Like a fuckin dog...

...as sick as, I mean. I don't normally get sick (knocking on wood), I mean I think in 15 fucking years I haven't missed more than 4-5 days because I wasn't feeling good. Of course there were days where I felt like shit and probably had no business being at work but fuck, everyone has their fuckin responsibilities and shit has to get done (evidently that does not apply if you happen to work for me).

I could tell Wednesday evening there was some fucked up shit going on. My stomach was getting that semi-hurting feeling but I figured it would pass. Wednesday night it went from 'semi' to 'mostly' and I got about 3 hours of sleep. Went to work Thursday but by 4:00 it had gone to 'continuously' so I said fuck it and went home. MOTHERFUCKER......talk about hurt. Fuckin cramps (no ladies, I do not care to hear your take on cramps ;) all night fuckin long. Slept about 2 hours. Friday, not any fucking better so again, I said 'fuck it' and stayed home. Actually, not too bad a day, other than doubling over in pain like a junkie going through withdrawls. The 'Western Channel' had some good shit on for most of the morning, then switched over to those 'oh so hard to find' Law & Order re-runs.

An additional benefit to not feeling well was that Friday night we were supposed to go out with my wifes sister and her husband (we didn't). He I like, alot. Funny, intelligent, and doesn't give a fuck. Pretty much my mirror image ;) My sister-in-law, while 'hot', is wound tighter than a fuckin $2 watch. Geezus.......talk about one stressed out bitch (I use that term lovingly ;) She doesn't 'get' me..........which is really hard to believe since her husband is downright ruthless with the shit he gives her. She can really piss me off with her 'it's my world and everyfuckinthing revolves around me' attitude. A while back, I went out and bought 'Photo Shop', even went as far to take some night classes on how to use it. Now, with this newly learned education I was 'itching' to put it to use. Fuck that 'red-eye reduction' shit, anybody can fuckin do that. I wanted to do something that said 'This motherfucker can really do the shit outta Photo Shop'. It just so happened, during the time I was taking these classes, she called and I answered the phone. "Hilemmetalktomysister". NOT..."Hi Efen, how are you? Watcha doin?"...not one fuckin proper bit of telephone etiquette whatsofuckinever. Of course, I did not let this slide, so I said "Uh..whoisthis?..CanItellherwhoscallin?" Ya know, shit to fuck with her twisted tighter than a ball of rubber-bands ass. She then makes a mistake...a big fuckin mistake.."Oh...I hear your back in school..thats so cute..did you get new clothes...haha". Ok, maybe that was funny, but it was more her 'tone' that really got to me. (Thought to myself; Well, tight-ass, see how hard your fuckin laughin in a few days). I went through all the fuckin digital photos of her that I had, and there were many. Selected the right 'poses' and went to work. It took quite a few 're-dos' but I started getting the hang of it. I had narrowed my selections down to 4, based mainly on facial expressions, ya know, 'every picture tells a story'. When I was finished, I had 6 'pictures' and I must say, they were fucking outstanding, as good as that fake shit you'll find on any well-respected porn site (which as it happens, were my source for everything below her neck ;) I had 'pictures' of her in group sex, lesbian sex, straight sex, and I am ashamed to admit, one involving a farmyard animal. Her husband thought what I was doing was fuckin hilarious BUT he told me no fuckin way was he going to admit knowing about my 'project' prior. I didn't give a shit, I didn't need him running any cover for me. So, time came for the great unveiling. I had been to Palm Springs for a meeting and took quite a few pictures. My sister-in-law hadn't seen them and I knew all I had to do was talk about how good the pictures came out and she'd take the bait. They were over one evening and sure enough she asked to see the pictures. I had them all printed out, mixed in with the real ones. I gave them to her husband first. He tried not to laff his ass off while looking at them and actually did a pretty good job of it. She was giving him that quizzical 'wtf's so funny look' as he passed her the pictures. Let me say, I shoulda had my camera. Those fuckin looks on her face were priceless. She was sooooooooo fuckin pissed but didn't know if she should 'motherfuck me' or just get that disgusted look on her face and blow it off. I think she woulda done the latter if her husband hadn't been laughing hysterically and saying shit like 'lemme see that one again of you and the horse'. She so wanted to get up and storm out but she knew she'd look just like what we accuse her of, so she just looked at me and said "you're really fuckin sick, you know that?". I just said "See what I learned in school". Additionally, I thought how funny (well, too me) would it be to e-mail these to mutual friends. Uh.....Efen's wife wasn't real thrilled about that idea. Hmmm....I don't think she 'gets' me either.