My 'No Cost' Hunting Trip

As some of you may know, I hunt from time to time. Deer, turkey, dove, quail, squirrel, rabbit and even feral (wild) hogs a couple of times.....nothing too exotic and nothing that involves more than a 3 hour drive.

Well, that is about to change (the driving part). I have never done the waterfowl thing, ducks or geese. I always figured that whenever the weather is the worst and the hunting is the best, then I wanted no fucking part of it.

But...I got a phone call about a month back from one of our Factory Rep's. Since evidently we had done quite well for him and his company this year, he called inviting me to go on duck hunting deal with him and 3 other guys. Told me that it wouldn't cost me a thing 'cept the gas to get there. He had it all set up at some 'duck lodge' in NE Arkansas, guides and dogs, and best of all, heated fucking duck blinds ;)

Now I know pretty much about the stuff I normally hunt but I have no fucking clue about ducks. I mean I know a fuckin duck when I see it but I don't have a fucking clue as to what kind it is....and it seems like this is a fairly important part of it.

(I'm sure I'll lose 95% of my readers from this point forward;) So I start reading up on 'FAQ' about ducks, the recommended guns, the shot size, ya know, the general 'how to' shit. I did know that back in the '80's the guvment made it a law that you had to shoot steel shot instead of lead. I also knew that I couldn't shoot steel out of my present shotgun as it would damage the barrel...and aint no fuckin way was I going to do that.

I have quite a few good friends who hunt so I ask them if they had a 'duck gun' I could borrow. No luck as none of them duck hunt either. So I figure the most cost-effective method would be just to buy a new barrel for my shotgun. I do some checking and see that this will set me back about $250. Not thrilled but figured, wtf?

I drive out to Cabelas in the pouring fuckin rain this past Saturday. Big fucking mistake....place is as crowded as your everyday NASCAR event. FUCK.......forgot about all the Christmas Cabelas gift cards as well as all the fucking 'returns'. Plus, it took me an hour to get there in the monsoons we were having so there was no way I was turning around. Make my way through the mass at the 'gun counter' and take a number (WTF...is this a bakery or sumthin?)....my number was 98...and they only go to 100 and then they start over. I look up at the 'Number Now Served' counter and its at 72...fuck me and fuck this duck shit. But..I figured I just wander around in this behemoth of an Outdoorsman wet dream and kill the time. Gotta admit, got some very cool shit in there, especially if you just won the state fucking lottery or sumthin...kinda pricey I thought.

Finally I wander back and their on # 95. Perfect! A couple of minutes pass and they call my number. I approach the guy (hoping like hell he did know his shit) and tell him I want to buy a new shotgun barrel that will shoot steel. This guy is good....real fucking good. Starts out with "Now I don't want to say anything that may make you spend more money but...." 1st we talk the price of the barrel which I already knew. Then he asked me the age of my shotgun...I tell him about 30 years. he then compliments me on the gun and says 'You probably should take it to a gunsmith and have them put in new springs, O-rings, etc etc before you go, if its that old....that'll cost you between $75-$100..but well worth it'. Hmmmmmm......have to agree with him on that. I would hate to drive 5 hours only to have my gun fuck up.

He then says...'you know, when its all said and done you're going to have spent close to $350 for a barrel. That's quite a bit.....for just a barrel. Hmmmm....gotta admit he had a point there too. So, being a person of my own mind, I ask him how much a new shotgun, one that will shoot steel, would cost. He hands me over the latest model of the model I own.....oooooooo...started to sweat a little. 'Go ahead....sight it like you would pulling the trigger'. Oh mannn....it was so very orgasmic-like. I then ask...."how much?" It was like finding out the cute girl staring at you was an $800 hooker....which coincidentally was the price. "Nope....I aint spending that kind of fuckin money for sumthin, which who knows, may be a 1 time deal". He gives me that 'understanding' nod.....fuck, I felt like I let him down or something.

Not wanting to appear unappreciative of his advice, I ask him what else does he have. He brings out another.....looked pretty nice, not the manufacturer I preferred, but still looked impressive. Uh.....how much? "$550........and thats the last one we have". Shit.....the last fucking one.

Well fuck....I know what y'all are thinking cuz I'm thinking the same damn thing. BUT....I mean, $350 for a fucking barrel? How much sense would that have made???

(Updated..you gotta read a post on here!)HooFuckinRay!!!!!!

I made it!!! Sheesh....and here I thought all these 'Internet Tests' were bullshit or sumthin. Now I know its the real deal............and a big thanks to 'the girl' http://www.clarkiegirl73.blogspot.com/ for making this available! My parents would be so proud!!

Movie Reviews

BTW: How do you do that fancy shit that 'the girl' and Elle do when they just put in a name that links you a particular bloggers page instead of that whole 'URL' thingy?

Merry Christmas.....and my Christmas Wishes

First of all, Merry Christmas to all of my very good 'blogger' friends! When Elle 'persuaded' me to join in, I had no idea where it would lead.

Would it be only Elle reading....and then would she tire of me and quit visiting...would I turn people off with my 'colorful' language? These are all questions I had.

Much to my surprise, I found not only did I like posting my normal day-to-day bullshit, but some of you actually seemed to enjoy it. And...for this I thank you all!

It doesn't surprise me of the value I have found in people I have never met. Those with common interests (and some not so 'common' ;) seem to have a natural draw to one another...DUH :)

Anyhow...the following are some of the things I have been thankful for on here, as well as my wishes, (and in no particular order, except for the last one ;)

the girl: A girl after my own heart ;)
I wish the best for you in 2009. I know things have been difficult and I know we all wish there were things we could do to provide help and support. Just know that we do care and if there is anything you ever need, please ask. Love you!

J-Fab: Everytime I read one of your posts I ROFLMAOTPCOMN!!! Your use of the 'F' word..well...I bow in your presence :) Plus...being Elle's cousin makes you 'double-hot' ;) My wish is that your husbands ex finally gets her miserable fuckin life together which in turn, will make yours easier :)

Ron: Your imagination is second to none. Sometimes I read and think 'How in the fuck is he able to come with that shit?' :) Hang in there buddy, most of time the good stuff happens when its the least expected and you're not even looking for it....and I know that wish for you will come true :)

ETW: Ya know...I'll just be reading one of your posts where everythings all normal and then 'WHAM' you drop something unexpected and I'm like "Whoa....I can't believe she said (or admitted to) that! LOL.... My wish is that you remain as happy as you show in almost every one of your posts!

Texas Gator Gal: 1st, let me apologize for being a 'bad influence'...but, it makes it all the funnier when 'those' words come out of your mouth ;) You have the lovliest children I have ever seen :) My wish for you is that the Gators beat Oklahoma in January :)

Kitchen: You certainly raise the collective 'class' of everyone ;) You make me wonder what does one (like myself ;) have to do to get invited to one of those swanky 'black-tie' affairs that you go to? My wish is that you remain on everyone's 'A' list...I'm sure you raise their 'collective' class as well :) Plus...You have great looking kids!!

Bucky: What can I say....pretty sure we're out of the 'same mold'. Your posts make me LMAO...thinking..."fuck..I wish I had said that" :) My wish is that you never run out of things to say that make us all ROFL ;)

Suzie: Being 'the girls' kid sister is pretty evident at times.....you both pretty well say whats on your mind...and we all LOVE that ;) My wish is that you continue looking forward....looking back just isn't any good...for anyone of us!

YO Adrienne: Not having a thing to do with that 'shirt picture' (LOLOL)...we all really enjoy looking at your post. You're very funny, especially when lifes little frustrations gets to you in the same manner as they do to all of us ;) One wish is that school gets a little less consuming and you 'Ace' everything! :) But...my biggest wish is that your little boy gets all well. Out thoughts, prayers, and good wishes are all with him :)

Finally....last but certainly not least.......Elle: Elle and I go waaaaaaaaaay back...years. Over this time we have shared quite abit with each other (Elle...relax, I aint spillin nuthin ;) Very simply......I love her, dearly. If its possible that a girl and a guy share a brain, then we do ;) I used to be amazed on how much we thought alike, but no more. It's pretty much a given. I could go on and on but frankly, I've already showed more of my 'sentimental' side than I care to do ;) My wish for Elle....just keep being the way you are. Thats pretty much perfect :)

(updated) I Love This.....My 'Gift' to Y'all

Updated: I added another vid for your viewing pleasure ;)

These guys are really talented. I don't normally do 'acapella' but I liked it so much I just 'happened to find' their Christmas Album (Holiday Spirits) on Vuze and it just 'magically' appeared on my computer ;) Oh....almost forgot..name of the group is 'Straight..No Chaser'.

Enjoy this video..




Not a Christmas one...but still good.

Yeah...the Season of Joy and Goodwill

I'm pissed.....ok, I realize thats not a shocker or anything, but regardless, I am.

I have Season Tickets to one of the most futile football teams in America, the fuckin Rams. Yeah, they blow, big-time. Anyhow, since there was no fuckin way I was going to the game yesterday and watch them suck, I thought I'd put them on Craigslist.

Now, I'm realistic and I wasn't going to try to recoup their face value ($74.00 per) because I knew no fuckin way that would happen, so I put the four of them on there at $25 each. Seemed fair. How many sporting events can you go to for that price....even if they do suck?

I get only 3 responses. One from a guy who said he'd give me $60 total. One from a guy who said he pay the $100 if they were still available, and another from a gal who said she'd do the $100 as well.

I tell '$60' guy, no thanks. I tell the '$100' guy, yes there available. I then tell the '$100' gal that someone had replied before she did and that I had to go with the first person who replied.

She e-mails me back...practically begging..telling me how much that would mean to her daughter who just LOVES the Rams (wtf?) and that how they couldn't afford to go any games because of the normal prices.

Hmmmm.....so, I think about that. The '$100' guy hadn't got back to me yet for any kind of finalization, plus his e-mail address had 'StarTrekker' in it which I found slightly fucked up, so I e-mail the girl telling her she could have them and e-mailed 'StarTrekker' that they were already sold.

She goes all 'thank you, thank you, etc etc etc' and frankly, I felt good about it. So good in fact, that when the time came to meet and exchange tickets for money, I was going to tell her I'd take $75.00 instead.

Turns out she lives about 70 miles from me but was coming into town early Saturday morning because of her daughters basketball game. We agreed to meet close to my house as it was on her way, at 7:45 AM.

As I require with any Craigslist transaction, I get a cell number and give them mine as well, just in case.

Saturday morning, about 6:00 AM my cell phone 'text message' alert starts beeping. WTF???? I check it and its 'AMY', the ticket buyer. She tells me that her daughters basketball game start-time had been changed at the last minute and she was already on her way to the site of the game. She didn't have time to stop today but she would call me 'later' so we could meet Sunday morning.

Yes, my fuckin 'alarms' did start going off in my head....BUT...if she changed her mind about buying the tickets, she would just tell me, wouldn't she?....afterall, she was sooooooooooooo fuckin excited about getting them.

Saturday night about 9:00 PM, I hadn't heard from her, so I called and get her fuckin voicemail. Now, I'm starting to get pissed...what the fuck?? I leave a message, a little 'terse' but not 'over the line'. I tell her to call me by 8:00 AM Sunday morning.

8:00 AM comes and goes and now I'm sure this fuckin bitch has screwed me over. I wait til 9:00 then I text her: "Are you going to pick-up the tickets?

She replies: "No, sorry".

WTF???? Thats it...no sorry ass excuse or nuthin. Didn't even have the fuckin decency to call me...just fuckin blew it off like no big fuckin deal!

I have now gone from '0 to 60' in a fuckin flash. I call the bitch...she won't fuckin answer. I then send her the following text;

"Thanks for letting me know 3 hours before the game. That was so thoughtful and considerate! So what that I had other offers that I turned down because of your sob story....just knowing that the thought of the tickets made you happy is enough for me. BTW...if I ever get the chance to screw you over on future tickets, believe me, I will and ya know what, you won't even see it coming. Merry Christmas and I hope the gas company turns off your service in your double-wide for lack of payment, right smack dab in the middle of winter".

Fuckin people......and yes, I do hope they shut off her heat...fuck her and her family...Efen does not like to be fucked over................even in the least little bit.

Efen and The Kid From Brooklyn

Here's a guy whom I'm pretty sure I am destined to become (some of you will say I am already there ;) If you've ever been to Starbucks...you don't want to miss this :)

He has an opinion on basically everyfuckinthing......and he has my admiration.

For more, just go to http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/ As you can tell by this video, he and I speak the same 'language' ;)

Either you like him or you don't..........................I'm sure he'd have an opinion on that as well ;)

Oh....if you have kids around, you may want to turn down your speakers..this was an Efen 'PSA'

Anybody want to buy a company?

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I could just get up and walk the fuck right outta here (well...sometimes I do but I always come back).

Spent most of this week dealing with bullshit stuff...stuff that should have never occured to begin with.

Monday, I no sooner get to my desk when my 'Parts Guy' comes in and says 'Uh...I have this notice that keeps popping up on my computer sayin that Norton has found a virus but it can't do anything with it'.

FUCK.......so I go to his desk and try to fix the fuckin thing. Turns out, he had gone to some site that starting putting all kinds of pop-ups on his computer. So, to remedy that, he found some free 'pop-up' removal software online....and he fuckin downloaded it. Turns out, what he actually Dl'd was a fucking virus. And now...it was up to me to fix it.

I was pissed. The fucking rule is: NO ONE IS TO INSTALL ANY SOFTWARE UNLESS I OK FIRST!

I didn't bother to hide my aggravation one fucking bit. 'Genius' says to me "Why didn't Norton catch this..thats what we have it for". Ok, now I'm further pissed. I tell him Anti-Virus software only catches maybe 80% and thats if you keep it updated and thats if people are responsible enough not to DL shit they aren't sure of.

I run 4 different programs to try to get rid of it. Keep in mind each program has to scan the whole fuckin computer and some of these programs say to run them up to 8 times...which I did. Nothing...the fuckin thing I can't get rid of. Search online to find out while this particular virus is not really that harmful (more annoying than anything else) its a real bitch to get rid of. Fuckin great!

All the while, I'm doing plenty of loud 'sighing' just in case anyone didn't know just how fucking aggravated I was. Finally, after all fucking day, around 6:00 PM, I was able to get rid of it. And, while I was at it, I changed his fucking 'privleges' so he can't make any fucking changes or DL anything, unless I physically do it with a password.

Tuesday and Wednesday were tied up mainly with one fucking customer. Biggest fuckin whiner that we have. We quoted him some stuff in fucking JULY. Now, he wants to buy it but needs it in and running before the end of this month! I try to explain to him that this equipment normally takes 4 weeks to build and its doubtful, at best. He tells me to check. I do. I'm told if we enter the order today (Wednesday) the factory will get it out on December 19th. I call the fuck back and tell him.

He says "Ok..now we need to discuss the price" WTF????? I tell him it is what it is. We can't go lower. He says "I know there's end of year specials"

Me: Sorry...we don't have Black Friday deals nor do we have Cyber Monday deals...its a fair price.

Jackwad: C'mon...give me $800 off and I'll give you the order.

Me: Nope

Jackwad: Ok...how about $500?

Me: (Gettin real fuckin tired of this exchange) I'll give you $200...thats all I can do since there was a price increase in August and we didn't increase your price any.

Jackwad: Ok...I'll do it

Me: Alright...whats the PO#?

Jackwad: I'll call you tomorrow

Me: (Wanting to scream and say 'You stupid motherfucker') Tomorrow?? I told you we needed to enter the order today if you wanted it delivered before years end. So, do you want it or not?

Jackwad: Oh..one day won't make any difference. They want the business.

Me: Ya know, yes, they want the business but their last day of production is 12/19, then they don't re-open until January 2nd. You can either give me the order now or wait until January to receive your MUCH NEEDED equipment.....plus, in January there is a 4% price increase coming.

Jackwad: Hmmm....sounds like you don't want our business that much either

Me: Ok, I've done all you asked and I can't do anymore. Yes, a $40K order would be very nice this time of year but I can't work miracles. Take all the time you want and when you decide, I'll make a phone call. However it plays out is totally in your hands. Thanks for calling.

Jackwad: Uh...er....I need to check something with my accountant...I'll call you back tomorrow..1st thing.

That was it. Now this asswipe will call back today with the order, that I'm sure of. Another thing I'm sure of is there is no fucking way on earth he's going to get his stuff by the end of the year.

Not my fucking problem.......

Alright already....

Sheesh, Elle can go missing for a week or so and then she's gets all 'clingy' when I go 'silent' for a couple of days ;) 'the girl' has every right to question though as she is extremely reliable regarding her 'posting commitments' ;)

I do apologize for my recent lack of communication.......nothing in particular, just a little busier than usual.

I'll do my best to recap here.

Thanksgiving was nice, boring but nice. My daughter, to my surprise, did ditch her other 'option' and showed up in time for TG dinner. Besides being extremely happy with that, she had to fulfill her 'granddaughter' obligations by listening to my Mother ask her every question under the sun regarding 1. School, 2. What boy she's currently seeing (what does he do? where did she meet him? where did he go to high school? has she met his parents? etc etc) 3. Why doesn't she eat more....'you're too thin'.

Me...I just listened and gave her my 'sly wink'. To her credit, she took it all in stride and answered the most of the questions, some I knew, 'semi-truthfully' ;)

Food was good except I think most people would have preferred to have the dressing served with dinner. Fuck.....I had the stove (new stove) timer set for the turkey. On timer setting 'auto', when the timer goes off, the stove does as well. I didn't know this fucking aspect so when I put my dressing in, the stove had turned itself off....and I didn't notice. When I realized this, 40 fuckin minutes later, I was obviously behind schedule. I first tried to blame somebody, anybody, for fuckin with the stove. Then....the timer function was pointed out to me ..well fuck, to my way of thinking that should have been pointed out BEFORE....not after! Oh well.....everything else was good and the dressing was served, albeit late.

My pies were good 'cept for some reason the Pecan was alittle runny...wtf??? Never had that happen before. It was eaten so I guess not too bad.

Since I don't do Black Friday, most stores were offering their sales online beginning TG day. There was a TV that I had been wanting for the bedroom and found it on sale at several stores but the only one that actually had it in stock of all places, was Sears. So, I order it online, so proud of myself for 'beating the game' and avoiding getting crushed to death by trailer-livin trash.

That was until Friday morning when I received an e-mail from them saying "We're sorry, but even tho we said we had it in stock, we fuckin lied to you but would like to offer you a few 'bait and switch' items instead for only a couple of hundred more. Please make your selection and we're fairly certain we have these in stock, but if not, we'll send you an e-mail telling you how we fucked with you again...thank you for doing business with us and affording us the opportunity to really fuck up your day...Sincerely, Sears.com"

I gave everyone Friday off but I came in to work and actually got a ton of things done. Phone rang twice in the 4 hours I was there. I enjoy coming into work the day after TG. Peaceful without gettin all obsessed as to why the phone isn't ringing.

I left work and went to find my TV somewhere. Surprisingly, by 1:00 PM the big crowds had thinned enough that it wasn't too bad. I found the TV (not in stock but they said they would have it in by Sunday). A girl at SV was looking for a Blu-Ray player as a Christmas gift for her husband. I found one there on sale, called her and ordered it too (again, not in until Sunday). The sales guy said I could either pay 10% down OR pay the whole thing up front. When I asked why would I want to pay in full for something I didn't have yet, he said "Because it will save you time when you pick it up". WTF???? When I said "Uh....what if for some reason you never get that TV or Blu-Ray in? How much fuckin hassle would that be for me"? Then he says "Ok...I guess you'd prefer the 10% down? Arrrgh....

Then I tell him to ring the items separately. This fuckin moron then says "Well, that will actually cost you more money down".

Me: How so...is it then not 10%?

FM: Yeah, its still 10% but that 10% will be figured separately.

Me: Ok....(gettin that exasperated tone) So, together, the total would be $943.00?

FM: Thats correct.

Me: Then my down payment would be $94.30?

FM: Thats right

Me: So, separately, the TV's down payment would be $75.00?

FM: Yes

Me: 10% down on the Blu-Ray would be $19.30?

FM: Yes

Me: What does THAT total up to?

FM: (using his calculator)....uh...er...ya know, thats also $94.30. Hmmm...whattaya know. Learn sumthin new everyday

'Learn sumthin new everyday?'....like what...3rd grade fuckin math??????

Picked up everything on Sunday and quite frankly, was very much surprised that the items arrived as I was told they would. Oh, I did have a 'situation' with a guy who butted in front of me at the 'Customer Pick-Up' dock.......but this post is long enough already ;)