No Use Bitchin..It is what it is..

Got a few minutes today so I thought I'd check-in ;)

I hope all had a good holiday. Personally, I'm glad it's over.

My Gawd...the amount of paperwork thats involved when someone dies is unfuckinbelievable. Of course, you can't do one damn thing without Certified Death Certificates and when I was asked how many I needed, I had no fuckin clue..so, I guessed and said "6". Seems to me the Funeral Director could have added some advice here. I quickly learned that said amount wasn't near enough so I upped my order by an additional 10.

In Missouri, they don't have any 'laws' stating how soon you get these (as they do in other states) so it took almost a month. Of course, everything was on fucking 'hold' until I could get these. I already had most of the paperwork filled out for the various insurance and financial institutions so when I got the DC's all I had to do was attach and (certified) mail. That was 13 days ago and still haven't received a response from any of 'em. Motherfucks.....yeah, take your sweet fuckin time...I'm in no hurry and don't let it concern you that every additional day just adds to my Mother's considerable angst.

It doesn't appear that my Mother is going to ever the leave the Nursing Home. To recap, she broke her shoulder in October, now, and who knows why, she can't walk, get out of bed, get dressed, etc etc, without being helped.

I came to this realization a few weeks back and at that time, I checked to see what 24/7 care would cost if she went home. The fuckin Nursing Home charges almost $6K/month (now that her Medicare has run out) and 24/7 Home Care is even more. WTF??? I'm still having trouble coming to an understanding as to why exactly the cost is so high (for either one). Yes, she does require assistance and some skilled care. Yes, they provide room and meals..but, at $200 per fuckin day? And...telephone, TV (you provide your own and pay for cable), laundry, medical transportation, toiletries, are all fucking extra? Geez.....maybe it's just me and I'm way off base but.........................

I considered having Mother move into my house but the fact that she isn't mobile creates an impossible scenario. Besides us not being home during the day, it would not be fair of me to Mrs. Efen....even though she said it would be ok.

My sister doesn't have any helpful ideas, actually, she doesn't have a fucking idea at all. All she brings to the party is "make sure you call me and let me know what's going on". Hmmm...I hope when I call you I'm not interrupting anything, like shopping, or napping, or whathefuckever.

One positive thing that is coming out of this is that my daughter is going to be moving into my parents house. I'm having the bathroom gutted and updated along with new paint throughout. My Mother likes this idea and my sister was fine with it...that is as long as I didn't change one thing and kept the house as it was. I asked her if it was one of her kids moving in would she expect them to live as their grandparents? "Well....no, but, I don't think 'we' need to do that much...I want the house to stay pretty much as I remember it, as I grew up in".

Do any of y'all have any fucking idea how hard it was for me not go fuckin ballistic? I understand that she was still reeling from the loss of our Father, that was she feeling considerable guilt for not being around more (not my problem though), that she was finally seeing the fact that our Mother would likely never step foot in her house again, but fuck, time to start being a little realistic though.

I finally gave her a 'compromise' (if that didn't work I was going to tell her that I was going to do what I wanted, because it was my right as one who has taken care of everyone and everything) which basically is going to end up with me doing things how I think they should be done anyhow.

If it turns out she isn't happy with my decisions, I'm going to remind her how all the decisions were left up to me from beginning and if they were good enough then, they're good enough now.

So...in a couple of weeks my daughter will have her own 3 BR, brick house, sort of. I'll take care of the upkeep and related bills but at least the house will remain 'in the family'. My parents had many good neighbors so that will help as well.

Geez....when I was her age, I lived in a 100 year old farm house that I shared with 3 of my drunken and drug-fueled buddies. I'm so glad she's more responsible than I was at her age ;)

Thank You All!

I want to offer my sincere thanks for every one's kindness and condolences. The words expressed touched me deeply. Each and every one of you will always hold a special place in my heart.

The support of friends and family is one thing that is immeasurable and I thank you all very much!

I'll be back when things settle down some. In case I miss it, I want to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season!!

An Open Letter..

Dear Dad,

I can never repay you for everything you have taught me. The value of providing for your family, the value of hard work, the value of accepting responsibility and being accountable. I know at times I was a 'slow learner' of those values, but I hope you saw me embrace those things as I got older.

I watched, as a kid, all the sacrifices you made so that my sister and I would have whatever we needed. Not understanding until years later exactly what you had done for us.

As I got older, I watched as you came to my house to fix things that had broken because you knew your son just wasn't all that handy. In reality, there were things that I would have had no problem doing but that was your thing and I knew how much you enjoyed it.

I watched as you smiled as I complained to you about your granddaughter, hearing you say "You know, she's no different than you were at that age". I just shook at my heard and wondered 'WTF?' when your grandkids would do things that I would have been killed for and hearing you say "They're just kids and those are things that kids do".

I watched as you took care of Mother for years when her health failed then watched you show patience that I had never seen when she got better.

I watched as your brothers would come to for any kind of help and saw how they looked up to you, even though they all had the same traits as you.

I watched as my daughter's face would light up whenever you two were together. You would gently tease her about things and later she would say to me "You know what Poppa said?"...then laugh as she repeated your every word.

I watched as you took your chemo and dialysis treatments, knowing full well you were doing those things because I had asked you to, for me, not for yourself.

The past 9 nine months were so hard on you. I watched as you struggled to do the daily things. I fought back tears whenever I asked how you felt and you said "I feel fine". You never, ever, complained or got depressed even though each week seemed to be harder on you.

We always had a great relationship, one that I thought couldn't get any stronger, but I was wrong. Over the past months, we have spent many extra hours together. Even though the circumstances were bad, I treasure the additional time we were able to be together. Talking about nothing in particular but both of us enjoying every minute.

I watched, with tears coming down my face, as the Doctor in ICU told you what the prognosis was. That was until you looked at me and said "Look...there's nothing to be upset about. I've lived a long and good life and I'm not scared or afraid. It's my time now. You and your sister will be just fine and I know you'll take care of your Mother"

I watched as you explained it to my daughter..."Honey, there's no need to cry. It's just like a train thats coming to the end of the line. I've accepted that so please don't feel sorry for me 'cause I sure don't. I'm so very proud of you".

I watched as I kissed you on the cheek and told you that I loved you and you looked me in the eye and said "I love you too, son" and then said 'Go home...you've been here all day. They'll take care of me....don't worry".

My Father passed away December 2nd, 3:15 AM. I will miss him terribly.

Summer Classes Now Being Offered!

Summer Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, May 15, 2010

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours b eginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Since I haven't been 'mfed' in awhile..I thought I'd just throw this out ;)

Note: Part 2 of 'Pink Houses' still to come

Little Pink Houses (And The Wedding)....Part 1

I know...its been awhile.

Dad's kidneys have gotten so bad, as a result from his blood cancer, that he's now on dialysis 3 times a week plus with with his bi-weekly chemo treatments, its all starting to take a pretty big toll on him. So, its been very hectic here in 'Efenland' and it doesn't appear to be getting better anytime soon. But.. we had a wedding to go to in Sarasota (wife's niece) and had made all the plans to ensure that everything was covered while we were gone.

Was all set for a week's vacation (or as they say in 'LauraVille'...vacay;) 1/2 of it in Key West and the other remaining time in Sarasota (for the wedding). That was until I got a phone call the Saturday night before we were leaving....at 9:32 PM to be exact. It was my Mother, telling me that she had slipped on a rug and that '911' was on the way. "Are you hurt?" I asked. "Well...I hit my head and there's alot of blood". I rush right over and the EMT's are there. I find my Mother in the bedroom, sitting on the floor with her back against the bed...and there's blood...blood fucking everywhere. They had a bandage around her forehead and I could see that her shoulder looked 'funny'.

I get Dad settled and off I go, following the ambulance to the hospital. It's now almost 10:30. They get her right into ER but thats where things slowed 'somewhat'. Her care was good but being that she has other medical conditions, test after test is performed..with a lengthy waiting period between each one. Finally the ER Dr. comes in and tells me that not only does she have a broken shoulder but its dislocated. He tried to put it back in but no luck. He said either an Ortho Surgeon could do it manually or he'd have to put it back surgically. Mom gets into her own room at 4:15 and I get home close to 5:00.

Well, our plane was supposed to leave in 6 hours so I get on the phone and cancel everything..plane, hotel(s), and car rentals. I felt really bad for my Mrs. Efen because I knew how much she had been looking forward to our trip and coupled with the fact that my sister was coming in from Orlando for the week to take care of my Dad, well, it seemed like a rare opportunity lost.

After seeing my Mother, I go to see Dad. The 1st question he asks is "What times your plane leaving?" I tell him the changes I made and he gets alittle pissed. "Listen, you've been dealing with me and your Mother for 10 months now, with no breaks at all. You need to get away from this crap. Your sister will be here in a couple of hours, she can handle everything....so go and quit worrying". Uh...wasn't sure what to do. Didn't what my sister walking into all of this w/o me here to help. I wait til she gets there and asks her what she thinks? She says 'GO'. Fuck...I was really feeling guilty about just leaving this for someone else to handle but my sister is more than capable so I decided we would. Couldn't do the Key West thing, just not enough time, that and the air fare had doubled.

Finally decided we'd fly into Tampa Monday night, drive to St. Pete Beach and stay at a hotel we had saw online until Thursday when we'd drive down to Sarasota, for the weekend wedding. Last minute trips are never cheap but the need to go far out-weighed the cost.

Arrive in Tampa Monday night and go to the car rental place. I found a pretty good deal on a 'mid-size' so I had that reserved. Go to the counter and give Rental Guy my name.

RG: Okay, got you all set-up. We have you in a very nice PT Cruiser!

Me: You can forget that.

RG: I don't understand.

Me: I won't pay you to drive a car I wouldn't be caught dead driving.

RG: Sir...most people love them!

Me: Thats great for 'most' people, I'm not one of them. I don't care what you have to do, upgrade me, whatever.

RG: Well...that will cost you more.

Me: I just said 'I don't care'...just put me in something that doesn't look like I'm trying to recapture my youth in a pretend 'cool car'.

RG: Okay..no problem. I'm sure you'd like to take out the additional insurance because etc etc etc etc etc etc

Me: (I tuned out all that shit after 'additional') Listen, I have a Corporate Insurance Policy and it even covers shit like being attacked by a plague of locusts or Jamaican drug smugglers so I don't need it or want it

RG: Let me explain the benefits to you...

Me: Let me explain something to you..You either rent me something at your jacked up last-minute price and forget the Insurance scam or I'll walk over there (me pointing) and rent something from them.

RG: Here ya go, Sir. Please sign here and have a nice trip.

Motherfuckers...they try to take advantage of people who don't know any better and those that are travel-weary and are too tired to 'fight back'. Gutless pricks...I hate 'em.

Now, we have to cross the street with all of our fucking bags, go up a fuckin elevator to the 4th level, them carry our shit another 50 fuckin yards to the 'Pick-up Kiosk'. I give the guy my papers, he hands me the keys and tells me 'Its in Spot 46....just up the ramp on your left'.

"WTF?? Are you fuckin tellin me that I have to go get this fuckin car MYSELF and drive it back here to load up our fuckin bags??? Are you fucking SERIOUS?"

'Uh...well...I can go get it for you, if you want?"

"Buddy...take a guess".

"Ok...I'll be right back".

Seriously...I'm renting this fucking over-priced car from them and they expect me to do part of their fucking job? Geezus...no wonder this country is so fucked up..I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this wasn't some sort of 'Company Policy'...fucking morons, from top to bottom.

I'm not going to even get into the phone call I received from the Car Rental place, after we had driven 20 fuckin miles, tellin me we left a bag at the Kiosk. You can pretty much guess who I blamed that on...I tell ya, that drive from Tampa to St. Pete Beach can be a pretty quiet one. But the hotel was very nice (as pictured) and soon all was forgiven...ok..I was forgiven ;)

Part 2 to follow...which includes some pretty funny shit ;)

Happy BD and a WTF?

First off, I want to wish 'Daddys Little Girl' a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Geez....seems like only yesterday she was born. Uh...not that she'll read this because she is blissfully unaware that 'Dad' has this blog thing ;)

Note to J-Fab.....the years FLY by so enjoy every moment when they're little...cuz when they get older they somehow develop a 'mouth' ;).........BUT, they do grow out of that stage..thankfully :)

Ok..here's my 'WTF?" This girl I know (who happens to be quite 'hot'....go figure ;) calls me Tuesday afternoon and asks if I have tickets for the Cardinals day game the next day. I say that I do and I'm going. She asks if she can go too and I tell her I do have an extra ticket and she'd be welcome (duh....) She's all excited and shit and tells me she can't wait. A couple of hours later she calls back and asks if I can pick her on my way to the game. Well....she does have really, really big boobs so 'of course' I say yes. We leave it as she's gonna call me the next morning and we'd set the time then. I'm meeting two other people at the game and since its a 1:15 start, I had already told them we'd meet about 12:30. Plenty of time to hit a bar or two on the way to the ballpark.

Wednesday morning rolls around and its now 10:30 and I haven't heard from her so I call.....right to fuckin voicemail...so I text her, saying we'd need to leave by noon. I head up to 'SV' for lunch because no way can I drink on an empty stomach. Well...I CAN but the aftermath can get pretty funny.......or ugly...depending on your outlook.

At 11:40 I get a text from her.."sorry.....just woke up (not surprised)...call you in a few minutes". I text my buddies tellin them it would probably be 12:45 before I got there. I finish lunch and its now Noon.....and nuthin....no call, no text. I give her 10 more minutes...still nuthin...'fuck this'...so off I go. It only takes me about 20 minutes to get downtown so I'm there at 12:30...as planned. I called my buddy along the way, tellin him I had an extra ticket if he knew anyone (he works in a big office downtown), to give it to them.

We all meet up, stop for a couple of beers, and walk to the stadium. It's now 1:10...."Ringggggggg.....Ringggggggg".....

Me: Hello?

Her: Okay....I'm ready!

Me: You know what time it is?

Her: A little after 1:00.

Me: Didn't I tell you we needed to leave by Noon?

Her: Are you THERE?....You're at the GAME?

Me: Did you fucking think and I was going sit around and wait...not knowing if you were going or not? Besides...you said you call 'in a few minutes'...and that was 1 1/2 hours ago.

Her: (Silence).........uh, then I guess you're not going to come and pick me up?

Me: Nope...not at all.

Her: Well, I thought we were going and cancelled other plans.

Me: Listen...I'm not going argue about this. I upheld my end, you overslept...not my fault, you said you'd call me back in a few minutes..you didn't..plus, I had people waiting for me. If you can't understand the concept of responsibility, again, not my fucking problem.....click......

She called back but I hit 'ignore'....fuck that shit.

Geez....you'd a thought we were sleeping together or sumthin (her showin me her boobs like a hundred times don't count)

I'm not asking if you think I was right or wrong...I know I was fucking right. Frankly, I'm too old to babysit or hand hold....if you're not mature enough or don't have a sense of responsibility...then I don't have any time to waste on your sorry ass. Besides.....she has a twin sister... ;)

Please.....Don't light the oven, my head is in it.

Lets get a couple of things handled first:

My dear Elle...I am very sorry about your nephews friend. Its hard enough to get through life at that age without having to deal with something as tragic as that. Being forced to question your mortality at such a time in your life simply isn't right...or fair. My prayers and wishes go out to everyone who has been touched by this.

And....I truly feel terrible I forgot your birthday but I hope you had a great day...in spite of me forgetting ;)

To everyone else, you have my apology and believe me, I am suitably contrite.

Okay, on to the business at hand....Things have been, how can I put this eloquently.....oh, I know.....fucked.

As many of you know, my Dad has been going through all that chemo shit and until the past couple of weeks, hasn't been effected much by its side-effects. That was until the itching started. Its pretty much a constant a thing, itching from one part of his body to another. So, now on top of the fatigue from the chemo, he can't sleep more than a couple of hours, then the itching wakes him up, plus the blood cancer caused his arthritis to go into 'overdrive' and its hard for him to walk. I feel so bad for him, looking at him, knowing he's tiring rapidly of all of this, but never a complaint.

My Mother on the other hand, makes me want to scream "WTF is your problem, NOW?" She's been in semi-poor health for several years now and all during that time, Dad waited on her hand and foot.....even more that I thought he needed to but fuck, I'm not gonna tell my Dad what he should or shouldn't be doing.

Mother is and has been, 100% convinced that she has some sort of illness, not a simple one mind you, but one that is basically a death sentence. I have had her to every one of her fucking doctors and they have all told her basically the same thing (after running tests and tests and tests)....the reason she's tired and run down and losing weight is because she doesn't fucking eat! Her muscles ache because shes having to burn them as fuel because shes using up more calories than shes taking in....and the lack of any exercise just makes the problem worse. Actually, her Lung doctor told her point blank "If you don't start eating, you will die...and that won't be far off'

Did this have any fucking effect..oh yeah....for maybe 7-10 days. She won't take her 'psyc meds'

because of one lame fucking excuse or another, even her Dr. told her besides making her feel 'less anxious' it would increase her appetite...nope, those weren't good enough reasons, evidently. In short, she won't help herself but will moan and complain about how she feels. All this during a time that my Dad could really use the help.

Today, I bring Dad home after he got a transfusion. He's in a real good mood and we talk all way the back. We walk in the house, there's Mother, sitting on the couch with 'that look'. Theres also some lady (Joyce) there, a friend, whom I had never met. I ask Mother whats wrong? She's weak (duh?), and her lower back hurts when she bends over. She went to the Dr. last week so I ask her if he had called with the test results? No, but I'm probably going to have to be put in the hospital, she tells me. Okay, I am in no fucking mood for this, so I tell her 'Call him then, call me at work and let me know...I gotta go'. She then tells me 'Joyce' can take her to the hospital if she has to go.

Let me tell y'all something, No one, I mean no one (well, maybe my sister if she would deem it at all fucking necessary to come back for a week) would take either of my parents to the hospital except me, and my Mother knows that very fucking well...but I wasn't playing that fuckin game, so I said "That would be nice of her". Fuck that shit...I was (and am) pissed by the whole motherfuckin thing.

'Joyce' then decides its her unalienable right to stick her fucking nose in my fucking business......."Efen...I think your Mother should call the doctor now and you should wait to see what he says".

"Really, Joyce..thats what you think I should do?....You think the Dr. is going to drop everything and take her call or do you think I should just sit here for 5-6 hours waiting for him to call back?"

She gave me that "I have never seen such an uncompassionate son in my whole life' look...thats fine, I gave her my 'Shut the fuck up and mind your own fuckin business with your 1980's hairdo' look.

Dad sat there and as I left, he gave me his 'I don't blame you' look. Dad was always a cool guy ;)

The more I thought about it later, I decided Mother is correct, she does need to go in the hospital...and if they don't find anything wrong, then she should head over to the 'psyc ward' for a month or two. Besides that getting her hopefully better, Dad and I need a break.

Yeah, I know...I sound like a real prince of a guy. Ya know what, right now I don't give one flying fuck.