Yessir, Officer

Yep, those were my words at approximately 6:40 this fuckin morning.

'Bout 3 miles from my house on a 4-lane state highway, I look up to my left and see him sitting there. I was fucked.......and I knew it. I go this way every day instead of the interstate because its far less crowded and 'normally' speed is not an issue.

The fucked thing is that this road has 3 different speed limits within a mile. 45, 55, and 65. I was on the '45' stretch. I'm not making excuses...I woulda been speeding even if I was on the '55' stretch. Fuck, I speed all the damn time....those 30 MPH speed limits....too me they don't exist. Who the fuck drives 30 fuckin mph anyhow? If you're gonna drive that slow might as well fuckin walk.

Anyhow, I know he's going to be coming out after me, so (besides hittin the brakes), I 'slyly' put on my seatbelt (I know, I know...I don't need any lectures ;) because I didn't want an additional ticket for that. I then move over a lane (signaled, of course;) so it would be easier for the both of us when he turned his lights on. Sure enough, he pulls out after me and hits his lights. Now, I know enough to pull over right afuckin way when this occurs (not my 1st rodeo) BUT...we still have 2 foot of fuckin snow that has been plowed to the shoulder...where the fuck was I supposed to pull over to? I sure wasn't going to stop right in the middle of the fucking road! Up ahead is a big-ass church so I figure I'll drive to that entrance and pull in. Guess this isn't quick enough because now he turns on his fuckin siren. Geezus mf'er...I'm tryin, I'm tryin.....only another 200' to go til the entrance. Lights and siren still fuckin going on. I'm getting this uneasy feeling that this cop is going to start blasting away any fuckin time now...and I can now see there are two of them in there. FUCK!!!

I get to the entrance and pull down into the lot some and stop, while making this big production of taking off my seatbelt. He stops too....only he's still maybe 30' behind me. WTF??? Is he wanting me to back-up? I know not to get out. He's just sitting there. Fuck me....I ain't no fuckin mind reader. If you want me to back up, get on your fuckin speaker and tell me. He doesn't, he just sits there. So, fuck it, with my vehicle still running, I light up a cigarette and turn my radio up.

Finally, maybe 3 minutes have passed, he gets out and walks up. But...he doesn't come directly up to my window. He stops by the left, rear passenger door so I have to turn in my seat to see him...and he's still partially blocked by the door frame. Sheesh...this is getting a little spooky. I mean I aint wearin a cap sideways, I do have 20's but they don't have spinners and the tires aren't those low-profile ones, plus it's 6:40 AM, not 2:30 AM......so wtf?

Figuring he's waiting for me to speak, I do:

Me: Yessir, Officer?

Cop: Good morning...you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Sure....I was speeding. No doubt about it

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: Honestly....I have no idea at all

Cop: Well, I got you at 61 in a 45.

Me: Sounds about right.

Cop: I'll need your license and Proof of Insurance

Me: Ok..my POI is in my glovebox...I'll need to lean over and open it (much better to let them know of your intentions;)

Cop: You have any weapons in there?

Me: (Yeah...I'm gonna announce I have a loaded 9mm Glock in my glovebox) Uh...nope..just a flashlight.

Cop: No problem...go ahead.

Now he's still standing behind me and there's no fuckin way he can see if there's anything in my glovebox other than what I said. Still.....I opened it slowly and got out the POI.

I hand it to him and he goes back to his car for maybe 10 minutes. My cell starts ringing but no fuckin way am I gonna answer. I don't want to give out a 'nonchalant' vibe cuz I know at least one of them is watching me...so I just hit the 'silent' button.

Finally he walks up, this time directly to my open window and says 'Efen' (What happened to that 'Mr. Efen' protocol?)....I knocked it down from 61 to 55....this way you won't have to go to court. Just call the number after 7 days and they'll tell you how much to send in'. "Cool...I appreciate it and thank you".

I drive off, not happy I got a ticket but thankful the guy wasn't a total prick.

Oh....went through radar AGAIN just before I got to work.....35 Speed Limit...I was goin 40..no problem ;)