Oprah, Dr. Phil, and all those other fucks...

(This IS NOT a rant at Elle whatsoever, this rant is aimed directly at all of those 'Self-Help' pariahs.....I fuckin hate 'em)

I don't normally do 'Self-Awareness' shit on this site unless I'm tellin ya'll about being aware of some girls boobs, but I felt a moral obligation to Elle, since she has obviously fallen into 'the trap'.
'The Trap' starts by some bitch (guy or girl) in a magazine or on a talk show, telling you;

A) How you should run your life.

B) How you need improvement in your life.

C) All the things you need to 'search your inner soul' about.

D) The things that REALLY shouldn't/should matter to you.

'The Trap' springs when you fall for this shit (such as the '100 Things List')

To all of these loser (yes, it's L-O-S-E-R, not L-O-O-S-E-R to the fuckin morons who have acidentally stumbled on to this site) busy-body fucks, I say, Mind Your Own Fuckin Business!

I'm not sayin Elle has a bad idea (fuck, we all do it), when it comes to 'qualifying' some guy for BF status , BUT, no one needs some fuckin hack that really couldn't give 2fuckinshits about any of us, imparting their infinite wisdom on anyone! They are getting paid to put this shit together. Do you really think they lay around on their fuckin futons thinking "Hmmmm...how can I improve the lives of total strangers?" Fuck no, they could care fuckin less.....unless they can make some cash out of the deal. Besides, who the fuck are THEY to tell you anything? Would you listen to that fat fuck with the 'one bib off overalls' from down the street just because he has an 'opinion'? Fuck no you wouldn't, so why are these fucks any different?

Since Oprah herself has been so fucking successful with her boyfriend 'whateverthefuckhisnameis' I can see why everyone would put so much credence in what she has to say about 'relationships' (another fucking term I have come to loathe).

Lemme ask you this, any of you, if you find a guy you like, do you then pull out this magical list and start checking things off? And....if he doesn't past this litmus test, do you kick him to the fucking curb? I think not. Girls (and yes, I may be stereotyping here ;) have this thing they like to do, no, take that back, and make it 'NEED' to do. That would be finding a guy, faults and all, and then set out on a mission to change him, thinking all along, "I like him 'cept for these things but thats no big deal because I can make him into the perfect 'Stepford Boyfriend ' I want.
While I totally agree with things like "a job, no prison record, etc etc", the other things are really just your preferences and writing them down doesn't suddenly give you a whole new fuckin outlook on your mate of choice.

Guys have a little different perspective. As long as a girl is;

A) Attractive

B) Smart & Funny

C) Not a full-time drunk/pot head

D) Decent job and able to pay her own bills

E) has boobs (doesn't matter big or not...ok, maybe it does but sometimes you have to play the hand your dealt)

then............she's in. We don't give a fuck about the other shit. I mean why should we? She's already 5 for 5 in the shit that counts. Our 'mental' list is all encompassing. Now we don't want a girl who lives like a fuckin slob or who dresses like a $20 whore (ahhh......the good ol' days ;) cuz if she did, she wouldn't make the cut anyhow because of 'A' and 'B'. They all go together. See how simple guys make it? Just like that, its fuckin done, no hand-wringing over the little shit. Now, she may end up crazy as fuckin bat shit and you're afraid to close your eyes when you sleep but that could happen no matter how many fuckin 'positive-checks' you gave her.

Basically, its all a fuckin crapshoot and there is no motherfuckin way you can prepare for every fuckin scenario that may arise.

While I'm sure this will surprise some of you, I have my faults, the same fucking ones I've had my whole life but sofuckinwhat? I'm overall, a decent guy, one who takes responsibility for my own fuckin shit. I don't blame others for shit I've fucked up nor look for any excuse to covermyass. Even with all those endearing qualities, I'm sure on a '100 List', there would be more than 50 un-checked boxes.

Look at it this way, what if the person you're 'grading' has a fuckin list of their own?...geezus.....no one's going to get anywhere because face it, we're all just a little fucked up in our own little way ;)

Okay....rant over. Feel free to tell me to fuck-off, that I don't know whatinthefuck I'm talking about. Please do, it will make you feel better and you didn't have to spend $29.95 for it ;)

Elle.....see the shit you make me do ;)