Saturday, January 31, 2009

FaceBook, My Foolish Foray

1st, I want to apologize for to anyone for making them think I was ACTUALLY gonna do this whole FaceBook thing................that was never my fucking intention, never, ever!

The deal is, I was basically curious about it. I know y'all do this thing and I know my daughter does it, as well as MySpace. So, I thought I'd go to FaceBook just to see what so many people are enamored with. How could I be so fucking naive??? I guess I thought I could just go there and sorta 'view' what it's all about (I can only imagine how many of you are laughing at me right this moment;). Well, as you know, you have to 'Register' (or maybe it was 'Sign Up'...some fucking thing or another). At this point I almost said "Fuck it"....and should have, in retrospect. But, alas, I ignored that 'little voice' in my head and took the plunge.

I had no fuckin idea what I put in would then become 'public'. Then, I see I have a people that 'I May Know'.....which in actuality, are most of you (my beloved readers and friends :). I spend a few minutes kinda looking around, then leave, thinking I was pretty much anonymous.

So much for that fuckin thought. Later I go to my e-mail ('Ghetto' e-mail address as Elle puts it ;) and what do I find? 16 fucking e-mails....with 'subjects' such as 'so and so confirmed as a friend' and 'so and so has written on your wall' (or something close to that). WTF???? I have no fuckin idea what any of this means, much less what a fuckin 'wall' is..................and I'm actually more than a little horrified, as well as embarrassed , about it all.

I'm getting e-mails from Texas Gator Gal, Elle, and ETW tellin me I have to put up a picture and chastising me as to why didn't I list 'Momma' as a friend ;)? Hey......gimme a break here...I had no idea I listed ANYONE as a friend.....and I couldn't tell you in a million fuckin years how I was able to accomplish that. Its like FaceBook just took over and did whatever the fuck it wanted! At this point I'm starting to believe more in Ron's conspiracy theories.

Immediately I send Elle and TGG e-mails basically explaining that I fucked up. Evidently I even listed someone as a 'friend' who knows Elle and she's asking Elle basically, who the fuck is this guy???

Ya know.....for the most part I consider myself fairly 'tech-savvy'. This unfortunately, isn't one of those fucking times. I mean, I masted 'IM' with no fucking problems ;)

Please consider this my last FaceBook experience......................

Thursday, January 29, 2009

"Glamour Shots"

I've been feeling remiss about not having a photo in my blog. Fuck...all you HOT chicks show your face, so I thought...fuck it, I will too.

Wanting to look my best, I went to 'Glamour Shots' (Ya know, that place where they make not-so-good looking people into movie stars). Met with 'Vanessa', she was my own 'Personal Photographer'. She gave me the price (gulp) but hey, gotta look your best.

I know, I probably spent money for nothing, but fuck....these people are 'experts' in making others look good.

After 2 1/2 hours of 'make-up' they finally started in on shooting pics. "Turn this way, turn that way, throw your head back, give me that alluring look, pout your lips, etc etc etc "

I dunno about y'all, but I'm pretty fucking happy with the results :)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

News Flash: Fuckin Yeech!!!!!!!!!

Read at your own peril ;)

(FYI: This city is located just North of Saint Louis)


ST CHARLES — A South Roxana woman noticed red liquid on her Jack in the Box BLT sandwich wrapper early Sunday morning and was horrified when she took a closer look."I looked at the wrapper, and I said, 'This has got to be blood,'" said Crystal Swiecicki, 21. She touched it with her index finger and smeared it. Seconds later, she, her fiancĂ© and her 7-month-old daughter pulled into a gas station where she washed her hands repeatedly and used hand sanitizer.The blood was on the wrapper, inside the bag and on her pants, Swiecicki said. She called the restaurant near Highway 370 and Elm Street to ask if anyone had cut themselves. She said the manager apologized and told her he had a bloody nose while he was working the drive-through window. He offered her hand sanitizer, she said.

Swiecicki called police. Lt. Donovan Kenton said St. Charles police went to the restaurant but they found no criminal matter to investigate.Swiecicki doubts she consumed any of the man's blood, but she is upset and looking for a lawyer. "I'm freaked out about it," she said. "I'm afraid to eat. I will not eat at a fast-food restaurant."Gil Copley, director of St. Charles County's health department, said officials have talked to the restaurant's management."They're working with the person who was responsible," Copley said. "They are going to be retraining and reviewing their procedure and reinforcing their corporate policies regarding food sanitation."Copley said his department did not have the authority to force the employee to be tested for disease but said the risk of transmission of diseases such as HIV would likely be minimal. The matter now is between the restaurant and Swiecicki, Copley said. A Jack in the Box spokeswoman declined to answer questions, saying the company's investigation is in its early stages. "We'll continue to work closely with the guest and restaurant management on resolving the issue," the statement said.

This guy was the fucking MANAGER! I'm pretty sure this fuck would have more than a bloody nose if he had served this to me. And....what jury would convict me?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Random Musings...Again

Yeah....thats the title I use when I don't have anything in particular to rant about. Sitting here at work watching it snow.

Of course, I have a couple of girls, one who drives almost 50 miles, who made it in.

My 'Shipping Guy' called "Uh...the roads are bad, not sure I can make it in".
Me: You want me to send one of the girls to pick you up?
SG: ....silence.....Er, uh..I guess I can try.
Me: Good

WTF?....Just when did guys turn into fucking pussies? Me, I was up at 4:45, cleaned off the driveway and the walks (and no...I didn't give a fuck if the noise from my snowblower bothered my neighbors)...and was here by 7:15.

Speaking of fucking pussies....My 'Parts Guy' is quitting and going on 'Disability'. Talk about one guy who has never heard the word 'motivated'. Whenever I ask him 'why?' something isn't done, I get "I just haven't had time". Motherfucker....actually, him quitting saves me from firing his slackin-ass. I had 'the talk' with him back in November. Told him he needed to 'step-it-up'. He did...for about a month. I knew something was up when he handed in his Vacation Request form the beginning of this month and he had 2 weeks scheduled for this month. This week is one of those weeks. I asked him last Friday to give me something in writing saying he was quitting. Told him to put it on my desk. I left early Friday and when I came in over the weekend I found.....Nothing. I'm really hoping he has changed his mind for I have 2 interviews scheduled this week. I would love to tell him 'Sorry....I already hired your replacement'. Fuck him and his lazy, fat, extremely ugly wife.

Elle seems to be quite 'smitten' with NNG. BUT.....I've been down this road before. Elle's attention span w/ her new 'beaus' are kinda like mine when a stranger tries to strike up a conversation....ok at first, but then....................... Hey....I'm just sayin ;) Still 'heart me' honey? ;)
Uh...does he read MY posts too?

Got a new 'follower'...I have no idea how this happened unless she clicked the wrong button or sumthin. Anyhow, please welcome Trisha @
Visit her page. You'll laugh your ass off at her opening sentence of her latest post ;) is up w/ "YO Adrienne?" I imagine she's tired of us. Should I remove her from my page? Funny...said she 'was back' and then totally disappeared. Vote?

Thats all I got for now. If I need to add anything, I'll 'update'.

I know...still didn't get that fuckin 'linky' thing to work and believe me, I tried. I don't know what the fuckin problem is....unless....I'm just fuckin stupid..... Oh well.....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Alright Already....I'll Play Along

Thanks to 'The Girl' (sorry...I'm not linking here because EVERYONE that reads this knows who 'The Girl' is ;) I feel kinda obligated to play along with 'her' game, so.............

1. Quirk - when I am really mad my jaw sets tight and my eyes have that 'Eastwood' look (especially in Dirty Harry). I also start breathing a little fast.

2. Non-Important Thing: I love chicken gizzards.

3. Quirk - I can't stand morons. Period.

4. Non-Important Thing - I keep my desk a fuckin mess...crap stacked everywhere BUT...I know where everything is and I don't bother to try and 'put on a show' by cleaning it up...even if I'm having visitors. Thats what I with it or get the fuck out.

5. Non-Important Thing - Socks..I'm pretty damn finicky when it comes to them. I will only wear Gold Toes, no other....even those I wear with my tennis shoes...and, other than the white ones, I don't care for solid colors.

6. Quirk - I don't speak in the morning...for like an hour. You can walk right by me and its like I didn't see you. Don't try to talk to me either because you'll get, at the most, a grunt. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Duck Trip Redux (Part 2)

As you may recall, I was told that the 'cabin' where we were staying had no TV. Don't know about you, but if I am told this, I pretty well conjure up images of of one those shacks at the beginning of 'Deliverance'.

Well, as I pull into this place, totally enclosed by a 7' high cedar fence, I am in pretty much in shock. The 'cabin' must be 4000 square feet..maybe bigger. Out front sits 3 'duck-boats' on trailers and 3 4-wheelers, also on trailers.

I go to the door and am greeted by the owner, 'John'. Now, I don't know this guy from Adam and my buddy, who has set this up, isn't here yet. Feeling a little awkward I apologize to him for showing up early. "Thats nonsense...I'll help ya bring in your stuff. Its 1st come 1st serve so you pick any room or bed ya want".

We get all my shit unloaded and 'John' tells me make myself at home...."walk around, take a tour". I do, and this fuckin place is unbelievable. More fuckin bedrooms than I could count. This place sleeps.........................28! Has a kitchen with double ovens, 3 refrigerators, a freezer, a stand-alone icemaker, big screen TV with satellite and a liquor shelf that would put most bars to shame. I am in fucking 'hunter heaven' :) Plus, it has a 'mud room' thats probably 25'x15' with every kind of imagineable hunting gear known to multiples. Outside was a deck that overlooked the river. When I say deck, I mean a structure that had to be 50' long and 40' wide. Afuckingamazing! I was getting a 'man crush' on this guy ;)

After a hour or so, most everyone had showed up. We threw on, maybe 20 pounds, of ribeyes on the grill (this guy has 4 of them)...and 2 of them have trailer hitches on them. We eat dinner and decide to play some poker. It wasn't the nickel-dime shit I had been told, but a real, true-to-life poker game.

Everything was perfect of 'Johns' buddies showed up...with his 'I look like a hooker' girlfriend. Now, she was we are in the middle of bumfuck Arkansas, and this gal is wearing designer jeans, very low-cut top with HUGE boobs...and, no shit, camo fuckin heels with zippers on the side. Gimme a fuckin break! And...she liked to do 'shots' of Crown Royal.....many, many shots...and she wanted to play poker...sigh.

This gal fancied herself the female version of 'Amarillo Slim'...'cept she sucked, which is normally a good thing when your trying to win money but when she lost she started that "you're a lucky motherfucker, fuck this, fuck you, etc etc etc". Her boyfriend kept trying to get her to shut the fuck up, but she was having none of that. Finally, I said 'fuck it' and went on to bed, not only because I was 'mildly' irritated but it was 11:00 PM and we we're gettin up at 4:00 AM.

Got up at 4:00 and it was a brisk 16 degrees. Ate breakfast, put on my 125# of clothes and off we went. Turns out we had to get in john-boats and travel upstream for an hour. Lemme tell you, if you think 16 degrees is cold, try it sittin in the front of a fuckin boat with water spraying all over you. At one point I thought my coat had snagged on something because I couldn't lift my arm. sleeve was frozen to the fuckin side of the boat. By the time we got to 'the spot', my facemask was solid ice. Boy.....I'm having fun now!

We unload all our shit from the boat and its still pitch black out. Actually, I was enjoying myself. I guess it was the 'anticipation' thing. About 6:30 you could finally see well enough to shoot.....and shoot we did. Fuckin ducks were everywhere and just when you thought it was slowing down, another flock would come haulin ass through. We finally called it a day around 10:30 and everyone pretty much had their legal limit of ducks.

We repeated this scenario for the next couple of days, only varying the places we'd hunt. The guys I met were the nicest people you'd ever come across. They didn't want me driving my truck cuz 'it would get dirty', so they'd tell me to take one of the pick-ups (keys were in it). One place in particular we were hunting required standing in water up to your knees. So they made sure I wore a pair of their neoprene insulated waders...just shit like that. Whatever they had, was yours.

I've been hunting for years and this trip has to be right there at the top of my favorites.

When I left the owner said "Mark your calendar, we'll do it again next year". Lets see, January 14th falls on a Thursday again next year :)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Duck Trip Redux (Part 1)

I'm back and honestly, I pretty much had the time of my life, well hunting trip wise ;)

Left Thursday morning on the coldest day of the year, Zero fuckin degrees. No hunting was planned on this day, it was a day for travel. Took 6 hours to get there and my new GPS came in very well spent ;) Especially when driving those backroads of Arkansas.

About an hour from my destination I figured I'd better stop and eat, so I found a little place in the middle of fuckin nowhere, called 'Ralphs'. Hmmm.....I'm guessin 'Ralph' has since moved on because the guy behind the counter had a handwritten name tag on that said "PTAH" and he acted like he owned the place. The 1st thing I noticed when I walked in was it was COLD..not 'a little chilly' but downright fuckin freezin. I know it was 12 degrees outside but it didn't feel that much warmer in this place. I started towards a table and "PTAH" motioned that I had to go to the 'window' to place my order. big I step up to the 'window' by the kitchen. This girl comes up and she's wearin a huge fuckin coat and has on a stocking cap. Our 'encounter' goes like this:

SCGirl: Hep ya?
Me: Do you have a menu?
SCGirl: Its on the sign above
Me: Yeah, I see that but theres so many letters missing I can't tell what you have
SCGirl: Whaddaya wantin?
Me: (Knowing this was going all to hell) Uh...I'll just take an egg sandwich with a side of sausage (those letters were still intact)
SCGirl: Sumpin to drink?
Me: Yeah...some hot coffee would be good
SCGirl: Uh...then I'd have to make it
Me: (WTF...this is a fuckin place to eat and isn't that your fuckin job?) Uh..ok....nevermind
SCGirl: Hava seat....I'll bring it to ya

I figured I'd use the bathroom so I walked towards the handwritten sign (on a piece of cardboard) that said 'John'. Yes, that's singular. In front of the 'John' were some slot machines and it appeared that 2 of Arkansas' finest examples of cliches were doin their best to get rich. Above them hung another handwritten sign, this one in orange cardboard, that read " No can thank your 'GOVONOR' for that new law". If my camera hadn't been packed in my bag I would have taken a picture and posted it here. No fuckin lie...thats exactly what it said.

I finish up in the 'John' (careful not to touch anything that wasn't me) and head towards a table...that is a table that doesn't have half-empty glasses, stacks of newspapers, or other assorted crap on them. I find one, by a window, and the fuckin wind was coming through it like I was outdoors. Fuck it...I'll wait, eat and then get the fuck out. Out it does come..on a cheap-ass, thin paper plate (ya know...those that come in a 500 pack for $2) and a plastic fuckin fork that looks like its more of one of those teeny seafood forks than a regular size one. What the fuck??? Surprisingly, the egg sandwich was good and the 'side of sausage' had 2 slices the size of small pancakes...and those were pretty damn good too. I gobble all that down (cuz I'm fuckin freezin to death) and go up to "PTAH" to pay. "$2.50" he says. love 'em ;)

Head down the road and see a gas station and hoped like hell they had coffee. Pull in and start to get out when I hear yelling. I look over and see two guys, both 'bout 30, telling each other how they was 'gonna fuck you up'. Hmmm....they both looked they could be 'packin' so I figured I just watch a bit instead of hopping out and getting caught in the crossfire of two inbred idiots. I listened and watched and learned that one of the 'combatants' name was 'T-Bob' and the other's was.............'See-Saw'. You cannot make this shit up. Both of them looked liked they weighed maybe 150 pounds....together! Both had those fucked up lookin mullet hairdo's. Turns out, 'See-Saw' was accusing 'T-Bob' of stealing evidently one of his most prized possessions....his 'Stanley Ratchet Wrench'...and they were both ready to fight about it in the middle of a gas station parking lot in freezing fucking weather....that is until 'See-Saw's' wife/girlfriend/sister got out of their truck..all what looked like to be every bit of 275 pounds of her. This was 'Donna'...and 'Donna' was pissed. I guess when 'Donna' is pissed, 'See-Saw' don't fuck with all. She yelled at both of them 'Stupid assholes' seemed to be her favorite phrase, then turned and directed her wrath solely on poor fuckin 'See-Saw'. "Get your fuckin skinny-ass back in the truck..NOW. Did you fuckin hear me??? I said NOW". 'See-Saw' wasn't as fucking dumb as I had thought, for he did a 180 and got right in the truck. 'T-Bob' wasn't sayin much either and when 'Donna' told him to get his ass back in the truck and 'git', he did as well. Gotta admit, I was impressed with Donna's ability to handle a situation :) So, I got out, got my coffee and headed to the 'Duck Cabin'. I get there, pull up and what do I see?.......................(Continued in 'Part 2' ;)

Monday, January 12, 2009

Duck Trip Preparation - Updated

(Updated Part) I just found out the following: As anyone with a TV knows, there's a HUGE Arctic blast rolling into the U.S. I wasn't all that concerned that it would have that much of an impact on my trip, cuz afterall, as I was told, we'd be hunting out of HEATED DUCK BLINDS. uh...key words there are 'was told'. Found out this morning that the ducks are now concentrating in the flooded timber and flooded rice, what that means is this: Heated Duck Blinds are probably out and now standing in water (frozen?) wearing FUCKING WADERS will be the 'Hunt Dujour'..........Oh Fuck Me!

I know some you thought I went this weekend, but I'm leaving this Thursday morning. To recap, this was a 'free' trip, except for my gas to get there.

Here is the amount, so far, for this 'no-cost' excursion:

  • Gun: $550.00
  • Shells: $ 38.00
  • Permits: $ 90.00
  • GPS: $ 250.00

Subtotal: $928.00

Figure another $200 for 'incidentals' and this 'free-of-charge' deal is hitting me for over $1100.00! Yeah....I'm a fucking genuis...

Went to see 'Gran Torino' Saturday night...don't worry, I'm not gonna fuck it up for anyone. 'The Girl'....I sent you an e-mail, as requested, regarding this movie (uh....I don't say 'Film')

If y'all recall, an employee who was on vacation last week, whom I was soooooooooo fuckin pissed at, (I know....the preposition thing ;) came in this morning and told me he's planning on going on Permanent Disability in 6-8 weeks. Other than the hassle of finding someone, I consider this a good thing (for me and the company) I won't have to pay Unemployment for firing his lazy ass.

Didn't do much over the weekend 'cept for the movie thing. Did go through a car wash yesterday, got home and noticed my front license plate cover had been ripped away leaving my license plate bent almost in half. WTF??? No use going back and bitchin cuz ya know they have that sign that says 'Not Responsible etc etc etc'....oh well. Just bent it back and threw in a couple of big-ass screws. Fuck...who says I'm not 'handy' ;)

Friday, January 9, 2009

Go ahead....piss me off some more

Kinda in a 'blog' fog here....Actually, kinda in a fuckin fog overall....maybe because I'm in a real shitty mood.

Not sure why but I'm ready to bite the head off of anyone that asks me anything....especially if it's a stupid fuckin question....which today seems to be the norm. Fuckin employee's.....just do your motherfuckin job and quit whining or making excuses, or even worse......givin me that 'dumb as fuckin dirt' look when I ask you I in a bad fucking mood.

Got one guy on vacation and he should thank his lucky fuckin stars he's not here today.....I woulda fired him...or more accurately, he woulda fired himself because of the shit he didn't get done before he went on vacation. He had better pray that I'm in a better mood come Monday....doubtful tho. of my salesman just came in my office (I'm sure he regrets that brilliant decision). Don't they fuckin know by now that they had better have their fuckin 'ducks in a row' before they ask me about something....instead of replying back to me "I don't know....I'm not sure". He left when I said "I'm tired of having to dot all your t's and cross all your i's". Fuck I said, I'm not in the mood.

Guy at the bar pissed me off today too. For some fuckin reason this moron thinks I know about old coins and Today he asks me "Efen.....when did they stop making 'wheat pennies'? I tell him I dunno. He asks again. I tell him I dunno again. He then starts giving years to choose from. Finally....I say "I told you I don't know and more to the point, I don't give a fuck...geezus...leave me the fuck alone".

Got quite a few funny looks from the regulars there because normally I have more patience with this idiot....but not today...fuck him and them too.

Not real fuckin excited about this duck huntin thing either. Weather doesn't look too bad...high in the low 40's, low's in the high 20's. Fuck....thats better than the fuckin forecast here next week. But...I just have a feelin this thing is going to be about as organized as a fuckin 'goat rope'. I find out last week that this 'lodge' doesn't have TV' is up with that? Guy tells me we can pass the time playing poker...which sounded real good to me until he says "Ya know....nickle, dime, fifteen" WHAT?????? Oh fuck....playin poker with your grandma...Fuck that....I'm bringing a book and I'm bringing a TV.... I go out a buy a GPS cuz I've been fuckin lost before and vowed this wasn't happening again. So, I go to put in the town in Arkansas where I'm going....up pops 'City Not Found'...fuck me running (ty J-Fab)..just spent $250 for this fuckin thing (after doing much research) and now can't get me there??? So now I read 'the book'...says somethin about if you can't find shit that you put in the latitude and I google the town, find that nerd shit and put it it...okay....I guess I can find it now, well at least get me close....if not, well that ain't good cuz I have a new gun, ya know ;)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy New Year............I hope

Sorry but I took a little 'blog' hiatus. Not so much anything to do with being too busy, more like I was trying to get my overall psyche 're-charged'. case you were wondering....didn't fuckin work.

My PLAN was to take off December 31st until today (January 5th). Well, that worked until 5:00 PM New Years Eve...when a customer called saying he needed a service guy sent out ASAP, since his maintenance guy had worked on his machine and fucked it up. I told him 'No' and explained to him that I couldn't fuck with their night's plans. He was Ok with that especially when I told him if he could get me the part number of the thing that was fucked up, I would go into the office 1st thing on New Years Day and make sure we had the part.....since he didn't have to be up and running until 5:00 PM New Years Day, plus his guy could install it. He liked that.........but then he asked 'just what time could he expect a call from me the next morning'? Okay...this pissed me off some so I said....."7:00 AM" He hemmed and hawed...then I said 'would 6:00 AM be better?" No, no!!!...7:00 is fine! You see, what I didn't tell him was that I could check our inventory from my home computer.....better off him thinking I had to get up and drive into the office.

Did go out New Years but didn't hardly drink and was home early. Checked the inventory before I went to bed and FUCK....didn't have what he needed at work but one of my service guys had one on his truck....but he lives an hour from the office. I call Customer at 7:00 (woke his ass up) tell him the above, and that I was going to drive and meet my service guy 1/2 way (30 minutes for me)......and then bring the part to him (another 40 minutes). He loved it............I mean, fucking seriously, where are you going to get that kind of service on New Years Fuckin Day??? I hope all this means sumthin to the guy down the road when he goes to buy new equipment...probably not.

Ended up going in the office on Friday and Saturday too.....not long, only a couple of hours each day, but still....

Yesterday, My Mother calls me and tells me that my Dad has lost 12 pounds since Fall!
I hadn't thought he looked like he felt good but everytime I'd ask he'd say he was 'Ok' 'cept his arthritis was bothering him in his shoulders and hip. "That damn medicine they gave me didn't do much" he'd say. I kept trying to get him to get a cortisone shot.....told him the President just got one a few weeks back. I get "yeah....I'll probably do that". Fuck....I knew what that meant.

So, now with what my Mother told me, I am worried mind running through all the worst-case scenarios and I've convinced myself he's thinking along the same lines as I I'm scared that he's scared. Going to call him and tell him if he makes an appointment, I'll go with him, but I have to word this plan very carefully or he will get real stubborn about it. I know part of this is because of my Mother's health and he thinks that he has to be there with her practically every damn minute. I love my Mother....but she thinks the world should wait on her now that she's 'frail'. I could go on and on here......................but I won't.

I'm not even going to call my sister because....well, fuckin why? She came up after Christmas, stayed a whopping 3 days and according to my was like Florence Fucking Nightengale and Paula Fuckin Deen had been there...WTF? Oh...(now I'm on a roll)....when I tried to get her to bring at least ONE of her 3 kids, she told me 'they had some unexpected expenses' and she'd be coming alone. THEN...while she was here, I happen to be talking to her husband and he tells me he's taking my nephew to the airport...he's on his way to see my brother-in-law's family! I was sooooooooooooooooooo motherfuckin pissed at my sister...still am as far as that goes..ok...better stop now.