Over the past week or so, I've been in and out of several stores and one thing seems to have caught my eye. Halloween costumes......if you can call them 'costumes'.
Back in 'the day', the costumes were things that people wore that generally made them look scary, sweet, or funny.
Halloween costumes, now it seems, have fallen into two general categories. First, there are the costumes for men and boys. Second – and this is the far larger of the two groups, from what I’ve seen – there are the costumes for hookers. Shopping for Halloween costumes these days is a lot like hanging out at Dr. John’s (local sex shop), but with less personal lubricant. Everywhere you look, there’s a 'Naughty Nurse' or a 'Slinky Vampire' or a 'Sexy Police Officer'. It’s crazy. This trend has even made its way down to the pre-teen sizes.
A friend of mine's daughter, 'Megan' (not her real name), is too tall this year to wear anything from the kids’ sizes. She’s graduated to the pre-teens. Apparently this also means she’s graduated to dressing like a pole dancer. At least, that must be what the costume-makers think. One outfit my buddy told me about – to which 'Megan' took a particular shine – was called something like “Candy Corn Princess.” He said the package, which had a picture of a girl who looked to be about 14 wearing the dress. The dress had lots of yellow and orange and it basically made the girl look like a five-foot-tall piece of candy. But the skirt was really short. Really short. His wife was hesitant to let 'Megan' try it on, but the kid was so taken with it that they let her give it a whirl. Besides, 'Megan' didn’t see the picture the same way he and his wife saw it. She’s 11 and just saw a cute dress. My buddy and his wife saw Jamie Lynn: The Early Years. Fortunately, 'Megan' is shorter than the girl in the picture, and on her the skirt was long enough that they are at least considering it. They didn’t pull the trigger on it, mostly because they were worried she’ll be cold while trick-or-treating in a dress in late October, but the Candy Corn dress is an option. Still, though, like him, I was surprised at the fact that this was even an issue they had to deal with at all.....for an 11 year old!
Since when did Halloween turn into Dracula-Meets-Caligula? Listen, don’t get me wrong. I’m a guy. As a guy, I’m a huge fan of 22-year-old girls (unless one happens to be MY daughter) showing up at Halloween parties dressed like they’re going to spend the evening giving lap dances. I’m a little bit upset that this trend arrived on college campuses well after I graduated, but you know, I just need to let that go. It’s fine. I’m letting it go.
The thing about this whole trend toward Hookerween is that, well, this isn’t a college town. There are plenty of women in this town who can pull off a 'I’m Sorry Did I Drop My Pencil Pirate' costume and really rock it. God love ‘em; they make the world go round. But, I’ve been to the mall. I’ve been to Six Flags. I’ve eaten at Cracker Barrel. This town needs somewhat more modest Halloween costumes, and it needs lots of them. I'm sure most women look at what kind of costumes are available and realize that no way are these going to be worn in public by women who have the audacity to be a size 6 or higher. No wonder so many good-looking women are convinced they’re fat. So, listen up, if you’re one of the companies that makes Halloween costumes, help a guy out here. I’m sure I’m not the only guy who will say that he doesn’t want his daughter dressing like an exotic dancer, and he doesn’t want his wife to think she’s fat because 'Naughty Secretary' is not entirely flattering on her. OK? Just a few more of the regular costumes. That’s all I’m asking you for.....because there will be a few of these worn by women who should stay away.....far, far, away.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Federal Buyout.....
I don't normally deal much with political issues on my site because we all get enough exposure as it is. On top of that, I feel everyone has a right to their opinions (ok....to a point ;) But since this 'buyout' thing is a huge fuckin mess, I thought I would add my '2 cents'.
I don't know enough about the bailout plan to say one way or another. All I can answer for sure is that neither Bush, Obama or McCain are even remotely capable of coming up with a plan like this on their own...whatever 'plan' gets approved will only be approved with both parties blessing. That 'should' mean that if it fails both are guilty but neither will admit that down the road and if it succeeds both will take credit...90% of all politicians suck. It's naive to keep blaming presidents for 'bad economic cycles' or giving them too much credit when they have very little to do with success in a 4 year term.
I don't believe any one person by himself makes or breaks an economy of this size...that being said, if you insist on looking to point fingers of blame for todays real estate/banking/housing mess feel free to go back to 1977 and Jimmy Carter for his creation of CRA (Community Reinvestment Act). Without boring you with the 'details' Jimmy's creation of the CRA explicitly instructed federal and state bank examiners to assign bad CRA ratings to banks that did not 'lower their credit standards' to help the low to moderate income get approved for mortgages. "Needs to Improves" or "Poor" CRA ratings by a bunch of government geek examiners who never made a fucking loan in their life meant banks all over the country were handcuffed to grow, merge, expand by acquisition or building new branches...so what were banks forced to do by 'bad liberal minded policy from Washington'?
To get off the Examiners 'shit lists' they had to loosen their credit underwriting guidelines...so the days of 20% down payments went by the wayside and 10% down payments came about and PMI (private mortgage insurance) made up the difference for lost 'equity'. Next came 5% down, 3% down, no money down, no doc, low doc, no verification loans, interest only mortgages etc...and who was the 'buyer' of the crappy mortgages...Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac...oh yeah they are essentially the federal government...did I mention that Barack Obama the attorney, used to work for Fannie Mae? Did I mention that Fannie Mae's 2nd largest recipient of campaign contributions was none other than Barack Obama...so who is he beholden to? I read the CEO of Fannie Mae is fighting to have his 24 Million Dollar golden parachute retirement/severance package paid to him...for what, doing such a great job fucking with Fannie Mae? He's got bigger fuckin balls than I'll ever have.
The bottom line is their all in bed together ....stop thinking the Dem's are good and Republicans are evil. It's all about power for both parties and getting their share as long as they can. I subscribe that the Republicans general philosophy of 'less federal' government is better for us in the long haul while the Democrats liberal mindset that government should solve most or all of our problems is a false promise that continues to buy them votes with the vast majority of poor and minority voters. If the Dem's could fix public schools, poverty, health care, social security with big government what have they done with their chances over the past 50 years?
As for as the 'Bailout' goes, something needs to be done to restore order in the financial markets to put some grease (liquidity) back in the engine of the economy. Nothing is moving and that grid lock can cause the entire engine to shut down...or 'Bailout II' will occur in another few years. ..that being said, some tough medicine needs to be doled out to banks, thrifts (WAMU a huge culprit in this mess), investment firms, and government agencies like Fannie Mae that they won't be allowed to rape and plunder again...the cost to bail out Wall Street can easily exceed 10 Iraq's yet these are Americans ripping off Americans because we have become a greedy, self serving country. Today's philosophy is get all you can whenever you fucking can...and screw the other guy. The mindset to 'serve', 'do the right thing', 'be ethical' has been replaced by golden parachutes to the sum of 24 million for failing...WAMU's CEO was on the job for 17 days...I heard he'll make 18 million for brokering the deal to sell WAMU's assets to JP Morgan. Is the head of Fannie Mae or WAMU a Republican or a Democrat? I don't really give a fuck...they should be put in jail regardless, for 'stealing' from the public trust.
Now.....back to your regularly scheduled programming.
I don't know enough about the bailout plan to say one way or another. All I can answer for sure is that neither Bush, Obama or McCain are even remotely capable of coming up with a plan like this on their own...whatever 'plan' gets approved will only be approved with both parties blessing. That 'should' mean that if it fails both are guilty but neither will admit that down the road and if it succeeds both will take credit...90% of all politicians suck. It's naive to keep blaming presidents for 'bad economic cycles' or giving them too much credit when they have very little to do with success in a 4 year term.
I don't believe any one person by himself makes or breaks an economy of this size...that being said, if you insist on looking to point fingers of blame for todays real estate/banking/housing mess feel free to go back to 1977 and Jimmy Carter for his creation of CRA (Community Reinvestment Act). Without boring you with the 'details' Jimmy's creation of the CRA explicitly instructed federal and state bank examiners to assign bad CRA ratings to banks that did not 'lower their credit standards' to help the low to moderate income get approved for mortgages. "Needs to Improves" or "Poor" CRA ratings by a bunch of government geek examiners who never made a fucking loan in their life meant banks all over the country were handcuffed to grow, merge, expand by acquisition or building new branches...so what were banks forced to do by 'bad liberal minded policy from Washington'?
To get off the Examiners 'shit lists' they had to loosen their credit underwriting guidelines...so the days of 20% down payments went by the wayside and 10% down payments came about and PMI (private mortgage insurance) made up the difference for lost 'equity'. Next came 5% down, 3% down, no money down, no doc, low doc, no verification loans, interest only mortgages etc...and who was the 'buyer' of the crappy mortgages...Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac...oh yeah they are essentially the federal government...did I mention that Barack Obama the attorney, used to work for Fannie Mae? Did I mention that Fannie Mae's 2nd largest recipient of campaign contributions was none other than Barack Obama...so who is he beholden to? I read the CEO of Fannie Mae is fighting to have his 24 Million Dollar golden parachute retirement/severance package paid to him...for what, doing such a great job fucking with Fannie Mae? He's got bigger fuckin balls than I'll ever have.
The bottom line is their all in bed together ....stop thinking the Dem's are good and Republicans are evil. It's all about power for both parties and getting their share as long as they can. I subscribe that the Republicans general philosophy of 'less federal' government is better for us in the long haul while the Democrats liberal mindset that government should solve most or all of our problems is a false promise that continues to buy them votes with the vast majority of poor and minority voters. If the Dem's could fix public schools, poverty, health care, social security with big government what have they done with their chances over the past 50 years?
As for as the 'Bailout' goes, something needs to be done to restore order in the financial markets to put some grease (liquidity) back in the engine of the economy. Nothing is moving and that grid lock can cause the entire engine to shut down...or 'Bailout II' will occur in another few years. ..that being said, some tough medicine needs to be doled out to banks, thrifts (WAMU a huge culprit in this mess), investment firms, and government agencies like Fannie Mae that they won't be allowed to rape and plunder again...the cost to bail out Wall Street can easily exceed 10 Iraq's yet these are Americans ripping off Americans because we have become a greedy, self serving country. Today's philosophy is get all you can whenever you fucking can...and screw the other guy. The mindset to 'serve', 'do the right thing', 'be ethical' has been replaced by golden parachutes to the sum of 24 million for failing...WAMU's CEO was on the job for 17 days...I heard he'll make 18 million for brokering the deal to sell WAMU's assets to JP Morgan. Is the head of Fannie Mae or WAMU a Republican or a Democrat? I don't really give a fuck...they should be put in jail regardless, for 'stealing' from the public trust.
Now.....back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Interesting Topics...
Damn, I wish I was a creative as some with their 'Post' topics (giving 'props' to Bucky for his latest :)
The problem is, there are too many things that don't even register with me as 'interesting', especially to others. Then, when I see one on anothers site, its like 'Fuck me....why didn't I think of that???
Only so many things grab my attention. Morons are one, things that happen that piss me off are another, and well, frankly...boobs, of all shapes and sizes. Other than those three (which I'm sure you've seen a reoccurring theme), thats about it.
Generally, though unintentionally, I manage to get all three of these in my same post topic. Sometimes, there's one example that captures all three, such as the below:
See what I mean? 1. No doubt...a freakin moron, 2. Thinkin she's so hot pisses me off because I hate it when people are so blatantly stupid, and 3. Well, the script is on her boobs so I guess that counts, too.
The problem is, there are too many things that don't even register with me as 'interesting', especially to others. Then, when I see one on anothers site, its like 'Fuck me....why didn't I think of that???
Only so many things grab my attention. Morons are one, things that happen that piss me off are another, and well, frankly...boobs, of all shapes and sizes. Other than those three (which I'm sure you've seen a reoccurring theme), thats about it.
Generally, though unintentionally, I manage to get all three of these in my same post topic. Sometimes, there's one example that captures all three, such as the below:
See what I mean? 1. No doubt...a freakin moron, 2. Thinkin she's so hot pisses me off because I hate it when people are so blatantly stupid, and 3. Well, the script is on her boobs so I guess that counts, too.My question....does she really fuckin believe that? Actually, I think she does....or.... her crackhead boyfriend has just pawned her prized collection of 'Elvis Plates' and this is her way of making a point.
Here's another 'If he was dating my daughter I'd be on Death Row' type. Seriously....what fuckin planet is this fuckin idiot from? Maybe 'Planet Fuckin Stupid'?? Dunno, guess its my age but I just don't fucking get it. Does he really think this looks good....that it makes him look cool? Now, I'm sorta guessin here but does he realize when he's knocking over a gas station or makin a 'meth buy' from an 'undercover' that this 'look' may not be so good when it comes to someone making an ID on him? I swear, I'd like to sit down with the fuckwad and just ask him "Why"? Don't get me wrong, I really don't give a fuck as to 'why', I just want to hear the guaranteed moronic fuckin answer he'd give.
Guys are not alone in the way of 'self-expression'. Look at the below, closely. Now, what would be your reaction when 'little Suzie' came bouncing down the stairs, in her swim suit, to greet her grandparents (or any other member of your family, work place, church, etc)? Again, I would just like to hear her fuckin answer as to why she is promoting 'double fellatio' on her own body? I'm guessin 'classy' wouldn't be her answer and that's only because she hadn't thought of it. But, who knows, maybe she would have a valid reason, like "It helps me get dates".
I think it's possible that I attract idiots, like a moth to a fuckin flame. Example: I'm sittin at 'SV' the other day and there was some ball game on TV. I look around for the remote, can't find it. So I say, rather loudly, to the girl workin the bar "I need some VOLUME". This guy (who I know) on the other end of the bar, gets up and walks over to me, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a pill bottle and pours a handful. "Here Efen....take a few". I look at him and say "What the fuck are those?" He says "I got what you want...VALIUM".....I tell him I said 'volume'...he says "They ARE Valium...see the little 'v' in the middle...these are the real thing". Gotta admit, I was laughing my ass off....sadly, he never did get it. Just gave me an 'oh well' look and went back to his barstool.
Maybe one day I'll find some topics that are interesting................until then, you're stuck with these.
Monday, September 22, 2008
It's Monday.......Again..Updated
Geez......can these fuckin weekends go any faster?
All in all a pretty good weekend with only a few minor aggravations. Did my usual 'SV' routine on Saturday and Sunday, although I'm starting to see that the time I spend there is getting less on weekends, especially on Saturday.
Probably due to the girl thats working Saturdays is nice, but no longer 'hot'. She's a very pretty girl and has great sense of humor, but....she just had a kid a few months back and has yet to lose much of the......60 fuckin pounds she gained...sheesh. I would say thats a 'ton of weight' but I don't want to go for the cheap laugh.
Sunday girl is still 'smokin' so thats all good.
Highlight of the weekend was going to see The Eagles on Saturday night. They were unfuckinbelievable! I swear, there were songs where you could close your eyes and it sounded like it was 30 years ago. While not the biggest Joe Walsh fan before, he stole the fuckin show with his singing and his guitar solos. On top of that, I think it may be the only concert I have ever been to where pot was not a factor ;) Oh, standing in line at the concession stand and I hear a guy behind me say "Fuck....there's a lot of old people here". I turn to look at this fucker, gettin myself ready to give him some 'old fuck Efen rhetoric' when I see this guy is like 43-45. WTF??? I didn't realize that 45 was the new 20. I didn't say nuthin...wasn't worth it.
I told ya'll awhile back that Daughter has a new boyfriend that lives in Florida. Evidently, distance hasn't hindered this relationship yet, in fact he came in a week ago for her birthday. Sunday she tells me that during 'Fall Break' (WTF....paying this fuckin school a ton of a fuckin money and they get a 'Fall Break' as well as a Spring Break?) she's going to Florida to see her cousin (my niece). Okay....I may be at times stupid, but I ain't ever that fuckin stupid. So, being the diplomatic father that I am, I say "Thats bullshit....did you forget who you're talking to?" So, she laughs and says "Dad....I am going to see my cousin....and 'HIM' too...probably". Yeah, 'Probably'. Oh well..... I did tell her 'the next time 'honey-sweetie' comes to town, you're bringing his ass over here so I can meet him...understood?" Again, she laughs and says 'OK'.
I so hope I never have to fly to Florida to kick some punks ass for making my little girl cry or sumthin. But...my brother-in-law lives there and he 'knows people' so that may save me a trip ;)
Actually, this is more than a 'minor' aggravation; We have a spare service van here at work. We use it to deliver parts and shit. It's old but still runs so its licensed and insured, as it should be. I drive in this morning and notice, right away, that the fuckin plates (you may call them tags) are missing. Some trailer-livin lowlife motherfucker has stolen them cuz his fuckin vehicle won't pass inspection for new plates. Haven't called the cops yet because I have video to review. Yes, we have a Surveillance Camera in place that videos every fuckin vehicle that enters our lot...night or day, and its 'motion activated'. I doubt though it actually captured the thieves 'at work' because of where the van was parked but hopefully it did get the plates of the motherfuckers 89 Ford Fairmount or equivalent, that they drove in with. I so hope that this motherfucker(s) has '2 strikes' already............ I'll even show up at his parole hearing to tell 'em how he has emotionally damaged me and that how I can't sleep at night because I'm simply terrified...how this whole ordeal has scarred me for life. Fuck him and everyone that loves him.
UPDATE: Went through all the fuckin video and............nuthin. M'fers must have parked their vehicle elsewhere and walked over. Turns out they hit the business next door and got 5 of their plates. Called the police and they sent over a girl that is no doubt the hottest female police officer I have ever seen in my fuckin life! Couldn't tell about her boobs with the bullet-proof vest on but that really didn't matter....Ultra hot! We talked in the parking lot, we talked in my office, she left and since called me back twice....the 1st time with "Uh...did I give you my name...Did I give you my direct line? (yes...she did...to both) Hmmmmmmmmmm.......nah....no way........uh...well fuck, maybe...I mean....its possible...er.....just why in the fuck not?
All in all a pretty good weekend with only a few minor aggravations. Did my usual 'SV' routine on Saturday and Sunday, although I'm starting to see that the time I spend there is getting less on weekends, especially on Saturday.
Probably due to the girl thats working Saturdays is nice, but no longer 'hot'. She's a very pretty girl and has great sense of humor, but....she just had a kid a few months back and has yet to lose much of the
Sunday girl is still 'smokin' so thats all good.
Highlight of the weekend was going to see The Eagles on Saturday night. They were unfuckinbelievable! I swear, there were songs where you could close your eyes and it sounded like it was 30 years ago. While not the biggest Joe Walsh fan before, he stole the fuckin show with his singing and his guitar solos. On top of that, I think it may be the only concert I have ever been to where pot was not a factor ;) Oh, standing in line at the concession stand and I hear a guy behind me say "Fuck....there's a lot of old people here". I turn to look at this fucker, gettin myself ready to give him some 'old fuck Efen rhetoric' when I see this guy is like 43-45. WTF??? I didn't realize that 45 was the new 20. I didn't say nuthin...wasn't worth it.
I told ya'll awhile back that Daughter has a new boyfriend that lives in Florida. Evidently, distance hasn't hindered this relationship yet, in fact he came in a week ago for her birthday. Sunday she tells me that during 'Fall Break' (WTF....paying this fuckin school a ton of a fuckin money and they get a 'Fall Break' as well as a Spring Break?) she's going to Florida to see her cousin (my niece). Okay....I may be at times stupid, but I ain't ever that fuckin stupid. So, being the diplomatic father that I am, I say "Thats bullshit....did you forget who you're talking to?" So, she laughs and says "Dad....I am going to see my cousin....and 'HIM' too...probably". Yeah, 'Probably'. Oh well..... I did tell her 'the next time 'honey-sweetie' comes to town, you're bringing his ass over here so I can meet him...understood?" Again, she laughs and says 'OK'.
I so hope I never have to fly to Florida to kick some punks ass for making my little girl cry or sumthin. But...my brother-in-law lives there and he 'knows people' so that may save me a trip ;)
Actually, this is more than a 'minor' aggravation; We have a spare service van here at work. We use it to deliver parts and shit. It's old but still runs so its licensed and insured, as it should be. I drive in this morning and notice, right away, that the fuckin plates (you may call them tags) are missing. Some trailer-livin lowlife motherfucker has stolen them cuz his fuckin vehicle won't pass inspection for new plates. Haven't called the cops yet because I have video to review. Yes, we have a Surveillance Camera in place that videos every fuckin vehicle that enters our lot...night or day, and its 'motion activated'. I doubt though it actually captured the thieves 'at work' because of where the van was parked but hopefully it did get the plates of the motherfuckers 89 Ford Fairmount or equivalent, that they drove in with. I so hope that this motherfucker(s) has '2 strikes' already............ I'll even show up at his parole hearing to tell 'em how he has emotionally damaged me and that how I can't sleep at night because I'm simply terrified...how this whole ordeal has scarred me for life. Fuck him and everyone that loves him.
UPDATE: Went through all the fuckin video and............nuthin. M'fers must have parked their vehicle elsewhere and walked over. Turns out they hit the business next door and got 5 of their plates. Called the police and they sent over a girl that is no doubt the hottest female police officer I have ever seen in my fuckin life! Couldn't tell about her boobs with the bullet-proof vest on but that really didn't matter....Ultra hot! We talked in the parking lot, we talked in my office, she left and since called me back twice....the 1st time with "Uh...did I give you my name...Did I give you my direct line? (yes...she did...to both) Hmmmmmmmmmm.......nah....no way........uh...well fuck, maybe...I mean....its possible...er.....just why in the fuck not?
Friday, September 19, 2008
Idiots ...
Man...there is a plethora of examples on this subject. So many, one post can't do it justice (add to the fact......... I got nuthin)
Who can ever under-estimate the true brilliance of your common street thug? This guy below probably doesn't see the irony.....fuck, he probably doesn't even know what 'irony' means.
NOTE: This guy below isn't an 'idiot'...I just liked the picture ;)
How in the fuckin world does one let themselves get in this shape (or lack thereof) to where you need a motherfuckin wheelbarrel to move your STOMACH???? AND....before I get any 'Show some sensitivity, Efen'.....gimme a fuckin break..I mean..look at the fuckin guy. I bet he shops at Kroger...in the same outfit.
Now here's another fuckin genuis. What a fuckin shocker she's an ex-Hooter's employee. Guess she's now a part of Waffle House Nation. Just in case you can't read the small print, Hooters had a contest on who could sell the most beer. She thought the prize was a Toyota.....but, it was a 'toy yoda'...now she's fuckin suing. If she wasn't, now that would be weird.
Yeah, this guy I'm sure is a real credit to society. I'm sure his 5 kids appreciate that he has money for 'gun ink', but not for child support. He is sooooooooooooooooo freakin cool!
Here's one from a fuckin guy I hate....yes, I hate this "no-talent, I'm really gay, I deserve to have my ass kicked", douchebag. Just look at the extremely weird look on his face.....If I saw that fucker peering out of the window with that fuckin face..."BOOM"
Here's a classic.....on national fuckin TV no less. I'm sure her family is so proud.
Who can ever under-estimate the true brilliance of your common street thug? This guy below probably doesn't see the irony.....fuck, he probably doesn't even know what 'irony' means.NOTE: This guy below isn't an 'idiot'...I just liked the picture ;)
From the "Does He Really Appreciate His View" Dept....(ETW may really like this little guy ;)
He Pingping, born with primordial dwarfism, holds the Guinness World Record for the smallest man at 2 feet, 5.37 inches, and Svetlana Pankratova holds the Guinness World Record for the longest leg of any woman at 4 feet 4 inches.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Weird Shit.....
While looking something up on Google, I stumbled across another link that seemed interesting, which ultimately led me to additional links. I am fucking amazed with the weird shit you can find, either purposely or accidental. Below is a 'sampling' of some of my 'finds';
"Prison hooch can be made in your cell toilet (as long as you don't mind using other people's toilets or finding some other solution), or more often, in plastic trash bags. The recipe is simple: make a strong bag by double or triple-bagging some plastic trash bags and knotting the bottoms. Into this, pour warm water, some fruit or fruit juice, raisins or tomatoes, yeast, and as much sugar as you can get ahold of (or powdered drink mix). Now tie off the top of the bag, letting a tube of some kind protrude so the thing won't explode while it gives off carbon dioxide. Now hide the bag somewhere and wait at least three days. A week is enough.
One of the problems you have right away with making wine in prison is the difficulty getting yeast. It's a strictly forbidden item and you might not be able to get any. In this case you can improvise the by using slices of bread, preferably moldy (but not dry) and preferably inside a sock for easier straining.
If you choose to brew your wine in your cell, you'll need to hide it behind your bunk and do what you can to hide the smell. Burning cinnamon as incense is one way. Spraying deodorant around is another. Normal wine takes at least a month if not six weeks to make at all properly -- but in hell, this is all you get."
I thought about giving this a shot, just to see what you end up with but wasn't fond of of the idea of using toilet water. If this appeals to your adventurous spirit, please let me know how it turns out.
Another.... (uh.....I'm bettin either Elle or J-Fab have attended ;)
The Roadkill Cookoff : With a motto “you kill it, we grill it,” you know it’s gonna be good. That is, if you’re into attending festivals like the Roadkill Cookoff in Marlinton, West Virginia.
Held every September, the Roadkill Cookoff is held in honor of the practice of actually taking home and eating the dead deer or squirrel that you hit or found on the side of the road.
Head to the festival for a taste of dishes like Asleep at the Wheel Squeal, Stir-Tired Possum with Natural Brown Maggots, Tire Tread Tortillas, Rigormortis Bear Stew and Thumper meets Bumper (LMAO @ the 'Thumper' one ;)
And...not to be outdone;
Turkey Testicle Festival: Since 1978, people have gathered in Byron, Illinois on the second Saturday of October to “have a ball,” or a few, and by “have a ball” they mean “eat a turkey testicle.”
The Turkey Testicle Festival is restricted to the 21 and over crowd and for five bucks you get karaoke contests, raffle contests/prizes, beer, entertainment, and lots and lots of fried turkey balls.
But wait, just when you thought the fun was limited to one festival, there is yet another Turkey Testicle Festival in nearby Huntley, Illinois that has taken place at the Parkside pub for the last 25 years.
This one takes place right around Thanksgiving and is about an hour away from the one in Byron.
With two testicle festivals taking place in the Illinois, residents should have plenty of balls to go around.
From the WTF Are You Thinking Department:
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - Mother's Day draws a crowd in the home of an Arkansas woman - she is pregnant with her 18th child. Michelle Duggar, 41, said she is six weeks along in her pregnancy and that everything is going well.
This weekend, Duggar will join her husband and their 17 children to celebrate Mother's Day with brunch at a hotel in downtown Little Rock. Their youngest child, Jennifer, is 9 months old. Their oldest, Josh, is 20.
The Duggar children include 10 boys and seven girls. Within the group are two sets of twins.
"We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," Michelle Duggar said, laughing.
Yeah......both of you are sooooooooooooooo fuckin responsible. Idiots.
Ok, but whose counting:
Robert Sinclair of Laurentian University and Sean Moore of Augustana College, have conducted several studies. The largest and most recent is a Web-based survey conducted in fall 2005. The researchers polled a Knowledge Networks panel of 2,065 heterosexual, U.S. non-virgins with a median age in their late 40s. The average number of sexual partners the women reported was 8.6. The average number the men reported was 31.9.
Hmm....so it seems a large percentage of the men were bangin the same women?
The following isn't really weird, just strange:
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language that end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula."
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand
"Prison hooch can be made in your cell toilet (as long as you don't mind using other people's toilets or finding some other solution), or more often, in plastic trash bags. The recipe is simple: make a strong bag by double or triple-bagging some plastic trash bags and knotting the bottoms. Into this, pour warm water, some fruit or fruit juice, raisins or tomatoes, yeast, and as much sugar as you can get ahold of (or powdered drink mix). Now tie off the top of the bag, letting a tube of some kind protrude so the thing won't explode while it gives off carbon dioxide. Now hide the bag somewhere and wait at least three days. A week is enough.
One of the problems you have right away with making wine in prison is the difficulty getting yeast. It's a strictly forbidden item and you might not be able to get any. In this case you can improvise the by using slices of bread, preferably moldy (but not dry) and preferably inside a sock for easier straining.
If you choose to brew your wine in your cell, you'll need to hide it behind your bunk and do what you can to hide the smell. Burning cinnamon as incense is one way. Spraying deodorant around is another. Normal wine takes at least a month if not six weeks to make at all properly -- but in hell, this is all you get."
I thought about giving this a shot, just to see what you end up with but wasn't fond of of the idea of using toilet water. If this appeals to your adventurous spirit, please let me know how it turns out.
Another.... (uh.....I'm bettin either Elle or J-Fab have attended ;)
The Roadkill Cookoff : With a motto “you kill it, we grill it,” you know it’s gonna be good. That is, if you’re into attending festivals like the Roadkill Cookoff in Marlinton, West Virginia.
Held every September, the Roadkill Cookoff is held in honor of the practice of actually taking home and eating the dead deer or squirrel that you hit or found on the side of the road.
Head to the festival for a taste of dishes like Asleep at the Wheel Squeal, Stir-Tired Possum with Natural Brown Maggots, Tire Tread Tortillas, Rigormortis Bear Stew and Thumper meets Bumper (LMAO @ the 'Thumper' one ;)
And...not to be outdone;
Turkey Testicle Festival: Since 1978, people have gathered in Byron, Illinois on the second Saturday of October to “have a ball,” or a few, and by “have a ball” they mean “eat a turkey testicle.”
The Turkey Testicle Festival is restricted to the 21 and over crowd and for five bucks you get karaoke contests, raffle contests/prizes, beer, entertainment, and lots and lots of fried turkey balls.
But wait, just when you thought the fun was limited to one festival, there is yet another Turkey Testicle Festival in nearby Huntley, Illinois that has taken place at the Parkside pub for the last 25 years.
This one takes place right around Thanksgiving and is about an hour away from the one in Byron.
With two testicle festivals taking place in the Illinois, residents should have plenty of balls to go around.
From the WTF Are You Thinking Department:
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - Mother's Day draws a crowd in the home of an Arkansas woman - she is pregnant with her 18th child. Michelle Duggar, 41, said she is six weeks along in her pregnancy and that everything is going well.
This weekend, Duggar will join her husband and their 17 children to celebrate Mother's Day with brunch at a hotel in downtown Little Rock. Their youngest child, Jennifer, is 9 months old. Their oldest, Josh, is 20.
The Duggar children include 10 boys and seven girls. Within the group are two sets of twins.
"We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," Michelle Duggar said, laughing.
Yeah......both of you are sooooooooooooooo fuckin responsible. Idiots.
Ok, but whose counting:
Robert Sinclair of Laurentian University and Sean Moore of Augustana College, have conducted several studies. The largest and most recent is a Web-based survey conducted in fall 2005. The researchers polled a Knowledge Networks panel of 2,065 heterosexual, U.S. non-virgins with a median age in their late 40s. The average number of sexual partners the women reported was 8.6. The average number the men reported was 31.9.
Hmm....so it seems a large percentage of the men were bangin the same women?
The following isn't really weird, just strange:
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language that end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula."
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand
And finally, one of the more bizarre (No....I didn't read more than the header) :
Rob's Necrophilia Fantasy . I purposely left out the actual link because sick fucks like this don't need any more publicity.Monday, September 15, 2008
Ike and Other Things....
I'm not gonna make too big a fuckin deal about the remnants of Ike that passed through Sunday because based on what I've seen outta Galveston and Houston, it would take bigger balls than I have to do any 'major' complainin but I do have some 'minor' bitchin;
- Yesterday morning, 5.5" of rain in 6 fuckin hours. If you aren't sure what that means, well, its a lot of fuckin rain in a very short period of time.
- 60 MPH wind gusts. Ok, I realize its not like the Gulf of Texas incurred but fuck, we're 1000 fuckin miles from there
- Friends with up to 8" of water in their basements. This was mainly due to storm sewers and storm drains backed up not because of any actual flooding of streams, creeks, etc. Tho, there was plenty of that.
- Another big fuckin limb down but from a different tree and its so fuckin muddy I can't even attempt to get that fuckin thing cut up.
- Rain poured into a fuckin 'mole hole' that's in the back of my yard....then proceeded to wash a fuckin trench out of the whole length of the mole run, about 20 feet long. I can only hope the little mfer drowned.....slowly.
Went to 'SV' to watch the Rams game yesterday (geez...they blow more than a hurricane). Uh, I have Season Tickets (a huge fuckin mistake on my part) but I had no desire to see them get their collective asses kicked in person. Basically, it was damage control because if I would have used the tickets instead of lettin them sit in my desk, it woulda easily cost me another $200 . Guess I coulda begged someone to take 'em.
It was mainly me and the Village Idiots there. Just when you think people just can't possibly get any more fuckin stupid, they surprise you. Example: Watchin the local news 'Special Report' about the weather and the guy sittin down the bar says " Is this the same hurricane they got in Texas...I didn't know we got hurricanes?". WTF??? No, ya see right smack dab in the middle of the fuckin US we're constantly hit with hurricanes that develop over the Mississippi River....motherfuck!
Genius #2 (from Chicago): This is the guy who doesn't call me by my name, only my 1st initial. "E.......you get rain?" AARRRRGGHHH......Who didn't get fuckin rain??? So I say, "Nope...not a single fuckin drop.....amazing".
Genius #3 (from New York and leaves no doubt about it): as he's listening in "REALLY.....that is unbelievable! You should call the Channel 5 (local station) and tell them. They'd probably come out an interview you...man, thats unreal".
Let me make one thing absolfuckinlutely crystal fuckin clear....These guy ARE NOT my normal runnin buddies....just morons who come to the bar and for some unknown fuckin reason, they think I'm their buddy.
Girl workin the bar has to walk away as she listens to these 2 idiots because she doesn't want to laugh in their faces....and she won't even look at me cuz she knows then, its all over.
I leave 'SV' after the game and drive to my office to make sure it didn't get washed away. I come out and there's a police car pulled right up behind my truck. He's standing there on his radio and motions for me to 'stay where I am'.............WTF is goin on here?
Me: There a problem?
Dickface Cop: I need to see your ID.
Me: For what? Whats the problem?
DFC: Take out your ID, Sir.
Me: I take it out (very begrudgingly)...and walk it over to him.
DFC: This your vehicle?
Me: Yes
DFC: Thats not how the plates come back as (as he's reading my license)
Me: Its a company vehicle, we have our own leasing company we run it through. Besides that, just what is the problem.
DFC: Can you open your vehicle?
Me: (Now pissed..wtf, just tell me what the fuck is going on) No. I won't. If you want it open, tell me what's going on...........or get a warrant.
DFC: (Now he's pissed) I can wait here all day.
Me: I'll just go back in my building, to my office. I'll be watching football. Knock on the door if you want anything.
I have fuckin had it with this jackoff, so I take back my license and head towards the door.
DFC: Sir....since the storm knocked out power to some of the industrial park, we're just making sure there aren't any burglaries going on because some security systems may be down.
Me: Thats all you had to say. I'll open my truck and you can check it. BTW....here's my business card that shows I own this place.
DFC: That won't be necessary. Have a good day.
That was it, he got in his car and drove off. FUCK......I coulda looted the fuckin business next door and gotten clean away with it. Another missed opportunity.
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