NOW I'm back

Plane landed yesterday afternoon, only 45 minutes late but anytime you have to connect through Atlanta, 45 minutes late is like being early.

The last I left you, I was on my way to the hotel for the National Sales Meeting. Not a bad place as it was situated right on Mobile Bay. Off the room was a porch where you could sit and watch a pod of dolphins every morning. Pelicans every freakin where. I think they must be our version of pigeons. Also, since the hotel had a $250 'fine' they'd charge if there was 'evidence' of smoking in the room, I'd sit on the porch to do this. Signs everywhere saying 'This is a Non-Smoking Facility'...BUT for some reason it was ok to smoke at this 'outdoor cafe patio'....regardless of the whole 'total non-smoking facility' thing....and no, not because it was outdoors as they had several others that you couldn't smoke at (I know...the preposition thing...deal with it;) WTF???

Saturday night was in the bar watching football. There was a girl sitting next to me and we struck up a conversation. I figured she was probably in her late 30's. We're talking and she mentioned she had a daughter. I asked her "how old" her daughter was. She replied "27". I was in fuckin shock. So, I delivered what was probably my smoothest line ever..."No way...what were you, like 13 when she was born?" Uh...guess that wasn't one of my brightest moments. I mean, I wasn't implying that she was a slut at 13, only that she looked too young to have a daughter 27. But...it was pretty apparent that she she thought that was exactly what I was implying. She had been all friendly and shit prior to 'my moment', even do the 'arm touching thing' when she was talking to me. After that, her demeanor did a 180 and it wasn't long before she up and left. Damn..she was pretty hot looking too. Oh well...I wasn't taking her back to room anyhow...at least I don't think I was ;)

Meetings were pretty good and since my Sales Manager went with me, it was pretty much his responsibility to pay attention and take the needed notes. As is normal with any large gathering, there is your usual percentage of jackoffs present, some I've known for years.

One fuck in particular, I'll call 'Bill', is a guy I can tolerate....in short doses. Unfortunately, we were part of an outing that required quite a bit of time together, like 6 hours worth. I had signed up for the deep-sea fishing deal but I was invited to a 'Sporting Clays' event the day before. Since the weather was a little iffy and the water was choppy as hell, the alternative seemed like a good idea. I like to shoot but never had done one of these deals before.

The definition of 'Sporting Clays', if you are not familiar is: Sporting Clays is a form of clay pigeon shooting. Often described as golf with a shotgun[1], the sport differs from trap and skeet shooting in that:
1. It is considered by many to be more difficult than trap or skeet.
2. It involves shooting clay targets at multiple locations (called stations).
3. Unlike trap and skeet, which are games of repeatable target presentations, sporting clays targets are thrown in a great variety of trajectories, angles, speeds, elevations and distances.

So, a group of us meet after a quick lunch to go to this place. I volunteered to drive since I have to be in control of getting to and from. 'Bill' was there and said he'd ride with me. But 1st, I had to hear how "he had brought his own $4000 gun, how he is a member of an 'exclusive' shooting club, how he shoots 2-3 times per week, how much money he takes from his shooting partners cuz they wager a lot of money on who's the best, etc etc".....fuckin shit like that. I was ready to shoot the fucker before we had even left. On top of that, it took an hour and half to get to this place and this guy NEVER shut the fuck up the whole way. Oh, he had his Beretta Shooting Vest, his amber-colored shooting glasses, and his special shooting ear-protective device...Gimme a fuckin break. This guy looked like he should be on the cover of 'Real Expensive Shit for Dumb-Fucks' Catalog.

After about 3 hours we finish and my shoulder is sore as a motherfucker from pulling the trigger 100 times. 'Bill' tallied up the scores cuz he was all about 'competitive shooting' even though 4 out of the 7 had never done this kind of shooting before. 'Bill' hit 63 out of a hundred, I hit 59, with a rented (albeit a good) shotgun. Not like 59 is fuckin Annie Oakley or nuthin but geez...I figured 'Bill' was Olympic caliber and he only hit 4 more than myself. I so wish I woulda beat his braggin ass but I made it close enough that he toned down his 'I'm so fuckin great act'. Next time I'll bring my 30 year old Remington 1100 and do my best to make him cry.

Plane was leaving yesterday morning from Mobile at 9:00 AM. Since the airport was about an hour and a half away from the hotel, I told my sales guy that I wanted to leave by 6:15 AM so we'd have enough time to return the rental and just in case we ran into rush-hour traffic in Mobile. It was closer to 6:30....and it was fuckin raining...hard. He had the map because we were told of a 'short-cut' that would save us 15 minutes or so. We hit I-10 and I guess thats where he figured being 'map guy' ended. Problem was, we had to exit I-10 towards the airport at some point. I'm assuming my valued employee was paying fuckin attention but did think to myself 'seems like we shoulda turned off by now'. I knew I was correct about that when I saw the 'WELCOME TO MISSISSIPPI' sign. Thats right...we were now in a totally different fuckin state! Motherfuck...I look at my watch and it's 7:45 AM. Fuckin great! I pull off at a gas station and see a guy fillin his truck so I thought I'd ask him how to get to the fuckin airport which happens to be in a state thats not this one.

Me: Hey buddy...can ya tell me how to get to the Mobile Airport?

Him: Uh...ya mean the Mobile, Alabama airport?

Me: (uh oh)..uh...yeah...that one

Him: I'm thinkin y'all head back up I-10 there.

Me: (fuck me) Well, yeah, but thought maybe you knew of a different, ya know, shorter way?

Him: Naw...I never been there but that I-10 will get y'all pretty close.....I think.

Me: (I am fucked now) Yeah..ok...thanks.

I'm getting ready to head back to the highway when I see this guy talkin to another guy and then 'new guy' walks over.


NG: Mobile Airport?

Me: Yep...know any way that may be quicker than I-10?

NG: Fuck man, y'all don't want to go back that way. Besides longer they got the whole East Bound lanes all fucked up...y'all be sittin in that shit for an hour. Just go up 'chere to the light, turn right, go 'bout 10 mile, then right 'gin, take y'all right inta that fuckin airport

Me: (I liked this guy and trusted his judgment right away. Wasn't ashamed to say 'fuck' to total strangers...you have to admire that in a person). Thank you.....you saved this guy sittin next to me's job.

Went the way he said and got there with 30 minutes to spare. 'Course the fuckin plane was 20 minutes late leavin but if we'd been late you can bet that fuckin thing woulda been on time.

I think I've come full circle with that whole "GPS' thing.