Duck Trip Redux (Part 1)

I'm back and honestly, I pretty much had the time of my life, well hunting trip wise ;)

Left Thursday morning on the coldest day of the year, Zero fuckin degrees. No hunting was planned on this day, it was a day for travel. Took 6 hours to get there and my new GPS came in very handy.....money well spent ;) Especially when driving those backroads of Arkansas.

About an hour from my destination I figured I'd better stop and eat, so I found a little place in the middle of fuckin nowhere, called 'Ralphs'. Hmmm.....I'm guessin 'Ralph' has since moved on because the guy behind the counter had a handwritten name tag on that said "PTAH" and he acted like he owned the place. The 1st thing I noticed when I walked in was it was COLD..not 'a little chilly' but downright fuckin freezin. I know it was 12 degrees outside but it didn't feel that much warmer in this place. I started towards a table and "PTAH" motioned that I had to go to the 'window' to place my order. Okay...no big deal....so I step up to the 'window' by the kitchen. This girl comes up and she's wearin a huge fuckin coat and has on a stocking cap. Our 'encounter' goes like this:

SCGirl: Hep ya?
Me: Do you have a menu?
SCGirl: Its on the sign above
Me: Yeah, I see that but theres so many letters missing I can't tell what you have
SCGirl: Whaddaya wantin?
Me: (Knowing this was going all to hell) Uh...I'll just take an egg sandwich with a side of sausage (those letters were still intact)
SCGirl: Sumpin to drink?
Me: Yeah...some hot coffee would be good
SCGirl: Uh...then I'd have to make it
Me: (WTF...this is a fuckin place to eat and isn't that your fuckin job?) Uh..ok....nevermind
SCGirl: Hava seat....I'll bring it to ya

I figured I'd use the bathroom so I walked towards the handwritten sign (on a piece of cardboard) that said 'John'. Yes, that's singular. In front of the 'John' were some slot machines and it appeared that 2 of Arkansas' finest examples of cliches were doin their best to get rich. Above them hung another handwritten sign, this one in orange cardboard, that read " No Smokin...you can thank your 'GOVONOR' for that new law". If my camera hadn't been packed in my bag I would have taken a picture and posted it here. No fuckin lie...thats exactly what it said.

I finish up in the 'John' (careful not to touch anything that wasn't me) and head towards a table...that is a table that doesn't have half-empty glasses, stacks of newspapers, or other assorted crap on them. I find one, by a window, and the fuckin wind was coming through it like I was outdoors. Fuck it...I'll wait, eat and then get the fuck out. Out it does come..on a cheap-ass, thin paper plate (ya know...those that come in a 500 pack for $2) and a plastic fuckin fork that looks like its more of one of those teeny seafood forks than a regular size one. What the fuck??? Surprisingly, the egg sandwich was good and the 'side of sausage' had 2 slices the size of small pancakes...and those were pretty damn good too. I gobble all that down (cuz I'm fuckin freezin to death) and go up to "PTAH" to pay. "$2.50" he says. Fuck...bargains...I love 'em ;)

Head down the road and see a gas station and hoped like hell they had coffee. Pull in and start to get out when I hear yelling. I look over and see two guys, both 'bout 30, telling each other how they was 'gonna fuck you up'. Hmmm....they both looked they could be 'packin' so I figured I just watch a bit instead of hopping out and getting caught in the crossfire of two inbred idiots. I listened and watched and learned that one of the 'combatants' name was 'T-Bob' and the other's was.............'See-Saw'. You cannot make this shit up. Both of them looked liked they weighed maybe 150 pounds....together! Both had those fucked up lookin mullet hairdo's. Turns out, 'See-Saw' was accusing 'T-Bob' of stealing evidently one of his most prized possessions....his 'Stanley Ratchet Wrench'...and they were both ready to fight about it in the middle of a gas station parking lot in freezing fucking weather....that is until 'See-Saw's' wife/girlfriend/sister got out of their truck..all what looked like to be every bit of 275 pounds of her. This was 'Donna'...and 'Donna' was pissed. I guess when 'Donna' is pissed, 'See-Saw' don't fuck with her.....at all. She yelled at both of them 'Stupid assholes' seemed to be her favorite phrase, then turned and directed her wrath solely on poor fuckin 'See-Saw'. "Get your fuckin skinny-ass back in the truck..NOW. Did you fuckin hear me??? I said NOW". 'See-Saw' wasn't as fucking dumb as I had thought, for he did a 180 and got right in the truck. 'T-Bob' wasn't sayin much either and when 'Donna' told him to get his ass back in the truck and 'git', he did as well. Gotta admit, I was impressed with Donna's ability to handle a situation :) So, I got out, got my coffee and headed to the 'Duck Cabin'. I get there, pull up and what do I see?.......................(Continued in 'Part 2' ;)