Uh...wasn't sure what to do. Didn't what my sister walking into all of this w/o me here to help. I wait til she gets there and asks her what she thinks? She says 'GO'. Fuck...I was really feeling guilty about just leaving this for someone else to handle but my sister is more than capable so I decided we would. Couldn't do the Key West thing, just not enough time, that and the air fare had doubled.

Finally decided we'd fly into Tampa Monday night, drive to St. Pete Beach and stay at a hotel we had saw online until Thursday when we'd drive down to Sarasota, for the weekend wedding. Last minute trips are never cheap but the need to go far out-weighed the cost.

Arrive in Tampa Monday night and go to the car rental place. I found a pretty good deal on a 'mid-size' so I had that reserved. Go to the counter and give Rental Guy my name.

RG: Okay, got you all set-up. We have you in a very nice PT Cruiser!

Me: You can forget that.

RG: I don't understand.

Me: I won't pay you to drive a car I wouldn't be caught dead driving.

RG: Sir...most people love them!

Me: Thats great for 'most' people, I'm not one of them. I don't care what you have to do, upgrade me, whatever.

RG: Well...that will cost you more.

Me: I just said 'I don't care'...just put me in something that doesn't look like I'm trying to recapture my youth in a pretend 'cool car'.

RG: Okay..no problem. I'm sure you'd like to take out the additional insurance because etc etc etc etc etc etc

Me: (I tuned out all that shit after 'additional') Listen, I have a Corporate Insurance Policy and it even covers shit like being attacked by a plague of locusts or Jamaican drug smugglers so I don't need it or want it

RG: Let me explain the benefits to you...

Me: Let me explain something to you..You either rent me something at your jacked up last-minute price and forget the Insurance scam or I'll walk over there (me pointing) and rent something from them.

RG: Here ya go, Sir. Please sign here and have a nice trip.

Motherfuckers...they try to take advantage of people who don't know any better and those that are travel-weary and are too tired to 'fight back'. Gutless pricks...I hate 'em.

Now, we have to cross the street with all of our fucking bags, go up a fuckin elevator to the 4th level, them carry our shit another 50 fuckin yards to the 'Pick-up Kiosk'. I give the guy my papers, he hands me the keys and tells me 'Its in Spot 46....just up the ramp on your left'.

"WTF?? Are you fuckin tellin me that I have to go get this fuckin car MYSELF and drive it back here to load up our fuckin bags??? Are you fucking SERIOUS?"

'Uh...well...I can go get it for you, if you want?"

"Buddy...take a guess".

"Ok...I'll be right back".

Seriously...I'm renting this fucking over-priced car from them and they expect me to do part of their fucking job? Geezus...no wonder this country is so fucked up..I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this wasn't some sort of 'Company Policy'...fucking morons, from top to bottom.

I'm not going to even get into the phone call I received from the Car Rental place, after we had driven 20 fuckin miles, tellin me we left a bag at the Kiosk. You can pretty much guess who I blamed that on...I tell ya, that drive from Tampa to St. Pete Beach can be a pretty quiet one. But the hotel was very nice (as pictured) and soon all was forgiven...ok..I was forgiven ;)

Part 2 to follow...which includes some pretty funny shit ;)

Happy BD and a WTF?

2009-09-18T10:05:00.005-05:00

First off, I want to wish 'Daddys Little Girl' a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Geez....seems like only yesterday she was born. Uh...not that she'll read this because she is blissfully unaware that 'Dad' has this blog thing ;)

Note to J-Fab.....the years FLY by so enjoy every moment when they're little...cuz when they get older they somehow develop a 'mouth' ;).........BUT, they do grow out of that stage..thankfully :)

Ok..here's my 'WTF?" This girl I know (who happens to be quite 'hot'....go figure ;) calls me Tuesday afternoon and asks if I have tickets for the Cardinals day game the next day. I say that I do and I'm going. She asks if she can go too and I tell her I do have an extra ticket and she'd be welcome (duh....) She's all excited and shit and tells me she can't wait. A couple of hours later she calls back and asks if I can pick her on my way to the game. Well....she does have really, really big boobs so 'of course' I say yes. We leave it as she's gonna call me the next morning and we'd set the time then. I'm meeting two other people at the game and since its a 1:15 start, I had already told them we'd meet about 12:30. Plenty of time to hit a bar or two on the way to the ballpark.

Wednesday morning rolls around and its now 10:30 and I haven't heard from her so I call.....right to fuckin voicemail...so I text her, saying we'd need to leave by noon. I head up to 'SV' for lunch because no way can I drink on an empty stomach. Well...I CAN but the aftermath can get pretty funny.......or ugly...depending on your outlook.

At 11:40 I get a text from her.."sorry.....just woke up (not surprised)...call you in a few minutes". I text my buddies tellin them it would probably be 12:45 before I got there. I finish lunch and its now Noon.....and nuthin....no call, no text. I give her 10 more minutes...still nuthin...'fuck this'...so off I go. It only takes me about 20 minutes to get downtown so I'm there at 12:30...as planned. I called my buddy along the way, tellin him I had an extra ticket if he knew anyone (he works in a big office downtown), to give it to them.

We all meet up, stop for a couple of beers, and walk to the stadium. It's now 1:10...."Ringggggggg.....Ringggggggg".....

Me: Hello?

Her: Okay....I'm ready!

Me: You know what time it is?

Her: A little after 1:00.

Me: Didn't I tell you we needed to leave by Noon?

Her: Are you THERE?....You're at the GAME?

Me: Did you fucking think and I was going sit around and wait...not knowing if you were going or not? Besides...you said you call 'in a few minutes'...and that was 1 1/2 hours ago.

Her: (Silence).........uh, then I guess you're not going to come and pick me up?

Me: Nope...not at all.

Her: Well, I thought we were going and cancelled other plans.

Me: Listen...I'm not going argue about this. I upheld my end, you overslept...not my fault, you said you'd call me back in a few minutes..you didn't..plus, I had people waiting for me. If you can't understand the concept of responsibility, again, not my fucking problem.....click......

She called back but I hit 'ignore'....fuck that shit.

Geez....you'd a thought we were sleeping together or sumthin (her showin me her boobs like a hundred times don't count)

I'm not asking if you think I was right or wrong...I know I was fucking right. Frankly, I'm too old to babysit or hand hold....if you're not mature enough or don't have a sense of responsibility...then I don't have any time to waste on your sorry ass. Besides.....she has a twin sister... ;)

Please.....Don't light the oven, my head is in it.

2009-09-01T16:09:00.005-05:00

Lets get a couple of things handled first:

My dear Elle...I am very sorry about your nephews friend. Its hard enough to get through life at that age without having to deal with something as tragic as that. Being forced to question your mortality at such a time in your life simply isn't right...or fair. My prayers and wishes go out to everyone who has been touched by this.

And....I truly feel terrible I forgot your birthday but I hope you had a great day...in spite of me forgetting ;)

To everyone else, you have my apology and believe me, I am suitably contrite.

Okay, on to the business at hand....Things have been, how can I put this eloquently.....oh, I know.....fucked.

As many of you know, my Dad has been going through all that chemo shit and until the past couple of weeks, hasn't been effected much by its side-effects. That was until the itching started. Its pretty much a constant a thing, itching from one part of his body to another. So, now on top of the fatigue from the chemo, he can't sleep more than a couple of hours, then the itching wakes him up, plus the blood cancer caused his arthritis to go into 'overdrive' and its hard for him to walk. I feel so bad for him, looking at him, knowing he's tiring rapidly of all of this, but never a complaint.

My Mother on the other hand, makes me want to scream "WTF is your problem, NOW?" She's been in semi-poor health for several years now and all during that time, Dad waited on her hand and foot.....even more that I thought he needed to but fuck, I'm not gonna tell my Dad what he should or shouldn't be doing.

Mother is and has been, 100% convinced that she has some sort of illness, not a simple one mind you, but one that is basically a death sentence. I have had her to every one of her fucking doctors and they have all told her basically the same thing (after running tests and tests and tests)....the reason she's tired and run down and losing weight is because she doesn't fucking eat! Her muscles ache because shes having to burn them as fuel because shes using up more calories than shes taking in....and the lack of any exercise just makes the problem worse. Actually, her Lung doctor told her point blank "If you don't start eating, you will die...and that won't be far off'

Did this have any fucking effect..oh yeah....for maybe 7-10 days. She won't take her 'psyc meds'

because of one lame fucking excuse or another, even her Dr. told her besides making her feel 'less anxious' it would increase her appetite...nope, those weren't good enough reasons, evidently. In short, she won't help herself but will moan and complain about how she feels. All this during a time that my Dad could really use the help.

Today, I bring Dad home after he got a transfusion. He's in a real good mood and we talk all way the back. We walk in the house, there's Mother, sitting on the couch with 'that look'. Theres also some lady (Joyce) there, a friend, whom I had never met. I ask Mother whats wrong? She's weak (duh?), and her lower back hurts when she bends over. She went to the Dr. last week so I ask her if he had called with the test results? No, but I'm probably going to have to be put in the hospital, she tells me. Okay, I am in no fucking mood for this, so I tell her 'Call him then, call me at work and let me know...I gotta go'. She then tells me 'Joyce' can take her to the hospital if she has to go.

Let me tell y'all something, No one, I mean no one (well, maybe my sister if she would deem it at all fucking necessary to come back for a week) would take either of my parents to the hospital except me, and my Mother knows that very fucking well...but I wasn't playing that fuckin game, so I said "That would be nice of her". Fuck that shit...I was (and am) pissed by the whole motherfuckin thing.

'Joyce' then decides its her unalienable right to stick her fucking nose in my fucking business......."Efen...I think your Mother should call the doctor now and you should wait to see what he says".

"Really, Joyce..thats what you think I should do?....You think the Dr. is going to drop everything and take her call or do you think I should just sit here for 5-6 hours waiting for him to call back?"

She gave me that "I have never seen such an uncompassionate son in my whole life' look...thats fine, I gave her my 'Shut the fuck up and mind your own fuckin business with your 1980's hairdo' look.

Dad sat there and as I left, he gave me his 'I don't blame you' look. Dad was always a cool guy ;)

The more I thought about it later, I decided Mother is correct, she does need to go in the hospital...and if they don't find anything wrong, then she should head over to the 'psyc ward' for a month or two. Besides that getting her hopefully better, Dad and I need a break.

Yeah, I know...I sound like a real prince of a guy. Ya know what, right now I don't give one flying fuck.

Random Thoughts....

2009-08-20T13:46:00.006-05:00

Okay, Okay....I know I've been extremely remiss of my blogs duties lately. Its not that I don't give a fuck, just been alittle overwhelmed with some other things. Once my planets are back in perfect alignment (whatever the fuck that means), I'll be doing all the shit I'm supposed to.

Meanwhile, here's some more shit I stole ;)

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with sticks when they've invented the lighter?

4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

5. That's enough, Nickelback.

6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

12. The other night I hit a new low at a bar. I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

22. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get the fuck out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

33. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

34. Bad decisions make good stories

35. Whenever I'm internet stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

36. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

37. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

38. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

39. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

41. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

42. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

43. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

44. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

45. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

48. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

55. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

56. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

58. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

62. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lights than Kay.

63. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat ass before dinner.

Photos (ok...I admit, I aint got nuthin)

2009-08-07T13:14:00.014-05:00

Please feel free to add your own captions ;)

Hmmmm....Where the fuck was taken....the Bates Motel??

There's waaaay more than one question here.

Guess who got invited to the prom.........by another couple.

He figured that matching earrings would be alittle 'over the top'

Looks like Mom may not be too fuckin happy about this 'union'.

Safety first! Don't forget to 'buckle-up'.

Nothing says 'I Love You' like a dose of GHB.

Really?? The only spot you could find for her in your 'group' was under a fucking chair?

'Junior' just got the word that he was named 'TV Evangelist of The Year'

(Updated) This is pretty darn cool!

2009-07-24T10:06:00.007-05:00

You'll have to turn up your speakers...

AND...for all you FaceBook users, here's one that I liked :)

Y'all probably saw this on TV but since it made me smile (and I'm normally alittle stodgy in regards to tradition), I thought it was worth a post.

The Home Run Derby & The All Star Game

2009-07-15T15:29:00.018-05:00

I realize if you aren't into baseball then my affinty for the sport and its history is something you find hard to understand...but I had so much fun this past week....possibly even more than I did in '06 at the World Series.

My brother-in-law came in Sunday evening...and he's more into baseball than even I am. By 9:00 AM Monday, we were already downtown and headed to the 'FanFest'. This event is so freakin cool! Basically, its the Convention Center filled with all kinds of inter-active stuff for the kids, tons and tons of memorabilia, radio broadcasts, celebrities walking around, and most importantly, members of baseballs Hall of Fame (HOF)...everywhere you looked! I was in fucking baseball heaven!

I got to meet several of them as well as getting their autographs and pictures. It was just so fucking cool and they were some of the nicest people you'd ever meet. Keep in mind, these were guys I watched when I was kid....and I wasn't disappointed at all.

Went to the HR Derby, which strangely enough isn't something I care all that much about but since Albert and Ryan Howard (hometown boy) were participating, I wanted to catch at least an hour of it. We left about 8:30 because I had made dinner reservations at Shannons (owned by the former player and current Cardinals broadcaster) for 9:00.

Man...was that fucking cool at Shannons. Here's some of the people that were either seated very close or walked by: Whitey Herzog, Lou Brock (HOF), Bob Gibson (HOF), Ken Griffey, Sr., Bruce Sutter (HOF), Jason Bartlett (SS for Tampa Bay) and a couple of guys from the MLB network.

The All-Star Game was very cool, except for the AL winning. The atmosphere rivaled any World Series game that I have been to. The only thing that REALLY sucked was that everyone entering the stadium had to go through metal detectors and then get 'the wand'. This led to lines that were sooooo fucking long, just to get inside....plus they had all kinds of streets and highways closed. All of this was courtesy of Obama. Why Presidents have to show up for these events is beyond me. Don't they get the 'spotlight' enough on a daily basis? Luckily, since we were downtown by 11:00, we weren't affected by the street closings. BUT....I do admit, seeing the snipers on top of the stadium was pretty cool ;)

My apologies to 'The Girl'.....didn't see Utley or Howard anywhere prior to the All-Star game and I wasn't about to go inside the stadium 4 hours prior to game time (once in, you couldn't leave, which meant 'No Smoking') to get their autographs...I'm sure you understand.....right???? ;)

All in all...a great fucking time :)

Ok...a few pictures;

Main Entrance:

Pre-HR Derby:

View from my seats:

How amazing is this?

He actually apologized for being in the picture..I laughed and told him the back of his shirt is what I wanted. In case you can't make it out, it says 'U.S. Secret Service'.

See the snipers on the catwalk:

Self-Explanatory ;)

Shannons:

All-Star Game

2009-07-10T10:21:00.003-05:00

This coming Tuesday is the All-Star Game. Now, if you aren't into baseball, then you'll probably don't give a fuck, but since I am, and since I'm going...I am waaaaaay excited ;)

I have never been to one before and no doubt, this will be my last chance since the last one we hosted was back in '66 and I'm not putting any money down that I'll be around for 43 more years.

My brother-in-law is flying in from Orlando on Sunday. My best friend since I was 9, is coming in from Kansas City on Monday morning....and I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off. Besides the game, there are TONS of All-Star activities going on downtown with many, many, former All-Stars and Hall Of Famers on hand. I also have tickets for a free autograph session with maybe a dozen Hall of Famers signing. Fuck...I feel like I'm 9 again! :)

I'll post pictures next week...and I'll do my best to get Ryan Howard (hometown boy) and Utley's pictures for 'The Girl'.....hmmm....that makes me think, what if I could get one of them to sign a picture saying "To R........"? Uh...what would that get me ;) ;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend...and thanks to Ron for his BD comment..appreciate it!

Life in the Weird Lane

2009-06-27T08:10:00.008-05:00

Ok..not as catchy as the Eagles title but it's certainly apropos.

In my prior post I mentioned how crappy a job the Street Dept. did when they filled the joints with asphalt. This was a fact, not merely a figment of my imagination or simply my opinion. I know bullshit work when I see it. Anyhow, I got called out about it by some fuck that I have never had any interaction with prior. It seems his 'point' was that if I had never done this type of work before then I had no right to criticize and I should just accept the shit job that was performed. Evidently, no matter the quality, if this isn't my area of expertise, then I should have accepted it because I have no idea how hard it is to do the job correctly.

To this, I say 'What the fuck is your problem'? So, you've never had work done by someone else that was sub-par? And if you did, you just said "thats ok because I'm sure its a difficult job and I don't expect it to be done properly"? If thats the case (and it surely sounds like it) then you are truly a fucking moron and a shining example of whats wrong in the world today. Its my guess that you're one of the those that refuse to be accountable for your actions, that whenever you fuck up, its someones elses fault. Never taking responsibility, never being man enough to say "I fucked up"....just expecting others to be happy with what you do because 'you tried'.

I, live in the 'real world'. I expect of those that work for me, and also from myself, to do the best job possible, with no excuses or exceptions. I will not tolerate laziness or the attitude that 'its good enough'. I don't care if a customer spends $25 with us or $25,000, they are all entitled to the best possible service that we can deliver. There are parts of my (and my employees) job that are extremely difficult. If we make the wrong recommendation or sell the improper equipment, it could have devastating consequences for the customer, which in-turn comes back to us. Do you think if we fuck up we could get by with telling the customer 'Sorry...but you just don't have any idea how difficult this job is"? That is the most asinine fucking thing I have ever heard. We are being paid to do a job and perform a service to its fullest...not to do a half-ass job and expect the customer to just accept it.

I hold others to the same standards that I place on myself and my company. Why should I settle for anything less? If I did, then why would I be surprised to learn that my customers decided to go elsewhere? Fuck man, I wouldn't blame them. But...I guess you would.

The heat...and other things that make me crabby

2009-06-23T13:36:00.008-05:00

Fuckin 98 here today (as well as the past few days) and gonna be like this for awhile. I normally take what 'summer gives', but it's still fucking June....way too early. I know, I know, I'm gonna hear from y'all in the South but WTF?? The temp is part of where you live....and its not supposed to be this hot here until mid-July.

Fuckin AC's were both running non-stop...until one them quit this afternoon....the big, main one. Trying to get an AC company here in this weather is next to fucking impossible...unless we have 3 days to wait. Current temp is now 87 fuckin degrees in here.

Fuckin Street Dept.............I come home from work yesterday and see that the Street Dept. had been doing work on my street......filling the joints between the concrete with asphalt. Ok, no problem with that. My problem is that they spilled (dripped, splattered, etc) more than they filled, all over the whole fuckin street. There are literally pools of this shit every 8-10 feet, in all fucking directions. Why can't they have the fuckin people who know how to do this properly do it...instead of these ass-clowns who don't give a fuck? This kinda crap really pisses me off because of the ensuing mess it causes. So, being the 'concerned citizen' I am, I called them this morning. Here's how it went:

Me: Whom do I speak to regarding street repair?

Government Lackey: You need sumthin fixed or have a complaint?

Me: A complaint

GL: Hold on...those lines are busy..wanna hold?

Me: (No fuckin doubt) Yes, I do.

Maybe 10 minutes goes by and its then answered by someone that could not have sounded more bored.

GL#2: StreetdeptcomplaintofficehowcanIhepyou?

I tell her what the problem is and thats where I lost her.

GL#2: So..you're complaining that we did the work?

Me: No...I'm complaining because it looks like it was done by a bunch of 4 year-olds.

GL#2: But...the work was done...right?

Me: Yes...but it looks like hell and there is puddles of asphalt in areas they weren't work working on....its slopped all over.

GL#2: Sir.....we did the work and while it may not live up to your standards, the job is finished.

Me: Look, all I'm sayin is that if they would taken a little more care they could have done this job so it looked alittle less like it was done by a bunch of semi-trained chimps.

GL#2: Sir....I don't see how this has any adverse effect on you or the other residents.

Me: I'm sure you don't 'see' but I'll try to explain this. What happens when you drive through a big puddle of tacky asphalt thats located right in front of your concrete driveway?

GL#2: Sir, I would suggest not driving through it then...you should try to avoid those areas.

Me: (Trying extremely hard to keep from telling to her go fuck herself) Hmm....I guess that would be a solution..IF IT WAS HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO AVOID BUT SINCE THE MORONS DECIDED TO SPILL ASPHALT EVERYWHERE YOU CAN'T HELP BUT DRIVE THROUGH IT!

GL#2: Sir, that happens whenever asphalt is used. There is nothing we can do to prevent that.

Me: Okay (getting real fucking exasperated)...so, do I call you back to schedule someone to come out and clean all that crap off of my driveway and my garage floor? What I'm saying is that I am holding your department responsible for my property being damaged due to the negligence of your employees and that I am going to make it 'official' by putting everything in writing and stating that I spoke to you and that you basically said 'too bad...my problem'.

GL#2: Uh......would you like to speak to my supervisor?

Me: Nope....you've told me everything I needed to know and I think I have properly recorded it all down. Can I read it back to you to make sure that I am 100% correct?

GL#2: Uh...okay....what I can do is contact the Street Supervisor and have him go by and look at it. I do know that if they find the job is 'sub-par' they can remedy the problem as well as clean up the 'subject area'.

Me: Thats all I wanted in the 1st place. Here's my cell number, have him call me when he knows he's going to come out and I'll meet him.

Now, may I ask..What The Fuck???? Why not just come out and say this to begin with instead of all this 'hard to get along with' bullshit? This fuckin phone call coulda been over in 5 fucking minutes.

Fuck....didn't she know I was hot................and crabby????? Well...I bet she knows now.

Ok.....Bathroom Pics Are Up..Are You Really Excited???

2009-06-20T14:04:00.015-05:00

Had y'all on the edge of your seats.........didn't I? So, thats it and I am fuckin done w/ any more 'remodel' shit.....................uh..well, thats what I think.

Like a JunkYard Dog...

2009-06-17T08:40:00.012-05:00

Thats how mad I was and truthfully, I guess I haven't calmed down all that much....I mean I am still royally fuckin pissed...uh....guess I had better back up some.

If y'all recall, I had found a '68 GTO online..all the way in fuckin Youngstown,Ohio...12 fuckin miles from Pennsylvania.

I talked to the guy who owned this car, several times, and asked him every fuckin question I could think of, about the car. I even had him send me a lot of additional pictures so I could look them over closely.

Finally I had decided that this was the car I was going to buy. I figured that I would drive up, rent a 'car hauler' trailer there, buy the car, and haul it back.

A buddy of mine from 'SV' went along. I wanted him to go, not only for the company, but because he knows about shit like this...plus he's a funny fucker.

I pick him up at 7:00 AM on last Thursday...and its raining. Raining like a mfer. In fact, we drove the whole fuckin way in the rain. Besides being annoying as it can be, it forced me to drive slower and when I have 600 fuckin miles to drive, going slower really isn't an option that I prefer.

For those of you that are geographically challenged, from St. Louis, you have to drive through Illinois, Indiana, and then almost all the way across Ohio to get to Youngstown. But...I was excited so the drive wasn't that bad.

About 30 miles out of Youngstown, I call the GTO guy and ask if we could come by and look at it now instead of in the morning. He says 'fine' but tells me that he would like to get this done before he sits down for dinner. WTF??? I just drove 11 fuckin hours and this dickhead is worried about his fuckin dinner? I tell him I'll do what I can but I'm not going to rush it through.

I tell my buddy what he said. He replies 'I bet he's fuckin pussy whipped and his wife is makin him sell his car'.

We pull up to his house........a very nice house too. He comes out and we do all the bullshit intro crap. We walk around to the garage and there it is, just like he said................. except the 1st thing I see a 15" section of rusted door on the passenger side, along with 2 holes that had been drilled for the outside mirror, except when they tried to open the side vent window (most of you probably don't remember these), it hit the mirror, so they simply drilled 2 more holes and moved back...but didn't bother fill the holes.

WTF?? Like I said, I had him send me a lot of pictures and nothing like this showed up. My buddy and I look over the car, both of us finding things we didn't like (Uh....are the GTO emblems supposed to be so loose they feel like they're going to fall off....whats all that paint bubbling...is that rust coming through....Do you see the transmission fluid leaking..if the bumpers have been re-chromed, then why are they rusty)?

Now...I am in fuckin disbelief. I just drove all this way and I'm going home empty-handed. GTO guy jumps in and starts it up....Okay..that almost swayed me..this thing sounded great. I'm sure people could hear it rumbling 2 fuckin blocks away.

He gets out, smiling. "Sounds 'bad-ass' doesn't it" Now.....get what he says next and I swear this is the honest fucking truth...."You oughta see the girls at McDonalds drive-thru when I pull up. They're all smiles and give me the 'thumbs up'. Of course he didn't say 'thumbs-up', he just snapped both if his thumbs up and fuckin grinned. I coulda jacked him right between his fuckin eyes. Yeah...thats what I want, a car that impresses a bunch of 16 year olds at the drive-thru.

I pull out the pictures he sent and ask him "Wheres the big fuckin rust spot on the door"?

GTO Guy: Uh..I guess it didn't show up in the picture.

Me: Thats bullshit...you photo shopped the fuckin picture...and had me drive 600 fuckin miles. Did you think I wouldn't see it? That I would just say okay and take it? Man...that is really a fucked up thing to do (of course, my voice was getting louder and louder). We're outta here and you can keep your fuckin car.

My buddy, sensing that he may have to end up bailing me out of a Ohio jail, moves over to me and says 'lets go'.

GTO Guy: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BUY IT?? I transferred the title over to your name yesterday. How am I going to sell it with your name on the title?

Me: I don't give a fuck, thats your fucking problem and that just shows me what a fucking moron you are. Who transfers a title BEFORE you get the money?

GTO Guy: I'm keeping your $50 deposit. Thats what it cost me to change the title over.

Me: I don't give a fuck...keep the fuckin 50.

We drove off and headed back for an hour or so...with little being said. Finally my buddy said "Ya know, that guy was not only married to an ugly gal, he had ugly kids too". That kinda put things in 'perspective' and I started laughing. We stopped and got a hotel for the night. By the next day, all was good and the trip back was pretty enjoyable....that is until I got a phone call from the place I was going to rent the 'car hauler'. I called them after I left GTO Guy and told them I wouldn't be needing it. Now this gal calls me and tells me they are going to charge me $50 for NOT renting it....even though they didn't disclose this prior as part of the verbal rental agreement. "Go ahead...I don't care...I'll just dispute it on my charge. Thank you for calling". We laughed some more ;)

I've Missed You Guys!!!

2009-05-31T07:55:00.006-05:00

(This is going to be long, I feel)

Unlike my beloved Elle....I WILL apologize for 'falling off the face of the earth'. I do want y'all to know that the text I sent her was in response to her text asking "where the fuck I've been?" Too me, thats alittle like the 'pot calling the kettle Laura' ;)

1st, a HUGE shout out to Loni for her 'milk carton' thingy...I laughed my efen ass off at that!! And...my thanks to Elle for giving me the heads up on that :) Very creative, Loni!! :) :)

I tried to do some catching up on 'blog world' this morning and I found some things that makes me sad:

Trish....hang in there honey. Things have a way of working themselves out! EVERYONE goes through some rocky periods and after awhile, cooler heads do prevail. You're in my thoughts and I'm sure things will turn around sooner than later.

'The Girl'.....? Okay, I have no idea where she went, just that her blog is gone. I have my suspicions but no way to confirm them. 'R'.......If you're reading this, I hope you're okay sweetie and you have my love. If you can, send me an e-mail to let me know how you are.....okay?

To J-Fab, Kitch, TGG, ETW (and everyone else).....caught up some on your blogs and I'm glad to see y'all seem to be doing good :) J-Fab still certainly a MILF....uh..sorry, got carried away there ;) You look beautiful...really!! Kitch...WOW..an i-phone...very HIP :) And...the 'donor thing'...even hipper :) TGG....You ought to have your own 'Travel Network' show! Sooo...you're coming to St. Louis, huh? I'm sure you'll be pressed for time but if our schedules coincided, it would be cool to meet!! ETW......do you EVER have any free time?? BTW.....uh..I didn't see any 'current' cleavage pics...just sayin ;)

I'm sure y'all are wondering WTF the picture above is all about. As you can see...it's really yellow ;) and it happens to be a '68 Pontiac GTO. I've dreamed of owning this car since I was a teenager....and now it seems it may actually happen...and I can't believe it. Me, owning a true 'muscle' car :) I found it on-line and it currently resides in Ohio. I've spoken to the owner a couple of time and while theres a few minor details to get worked out, I've agreed to buy it from him (sent him a down payment yesterday). Hopefully in a week or so 'my dream' will be parked in my driveway. Damn...if I coulda pulled this off years ago, what a 'chick magnet' this woulda been ;) Now, I just have to figure out the besy way for me to get it here...fuckin Ohio...600 hundred fuckin miles away...oh well.

Dad Update: He's now concluded his 2nd set of chemo treatments (2 treatments 2x a week for 2 weeks, then a week off equals 1 set). Last week was his 'off week' but I had to take him in Thursday for blood tests. The result of this test was that he needed a transfusion and he had that Friday. Evidently its 'par for the course' because the chemo does not discriminate between 'good' cells and 'bad' cells' and his red blood count was too low. Hopefully, this will give him his strength back some. He hasn't had any negative side effects from the chemo, which is great, but his kidneys haven't shown much improvement as of yet. We'll find out more from the latest blood test tomorrow when we meet with the Dr. They did say it may take 3-4 rounds of treatment before it helps. I'm praying that the results tomorrow do show its doing what its supposed to.

Seriously, the main reason I haven't been around is my schedule is so fucked up. With all the Dr. visits etc, helping out at my parents house and doing things they aren't able to at this point, I'm having to play 'catch up' at work, pretty much on a daily basis. This in turn puts me behind on the shit I need to do at my house so much of my spare time is taken up by all the routine and normal crap. I'm not whining here (Efen does not fucking whine ;) just stating the facts so you don't think I've blown y'all off ;) Uh.....a hot chick at SV did show me her boobs the other day so that pretty well keeps my world intact ;);)

Hope everyone is fine and don't let Elle's latest 'I'm finally posting again' blog fool ya...thats all bullshit ya know ;)

2009-05-06T14:36:00.002-05:00

I know, I know...."just who the fuck does he think he is.....dropping in, dropping out, dropping in?" I hear y'all and I'm in total agreement. I realize, I ain't 'Elle' (whom evidently, can 'come and go' (hehe) as she pleases ;)

First, I have been lurking....some but admittedly, not a great deal, so I'm sure I'm 'out of the proverbial loop'. If I've missed anything (good or bad) that I should know about, just tell me when you posted and I promise I'll go back and catch up.

I don't really have any excuses but, I have been doing something that I thought I was waaaaay fuckin past and that is working. In case you haven't read a fuckin paper or watched the news on TV in the last 8 fuckin months....the economy pretty well blows. So, drastic times call for drastic measures.....which is why I've been spending a ton of time making sure 'we' (the fucks who work for me, I mean) are operating as fucking efficiently as possible and delivering in every way, shape, and form the things our customers expect. That goes from my salesman all the way to that broad I pay money to answer the phones and whothefuckknows what else she does.

I've had several 'Walk with Jesus' talks to a couple of my employees. I have a 'newer' salesman, been here about a year. Even though he had 'background' in our business, he's pretty much a prima donna little fuck. "His" way is always the better way......and he has totally ignored the last two things I told him to make sure he did on a couple of jobs, jobs which he lost, but of course it wasn't his fault. Now, I may not know everything, but I do know whats involved with selling and what you need to do to make sure that you have an 'edge' over your competitor. It's not easy but but there are steps you have to make sure you do. Taking shortcuts will not fuckin cut it. And he's a 'short-cut' kinda guy.

Anyhow, I call him in my office and basically say "WTF???...maybe 15 fuckin times. You can say just about anything to me (which doesn't mean I'm going to buy it) but fucking NEVER say to me "I don't know". If you don't fucking know why you did something a certain (and fucked up) way, then who the fuck else is going to? I told this guy, whom I'll call 'Skippy', that the next fucking time I tell him to do something and he doesn't...he's fucking fired on the spot. He then proceeds to tell me he thought what he chose to do was better. I proceed to tell him that while he may of thought so, there's one fucking opinion that matters and it ain't his. Oh...and I also told him he had til the end of June. If he hasn't improved there's a gazillion people out there right now looking for jobs. Hey, I don't fire people, they fuckin fire themselves.

Dad Update: Doing well so far. No adverse side-effects and he does seem like he's feeling some better. Still early but thats how it is to-date.

Bathroom Update: Ok, before I said I liked it, which I do but fuck, the mfer ain't done yet. Just odds and end shit that evidently the contractor doesn't feel its worthwhile to get the shit done. Well, he may have felt like that before I called him this morning. I think when I said "You know the balance of the money I owe you...well, I'm instituting a 'late penalty'. Beginning a week from today, for every fucking day its not done, I'm deducting $250". WTF?? This is shit he could knock out in a day or two. Now we're still waiting on the tile company to come back and put 1" tile/pewter square fuckin thingys on the fucking wall around the mirrors, but that ain't his fault. I've got some of their money too. Geez......I would think they know what kind of prick I can be...I mean, they have met me.

Hope all is well with everyone and as soon as I get things settled abit, I'll be back around.

Hey All.............

2009-04-17T09:19:00.008-05:00

Sorry for my absence....there's just been so much going on that honestly, I just haven't had the energy...not even 'lurking' much. Hopefully that will right itself in the not too distant future.

Quick update on my Dad. He started his IV Chemo treatment yesterday. Thankfully, he's on the 'short program' which means he's in and out of there in about 30 minutes. So far (knocking on wood) he hasn't had any major side-effects. I know its only been 1 treatment but since the Chemo goes right into his bloodstream, I'm thinking that any side-effects would have occurred fairly quickly...we'll see, I guess. He goes 2x per week, Mondays and Thursdays. He outlook is still great and I'm praying that the Chemo works and that he doesn't get sick.

I am fuckin pissed.......no, I'm beyond pissed..I am so fuckin mad that if I could, I'd have a fucker whacked.

Last night, 9:15 PM, the phone rings. Now maybe to y'all, 9:15 ain't late, but too me, if you're callin at that time, it had better be for a good fuckin reason.

I see on the Caller ID that its from some 'marketing company'. Okay, have to admit, I fuckin LOVE to take these low-life motherfuckers on..I sorta live for this shit. I answer and this LLMF starts with "Hello..We're doing a survey". Thats as far as he got.

Me: Stop right there...I'm on the No Call List.
LLMF: That doesn't apply to us. We're not selling anything
Me: I don't give a fuck. Do you know what fuckin time it is?
LLMF: NO....I don't
Me: Too fuckin stupid to tell time?
LLMF: (brief silence)
Me: I'm going to register a complaint with the Missouri Attorney Generals Office tomorrow....they love to take companies like yours on.
LLMF: Go ahead....knock yourself out.
Me: Fuck you, you jackoff prick.
LLMF: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
Me: (I repeated it)
LLMF: ...Click....

Now, I don't normally go off to this degree but what the fuck, calling after 9:00? I had been up since 5:00 and I was in bed (with the TV on) and was in no fuckin mood.

10 minutes later.........RING.......RING.....RING.......

ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME????? It's the same prick calling back.

Me: WHAT THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND BEFORE?
LLMF: ....Click....

5 minutes passes...RING.......RING......

ME: MOTHERFUCKER......YOU HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA WHO YOU'RE FUCKIN WITH!(Like I could do anything and like he gave a fuck)
LLMF: I'm going to keep calling until you show me respect.

I thought I was gonna stroke out. I don't remember when I have been this pissed...pissed to a point where if possible, I would do something that woudn't be good.

Me: Since you're such a fuckin bad-ass with a telephone, I can't stop you......yet. BUT you little pussy, I fuckin guarantee you that I will do everything I fuckin can to find about about you're bullshit company and hopefully, in the process, find about about you. Then motherfucker, you'll see that you're not fuckin with someone who 'hopes' shit just goes away.
LLMF: ...Laughs....
Me: ...Click....

I turned off the ringer on the bedroom phone. I checked the caller ID this morning, the motherfucker did call back....2 more times. The last being at 10:50 PM.

I am not done with this. Oh....BTW...if you see this number on your Caller ID...be prepared: 858-428-3213. They go by the names of 'Directions In Research' or 'Market Research'.

Uh....maybe another week then I'll have bathroom pics to post. Gotta admit....I like it ;)

Sort of an Update..

2009-04-07T12:51:00.002-05:00

Dad and I met with the Hematologist/Oncologist yesterday. The Dr. said there two main types of treatment available. One is chemo through an IV, twice a week, 30 minutes per. The other is 'pill form'. While the latter sounds perfect, turns out it has more side effects than the IV method, plus the IV way is a little more aggressive. At this point I'm sure the 'IV Method' is going to be the choice. He has one more test, a bone marrow biopsy, this Thursday. By this time next week, I'm sure the IV thing will be all scheduled. I still marvel at Dad's inability to be fazed.

I'm sure y'all are on 'pins and needles' regarding the progress of the bathroom. Actually, except for some small finishing details (and painting) it should be done this week. I'll wait until the painting is done to post some pics. And....I'm pretty pleased ;)

Now....I have an 'issue'. My fuckin HP printer at home quit working, well, it will print in color but won't print in black. So, I figured even though I had replaced the black cartridge less than 3 months ago, it needed replacing again. So, go out and spend $22 fuckin dollars for a cartridge, pop in and....................nothing..not one fucking thing. Spend some time trying to clean the printer head, again, nothing. Then, I did what I dread and truthfully, what I know fuckin better to do...I called 'Support'. I was on the fuckin phone with 'them' for 1 hour and 17 minutes, and here's the 'best part', not once was I able to tell anyone what the fuck the problem was. I spoke to...ready...13 FUCKIN MORONS!. Every mothafuckin time I was transferred to the wrong fucking department!

Sounds impossible doesn't it...it finally got to the point (after about person #6) that I would cut them off and ask if this was the Dept. for PhotoSmart D-series printer...and I would get "No, I'll transfer you". Then it went like this, repeatedly:

Me: Noooo, DO NOT TRANSFER ME! I'll end up in the wrong place again!!

Support Idiot: No Sir...I promise you I'll see you get to the right Dept...and I'm sorry for your frustration.

Me: Thats what the others have said. I want to talk to your Supervisor!

SI: Sir...I can transfer you. Its not hard to do.

Me: Well it must be cuz I never get there.

SI: Sir, I promise you. I'll even stay on the line to make sure.

Me: Uh..alright then.

Sure the fuck enough, I get put back through 'transfer hell' again...wrong fuckin deparment...again, and that fucker lied about staying on the line.

Me: Stop right there...I've talked to 12 other idiots in over an hour, 2 have flat out lied to me. I want to talk to your Supervisor..NOW!

SI: Sir..I realize your frustrated, but I can help you.

Me: You don't have a clue how fuckin frustrated or pissed I am. I want your Supervisor..I'm done with you.

SI: Sir..my Supervisor won't be able to help you.

Me: Why...is he stupid?

SI: (silence......) Uh..no sir, thats not the reason.

Me: Then he's incompetent? Like the 12 other people I have spoke to prior to you?

SI: Sir....I'm gonna transfer you to the right department..I promise and I'll stay on the line just to show you that we understand your frustration.

Me: Fuck this and fuck your company. I'm gonna throw the fuckin thing in the trash and buy something else.

SI: Sir..there really is no need for that language.

Me: You fuckin serious? If there's one thing that is needed is this type of fuckin language. Ya see, me being nice for over an hour hasn't accomplished one fuckin thing. You 'being sorry' doesn't accomplish one fuckin thing. Understanding my frustration hasn't accomplished one fucking thing. Bottom line is that you fuckin people don't give a shit, just hit that fuckin 'transfer' button, then you're done, on to the next poor fuckin asshole. Well...if my language offended you then I do have to say...."Too fuckin bad and I apologize for your frustration!".

I hung the fucking thing up. Hmmm....I wonder what Best Buy has on sale?

Hi Y'all ;)

2009-04-01T20:09:00.004-05:00

No, my dear Elle, this was not a 'test'...sheesh....I'm waaaay above cheap theatrics ;)

Not sure 'how back' I am, we'll see.

Here's the deal.......My Dad is sick and honestly, that has taken some of my 'drive' away. Two weeks ago he had a kidney biopsy and a full CT scan. Today, we got the results..which pretty much confirmed what the Kidney Specialist thought.

He has a type of blood cancer, Myloma (or according to the fuckin idiot girl who signed him in later today for a battery of x-rays...Melanoma...geezus...I'm correcting her). The good news, no, make it great news, is that the CT Scan came back totally clear :)

Don't know all the particulars as of yet because we still have to see a Hematologist (thats a blood doctor to those of you that went to school in Missouri ;) But...unless I have this all fucked up, it appears to be either somewhat treatable or somewhat manageable. Still depends on a a few factors but at this point, that what I think I know. Evidently, this blood cancer's major 'M.O' is that it clogs up your kidneys, which leads to kidney failure (Or as the Dr's say 'Renal' failure....wtf? Why not just say 'kidney')? So, if whatever chemo treatment they decide on works, even 50%, then my Dad can pretty much go about his business. That is, if he gets his strength back, puts back on some those 30 pounds he has lost.......and as I found out later, if the treatment doesn't make him really sick.

The being 'sick' part I found out from my Mother who told me that Dad told her that he WOULD NOT do chemo, he knew too many people that got extremely sick from it and that he was not going to lose his dignity that way, no matter what. Uh....this is 1 freakin day later after he told me, in no uncertain fuckin terms, that he wasn't going to do dialysis. "I am not going to sit there on a hard chair for 4-5 hours a day, at least 3 days a week, with tubes sticking out of me".

In case it hasn't hit you, Dad is a very proud and practical guy....oh yeah, stubborn too. This whole ordeal has barely fazed him..in fact, I'm not sure it has fazed him at all. If he's worried about anything, its about my Mother....oh, and the fact that I have been missing work to take him to the Dr., get their groceries, crap like that. I explained to him thats why I have people working for me and they get fucking paid to run the place when I'm not there...WTF?

Anyhow, since that one level in his blood hasn't risen any (dropped a tad actually) then dialysis isn't on the table right now, thats one battle I don't have to fight. The chemo thing...well....I'm pretty fuckin stubborn myself. Plus, I do have a way with words ;)

Thats the 'Readers Digest' version and I just wanted to keep y'all in 'the loop'. I'll post again when I know something more. I feel alot better than I did when I woke up this morning because I was prepared for the worst.

Hopefully, next time, I'll have an "Efen Rant" to include as well ;) I do have a few things saved up....duh ;)

I did miss you guys :):)

Taking a break...

2009-03-23T13:02:00.008-05:00

I just wanted y'all to know that I'm going to be on hiatus for a little while.

Can't get in the right 'posting' frame of mind so instead of 'half-assin' it (as evidenced by my prior post ;) thought it best to just sit back for a few days.

I wanted you to know so you're not wondering why I'm not commenting on your pages.

I'll still be 'hovering' so if you 'talk shit' about me, I'll know ;)

See y'all...........make sure you play well together....and NO bickering ;)

Why I Love Hockey

2009-03-20T08:15:00.001-05:00

Hockey Game Boobs - video powered by Metacafe

In Retrospect....

2009-03-19T06:05:00.002-05:00

I 'm sorry for my prior post, which I have since removed. I was feeling a little down and I should know better to post when I'm in 'that mood'.

To those that commented.............I thank you all very much. It does mean alot to me.

I love you guys :)

6 Day Hall Pass

2009-03-16T16:25:00.003-05:00

Ok...I'm in Day 3 of my 'hall pass' and not sure I have the stamina to utilize my whole 6 days worth (which I'm sure you can tell by the brevity of this post). Which, bothers me a great deal...as they say...... 'Youth is wasted on the young'.

I thought if I kept my 'routine' as normal as possible, that would alleviate the feeling of not getting shit done because of my 'freedom'. So, I make sure the bed is made as soon as I get up and to clean up after myself as I go along. I even spent Sunday afternoon ironing pants for the week. I don't mind ironing one bit because my Mother taught me how when I was a kid. I also dusted, vacuumed, and did two loads of laundry. None of this is a big deal, just making a point that I wasn't going to turn into a total fucking slacker just because there was no else home. Oh...and my 'routine' of getting up at 5:30 hasn't changed either.....so far ;)

Went out both Saturday and Sunday nights and stayed out..uh....ahem....'pretty late'. Today, I am pretty well dragging. I thought about doing the 'responsible' bit tonight but fuck....I have a dilemma...seems that 'word' has gotten out about my 'hall pass' and I have been fielding calls for the last two days, most of them in the 'Lets do this....' vain. To be honest, if it were just my buddies calling, I'd have no problem turning them down. But....ya see, I've been going to this one bar, known as SV (and very well known to Elle ;) for years. Over that period, I have come to know many of the girls that have/had worked there...and have become very good friends with most of them. Well, when one of them calls (or as luck would have it...one of them with an equally hot twin sister)...WTF am I to say? "Uh...sorry..I'd love to...but I'm tired". Uh....no fuckin way......not ever.

So...I'm planning on going home right after work........ tomorrow.

Random Musings...Part Duh ;)

2009-03-11T09:41:00.007-05:00

Not much today......

Thankfully. Really just wanted to move that 'remodel' thing further down the list.

I am soooooooooooooo fuckin tired of the mess, mainly the dust from the drywall and the tile (and the sand and the cement). I know the contractors are doing the best they can but there is only so much they can possibly do to keep the mess to a minimum.

Surprisingly (to me) enough, they have not pissed me off............yet. They not only show up when they're supposed to, they actually show up early. WTF??? I am soooooooo not used to people who actually do what the fuck they either say they're going to or what they're being paid to do.

On top of that...these guys are really fuckin good. Besides their ability, they also have offered some very creative ideas. I'm alittle scared at this point....too fucking good to be true.

Took my Dad to the Ortho Dr. yesterday. In the last 3-4 months he's been having a lot of pain in his shoulders and one of his knees. He has bone spurs in his shoulders and arthritis in his knee. His shoulders had gotten to a point he couldn't raise them high enough to drive without hurting like a bitch. I knew they had to hurt bad because never in my whole life have I've seen him give in to ANY kind of pain. The Dr. had given him some anti-imflammatory meds to try for 2 weeks. Didn't work. So I took him in for a cortisone shot..he got 3. One in each shoulder, one in his knee.

He called me this morning and said his knee felt great and his shoulders were alot better. In fact, he was gonna drive my Mother to her doctors appt. and then they were going to stop somewhere for breakfast. I'm extremely happy for him for he has never had to depend on anyone for anything. Getting his independence back, I am sure, is a huge lift for him. I just hope it lasts for awhile.

I have an apology to make....to Christine (http://realmendontwatchamericanidol.blogspot.com/)

I have no idea why she wasn't listed on my site as a blog I follow. She is absolutely hilarious..kind of reminds me of a female 'efen' ;) So, if y'all haven't been there...go! Its a 'must-read' :)

I have a dilemma........this Saturday, my wife leaves for a 6 day cruise. Thats right.....I have an extended 'hall pass'. Of course I was invited to go along (with her sister and her family) but honestly, I have no desire to 'cruise'. I know, I know...everyone I know who has been tells me what a great time.....yada yada yada....forget it. I don't want any part of it. Anyhow...my 'dilemma' is how to fill my new-found free time.

Hmm.....wish I could come up with sumthin.

Progress.....as promised

2009-03-07T13:48:00.004-06:00

Ok...here's a few more.

This is the shower (well...it's gonna be)

Here's the closet....wall has been added and closet is extended.

Another view of the entrance to the shower.

I can't wait for all this shit to be done. There is fucking drywall dust EVERYWHERE! The marble and tile guys come Monday, so more fuckin dust. They are supposed to be here a week. After that, the cabinets are due to be put in....if they ever fucking arrive.

I'll post a couple of more after the tile and marble gets installed. Are y'all on the edge of your seat like I am?

Fuckin People...

2009-03-04T09:24:00.007-06:00

In my years running this company, I have seen many, many things. I thought I had witnessed it all and really didn't believe that I could be surprised anymore.

That is until this morning.

My 'old' Parts Dept. guy had quit due to health issues. He gave me two months notice that this was going to occur so I had plenty of time to find someone else to fill the position.

Plus, that would also afford me to have 'the new guy' (No Elle...not that 'new guy' ;) spend time being trained by the 'old guy'.

I held several interviews and finally decided on a guy. This person had experience in our industry was very gung-ho.

He started on February 16th, worked 2 1/2 days when he found out that his Mother had a heart-attack. He was then gone the rest of the week. Sadly, he called me and said his Mother passed away that Sunday night. He was then off Monday and Tuesday of that week. I paid him in full for those two weeks. No big deal, a person should not be penalized when something like this happens.

He repeatedly told me how sorry he was that he missed all that time but that he would make it up '110%'.

I come in today, he isn't here. I asked and was told that he was here around 7:30 but evidently he left and no one knew where he was.

I turn on my computer and there's an e-mail from him...this is what he sent me:

"I have decided to resign my position in parts immediately. It is not the situation I thought it would be, and I am pursueing other options. I am sorry for the notice, but I thought it best. Thanks for the opportunity. I do not wish to be contacted. My decision is final."

WTF? He was here this morning and he couldn't have waited til I got here to tell me in person? Then he says in his e-mail that 'he doesn't wish to be contacted...that his decision is final'.

Of course, since he didn't want to be contacted I called the fuck. I ask him the what fuck was the deal?

He tells me he has 'alot of things going on'....that there are 'health issues' that he won't go into. I asked if he didn't think he at least owed me the courtesy of telling me in person? He said "It probably wasn't the most professional way to handle it"...DUH...ya fuckin think?

I then say 'Whatthefuckever' and hang up. Now...he's got me to thinking. I recall him saying that his father had passed away just a couple of years back and that his Mother lived alone. He told me they had been married for over 50 years.

So, I turn into 'Efen S. Holmes' and start doing a little digging. From what he told me, it seems pretty obvious that his Mother never re-married so both of them should still have the same last name. He told me she had been cremated. 1st, I search the local paper obits....nothing. Since I knew where the crematorium closest to where she lived, I check their notices.....nothing. I then expand it out to some others........again, nothing.

I could be wrong (doubtful) but I think now, after I pieced together some things that at the time seemed odd, that the whole story about his Mother was a lie. Also, when he declined Medical Insurance (we pay 90%), he said that he already had a policy that was paid up through 2009. Now who in the fuck pays their Medical Insurance a year ahead of time? I was puzzled by this but let it go. Red flags and alarms should have been going off in my head.

I really feel like he was just looking to get a job for a few weeks, get some money, then move on.

I hated the thought of running another ad so taking a chance I called a guy whom I had interviewed twice for this job....he was my second choice. I got ahold of him....he took another job...............fuckin yesterday

And so it goes...................

Sheesh, Elle

2009-03-03T09:43:00.007-06:00

Alright...here's a few AFTER they demo'd the MB (I know....would been better I had taken some 'before' pics...still looking as I may have some old one's somewhere)

Pic 1: Looking at where the 'Make-up Vanity' is going to be. Wall on right is where the cabinets, counters and sinks are going.

Pic 2: View of closet after wall has been taken down to enlarge. Pipes on left is where shower was.

Pic 3: Tub was where the equipment is. Shower will now be from approx. electrical outlet on left, over to 3 feet out from wall on right, then back to where ladder is. 'New' closet will now extend out to the end of the wall on right.

Pretty fucking interesting...right?

A Long Weekend....

2009-03-02T08:27:00.007-06:00

Typically, my weekends are pretty uneventful, but this past weekend was different. It was the 25th Anniversary of some very good friends of ours (I went to High School with the guy) and we were invited to celebrate with them on Saturday night.

We were going to take a limo downtown so 'drinking and driving' would not be an issue. The plans changed to getting a hotel room and then taking taxis to various downtown 'hot spots'.

Normally when we go out for dinner......it's fairly early...like '6-ish'. I hate waiting for anything and getting a table is no exception. But...since this was a special occasion, our dinner reservations were for..................8:00 PM. Of course, this meant taking a nap Saturday afternoon ;) We got to the hotel about 6:30, a few drinks at the hotel bar then off to the restaurant about 7:45.

We had reservations at 'Mike Shannons Seafood and Steaks'. 'Shannons' is the top-rated place for steaks here...and its excellent. Pretty pricey...but the food is great. The dinner bill, with wine and drinks, came in around $400. Now to me, an average of $100 per is alot. But I gotta say, the steak I had, 12 ounce filet, was fucking great. As with most steak places, every fuckin thing is ala carte, which I don't care for, but wtf...this was a special occasion.

Left there about 10:00, grabbed a cab, and headed off to an area that sits right next to the Mississippi River, called 'LaCledes Landing'....right on the St. Louis Riverfront. The 'Landing' has more fuckin bars and nightspots than you can shake the 'proverbial stick' at. Everything is located in buildings that date back over a hundred years.

Stopped in a few places, had a drink or two at each, then made our way to 'The Big Bang'. It's a Dueling Piano Bar and the place was packed...fucking packed to the walls. Of course, the median age was probably 25, but we had a blast. I was amazed how well I could sing ....well, drinking for 5 hours may have had something to do with my perception of that ;) Found a spot for at the bar, luckily, and stayed until 2:00 AM (they are open until 3:00).

Another taxi back to the hotel, tried to get more to drink there but they had closed their bar (WTF??). So, we had to improvise. I had packed some 'refreshment' so we all went back to our room and drank some more. That was certainly smart on my part. Finally got to bed around 4:00....and woke up at 7:00...with my head feeling like there was someone inside, kicking to get out.

A 20 minute shower really didn't help all that much....and the 3 aspirins hadn't kicked in yet. We all met at the restaurant and did the 'Sunday Breakfast Buffet' thing. I was fuckin starvin. It wasn't all that great but I didn't care...coffee and food seemed to help.

Went to 'Valet' to pick up my vehicle and pay the Valet Charge. $23.....all I had was two $20's, which I gave her. Of course she had no fucking change so she had to call some 'manager' guy to get change. 15 fucking minutes I wait until he comes back. He hands her the money, she turns to me and counts out my change....$17....all in fucking ONES! As is typical 'Efen' fashion....a 'bitch session' normally ensues..but I was tired and my head still fucking hurt..so I just let it go...didn't say one damn thing. Now you know, I must have felt like shit if I let that go ;)

We got home around 11:00..............and that was it for me for the day. Went 'to couch' and stayed there. Watched TV and napped....pretty much a useless fucking day.

I did come to one conclusion.......I'm too old for this shit ;)

Let the demolition begin

2009-02-23T10:08:00.004-06:00

Today the demolishing of the bathroom commences. Hmmmm.......I sure as fuck hope this thing turns out the way my minds-eye says it's supposed to.

The biggest pain-in-the-ass about this is that the MBR closet (which is located off the bath) is also going to be partially torn down so it can be enlarged. So, all the shit thats packed in there has to be 're-located'....to other spaces that are already full of clothes and shoes (not mine). Ok....lets see...where do you put 56 pair of shoes (not counting my 4 pair)?? I said 'Fuck..they're in see-thru plastic boxes (wtf??), why do we even need to move them? They're not going to get drywall dust on them cuz as I said, they're in those fucking boxes. EVIDENTLY.....the boxes WILL get all the dust on them so we sure as fuck can't have that. ....me making umpteen fucking trips carrying shoes that I know (I think I know) haven't been worn in years downstairs to hook-up with all the other fuckin pairs of shoes that are already in the basement...and those I do know haven't been worn since Carter was president.

I take it back....the real pain-in-the-ass is that now we're sharing the 'guest' bath (I find that term funny cuz I prefer not to have 'guests )...which in reality is my daughters bathroom, that is when she can find the time to visit 'Dad' ;)

I hate 'sharing'...............seriously, especially a bathroom. Now, if one would just get in and get the fuck out, no problem. But for some reason, while I can get get ready in 20 minutes and be done, it takes my wife a fucking minimum of 2 hours...WTF?? Before Demolition (BD)....this wasn't a problem because we could both be in there, her on her side, me on mine. If she took 4 hours...not my fucking problem. But now....this is going to be serious. I operate on a 'strict' schedule. I'm in the bathroom at a specific time and out the door to work at a specific time. I do not handle 'change' very well and I am not one fucking bit flexible regarding these things.....I guess thats part of my overall 'charm' ;)

So, tomorrow will be the 1st experience with the 'sharing' deal. I offered a very reasonable solution last night. Instead of her getting in the bathroom at 5:00 AM, I suggested maybe 4:00 AM would suit my needs better. Hmmm......guess my use of the "F-word" has a way of rubbing off on others.

I'll post some pics of how this 'project' is progressing as time goes on.

MORE Motivational Pictures

2009-02-20T08:23:00.019-06:00

This is pretty much the rest of the one's I received (except for a couple that I thought some may find 'objectionable' ;) Enjoy......

Motivational Pics

2009-02-17T09:48:00.016-06:00

Ok...I must admit, I'm a sucker for these. Of all the shit I get sent to me, these types are my favorites (uh...other than porn ;) Here are some of the newer one's I have received. I hope you find some humor in these as well :)

Friday the 13th...yep, pretty well sums it up

2009-02-13T10:07:00.004-06:00

Not a good day to be fucking with me at work. I'm in a real 'firing mood' at the moment. I don't feel great..nothing real bad but my ears are stopped up. WTF is up with that??? Am I 8??? Even the sound of the phone ringing makes my ears 'vibrate' to a point where I want to fucking scream. Geez.....of all the fucking things.

I'm serious on that 'firing thing'. Fucking people.....do your GD job and quit making excuses..or even worse, just standing there and giving me that 'You must be speaking Chinese because I have no idea what you're sayin' look....FUCK!

And.....if you haven't heard, the 'job market' is pretty tough at the moment so do you really want to go down THAT fucking road?

Plus...a fucking customer called me this morning complaining that I hadn't called him back regarding helping him with the layout of the new equipment he bought from us. He then tried to be 'funny' by saying "You must be real busy"....to which I replied "No....I'm not busy at all...but until you PAY for what you bought (25 days Past Due in the amount of $31K), I can't help you. Then he has the fucking balls to say 'Thats not very good Customer Service'....AARGH!!! I won't even go into my reply....I'm sure you can guess......check should be 'hand delivered' today.

Here's a "WTF?" I hear on the radio today that the number 1 'search' on Google in the past 10 days is 'When is Valentine's Day?'. Is this like a new thing or something??

Here's another: "An Arizona man who has waged a 10-year campaign to stop a flood of illegal immigrants from crossing his property is being sued by 16 Mexican nationals who accuse him of conspiring to violate their civil rights when he stopped them at gunpoint on his ranch on the U.S.-Mexico border. Roger Barnett, 64, began rounding up illegal immigrants in 1998 and turning them over to the U.S. Border Patrol, he said, after they destroyed his property, killed his calves and broke into his home. His Cross Rail Ranch near Douglas, Ariz., is known by federal and county law enforcement authorities as "the avenue of choice" for immigrants seeking to enter the United States illegally". Gimme a fucking break............

Thats all I got...for now. Hopefully my fuckin mood improves today......at some point.

Seeing Red...all fuckin shades of it

2009-02-11T16:28:00.006-06:00

I don't normally post on back-to-back days.....BUT.....something happened today that could have easily ended with me in cuffs. Please bear with me here as I'm sure this will be longer than normal.

Yesterday my daughter told me that one of her eyes that had been bothering her wasn't getting any better. This, evidently, started the day after she had an eye exam by an optometrist. I had told her to go back to him and have it checked out, which she did. Three days later, still no change.

I told her I would set up an appointment with an Opthamologist, just in case she needed a Rx or something. I set it up for 11:15 today since her first class wasn't until 1:00.

About Noon, my cell rings and its my daughter. I figure she's calling with the results of her Eye Drs. appt.

Thats what I thought...but all I could make out was her crying...super upset. Obviously my first thought was "Geezus.....what in the world could the Dr. have found?" Finally, after she calmed down (some) I was able to make out the following:

MD: Dad..he was so mean and rude. All he did was criticize me for not coming to him 1st. Whenever I asked a question he would look at me and roll his eyes. If he did answer it was only after he interrupted me, then he'd say 'I have no idea what that question meant...can you re-phrase so I can possibly understand?'...(more crying)

Me: Calm down honey...did he say anything else?

MD: I started to get upset and there were tears in my eyes and he said 'Look...now both of your eyes are watering'. I just got up, said I'm finished and left. Dad..I've never had anyone be like that to me, especially a doctor....I was so mad!

Me: Thats okay, honey. Uh...did he at least tell you what was wrong?

MD: He said he didn't know for sure but to keep ice on it for 2 days and if that didn't help to fill the Rx he gave me.

Me: Ok, Ok, don't worry about it...I'll take care of it.

You can fuck with me all you want. I can take it because I know, sooner or later, I'm gonna fuck you worse. BUT...fuck with my daughter and make her cry, well then motherfucker, you had better be prepared for the fuckin wrath I'm gonna bring down on you....and I don't give one fuck if you're the biggest bad-ass motherfucker around cuz NOBODY makes my little girl cry without consequences.

I did have one small logistical problem. It's now 12:15 and I'm picking my Dad up at 1:00 to take him to see a kidney doctor....and I'm 30 minutes away. No time to drive to this prick Dr's office so I call him. He's with a patient so I leave my cell number. 5 minutes later he calls me back.

In this time span I have gone from a '10' on the anger scale to maybe an '8'. I tell myself, even though I know my daughter is polite, not a smart-ass (except to me ;), and is respectful, I should hear his side first. So, I'm kind of willing to be 'somewhat' openminded.

Dr.: (In a bored and 'why are you bothering me tone' ) I had a message to call you?

Me: (I explain who I am) I would like to know why you made my daughter cry?

Dr. I don't know what you mean.

Me: You don't know? Did you see her upset? Did she cry in your office?

Dr. Well.....guess that depends on your definition of crying. She was ok when she left.

Me (rising now to a '9') MY DEFINITION IS WERE THERE TEARS IN HER EYES?

Dr. I guess....but I didn't say anything to her.

Me: So, you're telling me she just got upset 'out of the blue'? Listen, she aint 10, she's 22, she knows when someone is being a hateful prick to her...AND....I don't think you're quite gettin it....thats MY DAUGHTER you made cry. Of all the things you could do to make me as mad as I am...you picked the right one! If I wasn't so far away I'd be there for a little face-to-face with you.

Dr. IS THAT A THREAT? ARE YOU THREATENING ME?

Me: A threat? No..not a threat..thats a fact....but if you think it is..I don't give a shit.

Okay....now coming up is where I practically drive off the fucking road I'm so mad....seriously..its all I can do to stay in my lane.

Dr: Where are you?

Me: What?? Excuse me???

Dr: Where are you right now...how far away are you?

Me: ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDIN ME? MOTHERFUCKER...IF YOU'RE SAYING FOR ME TO COME THERE AND MEET YOU, I'M ON THE WAY ....OR GIMME A TIME AND I'LL FUCKIN BE THERE...AND GUESS FUCKIN WHAT? YOU'LL HAVE NO FUCKIN PROBLEM FIGURING OUT WHO I AM...I'LL BE THE GUY WITH THE 'I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS' LOOK ON HIS FACE!!!

The line goes quiet...I'm thinkin the pussy jackoff has hung up...then I hear "Uh...what would like me to do?" WTF????? He goes from challenging me to this? I say "I want you to call my daughter...and apologize, and sound like you mean it because she'll know if you don't. I'm gonna wait 10 minutes, then I'm gonna call her and I swear if she tells me your call went any different than I think it should have.....buddy, you and I are going to meet...today. And another thing...you perform a service and we pay you for that service. In fact, your no different than the guy I call to fix my washer...he performs a service and I pay him. If I don't like his service and it ends up causing me more problems than I had...then I won't pay him. So, just like with him, I want you to cancel that bill".

He kinda mumbled so I don't know if he will or not. Frankly, I don't give a fuck...I just wanted to say that to him.

I call my daughter and she's better, not great but not all upset either. She tells me he did apologize but she wasn't sure how sincere he was. I told her it didn't matter, what mattered was that he was held accountable and part of that accountability was calling and saying he was sorry.

She then asked...."Uh Dad...what did you say to him?' I tell her it wasn't important. She says "It would make me feel better if I knew what you said". So.....I told her, sans most of my cuss words, but I know there was no doubt to her what I actually said. And you know what....she laughed and said "Thanks, Dad...I do feel better now".

Uh...also told MY Dad what happened..he just looked at me and said 'You don't make someones daughter cry" Thats me....a chip off the old block ;)

Elle Update (WTF?)

2009-02-10T13:45:00.007-06:00

Geez....am I like her fuckin administrative assistant or sumthin? Evidently, the 'princess' is too fuckin busy to post her own shit so I've been 'anointed' to see that task gets accomplished.

(Kaaaaaaaaaay.... pretend I'm Elle....and, I may have paraphrased some ;)

"Aack! Hand lotion! Get me some hand lotion!" I've been working my ever-so petite fingers to the proverbial bone (shut up, Efen). As you may recall, my MIT was here from out west somewhere (I forget where exactly because I don't 'do west'). So, that kept me extremely busy because entertaining was part of my duties as well. She was very nice and all, shapely and attractive too. One night we had maybe 8 Grey Goose shots and she started getting all 'Oh Laura...you're so hot...I love the way your ample breasts strain against that silk top..uh...EFEN!!! Stop it...now!!! (Sorry...difficult to write as anyone 'cept myself;)

Ok....where were we? Oh yeah....so I've been very, very busy. I had an audit and I am very pleased to say I passed that with flying colors.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my immediate boss as well as "The" senior vice president of operations. He's flying in from Atlanta and as I told y'all before, he's the #3 guy in the company, reporting only to the COO (Plus...he's very HOT).

So tomorrow will be filled with 'Oh Laura...you're doing such a fantabulous job, I don't think we could even exist without you'....you get the picture, one superlative after another :) I'm sure at some point he's going to offer me the new 'Head Honcho' job, the one I've been so patiently waiting for. But....along with that super-duper title comes the very real aspect that it will involve moving (oops....did I say too much?) Of course I will be all 'Thats no problem...I'll do whatever you need me to'. *Sigh*.....I guess thats a bridge to cross for another time.

I have already decided what to wear when I meet with the VP. Now, that in itself was no easy task. 14 different wardrobe changes, 4 different ways of wearing my hair, different make-up, different CFM shoes....I'm going for that 'business hot' look....but theres a very fine line between that and 'business slut', so I need to err on the 'side of grandma' ;)

Wish me luck y'all and I promise, I'll be back posting all of my own stuff very soon (Cuz we all know Efen is going to tire of this and say "Fuck it....not my responsibility"....he's such a baby. I'll have to send him some more pictures or something)

A Sigh of Relief...and other matters

2009-02-09T08:37:00.006-06:00

My Dad had his colonoscopy this past Friday...............and from what the Dr. said, even though he has to wait on confirmation from the lab, everything looks good.

I must admit, I was worried and even though Dad won't say, I know he was as well. I could just tell by his demeanor afterwards that he felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.

Now he has an appointment to see wtf the deal is with his kidneys. So another test is forthcoming. But.............I feel a whole lot better for now.

Weekend was so-so. Spent 1/2 day Saturday fuckin with my computer at home. For some reason, it decides it's 'tired' and just shuts off....then starts back up again. So, I go through all the shit I can think of, read 50 articles on-line regarding others with similar problems, and end up absolutely no fucking further ahead than I was before I started. At least my battery back-up keeps it from going completely down.

Why are people so fucking nosey? Are their lives so fucking boring that they have thrust themselves into the business of others?

Case in point; As most of you know, I go to a place I call 'SV' for lunch every freakin day (including most weekends). There is a group of guys that I have been coming in there for as long as I have. Most of them I like and we share a lot of laughs together. One guy, I used to think was OK. Now I can barely stand him. He's the nosiest fucker I have ever met. Always wanting to know how much a person makes, how much their homes cost, anything to do with one's personal business.

Anyhow, I'm in the process of putting things together to have our master bath totally remodeled. Gutted and completely done over. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned this to a couple of my buddies there and 'Nosey Fat Guy' overhears. One of the things he heard me say was 'heated floor'. You woulda thought I said 'solid gold faucets'. "HEATED FLOOR?....(laughing) ...why in the world would you want that?...I never heard of that...Uh...how much does that cost...a couple of thousand?" I just kinda shrugged and hoped he'd let it go.

Since then, thats all I've heard from the Fat Fuck. "I told my wife about your heated floor... she wondered how much you're spending on the bathroom if you're putting in a heated floor..(giggling)"

This finally pissed me off. So I said....."1st off, its none of your fuckin business....nor your wife's. Why are you so concerned about what I do.....or anyone else for that matter? Do you think I give a fuck about what you do? Why don't you just shut the fuck up and mind your own fuckin business for a change?"

The bar got real quiet cuz those that know me knew I wasn't fuckin around....and that I was genuinely pissed. I got up, threw my money on the bar and left. Motherfucker.....he was lucky it wasn't 10 years ago or I would dropped his fat ass right off that bar stool.

Ok....I didn't say this to him because I don't have to justify or account to anyone what the fuck I choose to spend money on. But...since I like y'all :) I will offer this...our bath is fairly large and the floor is tile. I live where it gets cold and believe me, that fuckin tile floor can be like standing on ice at times. So, when I talked to my contractor (a friend) about it, even he thought it was a good idea. He got me a price, including installation and the programmable thermostat....$800.00 Now I didn't think this was bad, especially in the 'grand scheme' of things.

And.....if ya think thats a waste of money.........keep in mind, I 'put my foot down' on the heated towel bars ;)

Yessir, Officer

2009-02-05T14:21:00.006-06:00

Yep, those were my words at approximately 6:40 this fuckin morning.

'Bout 3 miles from my house on a 4-lane state highway, I look up to my left and see him sitting there. I was fucked.......and I knew it. I go this way every day instead of the interstate because its far less crowded and 'normally' speed is not an issue.

The fucked thing is that this road has 3 different speed limits within a mile. 45, 55, and 65. I was on the '45' stretch. I'm not making excuses...I woulda been speeding even if I was on the '55' stretch. Fuck, I speed all the damn time....those 30 MPH speed limits....too me they don't exist. Who the fuck drives 30 fuckin mph anyhow? If you're gonna drive that slow might as well fuckin walk.

Anyhow, I know he's going to be coming out after me, so (besides hittin the brakes), I 'slyly' put on my seatbelt (I know, I know...I don't need any lectures ;) because I didn't want an additional ticket for that. I then move over a lane (signaled, of course;) so it would be easier for the both of us when he turned his lights on. Sure enough, he pulls out after me and hits his lights. Now, I know enough to pull over right afuckin way when this occurs (not my 1st rodeo) BUT...we still have 2 foot of fuckin snow that has been plowed to the shoulder...where the fuck was I supposed to pull over to? I sure wasn't going to stop right in the middle of the fucking road! Up ahead is a big-ass church so I figure I'll drive to that entrance and pull in. Guess this isn't quick enough because now he turns on his fuckin siren. Geezus mf'er...I'm tryin, I'm tryin.....only another 200' to go til the entrance. Lights and siren still fuckin going on. I'm getting this uneasy feeling that this cop is going to start blasting away any fuckin time now...and I can now see there are two of them in there. FUCK!!!

I get to the entrance and pull down into the lot some and stop, while making this big production of taking off my seatbelt. He stops too....only he's still maybe 30' behind me. WTF??? Is he wanting me to back-up? I know not to get out. He's just sitting there. Fuck me....I ain't no fuckin mind reader. If you want me to back up, get on your fuckin speaker and tell me. He doesn't, he just sits there. So, fuck it, with my vehicle still running, I light up a cigarette and turn my radio up.

Finally, maybe 3 minutes have passed, he gets out and walks up. But...he doesn't come directly up to my window. He stops by the left, rear passenger door so I have to turn in my seat to see him...and he's still partially blocked by the door frame. Sheesh...this is getting a little spooky. I mean I aint wearin a cap sideways, I do have 20's but they don't have spinners and the tires aren't those low-profile ones, plus it's 6:40 AM, not 2:30 AM......so wtf?

Figuring he's waiting for me to speak, I do:

Me: Yessir, Officer?

Cop: Good morning...you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Sure....I was speeding. No doubt about it

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: Honestly....I have no idea at all

Cop: Well, I got you at 61 in a 45.

Me: Sounds about right.

Cop: I'll need your license and Proof of Insurance

Me: Ok..my POI is in my glovebox...I'll need to lean over and open it (much better to let them know of your intentions;)

Cop: You have any weapons in there?

Me: (Yeah...I'm gonna announce I have a loaded 9mm Glock in my glovebox) Uh...nope..just a flashlight.

Cop: No problem...go ahead.

Now he's still standing behind me and there's no fuckin way he can see if there's anything in my glovebox other than what I said. Still.....I opened it slowly and got out the POI.

I hand it to him and he goes back to his car for maybe 10 minutes. My cell starts ringing but no fuckin way am I gonna answer. I don't want to give out a 'nonchalant' vibe cuz I know at least one of them is watching me...so I just hit the 'silent' button.

Finally he walks up, this time directly to my open window and says 'Efen' (What happened to that 'Mr. Efen' protocol?)....I knocked it down from 61 to 55....this way you won't have to go to court. Just call the number after 7 days and they'll tell you how much to send in'. "Cool...I appreciate it and thank you".

I drive off, not happy I got a ticket but thankful the guy wasn't a total prick.

Oh....went through radar AGAIN just before I got to work.....35 Speed Limit...I was goin 40..no problem ;)

What...Actually Do My Fuckin Job????

2009-02-03T09:59:00.032-06:00

As I posted earlier, My Dad has not been feeling good, on a couple of levels. The 1st level; His shoulders had been hurting, especially at night, which would keep him up from about 3:00 AM on. Finally, after much persistence, I got him to go to his Doctor. 'Bursitis' is what he was told....and the Dr. gave him some meds for the pain...thats it...wtf? After a week I ask him how his shoulders feel. "The same....I took a couple of those pills, didn't help any". Then I got him to go to an Ortho Dr. This guy took all kinds of x-rays and determined it was not 'bursitis' but bone spurs in both shoulders. Gave him some meds (not pain meds) and told him to try them for 2 weeks....if they didn't help, they'd go the Cortisone shot route. They did help some in 1 shoulder, but not in the other. So it appears the 'shot' is forthcoming.

The 2nd level is a bigger deal. Got him to go to a 'gastro' doctor who was very thorough with his tests. The Dr. called him Friday night with the test results. Neither of my parents hear very well.....but neither share my opinion on that. So, when my Dad calls me to tell me he has talked to the Dr., naturally I ask what he said.

Dad: Well, it looks like something with my kidneys

Me: 'Something?" What does that mean?

Dad: They aren't working like they should

Me: What did he say was the problem?

Dad: Well...he told me but I really didn't understand what he was saying.

Me: (Knowing full well my Dad couldn't hear what the Dr. said..AARRGH!) So...whats next?

Dad: He said (What?? Okay...Yes I'm going to tell him -thats my Mother in the background, talking to my Dad while hes trying to talk to me, which does piss him off ;)

Dad: He said I'm too old for a transplant

Me: WHAT??? (Where the fuck did that come from???) He said you need one but can't get one????

Dad: No, he didn't say that. Said they weren't too bad but if it was someone 30-40 years younger, they'd do it because it would eventually get bad enough.

Me: (Uh...you couldn't have put things in order before you threw out the 'transplant' thing?) Ok..so whats next?

Dad: I have to call my Primary Dr. and have my records faxed to him. He'd wants them right away so I'm going to call Monday morning and have them faxed. Then I'll (we will) have a meeting with him.

My Mother calls me yesterday. Tells me that Dad called and was told he'd have to drive there and sign a release so they could fax them. On top of that, she tells me he's not feeling good. I wasn't happy about that process but I understood.

My Mother calls me again later. Dad went there and signed the release and told them that his Dr. wanted these fairly quickly. They tell him, keep in mind this is yesterday, that they are really busy and probably won't get them faxed over until THURSDAY!

As you may imagine, this didn't go over real well with me............not one fuckin bit. I get the office number from my Mother and call.

An airhead girl answers and I tell her who I am and why I am calling...........(speaking through clenched fucking teeth)

Me: Whats the problem w/ getting them faxed today?

AH: Well...we are super busy

Me: ('Super'..wtf...you 15?) I understand (I didn't) but really, how long does it take to get that done?

AH: Sir......we're doing the best we can.

Me: You know, I don't really find that comment very encouraging. Tell you what, let me talk to someone who can actually do their job. This is about my Father and I would imagine if it was YOUR Father you would see that it gets done.....today (now I am getting beyond pissed)!

AH: Uh....kaaay....we'll fax them today but it may be after office hours.

Me: Thats fine...can I have your name so that I know who to call and thank IF they don't get faxed?

AH: (not getting it at all) Oh.....I'm Vickie (In that really annoying perky fucking sounding voice).

Me: Kaaay, Vickie. And I changed my mind....IF the records aren't faxed then I'm not going to call.........I'm coming up there and just so you are aware, I have no problem whatsoever of bringing someones lack of competence to the forefront......and hopefully your office is packed at that time.

AHV: (silence).........I'll do it right now.

Me: Good idea.......thank you.

My Mother called me today and told me the records did arrive .

Geezus..................fuckin people and their 'I could give a fuck' attitudes. What if I didn't have the sort of 'personality' that it takes to make sure shit gets done? Who the fuck looks out for older people? -Sigh-

If any of you have any doubt that I would have gone there and 'made a fucking scene'.....then y'all really don't get why I go by 'Efen' ;)

SB Monday

2009-02-02T09:08:00.003-06:00

Fuckin Steelers................. While wanting the Cards to win to begin with, that was solidified in the beginning when they have the players announce their name and where they went to school. This one DB Steeler fuck, when they're supposed to say the name of the school, says 'Swagger'....WTF??? 'SWAGGER'???????????? Geezus......how about showin some fuckin class instead of going 'ghetto'....on world-wide fuckin TV?

Sick as a fuckin dog most of the weekend....altho "thought" I felt better Saturday night and did go to the movies to see 'Taken' (which I liked). About 4:00 AM I woke up, sicker than I had been previously..fuck. Layed in bed most of the day Sunday, slept alot. Watched some of the 'Pre-Game' SB shows (which started at fuckin 8:00 AM), got bored, and then switched off between 'House' and 'The Closer' marathons. I tell ya, if I woulda been a doctor, 'House' is the kind of one I woulda been. Oh man...that Kyra Sedgwick has got some 'MAJOR' boobage goin on ;)

Watched most of the game (uh....you tend to do that when when you have a 'financial interest' ;)
Enjoyed Springsteen and was glad at least he didn't lip-sync, like the others. Thought I had thrown more money out the window until the 4th quarter came about. Even tho the Cards lost.............I didn't ;)

Feelin some better today but if I hadn't set up a 7:30 Service Meeting I would have probably come in late.

Oh...BTW...I appreciate those of you who have 'written on my wall'.........but please don't waste your time as its extremely doubtful I'll ever go to 'FB' again (besides the fact I have never seen 'my wall' to begin with ;)

Well....thats all I got.

FaceBook, My Foolish Foray

2009-01-31T06:20:00.010-06:00

1st, I want to apologize for to anyone for making them think I was ACTUALLY gonna do this whole FaceBook thing................that was never my fucking intention, never, ever!

The deal is, I was basically curious about it. I know y'all do this thing and I know my daughter does it, as well as MySpace. So, I thought I'd go to FaceBook just to see what so many people are enamored with. How could I be so fucking naive??? I guess I thought I could just go there and sorta 'view' what it's all about (I can only imagine how many of you are laughing at me right this moment;). Well, as you know, you have to 'Register' (or maybe it was 'Sign Up'...some fucking thing or another). At this point I almost said "Fuck it"....and should have, in retrospect. But, alas, I ignored that 'little voice' in my head and took the plunge.

I had no fuckin idea what I put in would then become 'public'. Then, I see I have a people that 'I May Know'.....which in actuality, are most of you (my beloved readers and friends :). I spend a few minutes kinda looking around, then leave, thinking I was pretty much anonymous.

So much for that fuckin thought. Later I go to my e-mail ('Ghetto' e-mail address as Elle puts it ;) and what do I find? 16 fucking e-mails....with 'subjects' such as 'so and so confirmed as a friend' and 'so and so has written on your wall' (or something close to that). WTF???? I have no fuckin idea what any of this means, much less what a fuckin 'wall' is..................and I'm actually more than a little horrified, as well as embarrassed , about it all.

I'm getting e-mails from Texas Gator Gal, Elle, and ETW tellin me I have to put up a picture and chastising me as to why didn't I list 'Momma' as a friend ;)? Hey......gimme a break here...I had no idea I listed ANYONE as a friend.....and I couldn't tell you in a million fuckin years how I was able to accomplish that. Its like FaceBook just took over and did whatever the fuck it wanted! At this point I'm starting to believe more in Ron's conspiracy theories.

Immediately I send Elle and TGG e-mails basically explaining that I fucked up. Evidently I even listed someone as a 'friend' who knows Elle and she's asking Elle basically, who the fuck is this guy???

Ya know.....for the most part I consider myself fairly 'tech-savvy'. This unfortunately, isn't one of those fucking times. I mean, I masted 'IM' with no fucking problems ;)

Please consider this my last FaceBook experience......................

"Glamour Shots"

2009-01-29T16:31:00.007-06:00

I've been feeling remiss about not having a photo in my blog. Fuck...all you HOT chicks show your face, so I thought...fuck it, I will too.

Wanting to look my best, I went to 'Glamour Shots' (Ya know, that place where they make not-so-good looking people into movie stars). Met with 'Vanessa', she was my own 'Personal Photographer'. She gave me the price (gulp) but hey, gotta look your best.

I know, I probably spent money for nothing, but fuck....these people are 'experts' in making others look good.

After 2 1/2 hours of 'make-up' they finally started in on shooting pics. "Turn this way, turn that way, throw your head back, give me that alluring look, pout your lips, etc etc etc "

I dunno about y'all, but I'm pretty fucking happy with the results :)

News Flash: Fuckin Yeech!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-28T09:16:00.004-06:00

Read at your own peril ;)

(FYI: This city is located just North of Saint Louis)

ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
01/28/2009

ST CHARLES — A South Roxana woman noticed red liquid on her Jack in the Box BLT sandwich wrapper early Sunday morning and was horrified when she took a closer look."I looked at the wrapper, and I said, 'This has got to be blood,'" said Crystal Swiecicki, 21. She touched it with her index finger and smeared it. Seconds later, she, her fiancé and her 7-month-old daughter pulled into a gas station where she washed her hands repeatedly and used hand sanitizer.The blood was on the wrapper, inside the bag and on her pants, Swiecicki said. She called the restaurant near Highway 370 and Elm Street to ask if anyone had cut themselves. She said the manager apologized and told her he had a bloody nose while he was working the drive-through window. He offered her hand sanitizer, she said.

Swiecicki called police. Lt. Donovan Kenton said St. Charles police went to the restaurant but they found no criminal matter to investigate.Swiecicki doubts she consumed any of the man's blood, but she is upset and looking for a lawyer. "I'm freaked out about it," she said. "I'm afraid to eat. I will not eat at a fast-food restaurant."Gil Copley, director of St. Charles County's health department, said officials have talked to the restaurant's management."They're working with the person who was responsible," Copley said. "They are going to be retraining and reviewing their procedure and reinforcing their corporate policies regarding food sanitation."Copley said his department did not have the authority to force the employee to be tested for disease but said the risk of transmission of diseases such as HIV would likely be minimal. The matter now is between the restaurant and Swiecicki, Copley said. A Jack in the Box spokeswoman declined to answer questions, saying the company's investigation is in its early stages. "We'll continue to work closely with the guest and restaurant management on resolving the issue," the statement said.

This guy was the fucking MANAGER! I'm pretty sure this fuck would have more than a bloody nose if he had served this to me. And....what jury would convict me?

Random Musings...Again

2009-01-27T08:30:00.009-06:00

Yeah....thats the title I use when I don't have anything in particular to rant about. Sitting here at work watching it snow.

Of course, I have a couple of girls, one who drives almost 50 miles, who made it in.

My 'Shipping Guy' called "Uh...the roads are bad, not sure I can make it in".
Me: You want me to send one of the girls to pick you up?
SG: ....silence.....Er, uh..I guess I can try.
Me: Good

WTF?....Just when did guys turn into fucking pussies? Me, I was up at 4:45, cleaned off the driveway and the walks (and no...I didn't give a fuck if the noise from my snowblower bothered my neighbors)...and was here by 7:15.

Speaking of fucking pussies....My 'Parts Guy' is quitting and going on 'Disability'. Talk about one guy who has never heard the word 'motivated'. Whenever I ask him 'why?' something isn't done, I get "I just haven't had time". Motherfucker....actually, him quitting saves me from firing his slackin-ass. I had 'the talk' with him back in November. Told him he needed to 'step-it-up'. He did...for about a month. I knew something was up when he handed in his Vacation Request form the beginning of this month and he had 2 weeks scheduled for this month. This week is one of those weeks. I asked him last Friday to give me something in writing saying he was quitting. Told him to put it on my desk. I left early Friday and when I came in over the weekend I found.....Nothing. I'm really hoping he has changed his mind for I have 2 interviews scheduled this week. I would love to tell him 'Sorry....I already hired your replacement'. Fuck him and his lazy, fat, extremely ugly wife.

Elle seems to be quite 'smitten' with NNG. BUT.....I've been down this road before. Elle's attention span w/ her new 'beaus' are kinda like mine when a stranger tries to strike up a conversation....ok at first, but then....................... Hey....I'm just sayin ;) Still 'heart me' honey? ;)
Uh...does he read MY posts too?

Got a new 'follower'...I have no idea how this happened unless she clicked the wrong button or sumthin. Anyhow, please welcome Trisha @ http://www.blogger.com/profile/06761528772147097086
Visit her page. You'll laugh your ass off at her opening sentence of her latest post ;)

BTW....wtf is up w/ "YO Adrienne?" I imagine she's tired of us. Should I remove her from my page? Funny...said she 'was back' and then totally disappeared. Vote?

Thats all I got for now. If I need to add anything, I'll 'update'.

I know...still didn't get that fuckin 'linky' thing to work and believe me, I tried. I don't know what the fuckin problem is....unless....I'm just fuckin stupid..... Oh well.....

Alright Already....I'll Play Along

2009-01-21T14:46:00.002-06:00

Thanks to 'The Girl' (sorry...I'm not linking here because EVERYONE that reads this knows who 'The Girl' is ;) I feel kinda obligated to play along with 'her' game, so.............

1. Quirk - when I am really mad my jaw sets tight and my eyes have that 'Eastwood' look (especially in Dirty Harry). I also start breathing a little fast.

2. Non-Important Thing: I love chicken gizzards.

3. Quirk - I can't stand morons. Period.

4. Non-Important Thing - I keep my desk a fuckin mess...crap stacked everywhere BUT...I know where everything is and I don't bother to try and 'put on a show' by cleaning it up...even if I'm having visitors. Thats what I do....deal with it or get the fuck out.

5. Non-Important Thing - Socks..I'm pretty damn finicky when it comes to them. I will only wear Gold Toes, no other....even those I wear with my tennis shoes...and, other than the white ones, I don't care for solid colors.

6. Quirk - I don't speak in the morning...for like an hour. You can walk right by me and its like I didn't see you. Don't try to talk to me either because you'll get, at the most, a grunt. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Duck Trip Redux (Part 2)

2009-01-20T09:50:00.009-06:00

As you may recall, I was told that the 'cabin' where we were staying had no TV. Don't know about you, but if I am told this, I pretty well conjure up images of of one those shacks at the beginning of 'Deliverance'.

Well, as I pull into this place, totally enclosed by a 7' high cedar fence, I am in pretty much in shock. The 'cabin' must be 4000 square feet..maybe bigger. Out front sits 3 'duck-boats' on trailers and 3 4-wheelers, also on trailers.

I go to the door and am greeted by the owner, 'John'. Now, I don't know this guy from Adam and my buddy, who has set this up, isn't here yet. Feeling a little awkward I apologize to him for showing up early. "Thats nonsense...I'll help ya bring in your stuff. Its 1st come 1st serve so you pick any room or bed ya want".

We get all my shit unloaded and 'John' tells me make myself at home...."walk around, take a tour". I do, and this fuckin place is unbelievable. More fuckin bedrooms than I could count. This place sleeps.........................28! Has a kitchen with double ovens, 3 refrigerators, a freezer, a stand-alone icemaker, big screen TV with satellite and a liquor shelf that would put most bars to shame. I am in fucking 'hunter heaven' :) Plus, it has a 'mud room' thats probably 25'x15' with every kind of imagineable hunting gear known to man.........in multiples. Outside was a deck that overlooked the river. When I say deck, I mean a structure that had to be 50' long and 40' wide. Afuckingamazing! I was getting a 'man crush' on this guy ;)

After a hour or so, most everyone had showed up. We threw on, maybe 20 pounds, of ribeyes on the grill (this guy has 4 of them)...and 2 of them have trailer hitches on them. We eat dinner and decide to play some poker. It wasn't the nickel-dime shit I had been told, but a real, true-to-life poker game.

Everything was perfect until.......................one of 'Johns' buddies showed up...with his 'I look like a hooker' girlfriend. Now, she was HOT....BUT...here we are in the middle of bumfuck Arkansas, and this gal is wearing designer jeans, very low-cut top with HUGE boobs...and, no shit, camo fuckin heels with zippers on the side. Gimme a fuckin break! And...she liked to do 'shots' of Crown Royal.....many, many shots...and she wanted to play poker...sigh.

This gal fancied herself the female version of 'Amarillo Slim'...'cept she sucked, which is normally a good thing when your trying to win money but when she lost she started that "you're a lucky motherfucker, fuck this, fuck you, etc etc etc". Her boyfriend kept trying to get her to shut the fuck up, but she was having none of that. Finally, I said 'fuck it' and went on to bed, not only because I was 'mildly' irritated but it was 11:00 PM and we we're gettin up at 4:00 AM.

Got up at 4:00 and it was a brisk 16 degrees. Ate breakfast, put on my 125# of clothes and off we went. Turns out we had to get in john-boats and travel upstream for an hour. Lemme tell you, if you think 16 degrees is cold, try it sittin in the front of a fuckin boat with water spraying all over you. At one point I thought my coat had snagged on something because I couldn't lift my arm. Nope...my sleeve was frozen to the fuckin side of the boat. By the time we got to 'the spot', my facemask was solid ice. Boy.....I'm having fun now!

We unload all our shit from the boat and its still pitch black out. Actually, I was enjoying myself. I guess it was the 'anticipation' thing. About 6:30 you could finally see well enough to shoot.....and shoot we did. Fuckin ducks were everywhere and just when you thought it was slowing down, another flock would come haulin ass through. We finally called it a day around 10:30 and everyone pretty much had their legal limit of ducks.

We repeated this scenario for the next couple of days, only varying the places we'd hunt. The guys I met were the nicest people you'd ever come across. They didn't want me driving my truck cuz 'it would get dirty', so they'd tell me to take one of the pick-ups (keys were in it). One place in particular we were hunting required standing in water up to your knees. So they made sure I wore a pair of their neoprene insulated waders...just shit like that. Whatever they had, was yours.

I've been hunting for years and this trip has to be right there at the top of my favorites.

When I left the owner said "Mark your calendar, we'll do it again next year". Lets see, January 14th falls on a Thursday again next year :)

Duck Trip Redux (Part 1)

2009-01-19T13:52:00.007-06:00

I'm back and honestly, I pretty much had the time of my life, well hunting trip wise ;)

Left Thursday morning on the coldest day of the year, Zero fuckin degrees. No hunting was planned on this day, it was a day for travel. Took 6 hours to get there and my new GPS came in very handy.....money well spent ;) Especially when driving those backroads of Arkansas.

About an hour from my destination I figured I'd better stop and eat, so I found a little place in the middle of fuckin nowhere, called 'Ralphs'. Hmmm.....I'm guessin 'Ralph' has since moved on because the guy behind the counter had a handwritten name tag on that said "PTAH" and he acted like he owned the place. The 1st thing I noticed when I walked in was it was COLD..not 'a little chilly' but downright fuckin freezin. I know it was 12 degrees outside but it didn't feel that much warmer in this place. I started towards a table and "PTAH" motioned that I had to go to the 'window' to place my order. Okay...no big deal....so I step up to the 'window' by the kitchen. This girl comes up and she's wearin a huge fuckin coat and has on a stocking cap. Our 'encounter' goes like this:

SCGirl: Hep ya?
Me: Do you have a menu?
SCGirl: Its on the sign above
Me: Yeah, I see that but theres so many letters missing I can't tell what you have
SCGirl: Whaddaya wantin?
Me: (Knowing this was going all to hell) Uh...I'll just take an egg sandwich with a side of sausage (those letters were still intact)
SCGirl: Sumpin to drink?
Me: Yeah...some hot coffee would be good
SCGirl: Uh...then I'd have to make it
Me: (WTF...this is a fuckin place to eat and isn't that your fuckin job?) Uh..ok....nevermind
SCGirl: Hava seat....I'll bring it to ya

I figured I'd use the bathroom so I walked towards the handwritten sign (on a piece of cardboard) that said 'John'. Yes, that's singular. In front of the 'John' were some slot machines and it appeared that 2 of Arkansas' finest examples of cliches were doin their best to get rich. Above them hung another handwritten sign, this one in orange cardboard, that read " No Smokin...you can thank your 'GOVONOR' for that new law". If my camera hadn't been packed in my bag I would have taken a picture and posted it here. No fuckin lie...thats exactly what it said.

I finish up in the 'John' (careful not to touch anything that wasn't me) and head towards a table...that is a table that doesn't have half-empty glasses, stacks of newspapers, or other assorted crap on them. I find one, by a window, and the fuckin wind was coming through it like I was outdoors. Fuck it...I'll wait, eat and then get the fuck out. Out it does come..on a cheap-ass, thin paper plate (ya know...those that come in a 500 pack for $2) and a plastic fuckin fork that looks like its more of one of those teeny seafood forks than a regular size one. What the fuck??? Surprisingly, the egg sandwich was good and the 'side of sausage' had 2 slices the size of small pancakes...and those were pretty damn good too. I gobble all that down (cuz I'm fuckin freezin to death) and go up to "PTAH" to pay. "$2.50" he says. Fuck...bargains...I love 'em ;)

Head down the road and see a gas station and hoped like hell they had coffee. Pull in and start to get out when I hear yelling. I look over and see two guys, both 'bout 30, telling each other how they was 'gonna fuck you up'. Hmmm....they both looked they could be 'packin' so I figured I just watch a bit instead of hopping out and getting caught in the crossfire of two inbred idiots. I listened and watched and learned that one of the 'combatants' name was 'T-Bob' and the other's was.............'See-Saw'. You cannot make this shit up. Both of them looked liked they weighed maybe 150 pounds....together! Both had those fucked up lookin mullet hairdo's. Turns out, 'See-Saw' was accusing 'T-Bob' of stealing evidently one of his most prized possessions....his 'Stanley Ratchet Wrench'...and they were both ready to fight about it in the middle of a gas station parking lot in freezing fucking weather....that is until 'See-Saw's' wife/girlfriend/sister got out of their truck..all what looked like to be every bit of 275 pounds of her. This was 'Donna'...and 'Donna' was pissed. I guess when 'Donna' is pissed, 'See-Saw' don't fuck with her.....at all. She yelled at both of them 'Stupid assholes' seemed to be her favorite phrase, then turned and directed her wrath solely on poor fuckin 'See-Saw'. "Get your fuckin skinny-ass back in the truck..NOW. Did you fuckin hear me??? I said NOW". 'See-Saw' wasn't as fucking dumb as I had thought, for he did a 180 and got right in the truck. 'T-Bob' wasn't sayin much either and when 'Donna' told him to get his ass back in the truck and 'git', he did as well. Gotta admit, I was impressed with Donna's ability to handle a situation :) So, I got out, got my coffee and headed to the 'Duck Cabin'. I get there, pull up and what do I see?.......................(Continued in 'Part 2' ;)

Duck Trip Preparation - Updated

2009-01-12T10:29:00.003-06:00

(Updated Part) I just found out the following: As anyone with a TV knows, there's a HUGE Arctic blast rolling into the U.S. I wasn't all that concerned that it would have that much of an impact on my trip, cuz afterall, as I was told, we'd be hunting out of HEATED DUCK BLINDS. uh...key words there are 'was told'. Found out this morning that the ducks are now concentrating in the flooded timber and flooded rice fields....so, what that means is this: Heated Duck Blinds are probably out and now standing in water (frozen?) wearing FUCKING WADERS will be the 'Hunt Dujour'..........Oh Fuck Me!

I know some you thought I went this weekend, but I'm leaving this Thursday morning. To recap, this was a 'free' trip, except for my gas to get there.

Here is the amount, so far, for this 'no-cost' excursion:

Gun: $550.00
Shells: $ 38.00
Permits: $ 90.00
GPS: $ 250.00

Subtotal: $928.00

Figure another $200 for 'incidentals' and this 'free-of-charge' deal is hitting me for over $1100.00! Yeah....I'm a fucking genuis...

Went to see 'Gran Torino' Saturday night...don't worry, I'm not gonna fuck it up for anyone. 'The Girl'....I sent you an e-mail, as requested, regarding this movie (uh....I don't say 'Film')

If y'all recall, an employee who was on vacation last week, whom I was soooooooooo fuckin pissed at, (I know....the preposition thing ;) came in this morning and told me he's planning on going on Permanent Disability in 6-8 weeks. Other than the hassle of finding someone, I consider this a good thing (for me and the company)....plus I won't have to pay Unemployment for firing his lazy ass.

Didn't do much over the weekend 'cept for the movie thing. Did go through a car wash yesterday, got home and noticed my front license plate cover had been ripped away leaving my license plate bent almost in half. WTF??? No use going back and bitchin cuz ya know they have that sign that says 'Not Responsible etc etc etc'....oh well. Just bent it back and threw in a couple of big-ass screws. Fuck...who says I'm not 'handy' ;)

Go ahead....piss me off some more

2009-01-09T14:43:00.003-06:00

Kinda in a 'blog' fog here....Actually, kinda in a fuckin fog overall....maybe because I'm in a real shitty mood.

Not sure why but I'm ready to bite the head off of anyone that asks me anything....especially if it's a stupid fuckin question....which today seems to be the norm. Fuckin employee's.....just do your motherfuckin job and quit whining or making excuses, or even worse......givin me that 'dumb as fuckin dirt' look when I ask you somethin..man....am I in a bad fucking mood.

Got one guy on vacation and he should thank his lucky fuckin stars he's not here today.....I woulda fired him...or more accurately, he woulda fired himself because of the shit he didn't get done before he went on vacation. He had better pray that I'm in a better mood come Monday....doubtful tho.

Arrgghh.....one of my salesman just came in my office (I'm sure he regrets that brilliant decision). Don't they fuckin know by now that they had better have their fuckin 'ducks in a row' before they ask me about something....instead of replying back to me "I don't know....I'm not sure". He left when I said "I'm tired of having to dot all your t's and cross all your i's". Fuck him...as I said, I'm not in the mood.

Guy at the bar pissed me off today too. For some fuckin reason this moron thinks I know about old coins and shit....wtf? Today he asks me "Efen.....when did they stop making 'wheat pennies'? I tell him I dunno. He asks again. I tell him I dunno again. He then starts giving years to choose from. Finally....I say "I told you I don't know and more to the point, I don't give a fuck...geezus...leave me the fuck alone".

Got quite a few funny looks from the regulars there because normally I have more patience with this idiot....but not today...fuck him and them too.

Not real fuckin excited about this duck huntin thing either. Weather doesn't look too bad...high in the low 40's, low's in the high 20's. Fuck....thats better than the fuckin forecast here next week. But...I just have a feelin this thing is going to be about as organized as a fuckin 'goat rope'. I find out last week that this 'lodge' doesn't have TV's....wtf is up with that? Guy tells me we can pass the time playing poker...which sounded real good to me until he says "Ya know....nickle, dime, fifteen" WHAT?????? Oh fuck....playin poker with your grandma...Fuck that....I'm bringing a book and I'm bringing a TV....

Oh....so I go out a buy a GPS cuz I've been fuckin lost before and vowed this wasn't happening again. So, I go to put in the town in Arkansas where I'm going....up pops 'City Not Found'...fuck me running (ty J-Fab)..just spent $250 for this fuckin thing (after doing much research) and now what..it can't get me there??? So now I read 'the book'...says somethin about if you can't find shit that you put in the latitude and longitude..so I google the town, find that nerd shit and put it it...okay....I guess I can find it now, well at least get me close....if not, well that ain't good cuz I have a new gun, ya know ;)

Happy New Year............I hope

2009-01-05T14:45:00.003-06:00

Sorry but I took a little 'blog' hiatus. Not so much anything to do with being too busy, more like I was trying to get my overall psyche 're-charged'. And....in case you were wondering....didn't fuckin work.

My PLAN was to take off December 31st until today (January 5th). Well, that worked until 5:00 PM New Years Eve...when a customer called saying he needed a service guy sent out ASAP, since his maintenance guy had worked on his machine and fucked it up. I told him 'No' and explained to him that I couldn't fuck with their night's plans. He was Ok with that especially when I told him if he could get me the part number of the thing that was fucked up, I would go into the office 1st thing on New Years Day and make sure we had the part.....since he didn't have to be up and running until 5:00 PM New Years Day, plus his guy could install it. He liked that.........but then he asked 'just what time could he expect a call from me the next morning'? Okay...this pissed me off some so I said....."7:00 AM" He hemmed and hawed...then I said 'would 6:00 AM be better?" No, no!!!...7:00 is fine! You see, what I didn't tell him was that I could check our inventory from my home computer.....better off him thinking I had to get up and drive into the office.

Did go out New Years but didn't hardly drink and was home early. Checked the inventory before I went to bed and FUCK....didn't have what he needed at work but one of my service guys had one on his truck....but he lives an hour from the office. I call Customer at 7:00 (woke his ass up) tell him the above, and that I was going to drive and meet my service guy 1/2 way (30 minutes for me)......and then bring the part to him (another 40 minutes). He loved it............I mean, fucking seriously, where are you going to get that kind of service on New Years Fuckin Day??? I hope all this means sumthin to the guy down the road when he goes to buy new equipment...probably not.

Ended up going in the office on Friday and Saturday too.....not long, only a couple of hours each day, but still....

Yesterday, My Mother calls me and tells me that my Dad has lost 12 pounds since Fall!
I hadn't thought he looked like he felt good but everytime I'd ask he'd say he was 'Ok' 'cept his arthritis was bothering him in his shoulders and hip. "That damn medicine they gave me didn't do much" he'd say. I kept trying to get him to get a cortisone shot.....told him the President just got one a few weeks back. I get "yeah....I'll probably do that". Fuck....I knew what that meant.

So, now with what my Mother told me, I am worried sick.....my mind running through all the worst-case scenarios and I've convinced myself he's thinking along the same lines as I am....plus I'm scared that he's scared. Going to call him and tell him if he makes an appointment, I'll go with him, but I have to word this plan very carefully or he will get real stubborn about it. I know part of this is because of my Mother's health and he thinks that he has to be there with her practically every damn minute. I love my Mother....but she thinks the world should wait on her now that she's 'frail'. I could go on and on here......................but I won't.

I'm not even going to call my sister because....well, fuckin why? She came up after Christmas, stayed a whopping 3 days and according to my Mother...it was like Florence Fucking Nightengale and Paula Fuckin Deen had been there...WTF? Oh...(now I'm on a roll)....when I tried to get her to bring at least ONE of her 3 kids, she told me 'they had some unexpected expenses' and she'd be coming alone. THEN...while she was here, I happen to be talking to her husband and he tells me he's taking my nephew to the airport...he's on his way to Chicago...to see my brother-in-law's family! I was sooooooooooooooooooo motherfuckin pissed at my sister...still am as far as that goes..ok...better stop now.

My 'No Cost' Hunting Trip

2008-12-30T14:26:00.007-06:00

As some of you may know, I hunt from time to time. Deer, turkey, dove, quail, squirrel, rabbit and even feral (wild) hogs a couple of times.....nothing too exotic and nothing that involves more than a 3 hour drive.

Well, that is about to change (the driving part). I have never done the waterfowl thing, ducks or geese. I always figured that whenever the weather is the worst and the hunting is the best, then I wanted no fucking part of it.

But...I got a phone call about a month back from one of our Factory Rep's. Since evidently we had done quite well for him and his company this year, he called inviting me to go on duck hunting deal with him and 3 other guys. Told me that it wouldn't cost me a thing 'cept the gas to get there. He had it all set up at some 'duck lodge' in NE Arkansas, guides and dogs, and best of all, heated fucking duck blinds ;)

Now I know pretty much about the stuff I normally hunt but I have no fucking clue about ducks. I mean I know a fuckin duck when I see it but I don't have a fucking clue as to what kind it is....and it seems like this is a fairly important part of it.

(I'm sure I'll lose 95% of my readers from this point forward;) So I start reading up on 'FAQ' about ducks, the recommended guns, the shot size, ya know, the general 'how to' shit. I did know that back in the '80's the guvment made it a law that you had to shoot steel shot instead of lead. I also knew that I couldn't shoot steel out of my present shotgun as it would damage the barrel...and aint no fuckin way was I going to do that.

I have quite a few good friends who hunt so I ask them if they had a 'duck gun' I could borrow. No luck as none of them duck hunt either. So I figure the most cost-effective method would be just to buy a new barrel for my shotgun. I do some checking and see that this will set me back about $250. Not thrilled but figured, wtf?

I drive out to Cabelas in the pouring fuckin rain this past Saturday. Big fucking mistake....place is as crowded as your everyday NASCAR event. FUCK.......forgot about all the Christmas Cabelas gift cards as well as all the fucking 'returns'. Plus, it took me an hour to get there in the monsoons we were having so there was no way I was turning around. Make my way through the mass at the 'gun counter' and take a number (WTF...is this a bakery or sumthin?)....my number was 98...and they only go to 100 and then they start over. I look up at the 'Number Now Served' counter and its at 72...fuck me and fuck this duck shit. But..I figured I just wander around in this behemoth of an Outdoorsman wet dream and kill the time. Gotta admit, got some very cool shit in there, especially if you just won the state fucking lottery or sumthin...kinda pricey I thought.

Finally I wander back and their on # 95. Perfect! A couple of minutes pass and they call my number. I approach the guy (hoping like hell he did know his shit) and tell him I want to buy a new shotgun barrel that will shoot steel. This guy is good....real fucking good. Starts out with "Now I don't want to say anything that may make you spend more money but...." 1st we talk the price of the barrel which I already knew. Then he asked me the age of my shotgun...I tell him about 30 years. he then compliments me on the gun and says 'You probably should take it to a gunsmith and have them put in new springs, O-rings, etc etc before you go, if its that old....that'll cost you between $75-$100..but well worth it'. Hmmmmmm......have to agree with him on that. I would hate to drive 5 hours only to have my gun fuck up.

He then says...'you know, when its all said and done you're going to have spent close to $350 for a barrel. That's quite a bit.....for just a barrel. Hmmmm....gotta admit he had a point there too. So, being a person of my own mind, I ask him how much a new shotgun, one that will shoot steel, would cost. He hands me over the latest model of the model I own.....oooooooo...started to sweat a little. 'Go ahead....sight it like you would pulling the trigger'. Oh mannn....it was so very orgasmic-like. I then ask...."how much?" It was like finding out the cute girl staring at you was an $800 hooker....which coincidentally was the price. "Nope....I aint spending that kind of fuckin money for sumthin, which who knows, may be a 1 time deal". He gives me that 'understanding' nod.....fuck, I felt like I let him down or something.

Not wanting to appear unappreciative of his advice, I ask him what else does he have. He brings out another.....looked pretty nice, not the manufacturer I preferred, but still looked impressive. Uh.....how much? "$550........and thats the last one we have". Shit.....the last fucking one.

Well fuck....I know what y'all are thinking cuz I'm thinking the same damn thing. BUT....I mean, $350 for a fucking barrel? How much sense would that have made???

(Updated..you gotta read a post on here!)HooFuckinRay!!!!!!

2008-12-28T09:04:00.007-06:00

I made it!!! Sheesh....and here I thought all these 'Internet Tests' were bullshit or sumthin. Now I know its the real deal............and a big thanks to 'the girl' http://www.clarkiegirl73.blogspot.com/ for making this available! My parents would be so proud!!

Movie Reviews

BTW: How do you do that fancy shit that 'the girl' and Elle do when they just put in a name that links you a particular bloggers page instead of that whole 'URL' thingy?

Merry Christmas.....and my Christmas Wishes

2008-12-24T08:23:00.003-06:00

First of all, Merry Christmas to all of my very good 'blogger' friends! When Elle 'persuaded' me to join in, I had no idea where it would lead.

Would it be only Elle reading....and then would she tire of me and quit visiting...would I turn people off with my 'colorful' language? These are all questions I had.

Much to my surprise, I found not only did I like posting my normal day-to-day bullshit, but some of you actually seemed to enjoy it. And...for this I thank you all!

It doesn't surprise me of the value I have found in people I have never met. Those with common interests (and some not so 'common' ;) seem to have a natural draw to one another...DUH :)

Anyhow...the following are some of the things I have been thankful for on here, as well as my wishes, (and in no particular order, except for the last one ;)

the girl: A girl after my own heart ;)
I wish the best for you in 2009. I know things have been difficult and I know we all wish there were things we could do to provide help and support. Just know that we do care and if there is anything you ever need, please ask. Love you!

J-Fab: Everytime I read one of your posts I ROFLMAOTPCOMN!!! Your use of the 'F' word..well...I bow in your presence :) Plus...being Elle's cousin makes you 'double-hot' ;) My wish is that your husbands ex finally gets her miserable fuckin life together which in turn, will make yours easier :)

Ron: Your imagination is second to none. Sometimes I read and think 'How in the fuck is he able to come with that shit?' :) Hang in there buddy, most of time the good stuff happens when its the least expected and you're not even looking for it....and I know that wish for you will come true :)

ETW: Ya know...I'll just be reading one of your posts where everythings all normal and then 'WHAM' you drop something unexpected and I'm like "Whoa....I can't believe she said (or admitted to) that! LOL.... My wish is that you remain as happy as you show in almost every one of your posts!

Texas Gator Gal: 1st, let me apologize for being a 'bad influence'...but, it makes it all the funnier when 'those' words come out of your mouth ;) You have the lovliest children I have ever seen :) My wish for you is that the Gators beat Oklahoma in January :)

Kitchen: You certainly raise the collective 'class' of everyone ;) You make me wonder what does one (like myself ;) have to do to get invited to one of those swanky 'black-tie' affairs that you go to? My wish is that you remain on everyone's 'A' list...I'm sure you raise their 'collective' class as well :) Plus...You have great looking kids!!

Bucky: What can I say....pretty sure we're out of the 'same mold'. Your posts make me LMAO...thinking..."fuck..I wish I had said that" :) My wish is that you never run out of things to say that make us all ROFL ;)

Suzie: Being 'the girls' kid sister is pretty evident at times.....you both pretty well say whats on your mind...and we all LOVE that ;) My wish is that you continue looking forward....looking back just isn't any good...for anyone of us!

YO Adrienne: Not having a thing to do with that 'shirt picture' (LOLOL)...we all really enjoy looking at your post. You're very funny, especially when lifes little frustrations gets to you in the same manner as they do to all of us ;) One wish is that school gets a little less consuming and you 'Ace' everything! :) But...my biggest wish is that your little boy gets all well. Out thoughts, prayers, and good wishes are all with him :)

Finally....last but certainly not least.......Elle: Elle and I go waaaaaaaaaay back...years. Over this time we have shared quite abit with each other (Elle...relax, I aint spillin nuthin ;) Very simply......I love her, dearly. If its possible that a girl and a guy share a brain, then we do ;) I used to be amazed on how much we thought alike, but no more. It's pretty much a given. I could go on and on but frankly, I've already showed more of my 'sentimental' side than I care to do ;) My wish for Elle....just keep being the way you are. Thats pretty much perfect :)

(updated) I Love This.....My 'Gift' to Y'all

2008-12-18T08:56:00.004-06:00

Updated: I added another vid for your viewing pleasure ;)

These guys are really talented. I don't normally do 'acapella' but I liked it so much I just 'happened to find' their Christmas Album (Holiday Spirits) on Vuze and it just 'magically' appeared on my computer ;) Oh....almost forgot..name of the group is 'Straight..No Chaser'.

Enjoy this video..

Not a Christmas one...but still good.

Yeah...the Season of Joy and Goodwill

2008-12-15T10:17:00.006-06:00

I'm pissed.....ok, I realize thats not a shocker or anything, but regardless, I am.

I have Season Tickets to one of the most futile football teams in America, the fuckin Rams. Yeah, they blow, big-time. Anyhow, since there was no fuckin way I was going to the game yesterday and watch them suck, I thought I'd put them on Craigslist.

Now, I'm realistic and I wasn't going to try to recoup their face value ($74.00 per) because I knew no fuckin way that would happen, so I put the four of them on there at $25 each. Seemed fair. How many sporting events can you go to for that price....even if they do suck?

I get only 3 responses. One from a guy who said he'd give me $60 total. One from a guy who said he pay the $100 if they were still available, and another from a gal who said she'd do the $100 as well.

I tell '$60' guy, no thanks. I tell the '$100' guy, yes there available. I then tell the '$100' gal that someone had replied before she did and that I had to go with the first person who replied.

She e-mails me back...practically begging..telling me how much that would mean to her daughter who just LOVES the Rams (wtf?) and that how they couldn't afford to go any games because of the normal prices.

Hmmmm.....so, I think about that. The '$100' guy hadn't got back to me yet for any kind of finalization, plus his e-mail address had 'StarTrekker' in it which I found slightly fucked up, so I e-mail the girl telling her she could have them and e-mailed 'StarTrekker' that they were already sold.

She goes all 'thank you, thank you, etc etc etc' and frankly, I felt good about it. So good in fact, that when the time came to meet and exchange tickets for money, I was going to tell her I'd take $75.00 instead.

Turns out she lives about 70 miles from me but was coming into town early Saturday morning because of her daughters basketball game. We agreed to meet close to my house as it was on her way, at 7:45 AM.

As I require with any Craigslist transaction, I get a cell number and give them mine as well, just in case.

Saturday morning, about 6:00 AM my cell phone 'text message' alert starts beeping. WTF???? I check it and its 'AMY', the ticket buyer. She tells me that her daughters basketball game start-time had been changed at the last minute and she was already on her way to the site of the game. She didn't have time to stop today but she would call me 'later' so we could meet Sunday morning.

Yes, my fuckin 'alarms' did start going off in my head....BUT...if she changed her mind about buying the tickets, she would just tell me, wouldn't she?....afterall, she was sooooooooooooo fuckin excited about getting them.

Saturday night about 9:00 PM, I hadn't heard from her, so I called and get her fuckin voicemail. Now, I'm starting to get pissed...what the fuck?? I leave a message, a little 'terse' but not 'over the line'. I tell her to call me by 8:00 AM Sunday morning.

8:00 AM comes and goes and now I'm sure this fuckin bitch has screwed me over. I wait til 9:00 then I text her: "Are you going to pick-up the tickets?

She replies: "No, sorry".

WTF???? Thats it...no sorry ass excuse or nuthin. Didn't even have the fuckin decency to call me...just fuckin blew it off like no big fuckin deal!

I have now gone from '0 to 60' in a fuckin flash. I call the bitch...she won't fuckin answer. I then send her the following text;

"Thanks for letting me know 3 hours before the game. That was so thoughtful and considerate! So what that I had other offers that I turned down because of your sob story....just knowing that the thought of the tickets made you happy is enough for me. BTW...if I ever get the chance to screw you over on future tickets, believe me, I will and ya know what, you won't even see it coming. Merry Christmas and I hope the gas company turns off your service in your double-wide for lack of payment, right smack dab in the middle of winter".

Fuckin people......and yes, I do hope they shut off her heat...fuck her and her family...Efen does not like to be fucked over................even in the least little bit.

Efen and The Kid From Brooklyn

2008-12-08T16:18:00.003-06:00

Here's a guy whom I'm pretty sure I am destined to become (some of you will say I am already there ;) If you've ever been to Starbucks...you don't want to miss this :)

He has an opinion on basically everyfuckinthing......and he has my admiration.

For more, just go to http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/ As you can tell by this video, he and I speak the same 'language' ;)

Either you like him or you don't..........................I'm sure he'd have an opinion on that as well ;)

Oh....if you have kids around, you may want to turn down your speakers..this was an Efen 'PSA'

Anybody want to buy a company?

2008-12-04T09:00:00.005-06:00

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I could just get up and walk the fuck right outta here (well...sometimes I do but I always come back).

Spent most of this week dealing with bullshit stuff...stuff that should have never occured to begin with.

Monday, I no sooner get to my desk when my 'Parts Guy' comes in and says 'Uh...I have this notice that keeps popping up on my computer sayin that Norton has found a virus but it can't do anything with it'.

FUCK.......so I go to his desk and try to fix the fuckin thing. Turns out, he had gone to some site that starting putting all kinds of pop-ups on his computer. So, to remedy that, he found some free 'pop-up' removal software online....and he fuckin downloaded it. Turns out, what he actually Dl'd was a fucking virus. And now...it was up to me to fix it.

I was pissed. The fucking rule is: NO ONE IS TO INSTALL ANY SOFTWARE UNLESS I OK FIRST!

I didn't bother to hide my aggravation one fucking bit. 'Genius' says to me "Why didn't Norton catch this..thats what we have it for". Ok, now I'm further pissed. I tell him Anti-Virus software only catches maybe 80% and thats if you keep it updated and thats if people are responsible enough not to DL shit they aren't sure of.

I run 4 different programs to try to get rid of it. Keep in mind each program has to scan the whole fuckin computer and some of these programs say to run them up to 8 times...which I did. Nothing...the fuckin thing I can't get rid of. Search online to find out while this particular virus is not really that harmful (more annoying than anything else) its a real bitch to get rid of. Fuckin great!

All the while, I'm doing plenty of loud 'sighing' just in case anyone didn't know just how fucking aggravated I was. Finally, after all fucking day, around 6:00 PM, I was able to get rid of it. And, while I was at it, I changed his fucking 'privleges' so he can't make any fucking changes or DL anything, unless I physically do it with a password.

Tuesday and Wednesday were tied up mainly with one fucking customer. Biggest fuckin whiner that we have. We quoted him some stuff in fucking JULY. Now, he wants to buy it but needs it in and running before the end of this month! I try to explain to him that this equipment normally takes 4 weeks to build and its doubtful, at best. He tells me to check. I do. I'm told if we enter the order today (Wednesday) the factory will get it out on December 19th. I call the fuck back and tell him.

He says "Ok..now we need to discuss the price" WTF????? I tell him it is what it is. We can't go lower. He says "I know there's end of year specials"

Me: Sorry...we don't have Black Friday deals nor do we have Cyber Monday deals...its a fair price.

Jackwad: C'mon...give me $800 off and I'll give you the order.

Me: Nope

Jackwad: Ok...how about $500?

Me: (Gettin real fuckin tired of this exchange) I'll give you $200...thats all I can do since there was a price increase in August and we didn't increase your price any.

Jackwad: Ok...I'll do it

Me: Alright...whats the PO#?

Jackwad: I'll call you tomorrow

Me: (Wanting to scream and say 'You stupid motherfucker') Tomorrow?? I told you we needed to enter the order today if you wanted it delivered before years end. So, do you want it or not?

Jackwad: Oh..one day won't make any difference. They want the business.

Me: Ya know, yes, they want the business but their last day of production is 12/19, then they don't re-open until January 2nd. You can either give me the order now or wait until January to receive your MUCH NEEDED equipment.....plus, in January there is a 4% price increase coming.

Jackwad: Hmmm....sounds like you don't want our business that much either

Me: Ok, I've done all you asked and I can't do anymore. Yes, a $40K order would be very nice this time of year but I can't work miracles. Take all the time you want and when you decide, I'll make a phone call. However it plays out is totally in your hands. Thanks for calling.

Jackwad: Uh...er....I need to check something with my accountant...I'll call you back tomorrow..1st thing.

That was it. Now this asswipe will call back today with the order, that I'm sure of. Another thing I'm sure of is there is no fucking way on earth he's going to get his stuff by the end of the year.

Not my fucking problem.......

Alright already....

2008-12-02T09:08:00.008-06:00

Sheesh, Elle can go missing for a week or so and then she's gets all 'clingy' when I go 'silent' for a couple of days ;) 'the girl' has every right to question though as she is extremely reliable regarding her 'posting commitments' ;)

I do apologize for my recent lack of communication.......nothing in particular, just a little busier than usual.

I'll do my best to recap here.

Thanksgiving was nice, boring but nice. My daughter, to my surprise, did ditch her other 'option' and showed up in time for TG dinner. Besides being extremely happy with that, she had to fulfill her 'granddaughter' obligations by listening to my Mother ask her every question under the sun regarding 1. School, 2. What boy she's currently seeing (what does he do? where did she meet him? where did he go to high school? has she met his parents? etc etc) 3. Why doesn't she eat more....'you're too thin'.

Me...I just listened and gave her my 'sly wink'. To her credit, she took it all in stride and answered the most of the questions, some I knew, 'semi-truthfully' ;)

Food was good except I think most people would have preferred to have the dressing served with dinner. Fuck.....I had the stove (new stove) timer set for the turkey. On timer setting 'auto', when the timer goes off, the stove does as well. I didn't know this fucking aspect so when I put my dressing in, the stove had turned itself off....and I didn't notice. When I realized this, 40 fuckin minutes later, I was obviously behind schedule. I first tried to blame somebody, anybody, for fuckin with the stove. Then....the timer function was pointed out to me ..well fuck, to my way of thinking that should have been pointed out BEFORE....not after! Oh well.....everything else was good and the dressing was served, albeit late.

My pies were good 'cept for some reason the Pecan was alittle runny...wtf??? Never had that happen before. It was eaten so I guess not too bad.

Since I don't do Black Friday, most stores were offering their sales online beginning TG day. There was a TV that I had been wanting for the bedroom and found it on sale at several stores but the only one that actually had it in stock of all places, was Sears. So, I order it online, so proud of myself for 'beating the game' and avoiding getting crushed to death by trailer-livin trash.

That was until Friday morning when I received an e-mail from them saying "We're sorry, but even tho we said we had it in stock, we fuckin lied to you but would like to offer you a few 'bait and switch' items instead for only a couple of hundred more. Please make your selection and we're fairly certain we have these in stock, but if not, we'll send you an e-mail telling you how we fucked with you again...thank you for doing business with us and affording us the opportunity to really fuck up your day...Sincerely, Sears.com"

I gave everyone Friday off but I came in to work and actually got a ton of things done. Phone rang twice in the 4 hours I was there. I enjoy coming into work the day after TG. Peaceful without gettin all obsessed as to why the phone isn't ringing.

I left work and went to find my TV somewhere. Surprisingly, by 1:00 PM the big crowds had thinned enough that it wasn't too bad. I found the TV (not in stock but they said they would have it in by Sunday). A girl at SV was looking for a Blu-Ray player as a Christmas gift for her husband. I found one there on sale, called her and ordered it too (again, not in until Sunday). The sales guy said I could either pay 10% down OR pay the whole thing up front. When I asked why would I want to pay in full for something I didn't have yet, he said "Because it will save you time when you pick it up". WTF???? When I said "Uh....what if for some reason you never get that TV or Blu-Ray in? How much fuckin hassle would that be for me"? Then he says "Ok...I guess you'd prefer the 10% down? Arrrgh....

Then I tell him to ring the items separately. This fuckin moron then says "Well, that will actually cost you more money down".

Me: How so...is it then not 10%?

FM: Yeah, its still 10% but that 10% will be figured separately.

Me: Ok....(gettin that exasperated tone) So, together, the total would be $943.00?

FM: Thats correct.

Me: Then my down payment would be $94.30?

FM: Thats right

Me: So, separately, the TV's down payment would be $75.00?

FM: Yes

Me: 10% down on the Blu-Ray would be $19.30?

FM: Yes

Me: What does THAT total up to?

FM: (using his calculator)....uh...er...ya know, thats also $94.30. Hmmm...whattaya know. Learn sumthin new everyday

'Learn sumthin new everyday?'....like what...3rd grade fuckin math??????

Picked up everything on Sunday and quite frankly, was very much surprised that the items arrived as I was told they would. Oh, I did have a 'situation' with a guy who butted in front of me at the 'Customer Pick-Up' dock.......but this post is long enough already ;)

Short Week Ahead..

2008-11-24T14:18:00.002-06:00

.....and frankly, it couldn't come more at a fuckin perfect time.

Remember my post about my customer goin all fuckin nuts on me? Well, since we ended up selling that equipment to the same company he was trying to sell to, I thought 'what the fuck', I'm gonna call our common customer to see exactly what the deal was, plus I know this guy alittle.

I call him, explain what had transpired between the Contractor and myself, and asked the guy if he had heard any feedback from the Contractor about what had happened. This guy went absolutely fuckin ballistic......on the Contractor.

His exact words: I'm so fuckin sick and tired of that company. Since they're a Union shop they think they can run roughshod over anyone who isn't. They come in here and act like they're above reproach and that they can do any fuckin thing they want. I NEVER told them to order the equipment, they just fucking assumed it was their job. I'll tell you one thing, we give them over $200,000 a year in business and that has just fucking ended!

Okay...I never thought this thing would snowball like it has. And...being the professional that I am and having the 'last word' in an argument seems petty...I wrote the fuckin Contractor a letter on Friday (he's a senior VP) and sent a copy to the President.

I detailed the language that he used with me, how offended I was by that type of language, how un-professional it was, that I would never use that language in a business conversation, etc etc . I also said that if he would have given me a chance to speak, I WAS going to say that I would do everything in my power to make sure they didn't get stuck with the equipment, that I would make this up to them with additional discounts....BUT since I didn't get the chance to say these things, I could only assume that he had no interest in whatever solution I could offer.

Fuck him...I kinda expected a phone call from this prick today but I was going to tell him right off that the conversation was being recorded (it wouldn't be) ...figure that would set him off even greater...hehe...some of these pricks are rookies when it comes to shit like this...me, I fuckin live for it ;)

I need a break, even if it's only a couple of days. Actually, tho we're closed on Friday too, I always come in on the Friday after TG, until about noon then its "Hasta la vista" baby. Phone doesn't ring much but if anyone needs anything, I can take care of them.

Then I run up to 'SV' for awhile, have a couple of Post-TG drinks (this always fucks them up because I normally will not drink during the day). Sparse crowd there usually because most of their customers are off work and won't be coming in for lunch. I prefer a more 'intimate' setting anyhow ;)

I don't do the fuckin 'Black Friday' deal. Tried it once, determined pretty quickly it sucked, vowed not to fuckin let it happen again............and it hasn't.

Went to the grocery yesterday and got all my TG stuff; Turkey (duh), cornmeal for the dressing, all my pie stuff (I make 3, pumpkin (which I can take or leave), pecan (talk about easy), and this year, instead of a lemon meringue (the last two have been alittle runny), I'm doin a coconut cream, with meringue, of course ;)

So, if I don't post anymore before Thursday, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

(sheesh....a whole post and didn't mention 'boobs' once.....it must be that Holiday spirit thing ;)

Is it just me?

2008-11-20T09:41:00.010-06:00

I don't normally get into much of my personal life (except when it involves me bitchin) on here because, frankly, I feel everyone has there own problems to deal with and the last thing they want is to read are things that kinda upset me............but, today I'm gonna break that rule cuz I am interested in any feedback that you would care to offer.

First, I'd like to say that I got the 'inspiration' for this post after reading Ron's page at http://www.warpedmindofron.com/ so, you can either blame him or thank him ;)

Okay....my parents are gettin up there in years and it's been pretty much my responsibility over the years to make sure they're doin ok. Thats fine, thats what a son should do because after all, they were there for me through 'thick and thin' (and a whole lotta 'thin ;) ...... I couldn't have asked for a better set of parents. They taught me so much about the importance of family as well being responsible and being accountable. These are traits that I have tried so hard to impart upon my daughter. I think I was pretty successful there.

Anyhow....I have a sister who lives in Florida, a thousand miles away. I see her, maybe, every couple of years. And, thats IF I go there. She and her kids, 3 of them, haven't been here in several years. No, she doesn't work so it isn't a problem getting away.

I used to bitch about this to my parents, but my Mother would always say "Well, she has 3 kids and they're so busy". My Dad wouldn't say much. Well, WTF? She isn't the only person in the world that has 3 kids and it isn't like they can't afford to jump on a fuckin plane. And now, her 'kids' ages are 16, 21, and 22!

My Mother's health hasn't been good for maybe 6 years now. My Dad, while in good health (thank god) isn't getting any younger and you never know what the 'next day' will bring. Recently, my Mother told me how much she's really wanting to go down and see my sister and her family....but frankly, she just isn't able.

A few years ago, my Mother went in for a routine gallbladder operation. 3 months later (long story) she left the hospital, with 8 weeks of that being in ICU. The doctors basically said she wasn't going to make it. I kept telling my Dad that my sister needed to be there but he was having none of that. I knew what he was thinking, if my Mother passed away, she would need that time to be there (cuz after all, she has 3 kids). My sister was ready to come up, all she was waiting for was word from me. Ok, I have a problem with that.....it shouldn't be left up to me when to tell her to come. Finally, when the prognosis wasn't getting any better, I did call her. She came and stayed a week. This did help my Dad (and me) for awhile, but fuck....a week? Me and my Dad were at the hospital practically every fucking day for 3 months.

My Mother did get better but since then hasn't been able to do all that much due to the complications that she suffered. She misses her daughter, she misses her grandkids....and even though my Dad doesn't let on, I know he does too.

A couple of weeks ago I sent my sister an e-mail telling her how much it would mean to my parents (like she didn't already fucking know) if she and the kids could come up, sometime, over the holidays. I didn't call her with this because I knew once I heard 'that tone' in her voice, I'd been all ' fuck it, don't put yourself out'.

A couple of days pass when I get her response: "I'll have to see, we've had some unexpected expenses and not sure of the kids schedules, blah blah blah, fuckin blah"

Fuck.......the 'kids' will all be out of school for Christmas Break, two of them as long as 4 weeks. And the 'expenses' thing....gimme a fuckin break. My brother-in-law (he and I are very close friends....even though I introduced them ;) makes a ton of fucking money, earns every freakin penny.... they are not hurting at all.

I'm not going to bring the subject up to her anymore. IF I have to explain to her how much it would mean to OUR parents, then fuck it..........she and the kids can stay home....oh, but she'll make the obligatory phone call Christmas Day to talk to everyone, tell them "Merry Christmas" and me listening to them tell her how much they appreciate her presents, that she 'shouldn't have' and all that crap that just starts my blood boiling.

So, am I outta line here for feeling 'slightly' resentful?

Ok, I'm done......I think I'm gonna go puke.

Yeah...piss me off

2008-11-19T10:05:00.004-06:00

Fuckin people! There are times I wish I was one of those mixed martial arts guys...kinda like a white Kimbo Slice. So big and so bad, that nobody, no time, will ever fuck with you. And if they are idiot enough to try it.....they soon realize the error of their misguided judgement.

As some of you may know, I own a industrial equipment company. Yeah, I realize this sounds all exciting and shit, but the downside is dealing with people who are, or can be, complete fucking jackoffs!

Case in point; We sold some equipment to a Mechanical Contractor here, one of the largest in our area. They ordered this equipment about a month ago. It was a 'special order' for us, something we never sell, much less keep in stock.

Yesterday we get a phone call from them, sayin they want to return it. They said we sold this exact equipment to the company they were selling it to and since their customer decided to buy from us, they didn't need it.

Ok, there's a couple of problems here. First, who the fuck orders any equipment BEFORE they get a Purchase Order from the customer? Do you just buy shit 'hoping' you're going to get an order? The answer to that is a resounding 'Fuck No'! This is 'Basic Business 101'.

The second problem is that the manufacturer we bought from won't take it back as it was a 'special build' for them. I don't blame them, they take the shit back only to have it it in their inventory forfuckingever. Yeah, in these economic times, just what you want, inventory that you won't sell as well as useless inventory you have to pay taxes on.

My inside sales guy explains this to the Contractor Girl yesterday. I heard him, he was very nice to her and explained it exactly as I would have. We're sorry about it, but what the fuck are we supposed to do? We can't let them return it, then we'd have this 'one-of-a-kind' thing here, already out the money we paid for it. Even with a 50% restocking charge (which they wouldn't agree to anyhow), we'd still be out alot of money.

This morning, the VP of this company calls me. He starts out all nice and shit. Telling me he was told to order it by his/our customer but when they went to install it they found it had already been replaced...........by us. So, he wants to return it since we "went around him and sold to the other company".

Ok, this is bullshit. we didn't go around any fuckin body and these fuckin Contractors are the biggest whores in the world. They'll work you to death having you do half of their fucking work, making the correct recommendations, supplying them with all kinds of blueprints, etc etc etc, then turn around and buy the shit from another company who hasn't done one fucking thing, because they were 5% cheaper!

I let his snide remark slide and tell him that we tried to return it but the manufacturer wouldn't take it back. Thats all I had time to say.....then this fuck went off on me.

Fuck: What the fuck you mean, you won't take it back? If you want a fuckin war with us you have no idea what the fuck you're getting into. Did you get a permit to install it?? I'm going to call the County right now and if you didn't get a permit I'll see to it that they fine your fucking ass off!

Me: Uh....can you calm down?

Fuck: Do you hear what the fuck I'm tellin you?

Me: (Starting to feel my blood pressure going through the roof on that one)

Me: If you'd calm down we could discuss it.

Fuck: Don't fuckin tell me what to do!

Me: I don't think we're going to get anywhere until you cool it down.

Fuck: -click-

Ok, that fuckin pissed me off more than anything. If you want me to go totally fuckin nuts, hang up on me. He did, and I was.

I thought about calling him right back but I knew it would only end up in a 'Fuck You' , 'No, Fuck You' kinda thing. I'm waaay too mature for that.............Ok, I'm not and honestly, I sorta live for shit like that, BUT....this company does spend alot of money with us and all it takes is for one jackoff in charge to put a stop to that.

I checked, we did sell to the other company but we haven't installed yet so this fuck doesn't have his ducks in a row. I'm pretty sure he's the one who gave the go-ahead to order the equipment and now he's trying to cover his ass. Frankly, if he would just own up to his fuck-up, I'd try to work something out, but I know thats not gonna happen.

My dilemma is what to do now? Stick to my guns and run a high risk of this guy making sure they don't do business with us any longer OR, take the shit back and eat all kinds of dollars?

Either way, I'm afraid I'm fucked.

Deer Hunt Recap

2008-11-17T10:29:00.009-06:00

I'm sure sooooooooooo many of you are wondering, "How did Efen's deer hunt go?"

As you may recall, the place I was going is only 30 minutes or so from my house...then maybe another 20 minute walk through the woods to my stand.

Let me give you a quick recap;

Alarm goes off at 4:00 AM. Get up, stumble to the kitchen for my coffee, only to discover I had reset the timer for 4:00 PM, not AM.............fuck me. While I'm standing there, trying to focus on those little fuckin coffee maker buttons, I hear a noise from the outside. Oh fuck me again....raining like a sonofabitch and its a whopping 35 degrees....plus windy as hell.

Okay, 'back in the day', I woulda said 'big fuckin deal' and just put my 'rain shit' on and off I'd go. Instead, I turn on the local weather and yep....it's raining...and cold...and wind up to speeds of 40 MPH...glad I got confirmation on that shit. Uh, this is no longer 'back in the day'...so I said 'fuck it', and went back to bed.

Slept another couple of hours, got up....weather still the same though the rain has slacked off quite a bit...gettin some sleet instead. I can handle sleet, it just bounces off of you, still don't care for the wind though.

Finally, about 10:00, the rain/sleet stops, the wind doesn't but wtf....it IS opening day and all. I had all my hunting shit in the truck so I was pretty much ready to go anyhow. I stop at a little diner close to where I'm going, to get my thermos filled with coffee. Fuckin place is packed with hunters who had already said 'Enough'. While waitin for the gal to get my coffee, I strike up a conversation with an older guy sittin at the counter. He asks me where I had been hunting and I tell him I haven't yet, just going out. He laughs and tells me I might as well pull up a stool and sit there all day cuz "there aint no use going out in this weather.....the wind is goin to hold 'em down all day".

Ya know, I knew he was probably right, especially on the 1st day of rain and wind...deer don't like that stuff, especially the wind cuz if they can't hear, they get real spooked. But, I told the guy I was going to try anyhow. He laughs, again (wtf buddy, it aint that funny), wishes me luck and out I go.

I get to where I can pull off to an old logging road. Put on all my cold weather shit (fuckin boots...why didn't I buy a new pair w/ 'speed lacers'?), get my gun, my 'thermo seat-cushion' and backpack and start my trek through the woods. My stand really isn't all that far into the woods but there's alot of thick brush plus I have to go down a steep fuckin draw then halfway up the other side. Finally I arrive. Climb up that fuckin stand (after tying my unloaded gun to a rope so I can pull it up) and settle in....I look at my watch....12:45...only 4 hours of hunting time left.

The thing about the wind is besides lowering the windchill 'bout 20 fuckin degrees, it makes you think you hearing shit walkin in the woods, with all the leaves rustling and small limbs breaking. So your head is pretty much doin that fuckin 'swivel' thing every 30 fuckin seconds.....cuz even though 'you know', you just can't take a chance by ignoring the sounds.

Fast forward 4 hours......I haven't seen one fucking thing, not even a fucking squirrel. Even the birds have said 'fuck it'. I climb down and my feet feel like blocks of ice. I can take the cold very well, 'cept for my feet. I don't care how many pairs of thermal socks I wear or how fuckin expensive my hunting boots are....my feet always freeze. But, I know as long as I have some feeling in them, frostbite is not a concern. I make my way back to my truck and back home I go.

Sunday, 4:00 AM. Get up, check weather...its good, a little colder, but hardly any wind and no rain. Have my coffee (at the correct time), dressed and out the door by 4:50.

Drive by yesterday's diner (which opens at 4:00 AM during Opening Day weekend)....only a couple of vehicles there. Park, use my flashlight to get thru the woods, up to my stand, check watch. It's almost 6:00. Fuckin perfect.

As lifeless as the woods were Saturday, Sunday was like Mardi Gras. By 9:30 I had seen 8 deer (either too small or does), a zillion squirrels, and 15-20 turkey (all in one group). Now, this was more fuckin like it.

I knew by all the distant gunshots that the deer were moving all over the place. About 11:00 I could hear something coming towards me and I knew it was a deer. It was, a good sized doe with her tail straight out. This was a good thing because it means the doe is 'ready' and there's a buck trailing her. Maybe 2-3 minutes goes by and I hear him. He's coming down the draw at a full trot...one thing and one thing only on his mind (geez......fuckin guys). The doe has stopped about 30 yards from me, looking back towards him....but at about the same eye level as me. FUCK....while he may not spot me, she certainly will if I move....or 'scent' me first. The buck comes in, maybe 60 yards out. He's pretty big, bigger than the one I posted a picture of. He's staying back in some brush, moving much slower. I can't get a clean shot so I'm waiting til he walks where there's an opening. He's getting closer, I can tell more by sound than actual sight tho I do catch bits and pieces of his rack. At least a 10 point. I slowly move my hand up to my gun's safety, 'click'. I'm ready now.......there's a narrow opening he's going to have to walk through..no more than 40 yards away now...here he come's..I can see him in the brush in my scope...Oh yeah...5 more yards..c'mon..come to Efen..."SNORT"...fuck..I knew it..the doe has either seen me shift in my stand or has 'scented' me...and she sounds her alarm and bolts right into the brush. The buck stops, turns, and takes off like a scalded cat, right back where he came from....all I can catch is a glimpse of his white 'flag' as he disappears. Me....I'm sittin there thinking WTF just happened?.

Oh well....thats part of it, which is what makes it so much fun for me. Actually, I had virtually the same scenario occur several years ago. I really don't care if I 'pull the trigger' or not. Hunting, to me, is about the things you get to see and experience, things that most people never get a chance to enjoy. I mean, how cool is it to be in the woods, watching all kinds of wildlife in their natural habitat? A few years ago I got to see a bobcat chase and catch a chipmunk and a hawk swoop down and grab a squirrel. These things are priceless to me.

I probably won't hunt anymore this season. I don't care. I already consider it a successful deer season :)

I'M NOT INEPT....I'm just stoopid

2008-11-13T16:28:00.003-06:00

Took my SUV into the the dealer Tuesday for a 're-call'. While I was there, I told them about some other problems I was having and could they fix them while they had it. "Sure"...was what the Service Manager told me. It'll be ready Thursday, he said.

When I asked for my 'loaner' vehicle, I got that 'I don't speak Portuguese' look. So, I repeated my question...s-l-o-w-l-y.

SM: You mean a rental?

Me: No...I don't mean that at all.

SM: Well, we don't give loaners. We do rentals.

Me: Yeah, I kinda figured out you rented cars.....but when I bought this that was the one thing I insisted on. That whenever I brought this vehicle in here, warranty, oil change, whatthefuckever, I got a loaner.....NOT a rental...and not just any loaner, but one as close to possible as my vehicle. (Startin to get a little pissed)

SM: Uh....SOOOOOOO...you're salesman set that up? And, just who was that?

Me: (WTF...is this guy like the Principle of the Car Dealer?) It was 'so and so'.

SM: Well, he's retired (Sayin it in that 'na nanna na na' fuckin voice)

Me: Okay....I'm not gonna argue this shit with you...call "Dave" (He owns the fuckin place and he always says in his commercials that if you have any problem 'Just call Dave').

SM: (Gettin red in the face) I'm not gonna do that...this is my department, my call.

Me: Listen...I don't have time for this bullshit. I'll go find him myself...I know where his office is.

SM: Sir...you'll have to move your vehicle first. I have other customers to wait on and you have the lane tied up.

Me: (walking away) The keys are in it. Be careful where you park it.

Oh man....did this piss the fucker off. I thought he was coming over his 'Service Throne'

SM: (loudly) SIR....MOVE YOUR TRUCK...NOW!

Me: (loudly as well cuz I didn't like him using 'NOW') LIKE I SAID...MOVE IT YOURSELF...AND DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE SECURITY CAMERAS WATCHING WHAT YOU DO!

And...away I went to find 'Dave', which didn't take long. Dave's office is huge...with probably 30 pictures of him and some local celeb, along with his numerous awards for who-the-fuck-knows...or cares. I knock even though his door is open.

Dave: (Being as sickly sweet as he is in those fuckin commercials) C'mon in, Buddy...what can I do for you? Have a seat...like sumthin to drink? (as he motioned towards his 60 fuckin cubic foot wood paneled built-in refigerator)

Me: No, no thanks........

So I proceed to tell him what had just occurred and how I wasn't very happy. He gets on his phone, calls the SM....listens, nods, says a few 'uh-huhs', and hangs up.

Dave: (chuckles alittle) Efen, well...you really got under his skin, didn't you?

Me: (not chuckling, even alittle) Dave (we're like family now, I guess)...I appreciate you have a business to run and I know how difficult dealing with customers can be. But, I want to tell you one thing. IF one of my employee's EVER spoke to a customer like that guy did to me, I'd fire his fuckin ass so fast he wouldn't know what happened. Like you, as you say in your commercials, I value my customers, doesn't matter if they're right or wrong, and it's because they're the ones that pay my bills.

Dave: You're right, Efen. Lemme call him. You go ahead back and it will be all straightened out by the time you're there. Uh..unless you'd just as soon we bring the loaner round front to you?

Me: Appreciate it, Dave ,but no, I don't have a problem going back there. I'm not worried about it....or scared (then I chuckle).

Dave chuckles too, we shake hands, and off I go. Get back to the SM desk and he's all apologetic and shit. I'm sure Dave told him how to act cuz I know he didn't fuckin mean a word of it.

Then he says....I'm not inept...but sometimes I can be a little stupid. Hmmm...not sure if those were his words or Daves. If they were his, them I am really fucking impressed.....because I would have bet a million dollars he didn't know the meaning of 'inept'.

Fuckin Leaves...and my weekend

2008-11-10T13:50:00.012-06:00

All in all, a fairly good weekend but the weather is turning to crap and the damn leaves are piling up....again, as I type.

Saturday morning, did my usual coffee and newspaper...inside though because of the temperature....and the freakin wind. Now, I know its not cold yet, 29 degrees Saturday morn, but fuck, last Saturday it was 74!

I sat there looking out the window....cussing every fuckin leaf that was on my yard. Oh, yeah...thats how I refer to them....."fuckin leaves". Every sentence I say when this topic comes up with any of my buddies, starts off with "Fuckin leaves......" As a matter of fact, they start theirs off the same way.

It's not like I don't try to stay on top of this shit...I've already done the fuckin things 3 times and it's extremely likely I'll have another 3-4 times before its all over with. I have a few trees, 7 of 'em....not as many as others, more than some..but most of them are over 80' fuckin high...and trees that large do produce a lot of fuckin leaves. I wouldn't mind it so if two of my lazy-ass fuckin no account neighbors would bother doing their own fuckin leaves...instead of lettin them sit there til they blow over into my yard. WTF?? Don't people have any sense of responsibility? Sheesh....can't even believe I asked that question....of course they fuckin don't.

So, I put my on my 'cold-weather shit' and go outside...geez...the fuckin wind was brutal. Didn't take all that long to get done, maybe 3 hours. I only 'bag' the front yard. The back, I just keep going over them, mulching, til they're gone....tempted the whole time to bag it all and then dump the shit in my neighbors drive.....but, they'd just fuckin blow back to mine anyhow.

Got that shit done and went to Best Buy. My Dad's remote quit working, well, it worked some, but half-ass. I told him I'd get him a 'Universal' remote that operated his shit. Found a pretty decent one for $20 (fuck...they had some that were $300!). Went by there, programmed it with his TV and his DVD player (couldn't get his VCR to work with it but I don't think he ever uses it anyhow). Works fine and now he doesn't have to get up and manually change stations or adjust volume. Then I dropped by "SV" for abit. Not much going on there, so I was home by 3:00.

Next weekend is the start of firearms Deer Season here. In the past, I fuckin lived for 'Opening Day'. The excitement and the anticipation that I felt back then is something I really can't put into words. Ask any hunter, he'll tell you.

However, the last couple of years I haven't gone. More to do with location of where I used to go than anything else.....its almost 4 hours away, well, the 'hassle factor' is also there. To me, anymore, I pretty much weigh everything on the 'hassle factor'. If I spend more time aggravated then basically, the hassle isn't fuckin worth it.

But....a friend of mine recently purchased 200 acres only about 30 minutes from my house...very wooded and pretty secluded. He called me a several weeks back and said I could hunt there, if I wanted to. I drove out there, looked around for a few hours, and then put up my portable tree stand. For those of you that are uninitiated to the world of deer hunting...a 'stand' is sumthin you climb up and sit in, when you just walk around hunting, thats called 'still' hunting. I prefer the former.

Anyhow, yesterday I thought I'd drive out there, just to walk around and look for 'signs' (No Elle, not the neon type ;) and also to make sure my 'stand' was in the right spot. Spent about 4 hours walking his property and, much to my surprise, turns out my 'stand' was in a pretty good spot, so no need to move it. When I'm in 'the woods' especially when by myself, I always take a backpack, filled with all my 'just-in-case' shit....flashlight, knife, small first-aid kit, water, some food..ya know, just-in-case I fall and break my fuckin leg at the bottom of a ravine or sumthin.

So, I find a comfortable looking log and decide to have lunch. It warmed up some and I was just sittin there, relaxing and watching the birds....when I heard something walking in the leaves towards my direction, not real loud but not super quiet either. I figured, unless it was another guy walking out here, it was either a deer or a couple of turkey. I reached in my backpack for my camera (never know when you'll come across boobs in the woods ;) and sat very still. Maybe 10 minutes goes by when I see what I've been hearing...an 8 point buck. He's upwind so I know he can't 'scent' me and he's not acting likes he's spooked or anything. He's just walking along with his head down, scrounging for acorns, not a care in the world. I bring my camera up slowly. He just keeps meandering ever closer....until he's no more than 15-18 feet away, THEN, he just plops down...ready for a nap.

I took this picture of him just before he spotted me and took off. Nice looking deer..but I already have one bigger on the wall here at work.....besides, I saw 'signs' of a big one and hopefully that'll happen next weekend......That is, unless I decide that the 'hassle factor' has again, reared its ugly head ;)

STILL Glad I Live In The US

2008-11-06T15:27:00.030-06:00

(Deep breath)....Ok, the election is over and my guy didn't win. But, thats alright. At least we live in a country where we have elections and face it, when you have sumthin you're voting on, not everyone is going to be happy with the results.

With that said, the following are a few reasons of why I'm so glad I live here.

Mothers and their children. I always smile when I see them together.

Christmas! I love it, especially for all the little kids. Their expressions on this special day makes you feel so good inside.

The right we have to freedom of expression. It's something that we can never hold tight enough.

Education is the bedrock for any country. I hate to think where this nation would be without it.

We're a nation that prides itself on producing goods that enrich our society. We would accept nothing less.

In this country, one of most precious things we have is the bonding between a parent and a child,

teaching them how to be a credit to their society and passing our traits and ethics along so they can be contributing individuals.

As evidenced by our new President-Elect, no matter your background or your heritage, you can become successful.

In the U.S. we have the right to speak our minds.

And last, but certainly not least, we're proud to show our patriotism. What a country!

MidLife Crisis?...More Than Fuckin Likely

2008-11-04T10:25:00.007-06:00

For the past few years, there has been something I have really wanted to get my hands on (Ok, Elle and the girl..you can run with that ;) It's something I have dreamt about but have never acted on..........until this past Sunday.

I'm talking a car. Not just any car but a bad-ass 'muscle car', one from the late 60's. That was when they made fuckin cars that would rattle your windows when they just came down the street. None of that modified Japanese shit that they pass off as 'today's muscle car'. Fuckin puhleeze...

Anyhow, I was looking in the paper Sunday and saw an ad.

It read (in part) : 1968 Pontiac GTO, Color Red Interior Black, 400 4 bbl, 4-speed, 350 HP. Excellent Condition. Must Sell!

I read this ad over and over, already in my mind, clearing out the 3rd car garage side for this thing of beauty. Now this won't be an easy task cuz I have that space filled with my mowers, workbench, 2 table saws, and various other things that I haven't touched in 8 fuckin years ('cept for the mowers). Fuck it, I thought.....no big deal. I'll figure sumthin out....even if it means parking my regular vehicle outside.

So, I call the number listed. The guy was real nice and gave me directions. When I asked "How much you askin?" He tells me that I really need to see it first and then we'll talk price. Ok...I aint no fuckin rookie when it comes to buyin shit (except in this case) and I know better to 'leap before I look' but the excitement was too much and it overcame my natural sensibility. So, I told him I'd be right over.

As my 'senses' slowly returned, I knew the more excited I appeared, the higher the fuckin price would be. Fuck, you don't discount sumthin when you have a wide-eyed, slack-jawed idiot goin thru his midlife-crisis, standin there jumpin up and down like its Christmas morning!

All kinds of shit came to mind before I went there. Should I dress like a fuckin hobo?; Should I wear my John Deere cap?; Should I even fuckin shave? My one problem would be that no matter what I decided on the above, it would be the vehicle I would be pullin up in. I drive a fairly new SUV and its one of the nicer ones. Notice, I said 'drive', not 'own'. It belongs to the company and it was not new (It was a year old and had 1700 miles when the company bought it). But I knew that wouldn't make any difference to the 'seller' as he would figure 'this guy will pay what I ask'.

So, instead I drive into work and swap it for our 2001 Dodge pick-up. I know how shit works and figure I've just saved myself some bucks. Sometimes I marvel at myself ;)

I didn't have that far to drive and when I pulled up...........there it sat, all clean and perfectly shined, the tires gleaming, the chrome sparkling....it was my dream come true. The seller was good..he had the car parked on the side of his house, in the grass with nothing around it to detract from the car itself.

Everything was perfect........................EXCEPT there was another guy looking at...AND..this fuck had driven up in his 2-seater Mercedes...well, fuck me. This guy was about my age and he had on one of those fruity little french lookin caps...not a beret, but fuckin close enough to be cousins. WTF??? This fuckin guy had no fuckin business even lookin at a car like this...he was already drivin what suited him to a fuckin 't'. Oh well....suck it up and try to look 'indifferent', I told myself.

The seller came over and we talked about the 'general' shit you do when you're looking at a car. Him tellin me how well he had maintained it, that it was his Dad's and he got it when his Father passed away. Me actin all 'I'm really not that interested'. Sonofabitch.....this car only had 63000 original miles on it (thats what he said anyhow)!

Then, he said "Would you like to drive it?" FUCKIN WOULD I! ...but, I instead said, "well, sure...just to check it out, ya know".

He gets in with me, leavin MrFuckinMercedes standing there, given me 'that look'. I put the key in the ignition and "VROOOM, VROOM, VROOM....man o man, it was almost orgasmic! I take off and we're fuckin flyin, in 2nd gear, before I realize it. I back it down and tell the guy I'm sorry..he just laughs and says 'What the hell, thats what you're supposed to do in this car". We drive for maybe 20 minutes and I gotta say, I felt like I was 17 and Katie Marie was in the backseat...in her cheerleader outfit ;)

We get out and he tells me whats he's asking. A little more than I had hoped, but still fair. MrFuckinMercedes had evidently already been told what the price was, plus he had driven it as well (I knew this because I had to move the seat back cuz that weasel lookin fucker was maybe, 5'4".

While I'm standin there thinking this thing through, the Mercedes prick pulls my guy aside and starts talkin all low and shit. I see the seller get that 'Oh Boy' look on his face and then he comes back to me and says "Uh...that guy just offered $1000 more than I'm askin. As J-Fab would say "fuck me running". I was close to playin that 'OH YEAH......WELL I'LL GO $1500'........but, I didn't (sigh). I figured he'd jump up again and then what?

I shake the guys hand, thank him and then start that long 'deadman walking' walk back to the truck. Then, I turn to and go back to the seller guy, hand him my business card and say "Listen, if this guy has trouble coming up with the cash, gimme a call". Mercedes Boy gave me his 'I outta kick your ass' look, but it was weak, at best. I gave him my 'try it and I'll shove that fruity hat up your ass' look. My look was waaaaaaay cooler ;)

It was a long drive home though.

Happy Halloween From My Friend at "SV"

2008-10-31T18:57:00.013-05:00

I told y'all 'bout the one costume that was going to be worn today, "Sexy Nurse". Well, she freakin lied.

This was what she wore instead, some stupid Belly Dancer thing.

You just can't trust girls. I am soooooooooooo bummed :(

Back to "Normal" (Re-Post)

2008-10-30T13:22:00.004-05:00

(Ok...I fucked that up...somehow. So, let me start again.....sigh).

I realize that 'normal' is relative, but you get the idea ;)

First, I want to thank everyone, again, for all the compassion that was shown. It's really very cool, and touching, when 'strangers' show you 'the love' :)

I'd also like to congratulate the Phillies....and our resident 'Phanatics', 'the girl' and her sister, Suzie (it's too cool for words, isn't it? :) I thought 'Our Town's Joe Buck did a great job on the telecast. He's one smart guy as well as being one funny fucker, in a very dry way. I was parked next to him last Christmas season at a local mall. Very nice guy...and his wife is pretty hot ;)

Tomorrow, being Halloween, all the girls at "SV" are dressing up (or down) in costumes. I only know the theme of two of them, 'Sexy Nurse' and 'Pocahontas'. I get the former but unless its a 'Poke-a-hontas' thing, I don't get the latter. Anyhow, I'll take my camera and see if i can't get something 'worthwhile' to post ;) Oh, I'm sure the guy we call 'Fat Curt' will be there, wearing the same 'really fuckin hilarious' t-shirt that he's worn every fuckin Halloween for the past 9 years....a 'XXXX' size orange jack-o-lantern lookin thing. Fuck...ok, it was amusing the first 2,3,4,5, times...but man, give it a fuckin rest. It was funny, now you look just plain fuckin stupid.

I liked Halloween as a kid 'cept for those houses that gave you fucked up shit like; apples, oranges, ink pens (wtf?), that shitty 'nickel' candy, which you threw away anyhow, and the absolutely fuckin worst thing of all.....PENNIES! Yeah, just what ever kid wants, a handful of dirty fuckin pennies. All that told me was that these people were too fuckin lazy to go out and get real candy so instead they waited until the last fuckin minute and scrounged around under their fuckin sofa cushions and this is what they came up with. Yes, these people got fucked with...well fuck, afterall it is called 'Trick OR Treat'.

Another thing that got you fucked with was turning your lights off and pretending not to be home. Yeah...even though we were kids, we're not fuckin stupid. Lets see.....its a weeknight (usually), your old, and you're not home....right, we're buying that.

My neighbors across the street pulled that shit for several years, that is until THEY had kids. Now, its like the subdivision is holding a 'Best Dressed Haunted House' contest and they want to win 1st place. I bet they put up a thousand dollars worth of decorations and shit...all that 'inflatable' shit, they even hide speakers in their fuckin bushes so they can regale the rest of the fuckin neighborhood with their collection of 'spooky music'................puhleeze! I don't care for this guy at all, plus his wife is all skinny, no boobs, and has a weird fuckin haircut.

I'd also like to post an 'open message' to the Oriental family that lives down the street: Last year, I let it slide that your 4 kids came to my house for candy, but didn't bother to even put on a fuckin costume, just stood there with their fuckin bags held open. Your kids aren't that little (8-12) that they don't 'know the score'. Plus, you as parents who live in the USA, should 'know the score' as well. I'll still give 'em candy if they don't dress up, but I will fuck with you come spring. You see, thats when you have your 'Annual Garage Sale' and you have to have the subdivision trustee (me) sign off on the permit. So, instead of me signing, you'll get "Soree...no unerstan".
Hey, its the USA and we have rules....learn 'em.

Happy Halloween, everyone, and remember...don't eat candy and drive ;)

My Buddy, Jim

2008-10-29T08:44:00.003-05:00

Jim is a friend of mine that I have known for over 10 years. We met one another at my favorite bar, "SV", and shared many of the same fine 'guy' qualities.

Jim comes in to the bar everyday and sits at the bar with the rest of 'the group'. Real good sense of humor and can 'give shit' as well as he takes it, a quality sorely lacking in most people.

We talk about sports all the time and Jim has always deferred to me regarding baseball, seeing that I am the resident 'expert' ;) We talked politics but Jim showed way more passion for this than me. I deferred to him on this subject. Oh, we also talked about boobs........duh.

Jim owned a small printing business and was very sucessful. As he got older, he cut his hours back some but still worked everyday and was very active.

He had a rough time with cancer a few years back and there was concern that he wouldn't make it..............but he did.

Jim has 4 daughters and he put every one of them through private schools and saw to it that they all got their degree's (as he put it 'I don't want them being dependent on a guy for their self-worth')

Talked to him before I left "SV" Monday afternoon and we both agreed that the Phillies were going to win the World Series.

Jim died yesterday of an apparent heart attack, at work, at his desk.

I'm sure going to miss him.

Efen Ebert

2008-10-26T08:14:00.003-05:00

There was some discussion the other day, started on The Warped Mind of Ron's page, about going to the movies. Basically it centered around the cost involved including the the ridiculously high prices of popcorn and soda (or pop ;).

I don't go all that often BUT I did go last night. A friend of mine called and suggested a dinner and a movie. If we go to the show at all, its with this couple. He and I have the same preferences on movie content; 'R-rated', guns, action, and of course.......boobs.

We tossed it back and forth, should we see ' Pride and Glory' or 'Body of Lies? We opted for 'Pride and Glory', for no particular reason other than the trailers we had seen looked good.

Since we're pretty much..uh..old, we decide to go to dinner at 5:30. Thats gives us plenty of time before the 7:30 movie.....and no, around here there aren't any 'Early Bird Specials' at 5:30 on a Saturday night (STFU Elle ;)

We buy the tickets 'on-line' before we go.....$9.00 a ticket..wtf? I do like this aspect of today's 'movie-going' experience though. Don't have to stand in line with the dumbfucks who are trying to decide at the very last fucking moment which movie they are going to see (Geez honey, I don't know..that one looks good; whatever you think, sugar; no dear, its your choice) FUCK ME!!!! Here's an idea...Have a fuckin clue before you get there!

Dinner was 'marginal'....nothing like plunking down $95.00 fuckin dollars (for 4) for a 'marginal' dinner. Even the 'Cubano Mojita', which is the 'signature' drink of this establishment sucked.

Shoulda known this was a precursor of things to come.

After dinner, we head to the theater. 'Course this ain't no 'normal' theater. It has 20 Fuckin screens, including those with 'theater seating', I-Max screens (2 of 'em), and 'Digital-Projection' screens (huh?...I thought they were all 'digitally projected').

But first, we have to get our popcorn and soda (or pop). So, we get the 'Medium Special'...4 drinks and 2 popcorns.......$30 fuckin dollars for this. Now you may be saying "Efen.....you JUST had dinner!". I know, but like I said, it was 'marginal' and popcorn and soda (or pop) is kinda 'traditional' when going to the movies.

Ya know the movie really doesn't start when they say it will. You have all the 'trailers' shown first. They did show a couple that looked pretty good although some times the trailers are better than the actual movie itself...duh.

One they showed was a comedy, which I normally don't care for, because they usually aren't funny....just stupid. But this one did look good and I like Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. The movie is '4 Christmases' and you can check it out here: http://www.fourchristmasesmovie.com/ Another they showed was one coming out in December (I think) I'm really looking forward to this one. It's called 'Gran Torino' and it stars Clint Eastwood (who, I admit, I have a man-crush on ;) You can see this at: http://thegrantorino.com/

Now with the review of 'Pride and Glory' (don't worry, I won't spoil the ending or anything).

It stars Edward Norton & Colin Farrell along with Jon Voight. It's a 'cop movie' and the plot is fairly basic...'good cop versus bad cop'. This movie is LONG....2:10 and I think thats the main problem. Knock off 45 minutes or so and this would have been a pretty decent movie but they didn't and it drags...and drags. Its never a good sign when you find yourself checking the time and telling yourself that 'It has to be over SOON!'. The storyline is disjointed and there's so much mumbling going on you're straining to hear what the fuck it was they actually said. Norton is ok, doesn't show much emotion throughout, Farrell is probably the best and his character does a roller-coaster on what exactly the type of person he is. Jon Voight is, well, pink. His face looks like a baby's butt...I have never seen someone whose color is as pink as his. I found that distracting as I kept focusing on it whenever he was on-screen. Plus, I never could figure out exactly what his 'position' was in the NYPD. He plays the father of Norton (as well as that of another NYPD cop). There are guns and shootings along with a couple of major beat-downs. Oh....a couple of quick flashes of some crack-heads boobs.....but that was disappointing as well.

I give it '2 Efens'....out of 5.

My Life In Hell (aka The License Bureau)

2008-10-23T15:56:00.004-05:00

I would rather have salt AND lemon poured into a cut than to have to go that fuckin place.....but thats exactly what I did yesterday afternoon.

Got a new truck for the company (not "new" new....I have a buddy who got me a 'deal' on a used one) Anyway, had to go get plates (or tags if you prefer) and pay the sales tax. The only thing worse than going yesterday woulda been if I had waited til the last day of the month....thats when all those fuckin Einstein's are there, waiting until the last day of the month, then hurrying in to get it done so they don't have to pay a $5.00 penalty for being late if they waited another day.

Fuck that...I've been an 'Einstein' as well but it's worth the extra $5.00 to show up, say, on the 3rd because normally there's hardly a fuckin soul in there. The last day of the month.....you can wait 4 hours....which doesn't sit well with me.

I thought yesterday woulda been good too...fuck, it's the 23rd, way too soon for the 'end of the month rush'. Well, so I thought. I mean it wasn't 'wall-to-wall' but more than I expected. On top of it, instead of the usual 6 women who don't do a fuckin thing 'cept make you jump through hoops regarding the 'necessary' paperwork, they were down to three! Fuck me.....only 3 of 'em.

I hear one guy, who is obviously not real fuckin happy, say "Is it even remotely possible that you ladies save your 'private' conversations until you get off work.....or until there isn't 15 people waiting in line?" Uh oh.....a fuckin rookie. While I certainly admired his courage, I just shook my head at his intelligence. Buddy, you had better pray that you have every 'i dotted and t crossed' when you get up there cuz if you don't........you are royally fucked. After he made his comment, he kinda looked around at the rest of us, ya know, wanting us to give him the 'thumbs up' sign and maybe an 'attaboy' or two. Fuck that...no way in fuckin hell am I gonna get caught by one of those 'License Nazi bitches' giving you my approval, otherwise, I'll be as fucked as you...and I have a ton of paperwork with me. So, I sorta just stared at the floor.....pretending I didn't know he was looking at me. Yeah....when it comes to standing in lines for a very lengthy time and being afraid I'll be told to 'Come back when you have all of your correct documents', I admit, I am one big fucking pussy.

About 30 minutes pass when they call 'Mr. IshouldaKeptMyMouthShut'' up. I see the stack of papers he's holding and I know there is no fuckin way he's not going to be told to 'come back when you have all your shit'. He's standing at the counter for maybe 10-15 minutes and I can tell there is a 'problem'. These women can be mean and just plain fucking nasty to deal with.....and thats if you haven't done a thing to piss them off. Piss 'em off and they are unlike any sub-species I have ever seen. Clearly he's fucked and I can tell just by watching his body language, he knows he's fucked too. Another 5 minutes or so goes by then I see his 'nazi' get up and go in the back. Oh Man.....whenever they 'go in the back' you are so screwed! They use this as a 'pretense' to go look something up but fuck, what they do is go back and stand around for awhile, not doin shit, then come out to 'officially' tell you what you already knew...."You're fucked buddy, come back when you can find all that mickey mouse shit I'm making you provide just because you pissed me off.....have a good day" Now, these weren't her words but they may as well have been. He gathered up his shit and slowly walked out, all beaten down and shit, while the onlookers were all thinking the same exact fucking thing..'PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME!"

License Girl: "NEXT".

Me: Uh...yes, thank you and may I say how lovely your hair looks today?" No, I didn't say that but did think about it, however I knew that this girl, maybe 22-24, with her multiple piercings, her Goth-colored hair, lower back 'tramp stamp' and her total black wardrobe, wasn't going to buy it. So instead, I try the 'nice' approach:"Hi...how are you?...fairly busy in here today"

LG: (with a bored look).....What do you need?

Me: (Geez....what a fuckin personality) I need to get plates and pay the sales tax

LG: Lemme see your papers

Me: Okay, I have everything separated, hopefully I didn't forget anything..haha

LG: (Not even lifting her head)....If you did, we're open tomorrow.

Me: (Sooooooooo fighting back the urge to say 'You're a fuckin gem, ya know that?") Uh...ok

She goes through everything I give her, twice, slowly.

LG: Whats this? (holding up my 'Fleet Insured Vehicle Identification Card')

Me: (Shit...here it comes) Uh...it's my proof of insurance. We have all of our vehicles under one policy, kind of an Umbrella Policy thing.

LG: You need a specific one per vehicle (giving me that 'Don't you know a fuckin thing look'). Get it and come back.

Me: (knowing full well she's wrong and no way am I going to let this 'techno-punk-rocker' get away with this...and frankly tired of her 'I work for the State so I don't have to be pleasant' attitude) Call your supervisor. I've supplied this for years and have never had a issue with it, plus, I have no intention of 'coming back'.

She just sits there and gives me a look, with those dumb fuckin cow-eyes of hers (If cows wear black eye shadow that is).

Then, she grabs her stamp and starts stamping the papers. Looks at me and tells me what I owe.

I write the check, get my plates, and hurry the fuck outta there.

Sometimes, no matter how big a wuss you are, you just have to 'stand up' ;)

A Pretty Good Weekend...for a change

2008-10-20T08:59:00.005-05:00

Whew.....the weekend was pretty much a non-stop affair. I told ya about my buddy coming in from KC and of our plans.

Saturday, I did not go to 'SV', as is the norm. I had shit to do (I always have shit to do but usually blow it off until Sunday afternoon) and knew there was no fuckin way I was getting anything done after my buddy showed up, cuz we had 'plans'.

Did have to take daughter to the airport because its 'Fall Break' and she just HAS to go somewhere. After all, she's had 8 weeks of classes and geez, who could handle that schedule without heading off to Florida for a week? Amazing how organized she can be when it involves 'fun stuff'.

My buddy got in and I had the yard all done so off we went to watch the Texas-Missouri game, at another bar, not 'SV'. We had our 'Mizzou' shit on, ready for the most anticipated game of the year. #1 Texas, ripe for a beat-down. #11 Mizzou, gonna show those skeptics how the game is really played. Boy, this was going to be alot of fun! Ok, that 'fun' lasted for about, oh, 15 fuckin minutes when they were down 14 zip. Got worse, 35-0. We had all the fuckin fun we could take so we headed off to another bar, where my buddy, Tom and his band was playing. This was so much better...real good music and 'hot' chicks by the score, most of them I knew from 'SV'

One girl, whom along with her sister I've known for years, is 'hot' and a really sweet girl. I hadn't seen her sister for quite some time so I asked about her. Her sister was one of those girls who was pretty much the 'wallflower' type. Very cute but shy. Majored in Chemistry and had landed a very good job with a large Chemical company.....well, that was before she discovered alcohol and cocaine. Got fired from there and according to her sister, is going downhill at 'warp speed'. Even going as far as performing 'oral favors' in exchange for coke. Very troubling...and sad.

Anyhow...we had a great time there and it was almost 3:00 before we got home. Drank more than normal. Actually, if I have more than 4-5 beers, thats more than 'normal'. In this case, I probably had 10-12...or 20. Not real sure. What I do know, is I woke up with one gifuckinnormous headache.

Oh man....hurt to open my fuckin eyes. Took 3 aspirin before I went to bed...yeah, that fuckin worked. Up at 7:00...well, sorta 'up'. Layed there and cussed myself for being so fuckin stupid. Gobbled down 3 Excedrin, drank a 1/2 gallon of OJ and stood under a hot shower until the pain subsided....well, subsided some. My buddy got up, wanted breakfast, so I told him to 'go fuck himself'. He started calling me a 'pussy' and laughing at my 'condition'. Well, fuck that...I'll show him...so...I made breakfast. Actually, that seemed to have a positive effect, much to my relief as we were leaving in an hour to head down to the Rams game.

The game started at Noon and we got there by 11:00. Some friends of mine have a huge 'tailgate thing' there before every game so we went there. FUCK....I said "I wasn't going to drink today!"

Only had a couple before the game so not too bad. The Rams were playing Dallas and the stadium seemed like it was 1/2 full of Cowboy fans...with 2 of 'em sitting right next to me. Hey, I don't have a problem with rooting for your team and all, just don't being a fuckin dickwad when you're doin it....especially when you're in a venue that isn't your own.

So, I sit there listening to this one jackfuck yap and yap...being critical of everything St. Louis. Now I'm as critical as they come, but I'm from fucking here so I'm allowed, plus, he's talkin shit about things that aren't even football related. Finally, I am unable to contain my normally soft-spoken self. I turn to Asshat;

Me: (At this point the Cowboys are down 21-7) Man...your team sucks....how you can you watch this embarrassing shit?

AH: We're only down 14..there's plenty of time.

Me: Bullshit...time is running out....they're fucking done. Man...they really suck.

AH: Uh...must feel good seeing that the Rams have only won 1 game.

Me: Must feel good gettin your ass handed to you by a team that has only won 1 game. Uh, what's it been, 12 fuckin years since 'America's Team' has even won a fuckin playoff game? Thats fuckin pathetic.

This kinda shut the fucker up and believe me, every single fuckin time the Rams did something good or the Cowboys fucked something up, I was all over the dickface....showing no fuckin mercy...when they're down, fuckin kickem....besides, he started it....and besides, I was still hungover. Finally, they couldn't take any more and left. I told 'em "Thanks for coming...enjoy that flight home".

My buddy wanted to do a bar stop or two before we got back to my house but I reminded him that he had a 4 hour drive and probably not a good idea ( the thought of more beer was not appealing to me in any way, shape, or form....and at least I didn't make it sound like I was going 'all wuss' on him ;)

He left about 6:00..............I was in bed by 9:00. Perfect ;)

Friday....'bout fuckin time

2008-10-17T16:12:00.005-05:00

It's now 45 minutes til the blessed horn sounds (okay....I really don't have a horn but ya gotta admit, that would be sooooooooo fuckin cool!)

Been kind of a rough week, either that or I'm turning into a big-time fuckin wuss who can't handle 'the day to day' anymore. Hmmm......please lord, don't let it be the latter.

I actually have total weekend plans for a change. I mean plans other than the normal doin the yard shit, goin to 'SV', and watching football/baseball on TV (or re-runs of Law & Order). My best friend, a guy I've known since we were 9 (and went to grade school, HS, and college together) and now lives in Kansas City, is coming in tomorrow for the weekend and we're going to 'SV' Saturday night to watch the Missouri-Texas game and then Sunday we're going down to the stadium to watch the Cowboys slaughter my fuckin hapless Rams. Oh, and I have to get the grass cut before he gets in. Hmmmm.....ya know, other than my buddy coming in, my plans really aren't that fuckin different than any other weekend.

One of the girls at 'SV' asked me if I had any extra tickets for the game Sunday (I do) because she and a girlfriend really wanted to go. Okay, this is known as a 'dilemma'. Why would two girls, both extremely hot and both extremely 'doable', with boobs 'out to here' cause a dilemma you ask?

The answer is really pretty simple. When these girls are together, they get drunk. I'm not talking the slurring of some words and being a little off-balance drunk. I'm talking screaming 'FUCK YOU' at the top of their lungs drunk. I'm talking showing their boobs at the drop of a hat drunk. I'm talking the likely hood of having to carry their drunk asses because they have fallen down drunk drunk. Don't get me wrong...I have no aversion (duh..) to the word 'fuck' and I certainly enjoy seeing boobs, and I don't mind helping someone up if they fall....BUT, not inside a stadium that holds 70,000 fuckin people with some of them being customers that I know. There are also families seated in the area where my seats are. I don't want their kids or anyone else being subjected to constant cursing or the sight of boobs being flashed semi-frequently. I don't want people to complain and then find myself and my 'posse' being escorted out by stadium security. So, I didn't tell her I had the 2 extra tickets.

Sigh................................................I got fuckin old.

"Lyin Fuckin Prick..."

2008-10-13T15:36:00.010-05:00

Those are the words I muttered when one of my tech service guys told me he was quitting. Well, let me back up some.

Two weeks ago, on a Monday morning, I come into my office and find a resignation letter (with the 2 weeks notice) on my desk....from the same guy I just walked past, out in the shop. 'Course he didn't say a fuckin word, just was in a hurry to load up his service van and go out on his scheduled service jobs.

So, I go to him and ask 'WTF is the deal?" He tells me he just can't get along with the Service Coordinator (a female) that she yells at him about not taking the needed parts the day before (which he knows he's supposed to do), for not turning his time cards in on time (which he knows to do), and accusing him of 'modifing' his time cards (which I know he does).

A couple years back he came in and said he was quitting because he couldn't get along with the Service Manager. I told him I would talk to the other guy but in the future, if he had a problem he should see me about it before it got unbearable. He agreed. I talked to the Service Manager and all was taken care of.

I ask him why he didn't come to me sooner about this. That didn't I take care of the aforementioned problem? "I should have but I know you think she does a good job" (He's right about that, best person EVER in that thankless, stressful, fucking job). He said it wasn't him, it was his wife making him quit. WTF???????? He was coming home in a bad mood ALL because of the Service Coordinator and his wife was making change jobs. Oh, and we ended the conversation with "I'm going to give you my full 2 weeks, I wouldn't just up and quit on you..I'm not that type of person, you have my word on that".

I knew something was bullshit here but I let it lie a couple days because he said 'I'll try to talk my wife out of it" ....all along resisting the very strong temptation of saying 'If thats really the fuckin case then you are one big fuckin pussy".

A couple of days pass when I talk to him again. This time, the subject is MONEY...I fuckin knew it. Seems a competitor had offered him more. As much as I didn't want to (I'm short a service guy now because one is out with back surgery) I went more than he was being offered. Caught off-guard because all he could stammer was "uh...lemme talk to my wife and I'll tell you tomorrow (a Thursday) ".

Thursday comes and goes...nothing, 'cept I hear through the office grapevine that he's been asking one of the guys here 'What should he do? almost on a daily basis. Hmmm....thought it was all about is wife and it being her decision.

Friday.... nothing 'cept I'm still hearing he's asking others what he should do. WTF? By now, I am getting fucking pissed...make a fuckin decision and tell me. Saturday was the day I left for Alabama so since I hadn't heard anything I figured he'd draw this out til I got back on Wednesday and then he'd only have 2 more days left til his '2 week notice' was up...ya know, he's not the type to up and quit, plus, I have his 'word'.

I call in the office Monday morning and am told that he had left his van in the lot and his keys, cell phone, and gas card on a desk. No note, no phone call, not one fucking thing.

"Lyin Fuckin Prick" are the words I uttered. Here's a guy I gave a job to 7 years ago when his 'painting company' wasn't producing any income for him or his family. A guy who got a DUI in his own vehicle but nevertheless raised our insurance $1400.00/year for 3 years....and he still got his yearly raises. A guy who's cell phone bill ran $150-$250 in 'overages' for 6 months in a row all because he 'couldn't stop his wife from calling him' (while he was on the fuckin clock btw), a guy who's daughter got sick and I gave him extra days off...WITH PAY, a guy who right before 'year-end bonus' time fucked up a big job and cost us over $6000...yet he kept his job and still got his bonus. Uh....sorry....I'm sure you get the picture.

Am I pissed.........fuckin right I'm pissed but not really that he quit (altho the timing wasn't good) but the whole fuckinsleazeball way he went about it. Am I surprised........no fuckin way. There isn't a fuckin thing that people fuckin do that surprise me anymore. Does it make me look at doing things for people a little more judiciously.....not yet because I feel like if I can help an employee out, I should. When the day comes, and it may be closer than I realize, that I quit givin a fuck, then that'll be the day its probably time to put this place up for sale.

Just before you start thinkin "Oh....Efen is such a nice and caring guy, wanting to help people when he can"........keep this in mind....If this fucker ends up homeless livin in a fuckin cardboard box, so fuckin be it....I won't lose any sleep.