I'm Here...

'stead of writing one large post upon my return, since I have a few minutes I thought I'd share a few of my moments, to date.

If one has a portable GPS or has access to one, I strongly recommend bringing it along with you, especially if you're in a foreign land, like Alabama.

Rented a car (actually, some kind of 'crossover' thing at the recommendation of the nice young lady at the Car Rental counter.....uh...did anyone happen to guess she had BIG boobs and wore a low-cut top?) The car is ok, that fuckin 'generic' map they give you blows....big time.

From the Mobile airport to the resort I was headed isn't that far....but, the 'straight line' thing really wasn't an option because Mobile Bay is in the way. So, I have to go North, then east, then south. The problem was the South route. It shouldn't have been but the map showed a road that the State of Alabama didn't think it was worth actually putting up any signs showing it.....or the map was so outdated the 'State Route Number' shown was obsolete. Either way...I drove 20 miles too far south. I know I've fucked up somewhere along the line so I stop at a little roadside market to ask directions.

Me: Excuse me, I'm in need of some directions.

Old Guy in Overalls: Ya gotta map there.
(Hmmm.....sensing some hostility for disturbing his Zen time)

Me: Yep, you're right but the damn thing musta been printed up North sumwher cuz it's wrong. I'm tryin to git to heah (as I point to the map)

(Since my Mother is from the South and I've been around Southerners my whole life, I can do the 'drawl' thing pretty good)

OGIO: Hehe..prolly so...lemme see now....jist go back 'bout 20 mile, go on left at the High School...nuthta 2-3 mile, you're there.

I thank him and head back. Along the way, and I swear this is true, I go through a town and see this little restaurant called 'Roadkill Cafe'.....and above it is a handpainted sign in very vibrant colors, probably 4 foot high and 15 foot long, that shows a 18-wheeler going down a road that has rabbits, deer, possum, and raccoons lined up all along the side the road. Motherfucker.....this guy either has the biggest sense of humor in the world or he really thinks he has hit on a marketing bonanza....I almost swerved off the fucking road laughing my ass off. I so wish I had a camera with me.

I did as the guy told me and turned at the High School. The only hitch was then I drove another 4 miles or so and nothing, so I stop at small 'Crafts & Gifts' store to get more directions. I go in and ask the lady where 'The Resort' was and she was pissed. Evidently she had given out these directions all day long and was tired of it. She told me but also added "And when ya get there, tell those SOB's at the hotel they need a sign down the road because I don't have the GD time to tell people how to get there!" I liked her.....I woulda said the same damn thing ;)

More to follow.....................