One thing I am good at is complaining, mainly complaining about those morons that 'walk among us'. There is no shortage of these fucktards, they are fucking everywhere.
The last few days I have had more than my share of 'encounters' with these dumbfucks.
Sunday morning:
I'm in one of those fuckin 'self-checkout' lanes at the grocery. 2 fuckin items and I'm behind every fuck that has a cart full. I'm watchin these people and its unfuckinbelievable....I mean, just how fuckin hard is it to 'swipe'? Evidently its quite a challenge for some......AND...if they have any produce, well fuck, its all over then. They can't figure out by the 'Picture Directions' above what the fuck they're supposed to do, so, they just fuckin stand there and stare at the monitor. FUCK.....I so badly want to go over and press the fuckin touchscreen for 'em myself. But, I just stand there in total fuckin disbelief. FINALLY...the 'checkout helper' comes over puts this dumbass out of her misery. Does it end there....no fuckin way, now we have the 'let me check through my whole fuckin purse to see if I can find the 42 cents that I need'. Of course, that means not only going through her wallet but scrounging through the bottom of her purse along with all the fuckin side-pockets.........only to come up short!
Sunday night:
2:30 AM: Cell rings....and rings....and rings...
I answer: Uh..hello?
Caller: This 'Efens Company?'
Me: (...sigh...FUCK!!) Yes
Caller: This is 'XYZ Printing'....we need a service guy ASAP!
Me: Uh....Your company is on COD.
Caller: WHY?
Me: Why? Because you don't pay your bills, we have to call repeatedly to try and get
our money. We took you off COD before when you promised to pay but then as usual,
you didn't. You still owe us money. Thats 'why'.
Caller: I'm calling your boss tomorrow to let him know that you wouldn't cooperate with
us! He'll be real happy to know that you have a customer who's whole plant is down
and we couldn't get any help from you! I'll let him know we're going to go elsewhere!
Me: Whatever, make sure you ask for Efen himself.
Caller: Believe me, I will and I'm going to tell him how rude you are!!!
Me: Nooooooooo...not that (in a very sarcastic tone)!
The nopaymotherfucker hangs up. I go right back to sleep....very easily :)
Oh....he doesn't call back Monday as he threatened....fuck...I was sooooooo ready ;)
Today:
This one really, really, fuckin pisses me off.
We (I) provide medical coverage for the employees. I only have 11 employees but the fuckin cost of this shit has gone through the motherfuckinroof. We have one of the 'top' plans available by what used to be called Blue Cross. The employee is responsible for 10% of the monthly cost. The annual cost of a 'Family Plan' is almost $10000.00 per employee. The employee pays $1000.00 of that, we pay $9000.00.
Every August/September I meet with our Insurance Rep and go over all of our insurance shit. Last Friday he tells me that to keep the same exact plan, our costs will increase by 36% motherfuckinpercent! Thats $3600 fuckin dollars per employee. Geezus...... thats over $36,000 motherfuckin dollars!!! So, he says he'll look at other 'alternative' plans and try to find something close to what we have now and hopefully at a lesser price.
He tells me everyone has to fill out some 'questionnaires' and have them faxed to his office. Fine by me. I put out a letter explaining whats going on, how I'll do everything possible to retain a very good medical plan, and what the associated costs are to the plan we currently have. I tell everyone to take these home, fill them out, and fax them back by today.
This morning I get a phone call from the wife of one of my service guys.
Wife: Efen, I got your letter about the Insurance and FRANKLY I'm concerned about it.
Me: Uh..ok, yeah, I'm "alittle" concerned myself.
Wife: You know, I have to take shots and Insurance doesn't cover it 100%.
Me: Well, I'm sorry about that but I try to offer the best plan possible while keeping down the costs for everyone.
Wife: YOU NEED TO KEEP MY HEALTH NEEDS IN MIND!
Me: (getting 'slightly' pissed about her fuckin demanding tone) I'm doing what I can but I can't tailor a health plan based on one individual alone, I have to do whats best for the employees as a whole.
Wife: So, it sounds like you're going to reduce our coverage so you can save a few bucks.
Okay, normally I would go through the motherfuckin roof with shit like this.....and, I was "this" fuckin close. But, I know she has had health issues and maybe wasn't in the clearest mindset, so I thought I just let it slide.....until:
Wife: I doubt if you're family will be effected much by any changes.
Okay....well, I fuckin tried.......... but when you fuckin EVER mention my family in a sarcastic fuckin tone, the kid-gloves come right fucking off.
Me: Listen, 1st of all, I tried to explain to you what I am trying to accomplish. If that isn't good enough for you, not my damn problem. Do you know how many freakin companies make their employees pay 50%....or more??? Are you aware that the 'trend' now is that the employees ONLY are covered and that if they want their family covered they have to pick up that freakin option on their own....100 damn percent? If I wanted to save the company money, it would be a very easy thing to do because its MY DECISION and mine alone! Do you understand what I am telling you (So badly I just wanted to tell her to Go Fuck Herself!)?
Wife: I don't appreciate you speaking to me like that and I don't think my husband will either.
Me: (WTF???) I don't appreciate you calling here and telling me how to run my business or giving me that 'attitude' of yours either. And, you won't have to tell your husband about our conversation because as soon as I hang up on you, I'll tell him myself.
FuckMeRunning (hehe...stole that from J-Fab ;)......people, especially the fucking idiots, just don't get it. Oh yeah, I went right out to her husband and he could tell I was not to fuckin happy. He said its 'her medication', I said I was sorry about that but I wasn't going to take that shit, from anyone.
Hmmm.....could I just raise their portion to like 95% and get away with it?
5 comments:
First of all, I have no problem stepping up to the self-checkout and TAKING OVER if they're incompetent to use it. I love love love the self-checkout because it's generally much faster than the regular one, and as an added bonus I don't have to make conversation with the cash registress. But if somebody is going to come in there and eff up the smooth checkout experience for me, I'm gonna "help" them along. Screw it.
Oh, and the new trend at our company right now is that if your spouse has insurance at his/her job, you're required to use that plan rather than get a single plan of your own through our company. How's that for stickin' it to ya?
Good grief! You're like a stalking puppy or something! She'll be back this weekend sometime! Take a f'n xanax, would ya? ;)
ETW: I felt just like doing that very exact thing...but....I really can't hold him responsible, plus, he has to live with her, not me ;)
Um, guess who just called me? Yeah, so she's driving down the interstate and was bitching (I know, that's unusual) about her bra poking her so she just whipped the thing off right there going 90 mph, weaving in and out of a convoy. I told her I was glad she had the top up on the convertable otherwise it might have been too chilly for her since all she ever wears are tank tops.
Oh yeah, and I told her you said heeyyyyyyyy.
Uh..ok...then what did she say (breathlessy waiting)???
LOLOLOL...I do so fuckin crack myself up......uh..ok, seriously...whatdidshesay?????
Post a Comment