'SV' Bar & Grill

(Elle pretty much knows this place so this will be 'old news' for her;)

For about 10 years I have been going to the same place, damn near every day, for lunch. Close to work and I can get in and out as I see fit. It's a Bar & Grill but I have dubbed it 'SV' as in 'Silicone Valley' as in lots of girls with 'enhancements'.

I am pretty much like Norm on 'Cheers'. I have my own spot at the bar (in which they don't let anyone else sit unless they know I won't be in) and when I walk in they say "EFEN". Unlike Norm, I drink only iced tea (no...I am not a 'recovering', I just cannot drink during the day and still function).

Some of these girls have become 'close' friends, especially those that I have known since the beginning. Getting to know these girls pretty well certainly has its benefits. They know my affinity for boobs and most of them have been kind enough to 'placate' me. Thats what friends do, ya know ;)

I also have made several good friendships with some of the guys there, guys who like me, go there every day. Some are retired, some aren't, but we all share that 'special affinity' ;)

An intro to some of the cast:

Norm (really) : BIG guy, hands as big as a catcher's mitt. Nobody fucks with Norm...at all. Good-natured but has a 'streak'. Used be in the 'construction bidness'. The 'word' is that he has done some 'time' on Federal Charges (no one will ask). When he was younger, he took offense to a Sheriff's deputy calling him 'Fat Boy' during a routine traffic stop. Being the cool-head individual he was, he beat up the deputy, he then drove to the Sheriff's Office and turned himself in. Turns out he grew up with the Sheriff, which I'm certain he knew before turning himself in. Details are sketchy on the events that followed. Fortunately, Norm likes me and appreciates my humor....and I'm very careful it is not at his expense.

Curt: Another BIG guy but who really is a 'Fat Boy'.....and a pussy..and possibly a closet perv. Case in point; A few weeks back we had tornado warnings. He tells us: "My daughter called and said since they don't have a basement, when the sirens went off, she and her husband got into the bathtub. Being the 'typical' father, I asked her if she had any clothes on....hahaha". WTF???? TYPICAL FATHER???? Yeah, typical if you're a fucking whacko! Also he likes to know everybody's business. Basically, a nosey fuck. He ALWAYS tells everyone, even fucking strangers that happen into The Bar to; "Have a Good Day....Drive Carefully....Hope you win on your Lotto ticket".......all that fuckin shit.....if he really cares then he's even more fucked up than I thought, which is a definite possibility. When I get tired of listening to him, I make fun of him. He then gets all quiet and pouts. Fuck him.

Larry: Oldest of the bunch but hilarious. Example: Bartender was in a bad mood one day and was being pretty much a bitch to him, for no particular reason. He told her "Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something". LMFAO!! He earned my ever-lasting admiration with that one comment.

Karen: One of the 'guys'. 39 YO, divorced 2x, 3 kids including a 'not-yet-married-just-had-a-baby' 17 YO daughter. 18 YO son just spent 6 months in jail for being in the 'wrong place at the wrong time'....yeah, you always get 6 months for that. The daughter and her 'baby daddy' live with her as well. Menial PT job for him. Not really sure there's great things in the future for that poor child. Oh yeah....Karen has BIG boobs...real...and likes to show them. Not really a girl you'd bring home to meet the parents though.

Tom 'The Cook': A very funny fucker and extremely talented. Can do ALL the 'Looney Tunes' characters PERFECTLY! Also very fucking intelligent. We often play obscure trivia games w/ one another..like 'Actors who wore ascots?' Shit like that. Since we're brighter than the others, this is mostly a 2 person game.

There are some other minor bit players, like 'Telephone Company Brian', who if you'd ask the time will build you a fuckin clock. This guy just won't STFU. He's one of those guys you don't EVER make eye contact with. Oh, and he calls me by my 1st initial, not my name. I'm guessin you have an idea how I feel about that.

There's also 'Longhair Frank'.....who I call fucking 'Mumbles'. This motherfucker can be seated right fuckin next to you (if you fuck up and allow it I mean) and he'll talk for 5 fuckin minutes and you have no fuckin idea what he's saying. Not that I ever listen, but you get the idea. Oh, he's been divorced for like 6 years and every fucking conversation, when you CAN make it out, has to do with him getting fucked in the Divorce Decree. I personally don't give a shit. Glad she fucked him.

There is a relatively new bartender, sister of the owner. Don't know her real well yet but she certainly shows 'promise'. 39, attractive, blonde, tall, big store-bought boobs, and collagen lips (my own astute observation). Anyhow, the other day she was wearing some kind of low-cut, tight, spandex-looking top, green and white striped. I happened to be admiring her stripes when I made out a flower-like outline over her nipple(s), under the top. I stared some more and thats when it hit me.....PASTIES...she's wearing fuckin pasties over her nipples..I mean, WTF? You have boobs 'out-to-there', low top, no bra, and you've suddenly become 'self-conscious'???? Just to confirm, I asked one of the other girls what she thought. She checked them out and agreed. I thought, WTF?....if she's gonna work here then she needs to be subjected to questions, just like any of the others. So, I say "Uh.....whats that outline I see thru your top?" You never know how a person is going to react to a question like that, kind of a roll of the dice. She didn't even bat an eye "Oh...they're pasties. I'm always afraid I may offend some of the women that come in because, er, uh...well, my nipples really stick out, especially when's it cold in here, so I put these on". My answer was very diplomatic, "Do you see any girls at the bar?". She lets this sink in for a second and says "No, you're right, I'm gonna fix that". She turns around, reaches in her top, and voila...she removes them. I'd never seem 'em before (the pasties I mean...and her boobs for that matter) so she shows 'em to me (the pasties I mean). Damn...they look just like fancy band-aids. I love to learn new stuff :)

Oh, she was right....it evidently was very cold in there :)

PS: J-Fab......you really ought to take up Elle's slack since she's gone. I'm sure 'O-fuckin-Hio' would be 'blog' worthy :) C'mon, J-Fab..show me your boo...uh, er..blogs ;)