Take Me Out To The Ballgame....

Besides boobs, baseball is my number one passion. I want to expound on that alittle.....I AM NOT what you would term a 'casual fan'. I am hardcore. I have had Season Tickets to 'my' team for 15 years. Fuck, when I was kid, me and my buddies would take the fuckin bus down to the stadium every chance we got to see a ballgame. I play in 2 Fantasy Baseball Leagues...these are not 'fun' leagues, these are cutthroat leagues where quite a bit of money is at stake. The point I'm trying to make is that I KNOW the game, how it should be played, and all of its subtleties (and there are many).

Most of my Season Tickets (we have 4 seats) go to our customers, except for the games I want to go to (Fuck'em, I paid for 'em). Oh, I get the occasional phone call from customers that start out "Efen....I know this upcoming series is always sold out, the hardest ticket to get in town, and the only tickets you can get are from scalpers BUT...yada yada yada". Yeah.....I'm givin those up to some guy who bitches if he feels he's been charged $2.00 more than he should have for something.

Anyway, I kept tickets for last nights game. I always get there about 2 hours before game time. You have to park (my buddy 'Nate' owns a lot so he always keeps a prime spot open for me), go grab some dinner, and then walk to the park. Normally don't get to the seats til 15-20 minutes before 1st pitch.

Last night, I found myself w/ 2 extra tickets. It wasn't like someone bailed on me, I just didn't feel like fuckin with callin people to go. So I walked around the stadium and found 2 guys who were tryin to buy tickets. Decent lookin guys, maybe 30, with no obvious prison tats. They were hoping to find some 'last-minute' tickets for sale. Goodfuckinluck with that. Besides being sold-out, you'd have to at least double the face-value if you bought them from a scalper. I tell them I have '2'...they say "how much?". I tell 'em "no charge".

Of course, they looked at me with very skeptic and wary eyes. Fuck, I don't blame 'em. I'd figure I was either a serial killer or gay or a combination of both. I assure them the tickets are real, that they aren't stolen, that my other 2 seats are right next to these, and that I just didn't feel like hagglin over a price. Besides, if someone drives all the way down there, HOPING to get in, then I don't give a fuck about the money, it makes me happy they get to see the game.

Everything is going pretty well 'cept its now apparent that I am seated next to the fuckin 'Chatty Cathy' of the two. Motherfuck......I gave you the tickets, it doesn't mean that I want you as my new best friend. I'm tryin that 'ignore' thing, you know, where you don't make eye-contact and you don't say anything where he may get the impression that you are talking to him...'cept it aint fucking working. His buddy meanwhile, seems to be enjoying the respite he his getting, while I'm listening to this fuck who is tryin to impress me by how much he knows, which is only having the exact opposite effect.

It's about the 4th inning and 'Chatty' is still yammerin away. I've fucking just about had it. I am sooooooooooo wishing I just kept the fucking tickets and extended my 'space'. Oh, it has now escalated to where he is not only calling me 'buddy' but has taken to pattin me on the shoulder whenever he thinks I'm not payin attention to him. I let this go......for maybe 1 more inning. I am losing all fucking patience. I mean, I'm not looking out to be a prick but fuck, when I go to a game, if I talk at all, its about the fucking game, not 'when you played high school ball, and how you were a real 'stud' and how you were undefeated in your senior year' fuckin shit!!

Finally, the 'proverbial straw' happened. This fuck pulls out his digicam. He gives me 'the pat';

Me: Sigh.....yeah?

CC: Buddy, would you do me a favor?

Me: (By not punching you in the fuckin mouth, I presume).....hmm...uh...what?

CC: Would you take a picture of me and Dan?

Me: Uh...okay....but could you wait til the inning is over cuz we have 2 men on and I wanna watch what happens with the next batter.

CC: Well, thats what I mean. We want you to take our picture with the next batter showing up in the background. That would look so cool. (They now BOTH stand up for their picture and I can't fuckin see the batter).

Me: No, I wanna watch this...could you sit down?

CC: C'mon................

Me: LOOK.....I said I would but AFTER! Now please sit down so everyone can see.

CC: C'mon buddy..

Me: Ok, 1st of all, I'm not your buddy, 2nd, I came to watch and enjoy the game, not to chit-chat, so sit the fuck down so people can see!

Chatty and Dan get all red-in-the-face. Well, WTF? Not only was I gettin pissed but the people around who are trying to watch the game are gettin pissed too..............and I certainly didn't want those people to think these fuckin guys were with me. Fuck.....I'm there all the fuckin time and I have a reputation to uphold. Uh...tellin them to 'sit the fuck down' helped re-establish that btw ;)
Chatty and Dan turn to each other, mumble some shit, then they leave....never to return!! Hoofuckinray....at last! The remaining few innings were pure bliss :)

Okay, I know its my own fucking fault for giving the tix to these looneytoon motherfucks but why punish me?? I coulda used my own normal 'ticket giveaway' prerequisite (which is mainly hot girls w/ big boobs......well, ok, they don't really have to be that hot) but I was just trying to do the 'nice guy' thing. I swear, I won't fuckin do that ever again. But, I can say 'I tried it once, didn't much care for it' ;)