Used To Be..........

Truthfully, I have no idea what the fuckin problem is with my lack of 'blog participation'. It seems like my 'participation' in pretty much everything has been off as of late. A few examples:

Used to be: Worked in the yard, a lot. That 'best lawn' thing really meant sumthin

Now: Cut the fuckin thing once a week, trim maybe every 2 weeks. If its not 'the best', who gives a fuck

Used to be: Enjoyed my 'downtime' playing on-line computer games..nightly. It relaxed me....seriously.

Now: Use it to check my e-mail and baseball scores/stats. Occasionally 'borrow' some music I want. Haven't played a game on-line in a couple of months and don't miss it one fuckin bit..even 'porn surfing' has been effected.

Used to be: Spent at least one day a week fixing something (or overseeing it get fixed) at my daughters/parents house. Making sure things were good was as important there as at my house

Now: Drop by every couple of weeks with either little or no intention of making sure everything is in working order. Did try to fix a leaking outside faucet only to end up watching it leak more after I 'fixed' it. So, I hooked up the hose to it and moved it out in the back yard so it didn't leak next to the house. I know..I'm still trying to grasp this myself.

Used to be: Watched every fucking detail of what went on here at work and 'reacted' accordingly.

Now: Pretty much operating under the illusion that the people I have in their jobs are doing things correctly and that they know the company needs to make a profit.

Used to be: Looked forward to planning some late summer/early fall mini-vacation.

Now: Not worth the hassle and the aggravation. Even the baseball trip I just got back from, had fun but the 'pre-trip' excitement just wasn't there.

Used to be: Enjoyed sending Elle dirty texts

Now: Figure I'm just bothering her

Used to be:  S-E-X.........always on my mind, always wanting to do sumthin about it

Now: Now this only came about in the last month or so because just prior, it was totally the opposite..but frankly, at the moment, I'm really not all that interested.

I'm really hoping I'm going through a 'phase' but deep-down, I'm not so sure. Even Mrs. Efen commented, as recently as this morning, that she's alittle concerned about my lack of interest in anything fun. I would have liked to have been able to debate that with her and 'used to be', I would have. But 'now'............................

As one of my favorite all-time actors said.."With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60."

Now..thats insightful ;)

Life in Pictures

Tabby's Going To Enter Him In Another Show

Mom Is So Proud!

Only the 'Head' Buckaroo Gets To Wear The Coat

Must Be A 'French' Thing

Guess Who's Pissed Because He Forgot His Shorts?

Boy, That Dog Looks Gay

Nothing Says 'Congratulations' Like Having Your Boob Squeezed

I Think Dad Enjoyed This Family Outing Alittle Too Much

Mom Was Too Embarrased To Fully Participate

Dad Showin 'His Girls' The Proper Technique

Evidently, Skippy Has Issues

If You're Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands!

Ahhh..Christmas Memories

WTF..Am I 17 again??

I know its been quite awhile. Blame Elle....she got me into that 'twit' fuckin thing, which I admit, because of my extremely short attention span, I kinda like it. I mean I like it until you have more than one thought, then you're fucked. Uh..I guess that means I haven't had more than 1 thought in over a fuckin month...yeah, sounds about right. As a matter of fact, thats pretty much what this post is all about.

Lately...and how do I type this out w/o sounding like some back-alley perv....ok, lately, I've been fairly  strongly obsessed with S-E-X. Which, surprise me because I thought I was pretty obsessed before. But sheesh...its gettin fairly ridiculous. Before (and several of my female readers will attest) I would always drop 'hints' about seeing boobs and the such, which I considered pretty fuckin normal for a guy..and still do. But...there was always room in my brain for other shit too.........in the last month, not so fuckin much. It's like I'm a pimply-faced fuckin teenager again (ok...I made up that 'pimply' thing..somehow I dodged that)

It just seems wherever I look, I'm always finding some girl who strikes me as extremely 'do-able'. Again, not far off the norm but at a higher level than before. There isn't anything really specific that I can say to illustrate my, er...uh..point (see?)....maybe its just a mental thing. I mean I'm not surfing porn any more than I did before, not making any more sexual innuendos to the girls at SV than I did before (altho..to be honest, there is a chick there (looks amazingly like a Kate Hudson and/or Ellen Barkin) who has been very 'friendly' and quite open about the things she likes and how much I would enjoy the things she does. Again, not blowing my own horn (see.....again) but this isn't something that hasn't occurred before so thats not the reason.

I'll admit, and it isn't like me to be this frank, but I find myself in an 'uncomfortable' position quite often...and, as only known to a select few one few, I then I have to take certain precautions (sorry for being cryptic but fuck, it is my blog..and NO, it isn't what you're thinking..geez..your minds;) so it doesn't become embarrassing. Again, not anything that unusual but the frequency of it is.

I know how intelligent my readers are (if there's any left) so I thought maybe someone could offer some insight to my dilemma, problem, issues, whatthefuckever you wanna call it. Hey, you have my attention (fuck...see, again).

A New Day..........

I feel bad about the content of my last several posts. Not sorry that I posted them but sorry that they were all such downers. I PRAY that things return to 'normal'. With all that said, and I thank you all for sticking with me/by me, here is a post with a different 'attitude'.

Even though I may not be as 'vocal' as I once was, I still read most everyone's blogs. I read 'Elles' this morning. Evidently, most thought she was a recovering lesbian  had been searching her whole life for a husband or something. Honestly, I am very surprised that the masses had forgotten she had been married....especially the part of when she finally got divorced (Uh....that part lasted longer than the actual marriage, didn't it? ;) Anyhow, she was right about one thing........if all that hadn't happened then there wouldn't of been an 'Elle & Efen' chapter...for which I will always be grateful. WHAT...you don't remember her posting about that either! Geez............. WTF??? FOCUS, people!!!

I'm becoming aware that technology has evidently passed me by. Everyone it seems (as I have been told) is doing the Facebook and Twitter thing in lieu of devoting much of their time to their blogs. Am I gonna get on board.....fuck no. I tried that FB thing once, didn't care for it. Twitter....fuck that too. When I have something to say I'm not going to be limited to 20 fucking words (or whatever the limit is). All that means is I'd have to (and I HATE this fuckin term) 'tweet' repeatedly and my attention span ain't all that fucking great. So, I'll live in the 'past', doin what I know how to do.

My daughter finally moved into my parents house, later than expected but when you're waiting on contractors to finish their fucking work, you're pretty much at their mercy. Funny though, as soon as the guy was done, he sent me a text..."Think I can come by and pick up a check?" My text to him "Think I can pay you in the same timeframe that it took you to finish?" Fucker.

She loves the house, loves the fact it was her grandparents and that my Mother was thrilled with the idea of her moving in. I thought she may get a little freaked at times and maybe she does but hasn't let on. It's different living in a house by yourself rather than an apartment or a condo, especially when you're a girl. But..she does have her 85# lab there and he does have one fucking fierce sounding bark. I thought about giving her one of my guns, whichever ones she wanted (more for my piece of mind, I think) but until I have given her complete safety training and shooting lessons, I think its best not to..............yet. She has really good neighbors, neighbors who depended on my Dad for years to help them do shit and to borrow one of the gazillion tools that he had. They've already assured me that they'll keep an eye on her.......much to my daughters great despair ;)

I did have a few things to rant and rave about but thought this post should be a 'kinder, gentler, Efen post'. Whew.....glad thats out of the way :)

Mother....I Love You

I buried my Mother yesterday. She passed away on February 18th. I got there too late, my sister called and told me to hurry, I did, but Mother never did regain consciousness. I regret not only that but the fact that my sister had to be the one to witness the passing of our Mother. It should have been me. That should not be her last memory.

Mother was a kind and gentle soul. She had been in poor health the last several years and relied heavily on my late Father. When Dad passed away in December it seemed to take away whatever motivation she had to get better. They had been married for 65 years and I guess when you lose someone that you had shared your life with for that long, you simply cannot fill that void.

I am not asking for sympathy. Death is part of life, plain and simple. I am writing this for me, as a tribute to one who made sure I experienced the things that my Father wasn't going to teach me. She made sure I always read, anything and everything. Even when I was maybe 7 or 8, she'd sit me down and read poetry to me (something I'd never admit to my friends ;) and then have me read ones to her, ones that I liked. She taught me how to cook, do laundry, iron, and even how to sew buttons on. She always said..."Son, you need to know how to do things for yourself because if you do, you'll never have to depend on anyone doing things for you". She was so right.

One of my fondest memories came from when I was 5. Dad, ever the provider, was working two jobs, 7 days a week. I had a tricycle (still have it) but Dad brought home a two-wheeler and told me he'd teach me how to ride it as soon as he was able. Unbeknownst to him, because he was working so much, Mother would work with me every day and told me it was 'our secret'. I remember just before Dad got home one Saturday afternoon from work, Mother said "Ok, you're ready. When your Dad pulls up, I want you riding up and down the sidewalk. He'll be so surprised!" To this day, I remember my Dad's face as he got out of the car, seeing his little boy, however wobbily, pedaling up and down the sidewalk. He walked over to Mother, smiling, and put his arm around her and said 'Thank you for doing what I couldn't".

Mother.....I miss you. Say 'hello' to Dad for me.

Don't They Say 'Let Sleeping Dogs Lie?"

Alright.........you motherfucks, you have now succeeding in pushing me over the fucking top!

Uh..guess I had better back up abit. Mother's still in the hospital and has been since February 2nd. As I said in my prior post, the ER Doc told me it was a "good thing I got her in when I did, or........"

She is supposed to be released tomorrow but I've been hearing that since last Saturday so we'll see. They're keeping her because of the pneumonia. The CHF is under control though.

Anyhow, when I was told yesterday about her impending release, I contacted the new Nursing Home again, just to make sure I had all my ducks in a row regarding her going there (there was some question if they would have a bed available but now it seems all good to go). Hearing this, I typed up a 'termination' letter to the old nursing home and drove over there. Not only to give them this letter but to get all of her belongings as well.

I go into the Social Workers office and present this letter to her. Now, me and this fuckin bitch don't get along. She's lazy, unprepared, and from what I had come to find out, a fuckin liar. She hates me I think and whatever I did to make her feel like this, I am glad fucking of it. I tell her Mother is not coming back after she's released and tell her I have put it in writing. I have two copies, one for her to sign and hand back to me.

FB: You want me to sign this?

Me: Yes....is there a problem?

FB: Well, if I'm going to sign my name to something I need to re-read it.

Me: Ok, its one short paragraph, 2 sentences. I'll have a seat if you're gonna need some time.

FB: (After reading it for what seemed like 15 fucking times) Mr. Efen..You do realize that we require a 10 day advance notice if your Mother isn't coming back? That you're responsible for the additional charges related to those 10 days?

Me: (Reminding myself that I have NEVER, EVER, punched a girl in her fat fuckin face)..Ok, If indeed you want to go down that road, then by all means, be my guest. I understand that I owe for the time that Mother has been in the hospital and not here, not a problem. ......BUT..Do YOU realize that the reason that my Mother HASN'T been here is because of the negligence by you and your staff? And.....guess who, if I'm going to be billed another 2 grand, that I'M going to hold responsible for her almost dying? And guess again whom I'm going after to recoup any monies that my Mother may have to pay for being in the hospital for over a week and any other costs associated? Sooooooo, you do what you have to do but believe me Missy, I'll do what I have to do as well. And...just in case you're thinking 'We have attorneys'.....well guess who I pay a retainer fee to each and every damn month?

(If she was so fuckin smart, she would have had me 'initial' the sentence she added to my letter, the one about me being aware of 'early termination fees..dumb, ugly fuckin c#*t......besides, it just so happens its my fuckin nature to live for shit like this, its one motherfuckin thing I excel at, so bring it, bitch)

Got all of Mothers belongings and bid adi-fuckin-os to that place. GawDamn...I just want to be left the fuck alone....... hmmm...how in the fuck is that workin out for me?

When it rains....it fucking pours!

Fuck me...I am so tired of posting negative shit. I long for the good ol' days when I could just rant about shit that pissed me off, but really didn't have that big of a direct effect on me. Evifuckindently those days are over...or at least on some sort of semi-permanent hiatus.

As some of you know, Mother is in a Nursing Home. I think she has finally accepted that as she has quit correcting people by saying 'Rehab Center' when they let the 'N word' slip.

I know she doesn't like it. Fuck...I fuckin hate it, the fact that she's in there along with the place itself. I am so sick and tired of hearing "I'm sorry, I thought 'she, they, them, her', etc were going to do what you had asked". Along with 50% of them acting like they're put out when you ask them to actually do their fucking job.

As you may have gathered, I have developed quite a 'Fan Club' within the Nursing Home Society...from the Nurses, to the Aides, to the Social Workers, all the way up to the Administrator himself. And to that I say.......... "Fuck each and everyone of you"...specifically those that I have had 'issues' with.

I'm not even going to get into the daily failures of those not doing their respective jobs. I have actually been beaten down to where I now expect half-ass performances and attitudes..not only 'expect', but now view it as 'thats how it is'......that is until you surpass even my lowly expectations. And...that is what transpired yesterday.

I had a scheduled meeting (called by the NH) to 'discuss' the 'Care Program' for my Mother. Believe me, I was so fuckin ready for this. Armed with a copious amount of 'notes', I was going to turn this into a 'You Don't Care Program' discussion. That is, until I stopped in to see Mother first. There she sat, with her legs, hands, and arms badly swollen, obviously having difficulty breathing, and so weak she barely spoke above a whisper. I had been there the night before and while she was 'alittle' swollen, all in all she seemed pretty good. She tells me she doesn't feel very good and really doesn't feel like talking much. I tell her I'll be right back and make a fuckin beeline for the Nurses Station.

Me (after spying the Nurse Supervisor): Has anyone noticed that my Mother is in full Congestive Heart Failure?

NS: Well, yes, we had noticed she was 'alittle' swollen so we have a call into the Doctor for some medicine.

Me: Really? You have a call into the Dr? And just when did you place this call?

NS: Let me check..oh, there it is...at 9:15 this morning.

Me: Are you serious? That was almost 6 fuckin hours ago! What if he never calls back, you just gonna tell me, after my Mother dies, that the Dr. never called you back? You gawdamn people are pathetic! Blame anyone but yourself..unfreakinbelieveable. You get on that GD phone and get an ambulance here and have her taken to the hospital, right freakin now.

NS: Uh..yessir.

I go in and tell Mother that she's headed to the ER and she tells me whatever I think is best. 30 minutes later the EMT's show up with one of them obviously frustrated that people don't recognize him for whom he really is...... Ben Casey, MD. This fuck starts asking me 'why?' as in "why do you think she's in CHF? Why do you think she's having trouble breathing? Is because she's swollen the only thing you're going on?" "what do you expect them to do in the hospital?"I turn to him and say "I don't have time for your fucking questions. Get her on that stretcher and get her to the hospital NOW".

We get to the ER (I have been there so much in the last 6 months I pretty well know most of them by name) and they get her right in. They do the X-rays, EKG, etc and its not long until the ER Doc comes in. He tells me its 'pretty serious' and its a good thing I got her there when I did. He then proceeds to tell me that her CHF is very bad, so bad that while they think she has pneumonia, due to the fluid in her lungs, they can't be certain..But, they're going to treat her as if she does, just to cover all bases. 6 hours later she's admitted and moved to her room. Actually, I thought 6 hours wasn't bad. One time it took 9 hours but they do do stuff pretty much the whole time and I realize it takes time to get some of the test results back.

She's better today. They have reduced the swelling a great deal but their concerned about her heart, so more tests continue. Later on today I'm going to a different NH and I'm going to 'interview' them. At least now I know what questions to ask. I pity the person who has to go through this, especially when you don't know what to look for and you place your trust in a total fucking stranger. That will never happen again....believe me.

No Use Bitchin..It is what it is..

Got a few minutes today so I thought I'd check-in ;)

I hope all had a good holiday. Personally, I'm glad it's over.

My Gawd...the amount of paperwork thats involved when someone dies is unfuckinbelievable. Of course, you can't do one damn thing without Certified Death Certificates and when I was asked how many I needed, I had no fuckin clue..so, I guessed and said "6". Seems to me the Funeral Director could have added some advice here. I quickly learned that said amount wasn't near enough so I upped my order by an additional 10.

In Missouri, they don't have any 'laws' stating how soon you get these (as they do in other states) so it took almost a month. Of course, everything was on fucking 'hold' until I could get these. I already had most of the paperwork filled out for the various insurance and financial institutions so when I got the DC's all I had to do was attach and (certified) mail. That was 13 days ago and still haven't received a response from any of 'em. Motherfucks.....yeah, take your sweet fuckin time...I'm in no hurry and don't let it concern you that every additional day just adds to my Mother's considerable angst.

It doesn't appear that my Mother is going to ever the leave the Nursing Home. To recap, she broke her shoulder in October, now, and who knows why, she can't walk, get out of bed, get dressed, etc etc, without being helped.

I came to this realization a few weeks back and at that time, I checked to see what 24/7 care would cost if she went home. The fuckin Nursing Home charges almost $6K/month (now that her Medicare has run out) and 24/7 Home Care is even more. WTF??? I'm still having trouble coming to an understanding as to why exactly the cost is so high (for either one). Yes, she does require assistance and some skilled care. Yes, they provide room and meals..but, at $200 per fuckin day? And...telephone, TV (you provide your own and pay for cable), laundry, medical transportation, toiletries, are all fucking extra? Geez.....maybe it's just me and I'm way off base but.........................

I considered having Mother move into my house but the fact that she isn't mobile creates an impossible scenario. Besides us not being home during the day, it would not be fair of me to Mrs. Efen....even though she said it would be ok.

My sister doesn't have any helpful ideas, actually, she doesn't have a fucking idea at all. All she brings to the party is "make sure you call me and let me know what's going on". Hmmm...I hope when I call you I'm not interrupting anything, like shopping, or napping, or whathefuckever.

One positive thing that is coming out of this is that my daughter is going to be moving into my parents house. I'm having the bathroom gutted and updated along with new paint throughout. My Mother likes this idea and my sister was fine with it...that is as long as I didn't change one thing and kept the house as it was. I asked her if it was one of her kids moving in would she expect them to live as their grandparents? "Well....no, but, I don't think 'we' need to do that much...I want the house to stay pretty much as I remember it, as I grew up in".

Do any of y'all have any fucking idea how hard it was for me not go fuckin ballistic? I understand that she was still reeling from the loss of our Father, that was she feeling considerable guilt for not being around more (not my problem though), that she was finally seeing the fact that our Mother would likely never step foot in her house again, but fuck, time to start being a little realistic though.

I finally gave her a 'compromise' (if that didn't work I was going to tell her that I was going to do what I wanted, because it was my right as one who has taken care of everyone and everything) which basically is going to end up with me doing things how I think they should be done anyhow.

If it turns out she isn't happy with my decisions, I'm going to remind her how all the decisions were left up to me from beginning and if they were good enough then, they're good enough now.

So...in a couple of weeks my daughter will have her own 3 BR, brick house, sort of. I'll take care of the upkeep and related bills but at least the house will remain 'in the family'. My parents had many good neighbors so that will help as well.

Geez....when I was her age, I lived in a 100 year old farm house that I shared with 3 of my drunken and drug-fueled buddies. I'm so glad she's more responsible than I was at her age ;)