Mother....I Love You

I buried my Mother yesterday. She passed away on February 18th. I got there too late, my sister called and told me to hurry, I did, but Mother never did regain consciousness. I regret not only that but the fact that my sister had to be the one to witness the passing of our Mother. It should have been me. That should not be her last memory.

Mother was a kind and gentle soul. She had been in poor health the last several years and relied heavily on my late Father. When Dad passed away in December it seemed to take away whatever motivation she had to get better. They had been married for 65 years and I guess when you lose someone that you had shared your life with for that long, you simply cannot fill that void.

I am not asking for sympathy. Death is part of life, plain and simple. I am writing this for me, as a tribute to one who made sure I experienced the things that my Father wasn't going to teach me. She made sure I always read, anything and everything. Even when I was maybe 7 or 8, she'd sit me down and read poetry to me (something I'd never admit to my friends ;) and then have me read ones to her, ones that I liked. She taught me how to cook, do laundry, iron, and even how to sew buttons on. She always said..."Son, you need to know how to do things for yourself because if you do, you'll never have to depend on anyone doing things for you". She was so right.

One of my fondest memories came from when I was 5. Dad, ever the provider, was working two jobs, 7 days a week. I had a tricycle (still have it) but Dad brought home a two-wheeler and told me he'd teach me how to ride it as soon as he was able. Unbeknownst to him, because he was working so much, Mother would work with me every day and told me it was 'our secret'. I remember just before Dad got home one Saturday afternoon from work, Mother said "Ok, you're ready. When your Dad pulls up, I want you riding up and down the sidewalk. He'll be so surprised!" To this day, I remember my Dad's face as he got out of the car, seeing his little boy, however wobbily, pedaling up and down the sidewalk. He walked over to Mother, smiling, and put his arm around her and said 'Thank you for doing what I couldn't".

Mother.....I miss you. Say 'hello' to Dad for me.

Don't They Say 'Let Sleeping Dogs Lie?"

Alright.........you motherfucks, you have now succeeding in pushing me over the fucking top!

Uh..guess I had better back up abit. Mother's still in the hospital and has been since February 2nd. As I said in my prior post, the ER Doc told me it was a "good thing I got her in when I did, or........"

She is supposed to be released tomorrow but I've been hearing that since last Saturday so we'll see. They're keeping her because of the pneumonia. The CHF is under control though.

Anyhow, when I was told yesterday about her impending release, I contacted the new Nursing Home again, just to make sure I had all my ducks in a row regarding her going there (there was some question if they would have a bed available but now it seems all good to go). Hearing this, I typed up a 'termination' letter to the old nursing home and drove over there. Not only to give them this letter but to get all of her belongings as well.

I go into the Social Workers office and present this letter to her. Now, me and this fuckin bitch don't get along. She's lazy, unprepared, and from what I had come to find out, a fuckin liar. She hates me I think and whatever I did to make her feel like this, I am glad fucking of it. I tell her Mother is not coming back after she's released and tell her I have put it in writing. I have two copies, one for her to sign and hand back to me.

FB: You want me to sign this?

Me: Yes....is there a problem?

FB: Well, if I'm going to sign my name to something I need to re-read it.

Me: Ok, its one short paragraph, 2 sentences. I'll have a seat if you're gonna need some time.

FB: (After reading it for what seemed like 15 fucking times) Mr. Efen..You do realize that we require a 10 day advance notice if your Mother isn't coming back? That you're responsible for the additional charges related to those 10 days?

Me: (Reminding myself that I have NEVER, EVER, punched a girl in her fat fuckin face)..Ok, If indeed you want to go down that road, then by all means, be my guest. I understand that I owe for the time that Mother has been in the hospital and not here, not a problem. ......BUT..Do YOU realize that the reason that my Mother HASN'T been here is because of the negligence by you and your staff? And.....guess who, if I'm going to be billed another 2 grand, that I'M going to hold responsible for her almost dying? And guess again whom I'm going after to recoup any monies that my Mother may have to pay for being in the hospital for over a week and any other costs associated? Sooooooo, you do what you have to do but believe me Missy, I'll do what I have to do as well. And...just in case you're thinking 'We have attorneys'.....well guess who I pay a retainer fee to each and every damn month?

(If she was so fuckin smart, she would have had me 'initial' the sentence she added to my letter, the one about me being aware of 'early termination fees..dumb, ugly fuckin c#*t......besides, it just so happens its my fuckin nature to live for shit like this, its one motherfuckin thing I excel at, so bring it, bitch)

Got all of Mothers belongings and bid adi-fuckin-os to that place. GawDamn...I just want to be left the fuck alone....... hmmm...how in the fuck is that workin out for me?

When it rains....it fucking pours!

Fuck me...I am so tired of posting negative shit. I long for the good ol' days when I could just rant about shit that pissed me off, but really didn't have that big of a direct effect on me. Evifuckindently those days are over...or at least on some sort of semi-permanent hiatus.

As some of you know, Mother is in a Nursing Home. I think she has finally accepted that as she has quit correcting people by saying 'Rehab Center' when they let the 'N word' slip.

I know she doesn't like it. Fuck...I fuckin hate it, the fact that she's in there along with the place itself. I am so sick and tired of hearing "I'm sorry, I thought 'she, they, them, her', etc were going to do what you had asked". Along with 50% of them acting like they're put out when you ask them to actually do their fucking job.

As you may have gathered, I have developed quite a 'Fan Club' within the Nursing Home Society...from the Nurses, to the Aides, to the Social Workers, all the way up to the Administrator himself. And to that I say.......... "Fuck each and everyone of you"...specifically those that I have had 'issues' with.

I'm not even going to get into the daily failures of those not doing their respective jobs. I have actually been beaten down to where I now expect half-ass performances and attitudes..not only 'expect', but now view it as 'thats how it is'......that is until you surpass even my lowly expectations. And...that is what transpired yesterday.

I had a scheduled meeting (called by the NH) to 'discuss' the 'Care Program' for my Mother. Believe me, I was so fuckin ready for this. Armed with a copious amount of 'notes', I was going to turn this into a 'You Don't Care Program' discussion. That is, until I stopped in to see Mother first. There she sat, with her legs, hands, and arms badly swollen, obviously having difficulty breathing, and so weak she barely spoke above a whisper. I had been there the night before and while she was 'alittle' swollen, all in all she seemed pretty good. She tells me she doesn't feel very good and really doesn't feel like talking much. I tell her I'll be right back and make a fuckin beeline for the Nurses Station.

Me (after spying the Nurse Supervisor): Has anyone noticed that my Mother is in full Congestive Heart Failure?

NS: Well, yes, we had noticed she was 'alittle' swollen so we have a call into the Doctor for some medicine.

Me: Really? You have a call into the Dr? And just when did you place this call?

NS: Let me check..oh, there it is...at 9:15 this morning.

Me: Are you serious? That was almost 6 fuckin hours ago! What if he never calls back, you just gonna tell me, after my Mother dies, that the Dr. never called you back? You gawdamn people are pathetic! Blame anyone but yourself..unfreakinbelieveable. You get on that GD phone and get an ambulance here and have her taken to the hospital, right freakin now.

NS: Uh..yessir.

I go in and tell Mother that she's headed to the ER and she tells me whatever I think is best. 30 minutes later the EMT's show up with one of them obviously frustrated that people don't recognize him for whom he really is...... Ben Casey, MD. This fuck starts asking me 'why?' as in "why do you think she's in CHF? Why do you think she's having trouble breathing? Is because she's swollen the only thing you're going on?" "what do you expect them to do in the hospital?"I turn to him and say "I don't have time for your fucking questions. Get her on that stretcher and get her to the hospital NOW".

We get to the ER (I have been there so much in the last 6 months I pretty well know most of them by name) and they get her right in. They do the X-rays, EKG, etc and its not long until the ER Doc comes in. He tells me its 'pretty serious' and its a good thing I got her there when I did. He then proceeds to tell me that her CHF is very bad, so bad that while they think she has pneumonia, due to the fluid in her lungs, they can't be certain..But, they're going to treat her as if she does, just to cover all bases. 6 hours later she's admitted and moved to her room. Actually, I thought 6 hours wasn't bad. One time it took 9 hours but they do do stuff pretty much the whole time and I realize it takes time to get some of the test results back.

She's better today. They have reduced the swelling a great deal but their concerned about her heart, so more tests continue. Later on today I'm going to a different NH and I'm going to 'interview' them. At least now I know what questions to ask. I pity the person who has to go through this, especially when you don't know what to look for and you place your trust in a total fucking stranger. That will never happen again....believe me.