I don't normally get into much of my personal life (except when it involves me bitchin) on here because, frankly, I feel everyone has there own problems to deal with and the last thing they want is to read are things that kinda upset me............but, today I'm gonna break that rule cuz I am interested in any feedback that you would care to offer.
First, I'd like to say that I got the 'inspiration' for this post after reading Ron's page at http://www.warpedmindofron.com/ so, you can either blame him or thank him ;)
Okay....my parents are gettin up there in years and it's been pretty much my responsibility over the years to make sure they're doin ok. Thats fine, thats what a son should do because after all, they were there for me through 'thick and thin' (and a whole lotta 'thin ;) ...... I couldn't have asked for a better set of parents. They taught me so much about the importance of family as well being responsible and being accountable. These are traits that I have tried so hard to impart upon my daughter. I think I was pretty successful there.
Anyhow....I have a sister who lives in Florida, a thousand miles away. I see her, maybe, every couple of years. And, thats IF I go there. She and her kids, 3 of them, haven't been here in several years. No, she doesn't work so it isn't a problem getting away.
I used to bitch about this to my parents, but my Mother would always say "Well, she has 3 kids and they're so busy". My Dad wouldn't say much. Well, WTF? She isn't the only person in the world that has 3 kids and it isn't like they can't afford to jump on a fuckin plane. And now, her 'kids' ages are 16, 21, and 22!
My Mother's health hasn't been good for maybe 6 years now. My Dad, while in good health (thank god) isn't getting any younger and you never know what the 'next day' will bring. Recently, my Mother told me how much she's really wanting to go down and see my sister and her family....but frankly, she just isn't able.
A few years ago, my Mother went in for a routine gallbladder operation. 3 months later (long story) she left the hospital, with 8 weeks of that being in ICU. The doctors basically said she wasn't going to make it. I kept telling my Dad that my sister needed to be there but he was having none of that. I knew what he was thinking, if my Mother passed away, she would need that time to be there (cuz after all, she has 3 kids). My sister was ready to come up, all she was waiting for was word from me. Ok, I have a problem with that.....it shouldn't be left up to me when to tell her to come. Finally, when the prognosis wasn't getting any better, I did call her. She came and stayed a week. This did help my Dad (and me) for awhile, but fuck....a week? Me and my Dad were at the hospital practically every fucking day for 3 months.
My Mother did get better but since then hasn't been able to do all that much due to the complications that she suffered. She misses her daughter, she misses her grandkids....and even though my Dad doesn't let on, I know he does too.
A couple of weeks ago I sent my sister an e-mail telling her how much it would mean to my parents (like she didn't already fucking know) if she and the kids could come up, sometime, over the holidays. I didn't call her with this because I knew once I heard 'that tone' in her voice, I'd been all ' fuck it, don't put yourself out'.
A couple of days pass when I get her response: "I'll have to see, we've had some unexpected expenses and not sure of the kids schedules, blah blah blah, fuckin blah"
Fuck.......the 'kids' will all be out of school for Christmas Break, two of them as long as 4 weeks. And the 'expenses' thing....gimme a fuckin break. My brother-in-law (he and I are very close friends....even though I introduced them ;) makes a ton of fucking money, earns every freakin penny.... they are not hurting at all.
I'm not going to bring the subject up to her anymore. IF I have to explain to her how much it would mean to OUR parents, then fuck it..........she and the kids can stay home....oh, but she'll make the obligatory phone call Christmas Day to talk to everyone, tell them "Merry Christmas" and me listening to them tell her how much they appreciate her presents, that she 'shouldn't have' and all that crap that just starts my blood boiling.
So, am I outta line here for feeling 'slightly' resentful?
Ok, I'm done......I think I'm gonna go puke.
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10 comments:
Wow. I am so feeling your pain/resentfulness...it's a shame that your sister does not seem to value family the way you do...you've done all you can do & then some!
Oh damn, I'm so glad my sisters aren't like that. i won't call her nasty names because she is your sister, so I'll just say Wow! She needs to put family first, you don't have your parents forever, and some day she will regret all the missed opportunties. Try and not let her get to you, be there for your Mom and Dad, she'll be the one left carrying the guilt of not coming to spend time with them someday.
Oh, Hell no, Elle, I wouldn't mind at all, we could teach her some down home family values (bitch style)...... XXOO
Efen, I lived this with my brother for the past few years. He only lives 2 hours away, but when my dad died (in 2004) and my mom needed LOTS of help, I was the one left to do everything. He and his wife hardly ever visited her and when they did, they used her as a hotel (my parents had a large house, his wife's parents live in a hovel). So, they'd come in, go to her parents' house, stay all day and come back to my mom's after she was already in bed. They did not help at all. When she got sick in October 2005 and died a month later....they visited the nursing home ONE TIME. No one helped me with the probate and I was 6 months into a high risk pregnancy. After my daughter was born, I got their house ready to sell and dealt with shit you would not even believe. I might blog about it sometime - it's such a long story.
I totally understand, Efen. I say do what you can do for and with your parents. Let your sister be. She will have to answer for this one day - and she will also have to live with herself and any regrets she will end up having.
Put any extra time and energy you have into your parents, and not your sister. You will be happier in the long run doing that.
{{{hug}}}
Momma is so smart :)
I know that my time is coming cause I have 2 brothers and two sisters. Two live by my mom in KY and two live by my dad in Ohio. I live in the middle here in WV. Right now, it's a toss up who will do the most. I mean, besides me. I don't know what I'll do. I feel for you though. I agree with Elle. My heart goes out to you, honey.
Gosh, blame me for everything will ya :)
It's a sucky situation, but in the end you can't make them do what's right. It sounds like you are doing the right thing with your parents and it's sad that your sister isn't.
To All: I thank you for your comments and suggestions!
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and she's been a terrific mother.
My problem is that she gets all caught up in 'her world' and everything outside of her family at home becomes secondary.
I'm not gonna get into it with her about this. Its her choice on what to do. I'll continue on as I have been doing for years.
My Dad realizes her 'priorities' and he and I will make jokes about it. A couple years back he told me that 'when the time comes', I am named as 'Executor' in their will. I told him, ya know that'll piss her off...he smiled and said 'probably'.
So, again, thank you all. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a prick......uh, I mean in this instance, not overall ;)
How can someone like you be a prick ????? XXOO
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