An Open Letter..

Dear Dad,

I can never repay you for everything you have taught me. The value of providing for your family, the value of hard work, the value of accepting responsibility and being accountable. I know at times I was a 'slow learner' of those values, but I hope you saw me embrace those things as I got older.

I watched, as a kid, all the sacrifices you made so that my sister and I would have whatever we needed. Not understanding until years later exactly what you had done for us.

As I got older, I watched as you came to my house to fix things that had broken because you knew your son just wasn't all that handy. In reality, there were things that I would have had no problem doing but that was your thing and I knew how much you enjoyed it.

I watched as you smiled as I complained to you about your granddaughter, hearing you say "You know, she's no different than you were at that age". I just shook at my heard and wondered 'WTF?' when your grandkids would do things that I would have been killed for and hearing you say "They're just kids and those are things that kids do".

I watched as you took care of Mother for years when her health failed then watched you show patience that I had never seen when she got better.

I watched as your brothers would come to for any kind of help and saw how they looked up to you, even though they all had the same traits as you.

I watched as my daughter's face would light up whenever you two were together. You would gently tease her about things and later she would say to me "You know what Poppa said?"...then laugh as she repeated your every word.

I watched as you took your chemo and dialysis treatments, knowing full well you were doing those things because I had asked you to, for me, not for yourself.

The past 9 nine months were so hard on you. I watched as you struggled to do the daily things. I fought back tears whenever I asked how you felt and you said "I feel fine". You never, ever, complained or got depressed even though each week seemed to be harder on you.

We always had a great relationship, one that I thought couldn't get any stronger, but I was wrong. Over the past months, we have spent many extra hours together. Even though the circumstances were bad, I treasure the additional time we were able to be together. Talking about nothing in particular but both of us enjoying every minute.

I watched, with tears coming down my face, as the Doctor in ICU told you what the prognosis was. That was until you looked at me and said "Look...there's nothing to be upset about. I've lived a long and good life and I'm not scared or afraid. It's my time now. You and your sister will be just fine and I know you'll take care of your Mother"

I watched as you explained it to my daughter..."Honey, there's no need to cry. It's just like a train thats coming to the end of the line. I've accepted that so please don't feel sorry for me 'cause I sure don't. I'm so very proud of you".

I watched as I kissed you on the cheek and told you that I loved you and you looked me in the eye and said "I love you too, son" and then said 'Go home...you've been here all day. They'll take care of me....don't worry".

My Father passed away December 2nd, 3:15 AM. I will miss him terribly.