Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My 'No Cost' Hunting Trip

As some of you may know, I hunt from time to time. Deer, turkey, dove, quail, squirrel, rabbit and even feral (wild) hogs a couple of times.....nothing too exotic and nothing that involves more than a 3 hour drive.

Well, that is about to change (the driving part). I have never done the waterfowl thing, ducks or geese. I always figured that whenever the weather is the worst and the hunting is the best, then I wanted no fucking part of it.

But...I got a phone call about a month back from one of our Factory Rep's. Since evidently we had done quite well for him and his company this year, he called inviting me to go on duck hunting deal with him and 3 other guys. Told me that it wouldn't cost me a thing 'cept the gas to get there. He had it all set up at some 'duck lodge' in NE Arkansas, guides and dogs, and best of all, heated fucking duck blinds ;)

Now I know pretty much about the stuff I normally hunt but I have no fucking clue about ducks. I mean I know a fuckin duck when I see it but I don't have a fucking clue as to what kind it is....and it seems like this is a fairly important part of it.

(I'm sure I'll lose 95% of my readers from this point forward;) So I start reading up on 'FAQ' about ducks, the recommended guns, the shot size, ya know, the general 'how to' shit. I did know that back in the '80's the guvment made it a law that you had to shoot steel shot instead of lead. I also knew that I couldn't shoot steel out of my present shotgun as it would damage the barrel...and aint no fuckin way was I going to do that.

I have quite a few good friends who hunt so I ask them if they had a 'duck gun' I could borrow. No luck as none of them duck hunt either. So I figure the most cost-effective method would be just to buy a new barrel for my shotgun. I do some checking and see that this will set me back about $250. Not thrilled but figured, wtf?
I drive out to Cabelas in the pouring fuckin rain this past Saturday. Big fucking mistake....place is as crowded as your everyday NASCAR event. FUCK.......forgot about all the Christmas Cabelas gift cards as well as all the fucking 'returns'. Plus, it took me an hour to get there in the monsoons we were having so there was no way I was turning around. Make my way through the mass at the 'gun counter' and take a number (WTF...is this a bakery or sumthin?)....my number was 98...and they only go to 100 and then they start over. I look up at the 'Number Now Served' counter and its at 72...fuck me and fuck this duck shit. But..I figured I just wander around in this behemoth of an Outdoorsman wet dream and kill the time. Gotta admit, got some very cool shit in there, especially if you just won the state fucking lottery or sumthin...kinda pricey I thought.

Finally I wander back and their on # 95. Perfect! A couple of minutes pass and they call my number. I approach the guy (hoping like hell he did know his shit) and tell him I want to buy a new shotgun barrel that will shoot steel. This guy is good....real fucking good. Starts out with "Now I don't want to say anything that may make you spend more money but...." 1st we talk the price of the barrel which I already knew. Then he asked me the age of my shotgun...I tell him about 30 years. he then compliments me on the gun and says 'You probably should take it to a gunsmith and have them put in new springs, O-rings, etc etc before you go, if its that old....that'll cost you between $75-$100..but well worth it'. Hmmmmmm......have to agree with him on that. I would hate to drive 5 hours only to have my gun fuck up.

He then says...'you know, when its all said and done you're going to have spent close to $350 for a barrel. That's quite a bit.....for just a barrel. Hmmmm....gotta admit he had a point there too. So, being a person of my own mind, I ask him how much a new shotgun, one that will shoot steel, would cost. He hands me over the latest model of the model I own.....oooooooo...started to sweat a little. 'Go ahead....sight it like you would pulling the trigger'. Oh mannn....it was so very orgasmic-like. I then ask...."how much?" It was like finding out the cute girl staring at you was an $800 hooker....which coincidentally was the price. "Nope....I aint spending that kind of fuckin money for sumthin, which who knows, may be a 1 time deal". He gives me that 'understanding' nod.....fuck, I felt like I let him down or something.

Not wanting to appear unappreciative of his advice, I ask him what else does he have. He brings out another.....looked pretty nice, not the manufacturer I preferred, but still looked impressive. Uh.....how much? "$550........and thats the last one we have". Shit.....the last fucking one.

Well fuck....I know what y'all are thinking cuz I'm thinking the same damn thing. BUT....I mean, $350 for a fucking barrel? How much sense would that have made???

Sunday, December 28, 2008

(Updated..you gotta read a post on here!)HooFuckinRay!!!!!!

I made it!!! Sheesh....and here I thought all these 'Internet Tests' were bullshit or sumthin. Now I know its the real deal............and a big thanks to 'the girl' http://www.clarkiegirl73.blogspot.com/ for making this available! My parents would be so proud!!

blog readability test

Movie Reviews

BTW: How do you do that fancy shit that 'the girl' and Elle do when they just put in a name that links you a particular bloggers page instead of that whole 'URL' thingy?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas.....and my Christmas Wishes

First of all, Merry Christmas to all of my very good 'blogger' friends! When Elle 'persuaded' me to join in, I had no idea where it would lead.

Would it be only Elle reading....and then would she tire of me and quit visiting...would I turn people off with my 'colorful' language? These are all questions I had.

Much to my surprise, I found not only did I like posting my normal day-to-day bullshit, but some of you actually seemed to enjoy it. And...for this I thank you all!

It doesn't surprise me of the value I have found in people I have never met. Those with common interests (and some not so 'common' ;) seem to have a natural draw to one another...DUH :)

Anyhow...the following are some of the things I have been thankful for on here, as well as my wishes, (and in no particular order, except for the last one ;)

the girl: A girl after my own heart ;)
I wish the best for you in 2009. I know things have been difficult and I know we all wish there were things we could do to provide help and support. Just know that we do care and if there is anything you ever need, please ask. Love you!

J-Fab: Everytime I read one of your posts I ROFLMAOTPCOMN!!! Your use of the 'F' word..well...I bow in your presence :) Plus...being Elle's cousin makes you 'double-hot' ;) My wish is that your husbands ex finally gets her miserable fuckin life together which in turn, will make yours easier :)

Ron: Your imagination is second to none. Sometimes I read and think 'How in the fuck is he able to come with that shit?' :) Hang in there buddy, most of time the good stuff happens when its the least expected and you're not even looking for it....and I know that wish for you will come true :)

ETW: Ya know...I'll just be reading one of your posts where everythings all normal and then 'WHAM' you drop something unexpected and I'm like "Whoa....I can't believe she said (or admitted to) that! LOL.... My wish is that you remain as happy as you show in almost every one of your posts!

Texas Gator Gal: 1st, let me apologize for being a 'bad influence'...but, it makes it all the funnier when 'those' words come out of your mouth ;) You have the lovliest children I have ever seen :) My wish for you is that the Gators beat Oklahoma in January :)

Kitchen: You certainly raise the collective 'class' of everyone ;) You make me wonder what does one (like myself ;) have to do to get invited to one of those swanky 'black-tie' affairs that you go to? My wish is that you remain on everyone's 'A' list...I'm sure you raise their 'collective' class as well :) Plus...You have great looking kids!!

Bucky: What can I say....pretty sure we're out of the 'same mold'. Your posts make me LMAO...thinking..."fuck..I wish I had said that" :) My wish is that you never run out of things to say that make us all ROFL ;)

Suzie: Being 'the girls' kid sister is pretty evident at times.....you both pretty well say whats on your mind...and we all LOVE that ;) My wish is that you continue looking forward....looking back just isn't any good...for anyone of us!

YO Adrienne: Not having a thing to do with that 'shirt picture' (LOLOL)...we all really enjoy looking at your post. You're very funny, especially when lifes little frustrations gets to you in the same manner as they do to all of us ;) One wish is that school gets a little less consuming and you 'Ace' everything! :) But...my biggest wish is that your little boy gets all well. Out thoughts, prayers, and good wishes are all with him :)

Finally....last but certainly not least.......Elle: Elle and I go waaaaaaaaaay back...years. Over this time we have shared quite abit with each other (Elle...relax, I aint spillin nuthin ;) Very simply......I love her, dearly. If its possible that a girl and a guy share a brain, then we do ;) I used to be amazed on how much we thought alike, but no more. It's pretty much a given. I could go on and on but frankly, I've already showed more of my 'sentimental' side than I care to do ;) My wish for Elle....just keep being the way you are. Thats pretty much perfect :)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

(updated) I Love This.....My 'Gift' to Y'all

Updated: I added another vid for your viewing pleasure ;)

These guys are really talented. I don't normally do 'acapella' but I liked it so much I just 'happened to find' their Christmas Album (Holiday Spirits) on Vuze and it just 'magically' appeared on my computer ;) Oh....almost forgot..name of the group is 'Straight..No Chaser'.

Enjoy this video..

Not a Christmas one...but still good.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Yeah...the Season of Joy and Goodwill

I'm pissed.....ok, I realize thats not a shocker or anything, but regardless, I am.

I have Season Tickets to one of the most futile football teams in America, the fuckin Rams. Yeah, they blow, big-time. Anyhow, since there was no fuckin way I was going to the game yesterday and watch them suck, I thought I'd put them on Craigslist.

Now, I'm realistic and I wasn't going to try to recoup their face value ($74.00 per) because I knew no fuckin way that would happen, so I put the four of them on there at $25 each. Seemed fair. How many sporting events can you go to for that price....even if they do suck?

I get only 3 responses. One from a guy who said he'd give me $60 total. One from a guy who said he pay the $100 if they were still available, and another from a gal who said she'd do the $100 as well.

I tell '$60' guy, no thanks. I tell the '$100' guy, yes there available. I then tell the '$100' gal that someone had replied before she did and that I had to go with the first person who replied.

She e-mails me back...practically begging..telling me how much that would mean to her daughter who just LOVES the Rams (wtf?) and that how they couldn't afford to go any games because of the normal prices.

Hmmmm.....so, I think about that. The '$100' guy hadn't got back to me yet for any kind of finalization, plus his e-mail address had 'StarTrekker' in it which I found slightly fucked up, so I e-mail the girl telling her she could have them and e-mailed 'StarTrekker' that they were already sold.

She goes all 'thank you, thank you, etc etc etc' and frankly, I felt good about it. So good in fact, that when the time came to meet and exchange tickets for money, I was going to tell her I'd take $75.00 instead.

Turns out she lives about 70 miles from me but was coming into town early Saturday morning because of her daughters basketball game. We agreed to meet close to my house as it was on her way, at 7:45 AM.

As I require with any Craigslist transaction, I get a cell number and give them mine as well, just in case.

Saturday morning, about 6:00 AM my cell phone 'text message' alert starts beeping. WTF???? I check it and its 'AMY', the ticket buyer. She tells me that her daughters basketball game start-time had been changed at the last minute and she was already on her way to the site of the game. She didn't have time to stop today but she would call me 'later' so we could meet Sunday morning.

Yes, my fuckin 'alarms' did start going off in my head....BUT...if she changed her mind about buying the tickets, she would just tell me, wouldn't she?....afterall, she was sooooooooooooo fuckin excited about getting them.

Saturday night about 9:00 PM, I hadn't heard from her, so I called and get her fuckin voicemail. Now, I'm starting to get pissed...what the fuck?? I leave a message, a little 'terse' but not 'over the line'. I tell her to call me by 8:00 AM Sunday morning.

8:00 AM comes and goes and now I'm sure this fuckin bitch has screwed me over. I wait til 9:00 then I text her: "Are you going to pick-up the tickets?

She replies: "No, sorry".

WTF???? Thats it...no sorry ass excuse or nuthin. Didn't even have the fuckin decency to call me...just fuckin blew it off like no big fuckin deal!

I have now gone from '0 to 60' in a fuckin flash. I call the bitch...she won't fuckin answer. I then send her the following text;

"Thanks for letting me know 3 hours before the game. That was so thoughtful and considerate! So what that I had other offers that I turned down because of your sob story....just knowing that the thought of the tickets made you happy is enough for me. BTW...if I ever get the chance to screw you over on future tickets, believe me, I will and ya know what, you won't even see it coming. Merry Christmas and I hope the gas company turns off your service in your double-wide for lack of payment, right smack dab in the middle of winter".

Fuckin people......and yes, I do hope they shut off her heat...fuck her and her family...Efen does not like to be fucked over................even in the least little bit.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Efen and The Kid From Brooklyn

Here's a guy whom I'm pretty sure I am destined to become (some of you will say I am already there ;) If you've ever been to Starbucks...you don't want to miss this :)

He has an opinion on basically everyfuckinthing......and he has my admiration.

For more, just go to http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/ As you can tell by this video, he and I speak the same 'language' ;)

Either you like him or you don't..........................I'm sure he'd have an opinion on that as well ;)

Oh....if you have kids around, you may want to turn down your speakers..this was an Efen 'PSA'

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Anybody want to buy a company?

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I could just get up and walk the fuck right outta here (well...sometimes I do but I always come back).

Spent most of this week dealing with bullshit stuff...stuff that should have never occured to begin with.

Monday, I no sooner get to my desk when my 'Parts Guy' comes in and says 'Uh...I have this notice that keeps popping up on my computer sayin that Norton has found a virus but it can't do anything with it'.

FUCK.......so I go to his desk and try to fix the fuckin thing. Turns out, he had gone to some site that starting putting all kinds of pop-ups on his computer. So, to remedy that, he found some free 'pop-up' removal software online....and he fuckin downloaded it. Turns out, what he actually Dl'd was a fucking virus. And now...it was up to me to fix it.

I was pissed. The fucking rule is: NO ONE IS TO INSTALL ANY SOFTWARE UNLESS I OK FIRST!

I didn't bother to hide my aggravation one fucking bit. 'Genius' says to me "Why didn't Norton catch this..thats what we have it for". Ok, now I'm further pissed. I tell him Anti-Virus software only catches maybe 80% and thats if you keep it updated and thats if people are responsible enough not to DL shit they aren't sure of.

I run 4 different programs to try to get rid of it. Keep in mind each program has to scan the whole fuckin computer and some of these programs say to run them up to 8 times...which I did. Nothing...the fuckin thing I can't get rid of. Search online to find out while this particular virus is not really that harmful (more annoying than anything else) its a real bitch to get rid of. Fuckin great!

All the while, I'm doing plenty of loud 'sighing' just in case anyone didn't know just how fucking aggravated I was. Finally, after all fucking day, around 6:00 PM, I was able to get rid of it. And, while I was at it, I changed his fucking 'privleges' so he can't make any fucking changes or DL anything, unless I physically do it with a password.

Tuesday and Wednesday were tied up mainly with one fucking customer. Biggest fuckin whiner that we have. We quoted him some stuff in fucking JULY. Now, he wants to buy it but needs it in and running before the end of this month! I try to explain to him that this equipment normally takes 4 weeks to build and its doubtful, at best. He tells me to check. I do. I'm told if we enter the order today (Wednesday) the factory will get it out on December 19th. I call the fuck back and tell him.

He says "Ok..now we need to discuss the price" WTF????? I tell him it is what it is. We can't go lower. He says "I know there's end of year specials"

Me: Sorry...we don't have Black Friday deals nor do we have Cyber Monday deals...its a fair price.

Jackwad: C'mon...give me $800 off and I'll give you the order.

Me: Nope

Jackwad: Ok...how about $500?

Me: (Gettin real fuckin tired of this exchange) I'll give you $200...thats all I can do since there was a price increase in August and we didn't increase your price any.

Jackwad: Ok...I'll do it

Me: Alright...whats the PO#?

Jackwad: I'll call you tomorrow

Me: (Wanting to scream and say 'You stupid motherfucker') Tomorrow?? I told you we needed to enter the order today if you wanted it delivered before years end. So, do you want it or not?

Jackwad: Oh..one day won't make any difference. They want the business.

Me: Ya know, yes, they want the business but their last day of production is 12/19, then they don't re-open until January 2nd. You can either give me the order now or wait until January to receive your MUCH NEEDED equipment.....plus, in January there is a 4% price increase coming.

Jackwad: Hmmm....sounds like you don't want our business that much either

Me: Ok, I've done all you asked and I can't do anymore. Yes, a $40K order would be very nice this time of year but I can't work miracles. Take all the time you want and when you decide, I'll make a phone call. However it plays out is totally in your hands. Thanks for calling.

Jackwad: Uh...er....I need to check something with my accountant...I'll call you back tomorrow..1st thing.

That was it. Now this asswipe will call back today with the order, that I'm sure of. Another thing I'm sure of is there is no fucking way on earth he's going to get his stuff by the end of the year.

Not my fucking problem.......

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Alright already....

Sheesh, Elle can go missing for a week or so and then she's gets all 'clingy' when I go 'silent' for a couple of days ;) 'the girl' has every right to question though as she is extremely reliable regarding her 'posting commitments' ;)

I do apologize for my recent lack of communication.......nothing in particular, just a little busier than usual.

I'll do my best to recap here.

Thanksgiving was nice, boring but nice. My daughter, to my surprise, did ditch her other 'option' and showed up in time for TG dinner. Besides being extremely happy with that, she had to fulfill her 'granddaughter' obligations by listening to my Mother ask her every question under the sun regarding 1. School, 2. What boy she's currently seeing (what does he do? where did she meet him? where did he go to high school? has she met his parents? etc etc) 3. Why doesn't she eat more....'you're too thin'.

Me...I just listened and gave her my 'sly wink'. To her credit, she took it all in stride and answered the most of the questions, some I knew, 'semi-truthfully' ;)

Food was good except I think most people would have preferred to have the dressing served with dinner. Fuck.....I had the stove (new stove) timer set for the turkey. On timer setting 'auto', when the timer goes off, the stove does as well. I didn't know this fucking aspect so when I put my dressing in, the stove had turned itself off....and I didn't notice. When I realized this, 40 fuckin minutes later, I was obviously behind schedule. I first tried to blame somebody, anybody, for fuckin with the stove. Then....the timer function was pointed out to me ..well fuck, to my way of thinking that should have been pointed out BEFORE....not after! Oh well.....everything else was good and the dressing was served, albeit late.

My pies were good 'cept for some reason the Pecan was alittle runny...wtf??? Never had that happen before. It was eaten so I guess not too bad.

Since I don't do Black Friday, most stores were offering their sales online beginning TG day. There was a TV that I had been wanting for the bedroom and found it on sale at several stores but the only one that actually had it in stock of all places, was Sears. So, I order it online, so proud of myself for 'beating the game' and avoiding getting crushed to death by trailer-livin trash.

That was until Friday morning when I received an e-mail from them saying "We're sorry, but even tho we said we had it in stock, we fuckin lied to you but would like to offer you a few 'bait and switch' items instead for only a couple of hundred more. Please make your selection and we're fairly certain we have these in stock, but if not, we'll send you an e-mail telling you how we fucked with you again...thank you for doing business with us and affording us the opportunity to really fuck up your day...Sincerely, Sears.com"

I gave everyone Friday off but I came in to work and actually got a ton of things done. Phone rang twice in the 4 hours I was there. I enjoy coming into work the day after TG. Peaceful without gettin all obsessed as to why the phone isn't ringing.

I left work and went to find my TV somewhere. Surprisingly, by 1:00 PM the big crowds had thinned enough that it wasn't too bad. I found the TV (not in stock but they said they would have it in by Sunday). A girl at SV was looking for a Blu-Ray player as a Christmas gift for her husband. I found one there on sale, called her and ordered it too (again, not in until Sunday). The sales guy said I could either pay 10% down OR pay the whole thing up front. When I asked why would I want to pay in full for something I didn't have yet, he said "Because it will save you time when you pick it up". WTF???? When I said "Uh....what if for some reason you never get that TV or Blu-Ray in? How much fuckin hassle would that be for me"? Then he says "Ok...I guess you'd prefer the 10% down? Arrrgh....

Then I tell him to ring the items separately. This fuckin moron then says "Well, that will actually cost you more money down".

Me: How so...is it then not 10%?

FM: Yeah, its still 10% but that 10% will be figured separately.

Me: Ok....(gettin that exasperated tone) So, together, the total would be $943.00?

FM: Thats correct.

Me: Then my down payment would be $94.30?

FM: Thats right

Me: So, separately, the TV's down payment would be $75.00?

FM: Yes

Me: 10% down on the Blu-Ray would be $19.30?

FM: Yes

Me: What does THAT total up to?

FM: (using his calculator)....uh...er...ya know, thats also $94.30. Hmmm...whattaya know. Learn sumthin new everyday

'Learn sumthin new everyday?'....like what...3rd grade fuckin math??????

Picked up everything on Sunday and quite frankly, was very much surprised that the items arrived as I was told they would. Oh, I did have a 'situation' with a guy who butted in front of me at the 'Customer Pick-Up' dock.......but this post is long enough already ;)

Monday, November 24, 2008

Short Week Ahead..

.....and frankly, it couldn't come more at a fuckin perfect time.

Remember my post about my customer goin all fuckin nuts on me? Well, since we ended up selling that equipment to the same company he was trying to sell to, I thought 'what the fuck', I'm gonna call our common customer to see exactly what the deal was, plus I know this guy alittle.

I call him, explain what had transpired between the Contractor and myself, and asked the guy if he had heard any feedback from the Contractor about what had happened. This guy went absolutely fuckin ballistic......on the Contractor.

His exact words: I'm so fuckin sick and tired of that company. Since they're a Union shop they think they can run roughshod over anyone who isn't. They come in here and act like they're above reproach and that they can do any fuckin thing they want. I NEVER told them to order the equipment, they just fucking assumed it was their job. I'll tell you one thing, we give them over $200,000 a year in business and that has just fucking ended!

Okay...I never thought this thing would snowball like it has. And...being the professional that I am and having the 'last word' in an argument seems petty...I wrote the fuckin Contractor a letter on Friday (he's a senior VP) and sent a copy to the President.

I detailed the language that he used with me, how offended I was by that type of language, how un-professional it was, that I would never use that language in a business conversation, etc etc . I also said that if he would have given me a chance to speak, I WAS going to say that I would do everything in my power to make sure they didn't get stuck with the equipment, that I would make this up to them with additional discounts....BUT since I didn't get the chance to say these things, I could only assume that he had no interest in whatever solution I could offer.

Fuck him...I kinda expected a phone call from this prick today but I was going to tell him right off that the conversation was being recorded (it wouldn't be) ...figure that would set him off even greater...hehe...some of these pricks are rookies when it comes to shit like this...me, I fuckin live for it ;)

I need a break, even if it's only a couple of days. Actually, tho we're closed on Friday too, I always come in on the Friday after TG, until about noon then its "Hasta la vista" baby. Phone doesn't ring much but if anyone needs anything, I can take care of them.

Then I run up to 'SV' for awhile, have a couple of Post-TG drinks (this always fucks them up because I normally will not drink during the day). Sparse crowd there usually because most of their customers are off work and won't be coming in for lunch. I prefer a more 'intimate' setting anyhow ;)

I don't do the fuckin 'Black Friday' deal. Tried it once, determined pretty quickly it sucked, vowed not to fuckin let it happen again............and it hasn't.

Went to the grocery yesterday and got all my TG stuff; Turkey (duh), cornmeal for the dressing, all my pie stuff (I make 3, pumpkin (which I can take or leave), pecan (talk about easy), and this year, instead of a lemon meringue (the last two have been alittle runny), I'm doin a coconut cream, with meringue, of course ;)

So, if I don't post anymore before Thursday, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

(sheesh....a whole post and didn't mention 'boobs' once.....it must be that Holiday spirit thing ;)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Is it just me?

I don't normally get into much of my personal life (except when it involves me bitchin) on here because, frankly, I feel everyone has there own problems to deal with and the last thing they want is to read are things that kinda upset me............but, today I'm gonna break that rule cuz I am interested in any feedback that you would care to offer.

First, I'd like to say that I got the 'inspiration' for this post after reading Ron's page at http://www.warpedmindofron.com/ so, you can either blame him or thank him ;)

Okay....my parents are gettin up there in years and it's been pretty much my responsibility over the years to make sure they're doin ok. Thats fine, thats what a son should do because after all, they were there for me through 'thick and thin' (and a whole lotta 'thin ;) ...... I couldn't have asked for a better set of parents. They taught me so much about the importance of family as well being responsible and being accountable. These are traits that I have tried so hard to impart upon my daughter. I think I was pretty successful there.

Anyhow....I have a sister who lives in Florida, a thousand miles away. I see her, maybe, every couple of years. And, thats IF I go there. She and her kids, 3 of them, haven't been here in several years. No, she doesn't work so it isn't a problem getting away.

I used to bitch about this to my parents, but my Mother would always say "Well, she has 3 kids and they're so busy". My Dad wouldn't say much. Well, WTF? She isn't the only person in the world that has 3 kids and it isn't like they can't afford to jump on a fuckin plane. And now, her 'kids' ages are 16, 21, and 22!

My Mother's health hasn't been good for maybe 6 years now. My Dad, while in good health (thank god) isn't getting any younger and you never know what the 'next day' will bring. Recently, my Mother told me how much she's really wanting to go down and see my sister and her family....but frankly, she just isn't able.

A few years ago, my Mother went in for a routine gallbladder operation. 3 months later (long story) she left the hospital, with 8 weeks of that being in ICU. The doctors basically said she wasn't going to make it. I kept telling my Dad that my sister needed to be there but he was having none of that. I knew what he was thinking, if my Mother passed away, she would need that time to be there (cuz after all, she has 3 kids). My sister was ready to come up, all she was waiting for was word from me. Ok, I have a problem with that.....it shouldn't be left up to me when to tell her to come. Finally, when the prognosis wasn't getting any better, I did call her. She came and stayed a week. This did help my Dad (and me) for awhile, but fuck....a week? Me and my Dad were at the hospital practically every fucking day for 3 months.

My Mother did get better but since then hasn't been able to do all that much due to the complications that she suffered. She misses her daughter, she misses her grandkids....and even though my Dad doesn't let on, I know he does too.

A couple of weeks ago I sent my sister an e-mail telling her how much it would mean to my parents (like she didn't already fucking know) if she and the kids could come up, sometime, over the holidays. I didn't call her with this because I knew once I heard 'that tone' in her voice, I'd been all ' fuck it, don't put yourself out'.

A couple of days pass when I get her response: "I'll have to see, we've had some unexpected expenses and not sure of the kids schedules, blah blah blah, fuckin blah"

Fuck.......the 'kids' will all be out of school for Christmas Break, two of them as long as 4 weeks. And the 'expenses' thing....gimme a fuckin break. My brother-in-law (he and I are very close friends....even though I introduced them ;) makes a ton of fucking money, earns every freakin penny.... they are not hurting at all.

I'm not going to bring the subject up to her anymore. IF I have to explain to her how much it would mean to OUR parents, then fuck it..........she and the kids can stay home....oh, but she'll make the obligatory phone call Christmas Day to talk to everyone, tell them "Merry Christmas" and me listening to them tell her how much they appreciate her presents, that she 'shouldn't have' and all that crap that just starts my blood boiling.

So, am I outta line here for feeling 'slightly' resentful?

Ok, I'm done......I think I'm gonna go puke.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Yeah...piss me off

Fuckin people! There are times I wish I was one of those mixed martial arts guys...kinda like a white Kimbo Slice. So big and so bad, that nobody, no time, will ever fuck with you. And if they are idiot enough to try it.....they soon realize the error of their misguided judgement.

As some of you may know, I own a industrial equipment company. Yeah, I realize this sounds all exciting and shit, but the downside is dealing with people who are, or can be, complete fucking jackoffs!

Case in point; We sold some equipment to a Mechanical Contractor here, one of the largest in our area. They ordered this equipment about a month ago. It was a 'special order' for us, something we never sell, much less keep in stock.

Yesterday we get a phone call from them, sayin they want to return it. They said we sold this exact equipment to the company they were selling it to and since their customer decided to buy from us, they didn't need it.

Ok, there's a couple of problems here. First, who the fuck orders any equipment BEFORE they get a Purchase Order from the customer? Do you just buy shit 'hoping' you're going to get an order? The answer to that is a resounding 'Fuck No'! This is 'Basic Business 101'.

The second problem is that the manufacturer we bought from won't take it back as it was a 'special build' for them. I don't blame them, they take the shit back only to have it it in their inventory forfuckingever. Yeah, in these economic times, just what you want, inventory that you won't sell as well as useless inventory you have to pay taxes on.

My inside sales guy explains this to the Contractor Girl yesterday. I heard him, he was very nice to her and explained it exactly as I would have. We're sorry about it, but what the fuck are we supposed to do? We can't let them return it, then we'd have this 'one-of-a-kind' thing here, already out the money we paid for it. Even with a 50% restocking charge (which they wouldn't agree to anyhow), we'd still be out alot of money.

This morning, the VP of this company calls me. He starts out all nice and shit. Telling me he was told to order it by his/our customer but when they went to install it they found it had already been replaced...........by us. So, he wants to return it since we "went around him and sold to the other company".

Ok, this is bullshit. we didn't go around any fuckin body and these fuckin Contractors are the biggest whores in the world. They'll work you to death having you do half of their fucking work, making the correct recommendations, supplying them with all kinds of blueprints, etc etc etc, then turn around and buy the shit from another company who hasn't done one fucking thing, because they were 5% cheaper!

I let his snide remark slide and tell him that we tried to return it but the manufacturer wouldn't take it back. Thats all I had time to say.....then this fuck went off on me.

Fuck: What the fuck you mean, you won't take it back? If you want a fuckin war with us you have no idea what the fuck you're getting into. Did you get a permit to install it?? I'm going to call the County right now and if you didn't get a permit I'll see to it that they fine your fucking ass off!

Me: Uh....can you calm down?

Fuck: Do you hear what the fuck I'm tellin you?

Me: (Starting to feel my blood pressure going through the roof on that one)

Me: If you'd calm down we could discuss it.

Fuck: Don't fuckin tell me what to do!

Me: I don't think we're going to get anywhere until you cool it down.

Fuck: -click-

Ok, that fuckin pissed me off more than anything. If you want me to go totally fuckin nuts, hang up on me. He did, and I was.

I thought about calling him right back but I knew it would only end up in a 'Fuck You' , 'No, Fuck You' kinda thing. I'm waaay too mature for that.............Ok, I'm not and honestly, I sorta live for shit like that, BUT....this company does spend alot of money with us and all it takes is for one jackoff in charge to put a stop to that.

I checked, we did sell to the other company but we haven't installed yet so this fuck doesn't have his ducks in a row. I'm pretty sure he's the one who gave the go-ahead to order the equipment and now he's trying to cover his ass. Frankly, if he would just own up to his fuck-up, I'd try to work something out, but I know thats not gonna happen.

My dilemma is what to do now? Stick to my guns and run a high risk of this guy making sure they don't do business with us any longer OR, take the shit back and eat all kinds of dollars?

Either way, I'm afraid I'm fucked.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Deer Hunt Recap

I'm sure sooooooooooo many of you are wondering, "How did Efen's deer hunt go?"

As you may recall, the place I was going is only 30 minutes or so from my house...then maybe another 20 minute walk through the woods to my stand.

Let me give you a quick recap;

Alarm goes off at 4:00 AM. Get up, stumble to the kitchen for my coffee, only to discover I had reset the timer for 4:00 PM, not AM.............fuck me. While I'm standing there, trying to focus on those little fuckin coffee maker buttons, I hear a noise from the outside. Oh fuck me again....raining like a sonofabitch and its a whopping 35 degrees....plus windy as hell.

Okay, 'back in the day', I woulda said 'big fuckin deal' and just put my 'rain shit' on and off I'd go. Instead, I turn on the local weather and yep....it's raining...and cold...and wind up to speeds of 40 MPH...glad I got confirmation on that shit. Uh, this is no longer 'back in the day'...so I said 'fuck it', and went back to bed.

Slept another couple of hours, got up....weather still the same though the rain has slacked off quite a bit...gettin some sleet instead. I can handle sleet, it just bounces off of you, still don't care for the wind though.

Finally, about 10:00, the rain/sleet stops, the wind doesn't but wtf....it IS opening day and all. I had all my hunting shit in the truck so I was pretty much ready to go anyhow. I stop at a little diner close to where I'm going, to get my thermos filled with coffee. Fuckin place is packed with hunters who had already said 'Enough'. While waitin for the gal to get my coffee, I strike up a conversation with an older guy sittin at the counter. He asks me where I had been hunting and I tell him I haven't yet, just going out. He laughs and tells me I might as well pull up a stool and sit there all day cuz "there aint no use going out in this weather.....the wind is goin to hold 'em down all day".

Ya know, I knew he was probably right, especially on the 1st day of rain and wind...deer don't like that stuff, especially the wind cuz if they can't hear, they get real spooked. But, I told the guy I was going to try anyhow. He laughs, again (wtf buddy, it aint that funny), wishes me luck and out I go.

I get to where I can pull off to an old logging road. Put on all my cold weather shit (fuckin boots...why didn't I buy a new pair w/ 'speed lacers'?), get my gun, my 'thermo seat-cushion' and backpack and start my trek through the woods. My stand really isn't all that far into the woods but there's alot of thick brush plus I have to go down a steep fuckin draw then halfway up the other side. Finally I arrive. Climb up that fuckin stand (after tying my unloaded gun to a rope so I can pull it up) and settle in....I look at my watch....12:45...only 4 hours of hunting time left.

The thing about the wind is besides lowering the windchill 'bout 20 fuckin degrees, it makes you think you hearing shit walkin in the woods, with all the leaves rustling and small limbs breaking. So your head is pretty much doin that fuckin 'swivel' thing every 30 fuckin seconds.....cuz even though 'you know', you just can't take a chance by ignoring the sounds.

Fast forward 4 hours......I haven't seen one fucking thing, not even a fucking squirrel. Even the birds have said 'fuck it'. I climb down and my feet feel like blocks of ice. I can take the cold very well, 'cept for my feet. I don't care how many pairs of thermal socks I wear or how fuckin expensive my hunting boots are....my feet always freeze. But, I know as long as I have some feeling in them, frostbite is not a concern. I make my way back to my truck and back home I go.

Sunday, 4:00 AM. Get up, check weather...its good, a little colder, but hardly any wind and no rain. Have my coffee (at the correct time), dressed and out the door by 4:50.

Drive by yesterday's diner (which opens at 4:00 AM during Opening Day weekend)....only a couple of vehicles there. Park, use my flashlight to get thru the woods, up to my stand, check watch. It's almost 6:00. Fuckin perfect.

As lifeless as the woods were Saturday, Sunday was like Mardi Gras. By 9:30 I had seen 8 deer (either too small or does), a zillion squirrels, and 15-20 turkey (all in one group). Now, this was more fuckin like it.

I knew by all the distant gunshots that the deer were moving all over the place. About 11:00 I could hear something coming towards me and I knew it was a deer. It was, a good sized doe with her tail straight out. This was a good thing because it means the doe is 'ready' and there's a buck trailing her. Maybe 2-3 minutes goes by and I hear him. He's coming down the draw at a full trot...one thing and one thing only on his mind (geez......fuckin guys). The doe has stopped about 30 yards from me, looking back towards him....but at about the same eye level as me. FUCK....while he may not spot me, she certainly will if I move....or 'scent' me first. The buck comes in, maybe 60 yards out. He's pretty big, bigger than the one I posted a picture of. He's staying back in some brush, moving much slower. I can't get a clean shot so I'm waiting til he walks where there's an opening. He's getting closer, I can tell more by sound than actual sight tho I do catch bits and pieces of his rack. At least a 10 point. I slowly move my hand up to my gun's safety, 'click'. I'm ready now.......there's a narrow opening he's going to have to walk through..no more than 40 yards away now...here he come's..I can see him in the brush in my scope...Oh yeah...5 more yards..c'mon..come to Efen..."SNORT"...fuck..I knew it..the doe has either seen me shift in my stand or has 'scented' me...and she sounds her alarm and bolts right into the brush. The buck stops, turns, and takes off like a scalded cat, right back where he came from....all I can catch is a glimpse of his white 'flag' as he disappears. Me....I'm sittin there thinking WTF just happened?.

Oh well....thats part of it, which is what makes it so much fun for me. Actually, I had virtually the same scenario occur several years ago. I really don't care if I 'pull the trigger' or not. Hunting, to me, is about the things you get to see and experience, things that most people never get a chance to enjoy. I mean, how cool is it to be in the woods, watching all kinds of wildlife in their natural habitat? A few years ago I got to see a bobcat chase and catch a chipmunk and a hawk swoop down and grab a squirrel. These things are priceless to me.

I probably won't hunt anymore this season. I don't care. I already consider it a successful deer season :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'M NOT INEPT....I'm just stoopid

Took my SUV into the the dealer Tuesday for a 're-call'. While I was there, I told them about some other problems I was having and could they fix them while they had it. "Sure"...was what the Service Manager told me. It'll be ready Thursday, he said.

When I asked for my 'loaner' vehicle, I got that 'I don't speak Portuguese' look. So, I repeated my question...s-l-o-w-l-y.

SM: You mean a rental?

Me: No...I don't mean that at all.

SM: Well, we don't give loaners. We do rentals.

Me: Yeah, I kinda figured out you rented cars.....but when I bought this that was the one thing I insisted on. That whenever I brought this vehicle in here, warranty, oil change, whatthefuckever, I got a loaner.....NOT a rental...and not just any loaner, but one as close to possible as my vehicle. (Startin to get a little pissed)

SM: Uh....SOOOOOOO...you're salesman set that up? And, just who was that?

Me: (WTF...is this guy like the Principle of the Car Dealer?) It was 'so and so'.

SM: Well, he's retired (Sayin it in that 'na nanna na na' fuckin voice)

Me: Okay....I'm not gonna argue this shit with you...call "Dave" (He owns the fuckin place and he always says in his commercials that if you have any problem 'Just call Dave').

SM: (Gettin red in the face) I'm not gonna do that...this is my department, my call.

Me: Listen...I don't have time for this bullshit. I'll go find him myself...I know where his office is.

SM: Sir...you'll have to move your vehicle first. I have other customers to wait on and you have the lane tied up.

Me: (walking away) The keys are in it. Be careful where you park it.

Oh man....did this piss the fucker off. I thought he was coming over his 'Service Throne'

SM: (loudly) SIR....MOVE YOUR TRUCK...NOW!


And...away I went to find 'Dave', which didn't take long. Dave's office is huge...with probably 30 pictures of him and some local celeb, along with his numerous awards for who-the-fuck-knows...or cares. I knock even though his door is open.

Dave: (Being as sickly sweet as he is in those fuckin commercials) C'mon in, Buddy...what can I do for you? Have a seat...like sumthin to drink? (as he motioned towards his 60 fuckin cubic foot wood paneled built-in refigerator)

Me: No, no thanks........

So I proceed to tell him what had just occurred and how I wasn't very happy. He gets on his phone, calls the SM....listens, nods, says a few 'uh-huhs', and hangs up.

Dave: (chuckles alittle) Efen, well...you really got under his skin, didn't you?

Me: (not chuckling, even alittle) Dave (we're like family now, I guess)...I appreciate you have a business to run and I know how difficult dealing with customers can be. But, I want to tell you one thing. IF one of my employee's EVER spoke to a customer like that guy did to me, I'd fire his fuckin ass so fast he wouldn't know what happened. Like you, as you say in your commercials, I value my customers, doesn't matter if they're right or wrong, and it's because they're the ones that pay my bills.

Dave: You're right, Efen. Lemme call him. You go ahead back and it will be all straightened out by the time you're there. Uh..unless you'd just as soon we bring the loaner round front to you?

Me: Appreciate it, Dave ,but no, I don't have a problem going back there. I'm not worried about it....or scared (then I chuckle).

Dave chuckles too, we shake hands, and off I go. Get back to the SM desk and he's all apologetic and shit. I'm sure Dave told him how to act cuz I know he didn't fuckin mean a word of it.

Then he says....I'm not inept...but sometimes I can be a little stupid. Hmmm...not sure if those were his words or Daves. If they were his, them I am really fucking impressed.....because I would have bet a million dollars he didn't know the meaning of 'inept'.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Fuckin Leaves...and my weekend

All in all, a fairly good weekend but the weather is turning to crap and the damn leaves are piling up....again, as I type.

Saturday morning, did my usual coffee and newspaper...inside though because of the temperature....and the freakin wind. Now, I know its not cold yet, 29 degrees Saturday morn, but fuck, last Saturday it was 74!

I sat there looking out the window....cussing every fuckin leaf that was on my yard. Oh, yeah...thats how I refer to them....."fuckin leaves". Every sentence I say when this topic comes up with any of my buddies, starts off with "Fuckin leaves......" As a matter of fact, they start theirs off the same way.

It's not like I don't try to stay on top of this shit...I've already done the fuckin things 3 times and it's extremely likely I'll have another 3-4 times before its all over with. I have a few trees, 7 of 'em....not as many as others, more than some..but most of them are over 80' fuckin high...and trees that large do produce a lot of fuckin leaves. I wouldn't mind it so if two of my lazy-ass fuckin no account neighbors would bother doing their own fuckin leaves...instead of lettin them sit there til they blow over into my yard. WTF?? Don't people have any sense of responsibility? Sheesh....can't even believe I asked that question....of course they fuckin don't.

So, I put my on my 'cold-weather shit' and go outside...geez...the fuckin wind was brutal. Didn't take all that long to get done, maybe 3 hours. I only 'bag' the front yard. The back, I just keep going over them, mulching, til they're gone....tempted the whole time to bag it all and then dump the shit in my neighbors drive.....but, they'd just fuckin blow back to mine anyhow.

Got that shit done and went to Best Buy. My Dad's remote quit working, well, it worked some, but half-ass. I told him I'd get him a 'Universal' remote that operated his shit. Found a pretty decent one for $20 (fuck...they had some that were $300!). Went by there, programmed it with his TV and his DVD player (couldn't get his VCR to work with it but I don't think he ever uses it anyhow). Works fine and now he doesn't have to get up and manually change stations or adjust volume. Then I dropped by "SV" for abit. Not much going on there, so I was home by 3:00.

Next weekend is the start of firearms Deer Season here. In the past, I fuckin lived for 'Opening Day'. The excitement and the anticipation that I felt back then is something I really can't put into words. Ask any hunter, he'll tell you.

However, the last couple of years I haven't gone. More to do with location of where I used to go than anything else.....its almost 4 hours away, well, the 'hassle factor' is also there. To me, anymore, I pretty much weigh everything on the 'hassle factor'. If I spend more time aggravated then basically, the hassle isn't fuckin worth it.

But....a friend of mine recently purchased 200 acres only about 30 minutes from my house...very wooded and pretty secluded. He called me a several weeks back and said I could hunt there, if I wanted to. I drove out there, looked around for a few hours, and then put up my portable tree stand. For those of you that are uninitiated to the world of deer hunting...a 'stand' is sumthin you climb up and sit in, when you just walk around hunting, thats called 'still' hunting. I prefer the former.

Anyhow, yesterday I thought I'd drive out there, just to walk around and look for 'signs' (No Elle, not the neon type ;) and also to make sure my 'stand' was in the right spot. Spent about 4 hours walking his property and, much to my surprise, turns out my 'stand' was in a pretty good spot, so no need to move it. When I'm in 'the woods' especially when by myself, I always take a backpack, filled with all my 'just-in-case' shit....flashlight, knife, small first-aid kit, water, some food..ya know, just-in-case I fall and break my fuckin leg at the bottom of a ravine or sumthin.

So, I find a comfortable looking log and decide to have lunch. It warmed up some and I was just sittin there, relaxing and watching the birds....when I heard something walking in the leaves towards my direction, not real loud but not super quiet either. I figured, unless it was another guy walking out here, it was either a deer or a couple of turkey. I reached in my backpack for my camera (never know when you'll come across boobs in the woods ;) and sat very still. Maybe 10 minutes goes by when I see what I've been hearing...an 8 point buck. He's upwind so I know he can't 'scent' me and he's not acting likes he's spooked or anything. He's just walking along with his head down, scrounging for acorns, not a care in the world. I bring my camera up slowly. He just keeps meandering ever closer....until he's no more than 15-18 feet away, THEN, he just plops down...ready for a nap.

I took this picture of him just before he spotted me and took off. Nice looking deer..but I already have one bigger on the wall here at work.....besides, I saw 'signs' of a big one and hopefully that'll happen next weekend......That is, unless I decide that the 'hassle factor' has again, reared its ugly head ;)

Thursday, November 6, 2008

STILL Glad I Live In The US

(Deep breath)....Ok, the election is over and my guy didn't win. But, thats alright. At least we live in a country where we have elections and face it, when you have sumthin you're voting on, not everyone is going to be happy with the results.

With that said, the following are a few reasons of why I'm so glad I live here.
Mothers and their children. I always smile when I see them together.

Christmas! I love it, especially for all the little kids. Their expressions on this special day makes you feel so good inside.

The right we have to freedom of expression. It's something that we can never hold tight enough.

Education is the bedrock for any country. I hate to think where this nation would be without it.

We're a nation that prides itself on producing goods that enrich our society. We would accept nothing less.

In this country, one of most precious things we have is the bonding between a parent and a child,
teaching them how to be a credit to their society and passing our traits and ethics along so they can be contributing individuals.
As evidenced by our new President-Elect, no matter your background or your heritage, you can become successful.

In the U.S. we have the right to speak our minds.

And last, but certainly not least, we're proud to show our patriotism. What a country!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

MidLife Crisis?...More Than Fuckin Likely

For the past few years, there has been something I have really wanted to get my hands on (Ok, Elle and the girl..you can run with that ;) It's something I have dreamt about but have never acted on..........until this past Sunday.

I'm talking a car. Not just any car but a bad-ass 'muscle car', one from the late 60's. That was when they made fuckin cars that would rattle your windows when they just came down the street. None of that modified Japanese shit that they pass off as 'today's muscle car'. Fuckin puhleeze...

Anyhow, I was looking in the paper Sunday and saw an ad.

It read (in part) : 1968 Pontiac GTO, Color Red Interior Black, 400 4 bbl, 4-speed, 350 HP. Excellent Condition. Must Sell!

I read this ad over and over, already in my mind, clearing out the 3rd car garage side for this thing of beauty. Now this won't be an easy task cuz I have that space filled with my mowers, workbench, 2 table saws, and various other things that I haven't touched in 8 fuckin years ('cept for the mowers). Fuck it, I thought.....no big deal. I'll figure sumthin out....even if it means parking my regular vehicle outside.

So, I call the number listed. The guy was real nice and gave me directions. When I asked "How much you askin?" He tells me that I really need to see it first and then we'll talk price. Ok...I aint no fuckin rookie when it comes to buyin shit (except in this case) and I know better to 'leap before I look' but the excitement was too much and it overcame my natural sensibility. So, I told him I'd be right over.

As my 'senses' slowly returned, I knew the more excited I appeared, the higher the fuckin price would be. Fuck, you don't discount sumthin when you have a wide-eyed, slack-jawed idiot goin thru his midlife-crisis, standin there jumpin up and down like its Christmas morning!

All kinds of shit came to mind before I went there. Should I dress like a fuckin hobo?; Should I wear my John Deere cap?; Should I even fuckin shave? My one problem would be that no matter what I decided on the above, it would be the vehicle I would be pullin up in. I drive a fairly new SUV and its one of the nicer ones. Notice, I said 'drive', not 'own'. It belongs to the company and it was not new (It was a year old and had 1700 miles when the company bought it). But I knew that wouldn't make any difference to the 'seller' as he would figure 'this guy will pay what I ask'.

So, instead I drive into work and swap it for our 2001 Dodge pick-up. I know how shit works and figure I've just saved myself some bucks. Sometimes I marvel at myself ;)

I didn't have that far to drive and when I pulled up...........there it sat, all clean and perfectly shined, the tires gleaming, the chrome sparkling....it was my dream come true. The seller was good..he had the car parked on the side of his house, in the grass with nothing around it to detract from the car itself.

Everything was perfect........................EXCEPT there was another guy looking at...AND..this fuck had driven up in his 2-seater Mercedes...well, fuck me. This guy was about my age and he had on one of those fruity little french lookin caps...not a beret, but fuckin close enough to be cousins. WTF??? This fuckin guy had no fuckin business even lookin at a car like this...he was already drivin what suited him to a fuckin 't'. Oh well....suck it up and try to look 'indifferent', I told myself.

The seller came over and we talked about the 'general' shit you do when you're looking at a car. Him tellin me how well he had maintained it, that it was his Dad's and he got it when his Father passed away. Me actin all 'I'm really not that interested'. Sonofabitch.....this car only had 63000 original miles on it (thats what he said anyhow)!

Then, he said "Would you like to drive it?" FUCKIN WOULD I! ...but, I instead said, "well, sure...just to check it out, ya know".

He gets in with me, leavin MrFuckinMercedes standing there, given me 'that look'. I put the key in the ignition and "VROOOM, VROOM, VROOM....man o man, it was almost orgasmic! I take off and we're fuckin flyin, in 2nd gear, before I realize it. I back it down and tell the guy I'm sorry..he just laughs and says 'What the hell, thats what you're supposed to do in this car". We drive for maybe 20 minutes and I gotta say, I felt like I was 17 and Katie Marie was in the backseat...in her cheerleader outfit ;)

We get out and he tells me whats he's asking. A little more than I had hoped, but still fair. MrFuckinMercedes had evidently already been told what the price was, plus he had driven it as well (I knew this because I had to move the seat back cuz that weasel lookin fucker was maybe, 5'4".

While I'm standin there thinking this thing through, the Mercedes prick pulls my guy aside and starts talkin all low and shit. I see the seller get that 'Oh Boy' look on his face and then he comes back to me and says "Uh...that guy just offered $1000 more than I'm askin. As J-Fab would say "fuck me running". I was close to playin that 'OH YEAH......WELL I'LL GO $1500'........but, I didn't (sigh). I figured he'd jump up again and then what?

I shake the guys hand, thank him and then start that long 'deadman walking' walk back to the truck. Then, I turn to and go back to the seller guy, hand him my business card and say "Listen, if this guy has trouble coming up with the cash, gimme a call". Mercedes Boy gave me his 'I outta kick your ass' look, but it was weak, at best. I gave him my 'try it and I'll shove that fruity hat up your ass' look. My look was waaaaaaay cooler ;)

It was a long drive home though.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween From My Friend at "SV"

I told y'all 'bout the one costume that was going to be worn today, "Sexy Nurse". Well, she freakin lied.

This was what she wore instead, some stupid Belly Dancer thing.

You just can't trust girls. I am soooooooooooo bummed :(

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Back to "Normal" (Re-Post)

(Ok...I fucked that up...somehow. So, let me start again.....sigh).

I realize that 'normal' is relative, but you get the idea ;)

First, I want to thank everyone, again, for all the compassion that was shown. It's really very cool, and touching, when 'strangers' show you 'the love' :)

I'd also like to congratulate the Phillies....and our resident 'Phanatics', 'the girl' and her sister, Suzie (it's too cool for words, isn't it? :) I thought 'Our Town's Joe Buck did a great job on the telecast. He's one smart guy as well as being one funny fucker, in a very dry way. I was parked next to him last Christmas season at a local mall. Very nice guy...and his wife is pretty hot ;)

Tomorrow, being Halloween, all the girls at "SV" are dressing up (or down) in costumes. I only know the theme of two of them, 'Sexy Nurse' and 'Pocahontas'. I get the former but unless its a 'Poke-a-hontas' thing, I don't get the latter. Anyhow, I'll take my camera and see if i can't get something 'worthwhile' to post ;) Oh, I'm sure the guy we call 'Fat Curt' will be there, wearing the same 'really fuckin hilarious' t-shirt that he's worn every fuckin Halloween for the past 9 years....a 'XXXX' size orange jack-o-lantern lookin thing. Fuck...ok, it was amusing the first 2,3,4,5, times...but man, give it a fuckin rest. It was funny, now you look just plain fuckin stupid.

I liked Halloween as a kid 'cept for those houses that gave you fucked up shit like; apples, oranges, ink pens (wtf?), that shitty 'nickel' candy, which you threw away anyhow, and the absolutely fuckin worst thing of all.....PENNIES! Yeah, just what ever kid wants, a handful of dirty fuckin pennies. All that told me was that these people were too fuckin lazy to go out and get real candy so instead they waited until the last fuckin minute and scrounged around under their fuckin sofa cushions and this is what they came up with. Yes, these people got fucked with...well fuck, afterall it is called 'Trick OR Treat'.

Another thing that got you fucked with was turning your lights off and pretending not to be home. Yeah...even though we were kids, we're not fuckin stupid. Lets see.....its a weeknight (usually), your old, and you're not home....right, we're buying that.

My neighbors across the street pulled that shit for several years, that is until THEY had kids. Now, its like the subdivision is holding a 'Best Dressed Haunted House' contest and they want to win 1st place. I bet they put up a thousand dollars worth of decorations and shit...all that 'inflatable' shit, they even hide speakers in their fuckin bushes so they can regale the rest of the fuckin neighborhood with their collection of 'spooky music'................puhleeze! I don't care for this guy at all, plus his wife is all skinny, no boobs, and has a weird fuckin haircut.

I'd also like to post an 'open message' to the Oriental family that lives down the street: Last year, I let it slide that your 4 kids came to my house for candy, but didn't bother to even put on a fuckin costume, just stood there with their fuckin bags held open. Your kids aren't that little (8-12) that they don't 'know the score'. Plus, you as parents who live in the USA, should 'know the score' as well. I'll still give 'em candy if they don't dress up, but I will fuck with you come spring. You see, thats when you have your 'Annual Garage Sale' and you have to have the subdivision trustee (me) sign off on the permit. So, instead of me signing, you'll get "Soree...no unerstan".
Hey, its the USA and we have rules....learn 'em.

Happy Halloween, everyone, and remember...don't eat candy and drive ;)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Buddy, Jim

Jim is a friend of mine that I have known for over 10 years. We met one another at my favorite bar, "SV", and shared many of the same fine 'guy' qualities.

Jim comes in to the bar everyday and sits at the bar with the rest of 'the group'. Real good sense of humor and can 'give shit' as well as he takes it, a quality sorely lacking in most people.

We talk about sports all the time and Jim has always deferred to me regarding baseball, seeing that I am the resident 'expert' ;) We talked politics but Jim showed way more passion for this than me. I deferred to him on this subject. Oh, we also talked about boobs........duh.

Jim owned a small printing business and was very sucessful. As he got older, he cut his hours back some but still worked everyday and was very active.

He had a rough time with cancer a few years back and there was concern that he wouldn't make it..............but he did.

Jim has 4 daughters and he put every one of them through private schools and saw to it that they all got their degree's (as he put it 'I don't want them being dependent on a guy for their self-worth')

Talked to him before I left "SV" Monday afternoon and we both agreed that the Phillies were going to win the World Series.

Jim died yesterday of an apparent heart attack, at work, at his desk.

I'm sure going to miss him.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Efen Ebert

There was some discussion the other day, started on The Warped Mind of Ron's page, about going to the movies. Basically it centered around the cost involved including the the ridiculously high prices of popcorn and soda (or pop ;).

I don't go all that often BUT I did go last night. A friend of mine called and suggested a dinner and a movie. If we go to the show at all, its with this couple. He and I have the same preferences on movie content; 'R-rated', guns, action, and of course.......boobs.

We tossed it back and forth, should we see ' Pride and Glory' or 'Body of Lies? We opted for 'Pride and Glory', for no particular reason other than the trailers we had seen looked good.

Since we're pretty much..uh..old, we decide to go to dinner at 5:30. Thats gives us plenty of time before the 7:30 movie.....and no, around here there aren't any 'Early Bird Specials' at 5:30 on a Saturday night (STFU Elle ;)

We buy the tickets 'on-line' before we go.....$9.00 a ticket..wtf? I do like this aspect of today's 'movie-going' experience though. Don't have to stand in line with the dumbfucks who are trying to decide at the very last fucking moment which movie they are going to see (Geez honey, I don't know..that one looks good; whatever you think, sugar; no dear, its your choice) FUCK ME!!!! Here's an idea...Have a fuckin clue before you get there!

Dinner was 'marginal'....nothing like plunking down $95.00 fuckin dollars (for 4) for a 'marginal' dinner. Even the 'Cubano Mojita', which is the 'signature' drink of this establishment sucked.

Shoulda known this was a precursor of things to come.

After dinner, we head to the theater. 'Course this ain't no 'normal' theater. It has 20 Fuckin screens, including those with 'theater seating', I-Max screens (2 of 'em), and 'Digital-Projection' screens (huh?...I thought they were all 'digitally projected').

But first, we have to get our popcorn and soda (or pop). So, we get the 'Medium Special'...4 drinks and 2 popcorns.......$30 fuckin dollars for this. Now you may be saying "Efen.....you JUST had dinner!". I know, but like I said, it was 'marginal' and popcorn and soda (or pop) is kinda 'traditional' when going to the movies.

Ya know the movie really doesn't start when they say it will. You have all the 'trailers' shown first. They did show a couple that looked pretty good although some times the trailers are better than the actual movie itself...duh.

One they showed was a comedy, which I normally don't care for, because they usually aren't funny....just stupid. But this one did look good and I like Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. The movie is '4 Christmases' and you can check it out here: http://www.fourchristmasesmovie.com/ Another they showed was one coming out in December (I think) I'm really looking forward to this one. It's called 'Gran Torino' and it stars Clint Eastwood (who, I admit, I have a man-crush on ;) You can see this at: http://thegrantorino.com/

Now with the review of 'Pride and Glory' (don't worry, I won't spoil the ending or anything).

It stars Edward Norton & Colin Farrell along with Jon Voight. It's a 'cop movie' and the plot is fairly basic...'good cop versus bad cop'. This movie is LONG....2:10 and I think thats the main problem. Knock off 45 minutes or so and this would have been a pretty decent movie but they didn't and it drags...and drags. Its never a good sign when you find yourself checking the time and telling yourself that 'It has to be over SOON!'. The storyline is disjointed and there's so much mumbling going on you're straining to hear what the fuck it was they actually said. Norton is ok, doesn't show much emotion throughout, Farrell is probably the best and his character does a roller-coaster on what exactly the type of person he is. Jon Voight is, well, pink. His face looks like a baby's butt...I have never seen someone whose color is as pink as his. I found that distracting as I kept focusing on it whenever he was on-screen. Plus, I never could figure out exactly what his 'position' was in the NYPD. He plays the father of Norton (as well as that of another NYPD cop). There are guns and shootings along with a couple of major beat-downs. Oh....a couple of quick flashes of some crack-heads boobs.....but that was disappointing as well.

I give it '2 Efens'....out of 5.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

My Life In Hell (aka The License Bureau)

I would rather have salt AND lemon poured into a cut than to have to go that fuckin place.....but thats exactly what I did yesterday afternoon.

Got a new truck for the company (not "new" new....I have a buddy who got me a 'deal' on a used one) Anyway, had to go get plates (or tags if you prefer) and pay the sales tax. The only thing worse than going yesterday woulda been if I had waited til the last day of the month....thats when all those fuckin Einstein's are there, waiting until the last day of the month, then hurrying in to get it done so they don't have to pay a $5.00 penalty for being late if they waited another day.

Fuck that...I've been an 'Einstein' as well but it's worth the extra $5.00 to show up, say, on the 3rd because normally there's hardly a fuckin soul in there. The last day of the month.....you can wait 4 hours....which doesn't sit well with me.

I thought yesterday woulda been good too...fuck, it's the 23rd, way too soon for the 'end of the month rush'. Well, so I thought. I mean it wasn't 'wall-to-wall' but more than I expected. On top of it, instead of the usual 6 women who don't do a fuckin thing 'cept make you jump through hoops regarding the 'necessary' paperwork, they were down to three! Fuck me.....only 3 of 'em.

I hear one guy, who is obviously not real fuckin happy, say "Is it even remotely possible that you ladies save your 'private' conversations until you get off work.....or until there isn't 15 people waiting in line?" Uh oh.....a fuckin rookie. While I certainly admired his courage, I just shook my head at his intelligence. Buddy, you had better pray that you have every 'i dotted and t crossed' when you get up there cuz if you don't........you are royally fucked. After he made his comment, he kinda looked around at the rest of us, ya know, wanting us to give him the 'thumbs up' sign and maybe an 'attaboy' or two. Fuck that...no way in fuckin hell am I gonna get caught by one of those 'License Nazi bitches' giving you my approval, otherwise, I'll be as fucked as you...and I have a ton of paperwork with me. So, I sorta just stared at the floor.....pretending I didn't know he was looking at me. Yeah....when it comes to standing in lines for a very lengthy time and being afraid I'll be told to 'Come back when you have all of your correct documents', I admit, I am one big fucking pussy.

About 30 minutes pass when they call 'Mr. IshouldaKeptMyMouthShut'' up. I see the stack of papers he's holding and I know there is no fuckin way he's not going to be told to 'come back when you have all your shit'. He's standing at the counter for maybe 10-15 minutes and I can tell there is a 'problem'. These women can be mean and just plain fucking nasty to deal with.....and thats if you haven't done a thing to piss them off. Piss 'em off and they are unlike any sub-species I have ever seen. Clearly he's fucked and I can tell just by watching his body language, he knows he's fucked too. Another 5 minutes or so goes by then I see his 'nazi' get up and go in the back. Oh Man.....whenever they 'go in the back' you are so screwed! They use this as a 'pretense' to go look something up but fuck, what they do is go back and stand around for awhile, not doin shit, then come out to 'officially' tell you what you already knew...."You're fucked buddy, come back when you can find all that mickey mouse shit I'm making you provide just because you pissed me off.....have a good day" Now, these weren't her words but they may as well have been. He gathered up his shit and slowly walked out, all beaten down and shit, while the onlookers were all thinking the same exact fucking thing..'PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME!"

License Girl: "NEXT".

Me: Uh...yes, thank you and may I say how lovely your hair looks today?" No, I didn't say that but did think about it, however I knew that this girl, maybe 22-24, with her multiple piercings, her Goth-colored hair, lower back 'tramp stamp' and her total black wardrobe, wasn't going to buy it. So instead, I try the 'nice' approach:"Hi...how are you?...fairly busy in here today"

LG: (with a bored look).....What do you need?

Me: (Geez....what a fuckin personality) I need to get plates and pay the sales tax

LG: Lemme see your papers

Me: Okay, I have everything separated, hopefully I didn't forget anything..haha

LG: (Not even lifting her head)....If you did, we're open tomorrow.

Me: (Sooooooooo fighting back the urge to say 'You're a fuckin gem, ya know that?") Uh...ok

She goes through everything I give her, twice, slowly.

LG: Whats this? (holding up my 'Fleet Insured Vehicle Identification Card')

Me: (Shit...here it comes) Uh...it's my proof of insurance. We have all of our vehicles under one policy, kind of an Umbrella Policy thing.

LG: You need a specific one per vehicle (giving me that 'Don't you know a fuckin thing look'). Get it and come back.

Me: (knowing full well she's wrong and no way am I going to let this 'techno-punk-rocker' get away with this...and frankly tired of her 'I work for the State so I don't have to be pleasant' attitude) Call your supervisor. I've supplied this for years and have never had a issue with it, plus, I have no intention of 'coming back'.

She just sits there and gives me a look, with those dumb fuckin cow-eyes of hers (If cows wear black eye shadow that is).

Then, she grabs her stamp and starts stamping the papers. Looks at me and tells me what I owe.

I write the check, get my plates, and hurry the fuck outta there.

Sometimes, no matter how big a wuss you are, you just have to 'stand up' ;)

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Pretty Good Weekend...for a change

Whew.....the weekend was pretty much a non-stop affair. I told ya about my buddy coming in from KC and of our plans.

Saturday, I did not go to 'SV', as is the norm. I had shit to do (I always have shit to do but usually blow it off until Sunday afternoon) and knew there was no fuckin way I was getting anything done after my buddy showed up, cuz we had 'plans'.

Did have to take daughter to the airport because its 'Fall Break' and she just HAS to go somewhere. After all, she's had 8 weeks of classes and geez, who could handle that schedule without heading off to Florida for a week? Amazing how organized she can be when it involves 'fun stuff'.

My buddy got in and I had the yard all done so off we went to watch the Texas-Missouri game, at another bar, not 'SV'. We had our 'Mizzou' shit on, ready for the most anticipated game of the year. #1 Texas, ripe for a beat-down. #11 Mizzou, gonna show those skeptics how the game is really played. Boy, this was going to be alot of fun! Ok, that 'fun' lasted for about, oh, 15 fuckin minutes when they were down 14 zip. Got worse, 35-0. We had all the fuckin fun we could take so we headed off to another bar, where my buddy, Tom and his band was playing. This was so much better...real good music and 'hot' chicks by the score, most of them I knew from 'SV'

One girl, whom along with her sister I've known for years, is 'hot' and a really sweet girl. I hadn't seen her sister for quite some time so I asked about her. Her sister was one of those girls who was pretty much the 'wallflower' type. Very cute but shy. Majored in Chemistry and had landed a very good job with a large Chemical company.....well, that was before she discovered alcohol and cocaine. Got fired from there and according to her sister, is going downhill at 'warp speed'. Even going as far as performing 'oral favors' in exchange for coke. Very troubling...and sad.

Anyhow...we had a great time there and it was almost 3:00 before we got home. Drank more than normal. Actually, if I have more than 4-5 beers, thats more than 'normal'. In this case, I probably had 10-12...or 20. Not real sure. What I do know, is I woke up with one gifuckinnormous headache.

Oh man....hurt to open my fuckin eyes. Took 3 aspirin before I went to bed...yeah, that fuckin worked. Up at 7:00...well, sorta 'up'. Layed there and cussed myself for being so fuckin stupid. Gobbled down 3 Excedrin, drank a 1/2 gallon of OJ and stood under a hot shower until the pain subsided....well, subsided some. My buddy got up, wanted breakfast, so I told him to 'go fuck himself'. He started calling me a 'pussy' and laughing at my 'condition'. Well, fuck that...I'll show him...so...I made breakfast. Actually, that seemed to have a positive effect, much to my relief as we were leaving in an hour to head down to the Rams game.

The game started at Noon and we got there by 11:00. Some friends of mine have a huge 'tailgate thing' there before every game so we went there. FUCK....I said "I wasn't going to drink today!"

Only had a couple before the game so not too bad. The Rams were playing Dallas and the stadium seemed like it was 1/2 full of Cowboy fans...with 2 of 'em sitting right next to me. Hey, I don't have a problem with rooting for your team and all, just don't being a fuckin dickwad when you're doin it....especially when you're in a venue that isn't your own.

So, I sit there listening to this one jackfuck yap and yap...being critical of everything St. Louis. Now I'm as critical as they come, but I'm from fucking here so I'm allowed, plus, he's talkin shit about things that aren't even football related. Finally, I am unable to contain my normally soft-spoken self. I turn to Asshat;

Me: (At this point the Cowboys are down 21-7) Man...your team sucks....how you can you watch this embarrassing shit?

AH: We're only down 14..there's plenty of time.

Me: Bullshit...time is running out....they're fucking done. Man...they really suck.

AH: Uh...must feel good seeing that the Rams have only won 1 game.

Me: Must feel good gettin your ass handed to you by a team that has only won 1 game. Uh, what's it been, 12 fuckin years since 'America's Team' has even won a fuckin playoff game? Thats fuckin pathetic.

This kinda shut the fucker up and believe me, every single fuckin time the Rams did something good or the Cowboys fucked something up, I was all over the dickface....showing no fuckin mercy...when they're down, fuckin kickem....besides, he started it....and besides, I was still hungover. Finally, they couldn't take any more and left. I told 'em "Thanks for coming...enjoy that flight home".

My buddy wanted to do a bar stop or two before we got back to my house but I reminded him that he had a 4 hour drive and probably not a good idea ( the thought of more beer was not appealing to me in any way, shape, or form....and at least I didn't make it sound like I was going 'all wuss' on him ;)

He left about 6:00..............I was in bed by 9:00. Perfect ;)