Monday, November 24, 2008

Short Week Ahead..

.....and frankly, it couldn't come more at a fuckin perfect time.

Remember my post about my customer goin all fuckin nuts on me? Well, since we ended up selling that equipment to the same company he was trying to sell to, I thought 'what the fuck', I'm gonna call our common customer to see exactly what the deal was, plus I know this guy alittle.

I call him, explain what had transpired between the Contractor and myself, and asked the guy if he had heard any feedback from the Contractor about what had happened. This guy went absolutely fuckin ballistic......on the Contractor.

His exact words: I'm so fuckin sick and tired of that company. Since they're a Union shop they think they can run roughshod over anyone who isn't. They come in here and act like they're above reproach and that they can do any fuckin thing they want. I NEVER told them to order the equipment, they just fucking assumed it was their job. I'll tell you one thing, we give them over $200,000 a year in business and that has just fucking ended!

Okay...I never thought this thing would snowball like it has. And...being the professional that I am and having the 'last word' in an argument seems petty...I wrote the fuckin Contractor a letter on Friday (he's a senior VP) and sent a copy to the President.

I detailed the language that he used with me, how offended I was by that type of language, how un-professional it was, that I would never use that language in a business conversation, etc etc . I also said that if he would have given me a chance to speak, I WAS going to say that I would do everything in my power to make sure they didn't get stuck with the equipment, that I would make this up to them with additional discounts....BUT since I didn't get the chance to say these things, I could only assume that he had no interest in whatever solution I could offer.

Fuck him...I kinda expected a phone call from this prick today but I was going to tell him right off that the conversation was being recorded (it wouldn't be) ...figure that would set him off even greater...hehe...some of these pricks are rookies when it comes to shit like, I fuckin live for it ;)

I need a break, even if it's only a couple of days. Actually, tho we're closed on Friday too, I always come in on the Friday after TG, until about noon then its "Hasta la vista" baby. Phone doesn't ring much but if anyone needs anything, I can take care of them.

Then I run up to 'SV' for awhile, have a couple of Post-TG drinks (this always fucks them up because I normally will not drink during the day). Sparse crowd there usually because most of their customers are off work and won't be coming in for lunch. I prefer a more 'intimate' setting anyhow ;)

I don't do the fuckin 'Black Friday' deal. Tried it once, determined pretty quickly it sucked, vowed not to fuckin let it happen again............and it hasn't.

Went to the grocery yesterday and got all my TG stuff; Turkey (duh), cornmeal for the dressing, all my pie stuff (I make 3, pumpkin (which I can take or leave), pecan (talk about easy), and this year, instead of a lemon meringue (the last two have been alittle runny), I'm doin a coconut cream, with meringue, of course ;)

So, if I don't post anymore before Thursday, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

(sheesh....a whole post and didn't mention 'boobs' must be that Holiday spirit thing ;)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Is it just me?

I don't normally get into much of my personal life (except when it involves me bitchin) on here because, frankly, I feel everyone has there own problems to deal with and the last thing they want is to read are things that kinda upset me............but, today I'm gonna break that rule cuz I am interested in any feedback that you would care to offer.

First, I'd like to say that I got the 'inspiration' for this post after reading Ron's page at so, you can either blame him or thank him ;) parents are gettin up there in years and it's been pretty much my responsibility over the years to make sure they're doin ok. Thats fine, thats what a son should do because after all, they were there for me through 'thick and thin' (and a whole lotta 'thin ;) ...... I couldn't have asked for a better set of parents. They taught me so much about the importance of family as well being responsible and being accountable. These are traits that I have tried so hard to impart upon my daughter. I think I was pretty successful there.

Anyhow....I have a sister who lives in Florida, a thousand miles away. I see her, maybe, every couple of years. And, thats IF I go there. She and her kids, 3 of them, haven't been here in several years. No, she doesn't work so it isn't a problem getting away.

I used to bitch about this to my parents, but my Mother would always say "Well, she has 3 kids and they're so busy". My Dad wouldn't say much. Well, WTF? She isn't the only person in the world that has 3 kids and it isn't like they can't afford to jump on a fuckin plane. And now, her 'kids' ages are 16, 21, and 22!

My Mother's health hasn't been good for maybe 6 years now. My Dad, while in good health (thank god) isn't getting any younger and you never know what the 'next day' will bring. Recently, my Mother told me how much she's really wanting to go down and see my sister and her family....but frankly, she just isn't able.

A few years ago, my Mother went in for a routine gallbladder operation. 3 months later (long story) she left the hospital, with 8 weeks of that being in ICU. The doctors basically said she wasn't going to make it. I kept telling my Dad that my sister needed to be there but he was having none of that. I knew what he was thinking, if my Mother passed away, she would need that time to be there (cuz after all, she has 3 kids). My sister was ready to come up, all she was waiting for was word from me. Ok, I have a problem with shouldn't be left up to me when to tell her to come. Finally, when the prognosis wasn't getting any better, I did call her. She came and stayed a week. This did help my Dad (and me) for awhile, but fuck....a week? Me and my Dad were at the hospital practically every fucking day for 3 months.

My Mother did get better but since then hasn't been able to do all that much due to the complications that she suffered. She misses her daughter, she misses her grandkids....and even though my Dad doesn't let on, I know he does too.

A couple of weeks ago I sent my sister an e-mail telling her how much it would mean to my parents (like she didn't already fucking know) if she and the kids could come up, sometime, over the holidays. I didn't call her with this because I knew once I heard 'that tone' in her voice, I'd been all ' fuck it, don't put yourself out'.

A couple of days pass when I get her response: "I'll have to see, we've had some unexpected expenses and not sure of the kids schedules, blah blah blah, fuckin blah"

Fuck.......the 'kids' will all be out of school for Christmas Break, two of them as long as 4 weeks. And the 'expenses' thing....gimme a fuckin break. My brother-in-law (he and I are very close friends....even though I introduced them ;) makes a ton of fucking money, earns every freakin penny.... they are not hurting at all.

I'm not going to bring the subject up to her anymore. IF I have to explain to her how much it would mean to OUR parents, then fuck it..........she and the kids can stay home....oh, but she'll make the obligatory phone call Christmas Day to talk to everyone, tell them "Merry Christmas" and me listening to them tell her how much they appreciate her presents, that she 'shouldn't have' and all that crap that just starts my blood boiling.

So, am I outta line here for feeling 'slightly' resentful?

Ok, I'm done......I think I'm gonna go puke.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Yeah...piss me off

Fuckin people! There are times I wish I was one of those mixed martial arts guys...kinda like a white Kimbo Slice. So big and so bad, that nobody, no time, will ever fuck with you. And if they are idiot enough to try it.....they soon realize the error of their misguided judgement.

As some of you may know, I own a industrial equipment company. Yeah, I realize this sounds all exciting and shit, but the downside is dealing with people who are, or can be, complete fucking jackoffs!

Case in point; We sold some equipment to a Mechanical Contractor here, one of the largest in our area. They ordered this equipment about a month ago. It was a 'special order' for us, something we never sell, much less keep in stock.

Yesterday we get a phone call from them, sayin they want to return it. They said we sold this exact equipment to the company they were selling it to and since their customer decided to buy from us, they didn't need it.

Ok, there's a couple of problems here. First, who the fuck orders any equipment BEFORE they get a Purchase Order from the customer? Do you just buy shit 'hoping' you're going to get an order? The answer to that is a resounding 'Fuck No'! This is 'Basic Business 101'.

The second problem is that the manufacturer we bought from won't take it back as it was a 'special build' for them. I don't blame them, they take the shit back only to have it it in their inventory forfuckingever. Yeah, in these economic times, just what you want, inventory that you won't sell as well as useless inventory you have to pay taxes on.

My inside sales guy explains this to the Contractor Girl yesterday. I heard him, he was very nice to her and explained it exactly as I would have. We're sorry about it, but what the fuck are we supposed to do? We can't let them return it, then we'd have this 'one-of-a-kind' thing here, already out the money we paid for it. Even with a 50% restocking charge (which they wouldn't agree to anyhow), we'd still be out alot of money.

This morning, the VP of this company calls me. He starts out all nice and shit. Telling me he was told to order it by his/our customer but when they went to install it they found it had already been us. So, he wants to return it since we "went around him and sold to the other company".

Ok, this is bullshit. we didn't go around any fuckin body and these fuckin Contractors are the biggest whores in the world. They'll work you to death having you do half of their fucking work, making the correct recommendations, supplying them with all kinds of blueprints, etc etc etc, then turn around and buy the shit from another company who hasn't done one fucking thing, because they were 5% cheaper!

I let his snide remark slide and tell him that we tried to return it but the manufacturer wouldn't take it back. Thats all I had time to say.....then this fuck went off on me.

Fuck: What the fuck you mean, you won't take it back? If you want a fuckin war with us you have no idea what the fuck you're getting into. Did you get a permit to install it?? I'm going to call the County right now and if you didn't get a permit I'll see to it that they fine your fucking ass off!

Me: Uh....can you calm down?

Fuck: Do you hear what the fuck I'm tellin you?

Me: (Starting to feel my blood pressure going through the roof on that one)

Me: If you'd calm down we could discuss it.

Fuck: Don't fuckin tell me what to do!

Me: I don't think we're going to get anywhere until you cool it down.

Fuck: -click-

Ok, that fuckin pissed me off more than anything. If you want me to go totally fuckin nuts, hang up on me. He did, and I was.

I thought about calling him right back but I knew it would only end up in a 'Fuck You' , 'No, Fuck You' kinda thing. I'm waaay too mature for that.............Ok, I'm not and honestly, I sorta live for shit like that, BUT....this company does spend alot of money with us and all it takes is for one jackoff in charge to put a stop to that.

I checked, we did sell to the other company but we haven't installed yet so this fuck doesn't have his ducks in a row. I'm pretty sure he's the one who gave the go-ahead to order the equipment and now he's trying to cover his ass. Frankly, if he would just own up to his fuck-up, I'd try to work something out, but I know thats not gonna happen.

My dilemma is what to do now? Stick to my guns and run a high risk of this guy making sure they don't do business with us any longer OR, take the shit back and eat all kinds of dollars?

Either way, I'm afraid I'm fucked.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Deer Hunt Recap

I'm sure sooooooooooo many of you are wondering, "How did Efen's deer hunt go?"

As you may recall, the place I was going is only 30 minutes or so from my house...then maybe another 20 minute walk through the woods to my stand.

Let me give you a quick recap;

Alarm goes off at 4:00 AM. Get up, stumble to the kitchen for my coffee, only to discover I had reset the timer for 4:00 PM, not AM.............fuck me. While I'm standing there, trying to focus on those little fuckin coffee maker buttons, I hear a noise from the outside. Oh fuck me again....raining like a sonofabitch and its a whopping 35 windy as hell.

Okay, 'back in the day', I woulda said 'big fuckin deal' and just put my 'rain shit' on and off I'd go. Instead, I turn on the local weather and's raining...and cold...and wind up to speeds of 40 MPH...glad I got confirmation on that shit. Uh, this is no longer 'back in the day' I said 'fuck it', and went back to bed.

Slept another couple of hours, got still the same though the rain has slacked off quite a bit...gettin some sleet instead. I can handle sleet, it just bounces off of you, still don't care for the wind though.

Finally, about 10:00, the rain/sleet stops, the wind doesn't but IS opening day and all. I had all my hunting shit in the truck so I was pretty much ready to go anyhow. I stop at a little diner close to where I'm going, to get my thermos filled with coffee. Fuckin place is packed with hunters who had already said 'Enough'. While waitin for the gal to get my coffee, I strike up a conversation with an older guy sittin at the counter. He asks me where I had been hunting and I tell him I haven't yet, just going out. He laughs and tells me I might as well pull up a stool and sit there all day cuz "there aint no use going out in this weather.....the wind is goin to hold 'em down all day".

Ya know, I knew he was probably right, especially on the 1st day of rain and wind...deer don't like that stuff, especially the wind cuz if they can't hear, they get real spooked. But, I told the guy I was going to try anyhow. He laughs, again (wtf buddy, it aint that funny), wishes me luck and out I go.

I get to where I can pull off to an old logging road. Put on all my cold weather shit (fuckin boots...why didn't I buy a new pair w/ 'speed lacers'?), get my gun, my 'thermo seat-cushion' and backpack and start my trek through the woods. My stand really isn't all that far into the woods but there's alot of thick brush plus I have to go down a steep fuckin draw then halfway up the other side. Finally I arrive. Climb up that fuckin stand (after tying my unloaded gun to a rope so I can pull it up) and settle in....I look at my watch....12:45...only 4 hours of hunting time left.

The thing about the wind is besides lowering the windchill 'bout 20 fuckin degrees, it makes you think you hearing shit walkin in the woods, with all the leaves rustling and small limbs breaking. So your head is pretty much doin that fuckin 'swivel' thing every 30 fuckin seconds.....cuz even though 'you know', you just can't take a chance by ignoring the sounds.

Fast forward 4 hours......I haven't seen one fucking thing, not even a fucking squirrel. Even the birds have said 'fuck it'. I climb down and my feet feel like blocks of ice. I can take the cold very well, 'cept for my feet. I don't care how many pairs of thermal socks I wear or how fuckin expensive my hunting boots feet always freeze. But, I know as long as I have some feeling in them, frostbite is not a concern. I make my way back to my truck and back home I go.

Sunday, 4:00 AM. Get up, check weather...its good, a little colder, but hardly any wind and no rain. Have my coffee (at the correct time), dressed and out the door by 4:50.

Drive by yesterday's diner (which opens at 4:00 AM during Opening Day weekend)....only a couple of vehicles there. Park, use my flashlight to get thru the woods, up to my stand, check watch. It's almost 6:00. Fuckin perfect.

As lifeless as the woods were Saturday, Sunday was like Mardi Gras. By 9:30 I had seen 8 deer (either too small or does), a zillion squirrels, and 15-20 turkey (all in one group). Now, this was more fuckin like it.

I knew by all the distant gunshots that the deer were moving all over the place. About 11:00 I could hear something coming towards me and I knew it was a deer. It was, a good sized doe with her tail straight out. This was a good thing because it means the doe is 'ready' and there's a buck trailing her. Maybe 2-3 minutes goes by and I hear him. He's coming down the draw at a full thing and one thing only on his mind (geez......fuckin guys). The doe has stopped about 30 yards from me, looking back towards him....but at about the same eye level as me. FUCK....while he may not spot me, she certainly will if I move....or 'scent' me first. The buck comes in, maybe 60 yards out. He's pretty big, bigger than the one I posted a picture of. He's staying back in some brush, moving much slower. I can't get a clean shot so I'm waiting til he walks where there's an opening. He's getting closer, I can tell more by sound than actual sight tho I do catch bits and pieces of his rack. At least a 10 point. I slowly move my hand up to my gun's safety, 'click'. I'm ready now.......there's a narrow opening he's going to have to walk more than 40 yards away he come's..I can see him in the brush in my scope...Oh yeah...5 more yards..c'mon..come to Efen..."SNORT"...fuck..I knew it..the doe has either seen me shift in my stand or has 'scented' me...and she sounds her alarm and bolts right into the brush. The buck stops, turns, and takes off like a scalded cat, right back where he came from....all I can catch is a glimpse of his white 'flag' as he disappears. Me....I'm sittin there thinking WTF just happened?.

Oh well....thats part of it, which is what makes it so much fun for me. Actually, I had virtually the same scenario occur several years ago. I really don't care if I 'pull the trigger' or not. Hunting, to me, is about the things you get to see and experience, things that most people never get a chance to enjoy. I mean, how cool is it to be in the woods, watching all kinds of wildlife in their natural habitat? A few years ago I got to see a bobcat chase and catch a chipmunk and a hawk swoop down and grab a squirrel. These things are priceless to me.

I probably won't hunt anymore this season. I don't care. I already consider it a successful deer season :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'M NOT INEPT....I'm just stoopid

Took my SUV into the the dealer Tuesday for a 're-call'. While I was there, I told them about some other problems I was having and could they fix them while they had it. "Sure"...was what the Service Manager told me. It'll be ready Thursday, he said.

When I asked for my 'loaner' vehicle, I got that 'I don't speak Portuguese' look. So, I repeated my question...s-l-o-w-l-y.

SM: You mean a rental?

Me: No...I don't mean that at all.

SM: Well, we don't give loaners. We do rentals.

Me: Yeah, I kinda figured out you rented cars.....but when I bought this that was the one thing I insisted on. That whenever I brought this vehicle in here, warranty, oil change, whatthefuckever, I got a loaner.....NOT a rental...and not just any loaner, but one as close to possible as my vehicle. (Startin to get a little pissed)

SM:'re salesman set that up? And, just who was that?

Me: ( this guy like the Principle of the Car Dealer?) It was 'so and so'.

SM: Well, he's retired (Sayin it in that 'na nanna na na' fuckin voice)

Me: Okay....I'm not gonna argue this shit with "Dave" (He owns the fuckin place and he always says in his commercials that if you have any problem 'Just call Dave').

SM: (Gettin red in the face) I'm not gonna do that...this is my department, my call.

Me: Listen...I don't have time for this bullshit. I'll go find him myself...I know where his office is.

SM:'ll have to move your vehicle first. I have other customers to wait on and you have the lane tied up.

Me: (walking away) The keys are in it. Be careful where you park it.

Oh man....did this piss the fucker off. I thought he was coming over his 'Service Throne'

SM: (loudly) SIR....MOVE YOUR TRUCK...NOW!


And...away I went to find 'Dave', which didn't take long. Dave's office is huge...with probably 30 pictures of him and some local celeb, along with his numerous awards for who-the-fuck-knows...or cares. I knock even though his door is open.

Dave: (Being as sickly sweet as he is in those fuckin commercials) C'mon in, Buddy...what can I do for you? Have a sumthin to drink? (as he motioned towards his 60 fuckin cubic foot wood paneled built-in refigerator)

Me: No, no thanks........

So I proceed to tell him what had just occurred and how I wasn't very happy. He gets on his phone, calls the SM....listens, nods, says a few 'uh-huhs', and hangs up.

Dave: (chuckles alittle) Efen, really got under his skin, didn't you?

Me: (not chuckling, even alittle) Dave (we're like family now, I guess)...I appreciate you have a business to run and I know how difficult dealing with customers can be. But, I want to tell you one thing. IF one of my employee's EVER spoke to a customer like that guy did to me, I'd fire his fuckin ass so fast he wouldn't know what happened. Like you, as you say in your commercials, I value my customers, doesn't matter if they're right or wrong, and it's because they're the ones that pay my bills.

Dave: You're right, Efen. Lemme call him. You go ahead back and it will be all straightened out by the time you're there. Uh..unless you'd just as soon we bring the loaner round front to you?

Me: Appreciate it, Dave ,but no, I don't have a problem going back there. I'm not worried about it....or scared (then I chuckle).

Dave chuckles too, we shake hands, and off I go. Get back to the SM desk and he's all apologetic and shit. I'm sure Dave told him how to act cuz I know he didn't fuckin mean a word of it.

Then he says....I'm not inept...but sometimes I can be a little stupid. Hmmm...not sure if those were his words or Daves. If they were his, them I am really fucking impressed.....because I would have bet a million dollars he didn't know the meaning of 'inept'.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Fuckin Leaves...and my weekend

All in all, a fairly good weekend but the weather is turning to crap and the damn leaves are piling up....again, as I type.

Saturday morning, did my usual coffee and newspaper...inside though because of the temperature....and the freakin wind. Now, I know its not cold yet, 29 degrees Saturday morn, but fuck, last Saturday it was 74!

I sat there looking out the window....cussing every fuckin leaf that was on my yard. Oh, yeah...thats how I refer to them....."fuckin leaves". Every sentence I say when this topic comes up with any of my buddies, starts off with "Fuckin leaves......" As a matter of fact, they start theirs off the same way.

It's not like I don't try to stay on top of this shit...I've already done the fuckin things 3 times and it's extremely likely I'll have another 3-4 times before its all over with. I have a few trees, 7 of 'em....not as many as others, more than some..but most of them are over 80' fuckin high...and trees that large do produce a lot of fuckin leaves. I wouldn't mind it so if two of my lazy-ass fuckin no account neighbors would bother doing their own fuckin leaves...instead of lettin them sit there til they blow over into my yard. WTF?? Don't people have any sense of responsibility? Sheesh....can't even believe I asked that question....of course they fuckin don't.

So, I put my on my 'cold-weather shit' and go outside...geez...the fuckin wind was brutal. Didn't take all that long to get done, maybe 3 hours. I only 'bag' the front yard. The back, I just keep going over them, mulching, til they're gone....tempted the whole time to bag it all and then dump the shit in my neighbors drive.....but, they'd just fuckin blow back to mine anyhow.

Got that shit done and went to Best Buy. My Dad's remote quit working, well, it worked some, but half-ass. I told him I'd get him a 'Universal' remote that operated his shit. Found a pretty decent one for $20 (fuck...they had some that were $300!). Went by there, programmed it with his TV and his DVD player (couldn't get his VCR to work with it but I don't think he ever uses it anyhow). Works fine and now he doesn't have to get up and manually change stations or adjust volume. Then I dropped by "SV" for abit. Not much going on there, so I was home by 3:00.

Next weekend is the start of firearms Deer Season here. In the past, I fuckin lived for 'Opening Day'. The excitement and the anticipation that I felt back then is something I really can't put into words. Ask any hunter, he'll tell you.

However, the last couple of years I haven't gone. More to do with location of where I used to go than anything else.....its almost 4 hours away, well, the 'hassle factor' is also there. To me, anymore, I pretty much weigh everything on the 'hassle factor'. If I spend more time aggravated then basically, the hassle isn't fuckin worth it.

But....a friend of mine recently purchased 200 acres only about 30 minutes from my house...very wooded and pretty secluded. He called me a several weeks back and said I could hunt there, if I wanted to. I drove out there, looked around for a few hours, and then put up my portable tree stand. For those of you that are uninitiated to the world of deer hunting...a 'stand' is sumthin you climb up and sit in, when you just walk around hunting, thats called 'still' hunting. I prefer the former.

Anyhow, yesterday I thought I'd drive out there, just to walk around and look for 'signs' (No Elle, not the neon type ;) and also to make sure my 'stand' was in the right spot. Spent about 4 hours walking his property and, much to my surprise, turns out my 'stand' was in a pretty good spot, so no need to move it. When I'm in 'the woods' especially when by myself, I always take a backpack, filled with all my 'just-in-case' shit....flashlight, knife, small first-aid kit, water, some food..ya know, just-in-case I fall and break my fuckin leg at the bottom of a ravine or sumthin.

So, I find a comfortable looking log and decide to have lunch. It warmed up some and I was just sittin there, relaxing and watching the birds....when I heard something walking in the leaves towards my direction, not real loud but not super quiet either. I figured, unless it was another guy walking out here, it was either a deer or a couple of turkey. I reached in my backpack for my camera (never know when you'll come across boobs in the woods ;) and sat very still. Maybe 10 minutes goes by when I see what I've been 8 point buck. He's upwind so I know he can't 'scent' me and he's not acting likes he's spooked or anything. He's just walking along with his head down, scrounging for acorns, not a care in the world. I bring my camera up slowly. He just keeps meandering ever closer....until he's no more than 15-18 feet away, THEN, he just plops down...ready for a nap.

I took this picture of him just before he spotted me and took off. Nice looking deer..but I already have one bigger on the wall here at work.....besides, I saw 'signs' of a big one and hopefully that'll happen next weekend......That is, unless I decide that the 'hassle factor' has again, reared its ugly head ;)

Thursday, November 6, 2008

STILL Glad I Live In The US

(Deep breath)....Ok, the election is over and my guy didn't win. But, thats alright. At least we live in a country where we have elections and face it, when you have sumthin you're voting on, not everyone is going to be happy with the results.

With that said, the following are a few reasons of why I'm so glad I live here.
Mothers and their children. I always smile when I see them together.

Christmas! I love it, especially for all the little kids. Their expressions on this special day makes you feel so good inside.

The right we have to freedom of expression. It's something that we can never hold tight enough.

Education is the bedrock for any country. I hate to think where this nation would be without it.

We're a nation that prides itself on producing goods that enrich our society. We would accept nothing less.

In this country, one of most precious things we have is the bonding between a parent and a child,
teaching them how to be a credit to their society and passing our traits and ethics along so they can be contributing individuals.
As evidenced by our new President-Elect, no matter your background or your heritage, you can become successful.

In the U.S. we have the right to speak our minds.

And last, but certainly not least, we're proud to show our patriotism. What a country!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

MidLife Crisis?...More Than Fuckin Likely

For the past few years, there has been something I have really wanted to get my hands on (Ok, Elle and the can run with that ;) It's something I have dreamt about but have never acted on..........until this past Sunday.

I'm talking a car. Not just any car but a bad-ass 'muscle car', one from the late 60's. That was when they made fuckin cars that would rattle your windows when they just came down the street. None of that modified Japanese shit that they pass off as 'today's muscle car'. Fuckin puhleeze...

Anyhow, I was looking in the paper Sunday and saw an ad.

It read (in part) : 1968 Pontiac GTO, Color Red Interior Black, 400 4 bbl, 4-speed, 350 HP. Excellent Condition. Must Sell!

I read this ad over and over, already in my mind, clearing out the 3rd car garage side for this thing of beauty. Now this won't be an easy task cuz I have that space filled with my mowers, workbench, 2 table saws, and various other things that I haven't touched in 8 fuckin years ('cept for the mowers). Fuck it, I big deal. I'll figure sumthin out....even if it means parking my regular vehicle outside.

So, I call the number listed. The guy was real nice and gave me directions. When I asked "How much you askin?" He tells me that I really need to see it first and then we'll talk price. Ok...I aint no fuckin rookie when it comes to buyin shit (except in this case) and I know better to 'leap before I look' but the excitement was too much and it overcame my natural sensibility. So, I told him I'd be right over.

As my 'senses' slowly returned, I knew the more excited I appeared, the higher the fuckin price would be. Fuck, you don't discount sumthin when you have a wide-eyed, slack-jawed idiot goin thru his midlife-crisis, standin there jumpin up and down like its Christmas morning!

All kinds of shit came to mind before I went there. Should I dress like a fuckin hobo?; Should I wear my John Deere cap?; Should I even fuckin shave? My one problem would be that no matter what I decided on the above, it would be the vehicle I would be pullin up in. I drive a fairly new SUV and its one of the nicer ones. Notice, I said 'drive', not 'own'. It belongs to the company and it was not new (It was a year old and had 1700 miles when the company bought it). But I knew that wouldn't make any difference to the 'seller' as he would figure 'this guy will pay what I ask'.

So, instead I drive into work and swap it for our 2001 Dodge pick-up. I know how shit works and figure I've just saved myself some bucks. Sometimes I marvel at myself ;)

I didn't have that far to drive and when I pulled up...........there it sat, all clean and perfectly shined, the tires gleaming, the chrome was my dream come true. The seller was good..he had the car parked on the side of his house, in the grass with nothing around it to detract from the car itself.

Everything was perfect........................EXCEPT there was another guy looking at...AND..this fuck had driven up in his 2-seater Mercedes...well, fuck me. This guy was about my age and he had on one of those fruity little french lookin caps...not a beret, but fuckin close enough to be cousins. WTF??? This fuckin guy had no fuckin business even lookin at a car like this...he was already drivin what suited him to a fuckin 't'. Oh well....suck it up and try to look 'indifferent', I told myself.

The seller came over and we talked about the 'general' shit you do when you're looking at a car. Him tellin me how well he had maintained it, that it was his Dad's and he got it when his Father passed away. Me actin all 'I'm really not that interested'. Sonofabitch.....this car only had 63000 original miles on it (thats what he said anyhow)!

Then, he said "Would you like to drive it?" FUCKIN WOULD I! ...but, I instead said, "well, sure...just to check it out, ya know".

He gets in with me, leavin MrFuckinMercedes standing there, given me 'that look'. I put the key in the ignition and "VROOOM, VROOM, o man, it was almost orgasmic! I take off and we're fuckin flyin, in 2nd gear, before I realize it. I back it down and tell the guy I'm sorry..he just laughs and says 'What the hell, thats what you're supposed to do in this car". We drive for maybe 20 minutes and I gotta say, I felt like I was 17 and Katie Marie was in the her cheerleader outfit ;)

We get out and he tells me whats he's asking. A little more than I had hoped, but still fair. MrFuckinMercedes had evidently already been told what the price was, plus he had driven it as well (I knew this because I had to move the seat back cuz that weasel lookin fucker was maybe, 5'4".

While I'm standin there thinking this thing through, the Mercedes prick pulls my guy aside and starts talkin all low and shit. I see the seller get that 'Oh Boy' look on his face and then he comes back to me and says "Uh...that guy just offered $1000 more than I'm askin. As J-Fab would say "fuck me running". I was close to playin that 'OH YEAH......WELL I'LL GO $1500'........but, I didn't (sigh). I figured he'd jump up again and then what?

I shake the guys hand, thank him and then start that long 'deadman walking' walk back to the truck. Then, I turn to and go back to the seller guy, hand him my business card and say "Listen, if this guy has trouble coming up with the cash, gimme a call". Mercedes Boy gave me his 'I outta kick your ass' look, but it was weak, at best. I gave him my 'try it and I'll shove that fruity hat up your ass' look. My look was waaaaaaay cooler ;)

It was a long drive home though.