Even a drunk hooker won't fall down in these

Sheesh ladies.....if ya'll want to wear some thing practical, no matter the weather......well, here ya go ;) See....they even come in fashionable taupe, cuz I know Elle is 'all-about fashion' ;)

4 Day Weekend Almost Here!

Yep, taking tomorrow off. Almost did today too but fuck, I have obligations, ya know.

My plans still include 'SV' tomorrow and Saturday BUT they've decided to close on Sunday AND Monday...WTF? You're an establishment that caters to the public and yet you decide to shut down for most of the Labor Day weekend?? Fuck that..........fuckin new owner.....fuck him.

My sister-in-law (semi-hot) from KC is coming in today and staying til Monday.....sigh...which means I'll have to password my fuckin computer.....again. I don't mind her using it but she installs all of that 'Yahoo' shit so she can read her fuckin e-mail and then when she leaves, I have to uninstall all of that bullshit. Fuck that......I'll just 'password' it and listen to her bitch and moan (uh...not 'moaning' in a good way). Besides, there's always the laptop she could use BUT she doesn't like it. Too fuckin bad for her.

Some random musings (hehe....never used that word here before);

Elle made all kind of 'promises' in regards to her 'Grey Goose Weekend'........got nuthin. Nuthin from Michelle either....WTF is goin on here?

J-Fab isn't falling for my 'hints'.................fuck, I hate it when a girl with big boobs is smart too :(

Hmmm.....I've noticed the other day on ETW's page that a certain 'poster' tended to be alittle 'brusque' with her opinion. WTF? Just because it isn't the way 'you woulda done it' doesn't mean its bad. Fuck.....people do things differently than I do all the time and I don't let it bother me.....uh, er....ok, bad example.

I don't think 'Warped Mind of Ron' likes me. WTF is up with that? I mean, he's never the 1st one to post a comment on MY page.....actually I don't think he has ever commented at all. Geez.....Ron, make you a deal....be the 1st 'commenter' and I'll share some real good 'scoop' with you about....well, you know ;)

I have also noticed that ANY post by a girl garners an overwhelming amount of responses. Ya know what, I totally understand and appreciate that :)

I'm still to fuckin stoopid to figure out how to put the actual 'YouTube' thingy in my post, not the link, but that box thing with the 'play' arrow.

J-Fab: Ok, so you wear revealing shit to accent your 'assets' and I'm a perv if I stare?????? Geez........I had no idea you knew me so well.......damn Elle, can't keep her mouth shut ;)

Well, thats a 'wrap'.................................... ;)

Take Me Out To The Ballgame....

Besides boobs, baseball is my number one passion. I want to expound on that alittle.....I AM NOT what you would term a 'casual fan'. I am hardcore. I have had Season Tickets to 'my' team for 15 years. Fuck, when I was kid, me and my buddies would take the fuckin bus down to the stadium every chance we got to see a ballgame. I play in 2 Fantasy Baseball Leagues...these are not 'fun' leagues, these are cutthroat leagues where quite a bit of money is at stake. The point I'm trying to make is that I KNOW the game, how it should be played, and all of its subtleties (and there are many).

Most of my Season Tickets (we have 4 seats) go to our customers, except for the games I want to go to (Fuck'em, I paid for 'em). Oh, I get the occasional phone call from customers that start out "Efen....I know this upcoming series is always sold out, the hardest ticket to get in town, and the only tickets you can get are from scalpers BUT...yada yada yada". Yeah.....I'm givin those up to some guy who bitches if he feels he's been charged $2.00 more than he should have for something.

Anyway, I kept tickets for last nights game. I always get there about 2 hours before game time. You have to park (my buddy 'Nate' owns a lot so he always keeps a prime spot open for me), go grab some dinner, and then walk to the park. Normally don't get to the seats til 15-20 minutes before 1st pitch.

Last night, I found myself w/ 2 extra tickets. It wasn't like someone bailed on me, I just didn't feel like fuckin with callin people to go. So I walked around the stadium and found 2 guys who were tryin to buy tickets. Decent lookin guys, maybe 30, with no obvious prison tats. They were hoping to find some 'last-minute' tickets for sale. Goodfuckinluck with that. Besides being sold-out, you'd have to at least double the face-value if you bought them from a scalper. I tell them I have '2'...they say "how much?". I tell 'em "no charge".

Of course, they looked at me with very skeptic and wary eyes. Fuck, I don't blame 'em. I'd figure I was either a serial killer or gay or a combination of both. I assure them the tickets are real, that they aren't stolen, that my other 2 seats are right next to these, and that I just didn't feel like hagglin over a price. Besides, if someone drives all the way down there, HOPING to get in, then I don't give a fuck about the money, it makes me happy they get to see the game.

Everything is going pretty well 'cept its now apparent that I am seated next to the fuckin 'Chatty Cathy' of the two. Motherfuck......I gave you the tickets, it doesn't mean that I want you as my new best friend. I'm tryin that 'ignore' thing, you know, where you don't make eye-contact and you don't say anything where he may get the impression that you are talking to him...'cept it aint fucking working. His buddy meanwhile, seems to be enjoying the respite he his getting, while I'm listening to this fuck who is tryin to impress me by how much he knows, which is only having the exact opposite effect.

It's about the 4th inning and 'Chatty' is still yammerin away. I've fucking just about had it. I am sooooooooooo wishing I just kept the fucking tickets and extended my 'space'. Oh, it has now escalated to where he is not only calling me 'buddy' but has taken to pattin me on the shoulder whenever he thinks I'm not payin attention to him. I let this go......for maybe 1 more inning. I am losing all fucking patience. I mean, I'm not looking out to be a prick but fuck, when I go to a game, if I talk at all, its about the fucking game, not 'when you played high school ball, and how you were a real 'stud' and how you were undefeated in your senior year' fuckin shit!!

Finally, the 'proverbial straw' happened. This fuck pulls out his digicam. He gives me 'the pat';

Me: Sigh.....yeah?

CC: Buddy, would you do me a favor?

Me: (By not punching you in the fuckin mouth, I presume).....hmm...uh...what?

CC: Would you take a picture of me and Dan?

Me: Uh...okay....but could you wait til the inning is over cuz we have 2 men on and I wanna watch what happens with the next batter.

CC: Well, thats what I mean. We want you to take our picture with the next batter showing up in the background. That would look so cool. (They now BOTH stand up for their picture and I can't fuckin see the batter).

Me: No, I wanna watch this...could you sit down?

CC: C'mon................

Me: LOOK.....I said I would but AFTER! Now please sit down so everyone can see.

CC: C'mon buddy..

Me: Ok, 1st of all, I'm not your buddy, 2nd, I came to watch and enjoy the game, not to chit-chat, so sit the fuck down so people can see!

Chatty and Dan get all red-in-the-face. Well, WTF? Not only was I gettin pissed but the people around who are trying to watch the game are gettin pissed too..............and I certainly didn't want those people to think these fuckin guys were with me. Fuck.....I'm there all the fuckin time and I have a reputation to uphold. Uh...tellin them to 'sit the fuck down' helped re-establish that btw ;)
Chatty and Dan turn to each other, mumble some shit, then they leave....never to return!! Hoofuckinray....at last! The remaining few innings were pure bliss :)

Okay, I know its my own fucking fault for giving the tix to these looneytoon motherfucks but why punish me?? I coulda used my own normal 'ticket giveaway' prerequisite (which is mainly hot girls w/ big boobs......well, ok, they don't really have to be that hot) but I was just trying to do the 'nice guy' thing. I swear, I won't fuckin do that ever again. But, I can say 'I tried it once, didn't much care for it' ;)

Life in 'The Bar' Lane

As some of you know, I frequent a Bar & Grill I call 'SV'. Yesterday I stopped in after a couple of hours at work and most of the regulars were already in attendance.

One of the regulars, 'Joe', is a different sort. Works at the Chrysler Assembly Plant nearby and makes it to the bar every day. Get's 30 minutes for 'lunch', calls in so his 'order' is ready (Budweiser and a couple of shots of 'Jager'), hurries in, slams his 'lunch' and then back to work. Of course, after his shift is over, its back to the bar for a few hours of drinking.

You have probably gathered that Joe has a possible problem with alcohol. But, he is one of the nicest guys you would ever meet, very outgoing, and absolutely fucking hilarious.

We had the following conversation yesterday;

Me: Hey Joe, man, you look beat.

Joe: Yeah, haven't been to bed. Spent the night in 'lock-up'.

Me: Oh fuck......DUI?

Joe: Yeah.....fuckers had a 'sobriety checkpoint' set-up in my own fuckin subdivision. What really sucks is that I could see my house from where they stopped me.

Me: Uh...haven't you had a DUI before (knowing full well he had a 'couple' )?

Joe: Yep...this makes 10.

Me: (almost fucking speechless) 10? Did you say its your fucking 10th one????

Joe: Yeah.....sucks don't it? I'm 'going away' on this one. Probably for a year to 18 months.

Keep in mind, while Joe was telling all of this, he had been there for probably 4 hours or so and was drinking one after another.

I don't know about y'all, but even though I do like the guy, I feel ANYONE that has had 10 fuckin DUI's has had maybe 8 too fuckin many! I'm not gonna get all preachy and shit and holier-than-thou, because I know I have driven when I should not have and am aware of the stupidity involved with those decisions. Count it luck that I didn't get stopped and hauled away.

But 10??? My first thought is 'how in the fuck do you not learn from 1, 2, 3, etc??' But...I guess if you're an obvious alcoholic then the number really doesn't matter....instead of 10 I'm sure it could just of easily been 20.

I have also noticed (being the keen observer that I am) that alcoholics (or drug abusers) tend to run with other alcoholics. Joe had told me a couple of weeks ago that his girlfriend had gotten drunk, during the day, lost control of her car and drove through a fuckin construction site. Workers diving the fuck out of the way as she came barreling through until she stopped.....after smashing into a stopped bulldozer. Unfreakinbelievable that no one was hurt. She's now under 'home arrest' and wears one of those ankle bracelet things.....sheesh.

I do drink, but only at night and I may go weeks in-between a few beers.

As I have said, even though I do go to 'the bar' practically every freakin day, I always drink iced-tea....fuckin gallons of it and the only ill-effect from that is that I have to pee every 20 minutes ;)

Hmmmm......I used to be alot more fun because I noticed that the more I drank the funnier I got (along with getting a lot more fuckin attractive ;)

New to this....

Okay, trying this 'meme' stuff (still don't wtf that means ;) at the the behest of Evil Twins Wife :)
Here's the Kris Kristofferson music vid of 'Sunday Mornin Comin Down'....I hope ;)

BTW.....if I can't get the 'YouTube' thingy to work, ya'll will just get the link. Yes....I can be extremely stoopid.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxpTZYIbE6g

Hope ya'll enjoy.

Are You Fuckin Kiddin Me????

That was my immediate reaction when I read an invitation that came in the mail yesterday. It was a Bridal Shower invitation and guess fuckin what...........it was sent to both me and my wife. It 'promised' an afternoon/evening of fun and games. Ok, what the fuck is this world coming to?

It's not my 1st 'Couples' shower invitation. That was when I was Best Man in a wedding and his uppity, crazy as a fucking loon bride thought this would be so 'chic' since 'all the rich folks are doing it'. To put this in the proper perspective, this is the same girl, who on the day of her Wedding, took a shower (a real one) with her brother. That is the honest fucking truth.....which she didn't mind telling, much to the chagrin of her husband. Uh....can you even imagine the fucking mileage I got out of that? Fuck..crazy people, they're fucking everywhere. Oh, sorry, got off track....When that fuckin invitation came, I immediately called the 'groom' and said "What the fuck.....are you going along with this fucking nonsense? He, being the fuckin balless wonder that I knew deep down he was, said "Well, it may be fun. We'll have beer". OK, why didn't you say that in the 1st place? Thats totally fuckin different then.................WTF????? Thats like the fucker who asks you if you can help him move and he says "I'll buy the beer". Since when did beer become as pricey as say a Cartier diamond bracelet? Fuck that, move your own shit and I'll buy my own $7.00 6-pack!


I don't care if they bring half barrels and hand everyone their very own beer spigot: Men do not belong at bridal showers and baby showers. Period. Showers are for women to gather and give out frilly, girly-like presents and talk about gowns and flower arrangements and shit like that. This new notion that men are obliged to attend showers is yet another sign of our society's ill-advised fucking march toward parity in all things. Men don't expect women to sit through a noon-to-midnight Sunday football marathon, or to quote lines from "Caddyshack." That's our job and we're fuckin proud of it.

Yeah, I attended that 1st Bridal Shower and I am proud to say, I got so fucking wasted that I embarrassed anyone that knew me and that was pretty much everyone there. The only things I really remember is Vodka and boobs. The boobs belonged to one of the Bridesmaids...and evidently to me as well. Well fuck, she kept pressin them into me while we danced (yes...dancing at a shower) so, I kinda accidentally touched them. Now I know you're thinking "Geez....whatta fuckin perv, but NO, it wasn't like that at all. Ya see, she was as wasted as me and started grabbing me 'down below'...so, we kinda evened things out there. She wasn't pissed and I certainly wasn't...uh...really can't say the same for her boyfriend or my girlfriend. Just what the fuck do you expect when you invite guys to a shower of any fucking kind? Fuck, the 'bride' got what the fuck she deserved, in my opinion.

Am I going to this shower (daughter of a high-school friend)..............I fuckin think not. I mean, I'm older now and supposedly wiser....wouldn't look good fondling one of the bridesmaids boobs.

Back To The Basics.....

Since I didn't seem to do so well when I stepped outside of my 'realm' ;), thought I'd better get back to what I'm semi-proficient at (I know.....don't end a sentence with a preposition).

One thing I am good at is complaining, mainly complaining about those morons that 'walk among us'. There is no shortage of these fucktards, they are fucking everywhere.

The last few days I have had more than my share of 'encounters' with these dumbfucks.

Sunday morning:

I'm in one of those fuckin 'self-checkout' lanes at the grocery. 2 fuckin items and I'm behind every fuck that has a cart full. I'm watchin these people and its unfuckinbelievable....I mean, just how fuckin hard is it to 'swipe'? Evidently its quite a challenge for some......AND...if they have any produce, well fuck, its all over then. They can't figure out by the 'Picture Directions' above what the fuck they're supposed to do, so, they just fuckin stand there and stare at the monitor. FUCK.....I so badly want to go over and press the fuckin touchscreen for 'em myself. But, I just stand there in total fuckin disbelief. FINALLY...the 'checkout helper' comes over puts this dumbass out of her misery. Does it end there....no fuckin way, now we have the 'let me check through my whole fuckin purse to see if I can find the 42 cents that I need'. Of course, that means not only going through her wallet but scrounging through the bottom of her purse along with all the fuckin side-pockets.........only to come up short! .....I so fuckin hate shopping, of any fuckin kind.

Sunday night:

2:30 AM: Cell rings....and rings....and rings...

I answer: Uh..hello?

Caller: This 'Efens Company?'

Me: (...sigh...FUCK!!) Yes

Caller: This is 'XYZ Printing'....we need a service guy ASAP!

Me: Uh....Your company is on COD.

Caller: WHY?

Me: Why? Because you don't pay your bills, we have to call repeatedly to try and get
our money. We took you off COD before when you promised to pay but then as usual,
you didn't. You still owe us money. Thats 'why'.

Caller: I'm calling your boss tomorrow to let him know that you wouldn't cooperate with
us! He'll be real happy to know that you have a customer who's whole plant is down
and we couldn't get any help from you! I'll let him know we're going to go elsewhere!

Me: Whatever, make sure you ask for Efen himself.

Caller: Believe me, I will and I'm going to tell him how rude you are!!!

Me: Nooooooooo...not that (in a very sarcastic tone)!

The nopaymotherfucker hangs up. I go right back to sleep....very easily :)

Oh....he doesn't call back Monday as he threatened....fuck...I was sooooooo ready ;)

Today:

This one really, really, fuckin pisses me off.

We (I) provide medical coverage for the employees. I only have 11 employees but the fuckin cost of this shit has gone through the motherfuckinroof. We have one of the 'top' plans available by what used to be called Blue Cross. The employee is responsible for 10% of the monthly cost. The annual cost of a 'Family Plan' is almost $10000.00 per employee. The employee pays $1000.00 of that, we pay $9000.00.

Every August/September I meet with our Insurance Rep and go over all of our insurance shit. Last Friday he tells me that to keep the same exact plan, our costs will increase by 36% motherfuckinpercent! Thats $3600 fuckin dollars per employee. Geezus...... thats over $36,000 motherfuckin dollars!!! So, he says he'll look at other 'alternative' plans and try to find something close to what we have now and hopefully at a lesser price.

He tells me everyone has to fill out some 'questionnaires' and have them faxed to his office. Fine by me. I put out a letter explaining whats going on, how I'll do everything possible to retain a very good medical plan, and what the associated costs are to the plan we currently have. I tell everyone to take these home, fill them out, and fax them back by today.

This morning I get a phone call from the wife of one of my service guys.

Wife: Efen, I got your letter about the Insurance and FRANKLY I'm concerned about it.

Me: Uh..ok, yeah, I'm "alittle" concerned myself.

Wife: You know, I have to take shots and Insurance doesn't cover it 100%.

Me: Well, I'm sorry about that but I try to offer the best plan possible while keeping down the costs for everyone.

Wife: YOU NEED TO KEEP MY HEALTH NEEDS IN MIND!

Me: (getting 'slightly' pissed about her fuckin demanding tone) I'm doing what I can but I can't tailor a health plan based on one individual alone, I have to do whats best for the employees as a whole.

Wife: So, it sounds like you're going to reduce our coverage so you can save a few bucks.

Okay, normally I would go through the motherfuckin roof with shit like this.....and, I was "this" fuckin close. But, I know she has had health issues and maybe wasn't in the clearest mindset, so I thought I just let it slide.....until:

Wife: I doubt if you're family will be effected much by any changes.

Okay....well, I fuckin tried.......... but when you fuckin EVER mention my family in a sarcastic fuckin tone, the kid-gloves come right fucking off.

Me: Listen, 1st of all, I tried to explain to you what I am trying to accomplish. If that isn't good enough for you, not my damn problem. Do you know how many freakin companies make their employees pay 50%....or more??? Are you aware that the 'trend' now is that the employees ONLY are covered and that if they want their family covered they have to pick up that freakin option on their own....100 damn percent? If I wanted to save the company money, it would be a very easy thing to do because its MY DECISION and mine alone! Do you understand what I am telling you (So badly I just wanted to tell her to Go Fuck Herself!)?

Wife: I don't appreciate you speaking to me like that and I don't think my husband will either.

Me: (WTF???) I don't appreciate you calling here and telling me how to run my business or giving me that 'attitude' of yours either. And, you won't have to tell your husband about our conversation because as soon as I hang up on you, I'll tell him myself.

FuckMeRunning (hehe...stole that from J-Fab ;)......people, especially the fucking idiots, just don't get it. Oh yeah, I went right out to her husband and he could tell I was not to fuckin happy. He said its 'her medication', I said I was sorry about that but I wasn't going to take that shit, from anyone.

Hmmm.....could I just raise their portion to like 95% and get away with it?