(Ron, as a prelude to this post, I have included one photo from 'SV'. I have others but I'm tryin to figure out a way to to do that 'black bar' thing over the eyes)
Just fuckin great................weather forecast for the next 3 days..........rain. Actually, I don't mind the rain so much, its the fuckin wind. I get home yesterday, look out the window, and see a branch the fuckin size of a telephone pole, laying in the upper part of my backyard. FUCK......this is gonna be a huge fuckin ordeal.
I have a chainsaw, admittedly, a piece of shit one. This fuckin thing, no matter what I do, takes the better part of an hour to get started. When I finally achieve this, I feel like I'm gonna puke/faint at the same time. Pulling and pulling, listening to all those 'I'm really gonna fuck with Efen by sounding like I am gonna start very soon' engine noises. I really can't believe I own this fuckin thing. Actually, a guy owed me $50 and said he give me the chainsaw and we'd call it even. Yeah.....I fucked up, plus I paid another $75 to get it 'tuned up'. That worked.....until the second time I went to use it. Same fuckin deal again. I had this problem with a snowblower, then said 'fuck this', and went out a bought a bigger one with that ever handy 'electric starter'. Why am I not doin the same by buying a new chainsaw you ask? Cuz.....I use the fucker so rarely I can't justify spending the $500 or so for sumthin that will just sit most of the time.
Before I even get this bitch started, I'll have to take my loppers (Elle saying: wtf are those?) and cut off all the small branches which will leave me a fuckin brushpile the size of a Volkswagen Hippie Van. Then I'll use the saw to cut this fuckin branch into probably 15 three-foot sections. Of course all the while 'motherfuckin' everything in sight. After all this shit is done comes the hard part...........whatinthefuckinworld do I do with all this shit??? I have an area where I do put leaves and small branches BUT no fuckin way can I pile all of this shit there....the neighbors would bitch like mfers (and we all know that is MY job) when they discover the sun is now blocked out and it looks like an eternal eclipse. My only recourse, besides throwin all that crap over into my neighbors yard, is to call someone to come and haul it away. While that sounds fairly simple, it isn't. Unless you carry all that shit to the curb, they'll charge you another $175 to walk in the back to get it AND if they deem it too big to carry, you get hit with an additional $50 for them to pull the 'chipper' up to turn it into sawdust. 'Course when they pull the 'chipper' through your yard they'll leave ruts 2' deep.
FUCK.......I long for the good 'ol days when you could just burn the shit and be done with it. But no, evidently that puts too much shit in the air, unlike all those fuckin smokestacks around.
Just fuckin great................weather forecast for the next 3 days..........rain. Actually, I don't mind the rain so much, its the fuckin wind. I get home yesterday, look out the window, and see a branch the fuckin size of a telephone pole, laying in the upper part of my backyard. FUCK......this is gonna be a huge fuckin ordeal.
I have a chainsaw, admittedly, a piece of shit one. This fuckin thing, no matter what I do, takes the better part of an hour to get started. When I finally achieve this, I feel like I'm gonna puke/faint at the same time. Pulling and pulling, listening to all those 'I'm really gonna fuck with Efen by sounding like I am gonna start very soon' engine noises. I really can't believe I own this fuckin thing. Actually, a guy owed me $50 and said he give me the chainsaw and we'd call it even. Yeah.....I fucked up, plus I paid another $75 to get it 'tuned up'. That worked.....until the second time I went to use it. Same fuckin deal again. I had this problem with a snowblower, then said 'fuck this', and went out a bought a bigger one with that ever handy 'electric starter'. Why am I not doin the same by buying a new chainsaw you ask? Cuz.....I use the fucker so rarely I can't justify spending the $500 or so for sumthin that will just sit most of the time.
Before I even get this bitch started, I'll have to take my loppers (Elle saying: wtf are those?) and cut off all the small branches which will leave me a fuckin brushpile the size of a Volkswagen Hippie Van. Then I'll use the saw to cut this fuckin branch into probably 15 three-foot sections. Of course all the while 'motherfuckin' everything in sight. After all this shit is done comes the hard part...........whatinthefuckinworld do I do with all this shit??? I have an area where I do put leaves and small branches BUT no fuckin way can I pile all of this shit there....the neighbors would bitch like mfers (and we all know that is MY job) when they discover the sun is now blocked out and it looks like an eternal eclipse. My only recourse, besides throwin all that crap over into my neighbors yard, is to call someone to come and haul it away. While that sounds fairly simple, it isn't. Unless you carry all that shit to the curb, they'll charge you another $175 to walk in the back to get it AND if they deem it too big to carry, you get hit with an additional $50 for them to pull the 'chipper' up to turn it into sawdust. 'Course when they pull the 'chipper' through your yard they'll leave ruts 2' deep.
FUCK.......I long for the good 'ol days when you could just burn the shit and be done with it. But no, evidently that puts too much shit in the air, unlike all those fuckin smokestacks around.
5 comments:
Holy Crap!! I'll comment first from now on if you throw out treats like that!
I don't see how the neighbors could complain about a little campfire in your backyard. Just whenever they look out start singing camping songs and making smores :)
WTF are loppers?
Hmmmm....well my dear naive Elle, see those huge things on the front of that girl in the picture, those honey are what us guys call 'whoppers'...ROFLMEFNAO.......fuck...How do I come up with this stuff?????
Uh....I did promise Ron a 'reward' for being 1st, now didn't I? Thought he'd like that better than 'good scoop' ;)
My husband almost loves winter because it means the end of yard work.
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