Random Thoughts....

Okay, Okay....I know I've been extremely remiss of my blogs duties lately. Its not that I don't give a fuck, just been alittle overwhelmed with some other things. Once my planets are back in perfect alignment (whatever the fuck that means), I'll be doing all the shit I'm supposed to.

Meanwhile, here's some more shit I stole ;)

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with sticks when they've invented the lighter?

4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

5. That's enough, Nickelback.

6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

12. The other night I hit a new low at a bar. I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

22. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get the fuck out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

33. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

34. Bad decisions make good stories

35. Whenever I'm internet stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

36. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

37. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

38. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

39. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

41. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

42. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

43. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

44. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

45. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

48. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

55. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

56. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

58. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

62. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lights than Kay.

63. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat ass before dinner.

Photos (ok...I admit, I aint got nuthin)

Please feel free to add your own captions ;)




Hmmmm....Where the fuck was taken....the Bates Motel??

There's waaaay more than one question here.

Guess who got invited to the prom.........by another couple.

He figured that matching earrings would be alittle 'over the top'

Looks like Mom may not be too fuckin happy about this 'union'.

Safety first! Don't forget to 'buckle-up'.

Nothing says 'I Love You' like a dose of GHB.

Really?? The only spot you could find for her in your 'group' was under a fucking chair?

'Junior' just got the word that he was named 'TV Evangelist of The Year'

(Updated) This is pretty darn cool!

You'll have to turn up your speakers...

AND...for all you FaceBook users, here's one that I liked :)

Y'all probably saw this on TV but since it made me smile (and I'm normally alittle stodgy in regards to tradition), I thought it was worth a post.

The Home Run Derby & The All Star Game

I realize if you aren't into baseball then my affinty for the sport and its history is something you find hard to understand...but I had so much fun this past week....possibly even more than I did in '06 at the World Series.

My brother-in-law came in Sunday evening...and he's more into baseball than even I am. By 9:00 AM Monday, we were already downtown and headed to the 'FanFest'. This event is so freakin cool! Basically, its the Convention Center filled with all kinds of inter-active stuff for the kids, tons and tons of memorabilia, radio broadcasts, celebrities walking around, and most importantly, members of baseballs Hall of Fame (HOF)...everywhere you looked! I was in fucking baseball heaven!

I got to meet several of them as well as getting their autographs and pictures. It was just so fucking cool and they were some of the nicest people you'd ever meet. Keep in mind, these were guys I watched when I was kid....and I wasn't disappointed at all.

Went to the HR Derby, which strangely enough isn't something I care all that much about but since Albert and Ryan Howard (hometown boy) were participating, I wanted to catch at least an hour of it. We left about 8:30 because I had made dinner reservations at Shannons (owned by the former player and current Cardinals broadcaster) for 9:00.

Man...was that fucking cool at Shannons. Here's some of the people that were either seated very close or walked by: Whitey Herzog, Lou Brock (HOF), Bob Gibson (HOF), Ken Griffey, Sr., Bruce Sutter (HOF), Jason Bartlett (SS for Tampa Bay) and a couple of guys from the MLB network.

The All-Star Game was very cool, except for the AL winning. The atmosphere rivaled any World Series game that I have been to. The only thing that REALLY sucked was that everyone entering the stadium had to go through metal detectors and then get 'the wand'. This led to lines that were sooooo fucking long, just to get inside....plus they had all kinds of streets and highways closed. All of this was courtesy of Obama. Why Presidents have to show up for these events is beyond me. Don't they get the 'spotlight' enough on a daily basis? Luckily, since we were downtown by 11:00, we weren't affected by the street closings. BUT....I do admit, seeing the snipers on top of the stadium was pretty cool ;)

My apologies to 'The Girl'.....didn't see Utley or Howard anywhere prior to the All-Star game and I wasn't about to go inside the stadium 4 hours prior to game time (once in, you couldn't leave, which meant 'No Smoking') to get their autographs...I'm sure you understand.....right???? ;)

All in all...a great fucking time :)

Ok...a few pictures;

Main Entrance:

Pre-HR Derby:

View from my seats:

How amazing is this?

He actually apologized for being in the picture..I laughed and told him the back of his shirt is what I wanted. In case you can't make it out, it says 'U.S. Secret Service'.

See the snipers on the catwalk:

Self-Explanatory ;)

Shannons:

All-Star Game

This coming Tuesday is the All-Star Game. Now, if you aren't into baseball, then you'll probably don't give a fuck, but since I am, and since I'm going...I am waaaaaay excited ;)

I have never been to one before and no doubt, this will be my last chance since the last one we hosted was back in '66 and I'm not putting any money down that I'll be around for 43 more years.

My brother-in-law is flying in from Orlando on Sunday. My best friend since I was 9, is coming in from Kansas City on Monday morning....and I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off. Besides the game, there are TONS of All-Star activities going on downtown with many, many, former All-Stars and Hall Of Famers on hand. I also have tickets for a free autograph session with maybe a dozen Hall of Famers signing. Fuck...I feel like I'm 9 again! :)

I'll post pictures next week...and I'll do my best to get Ryan Howard (hometown boy) and Utley's pictures for 'The Girl'.....hmmm....that makes me think, what if I could get one of them to sign a picture saying "To R........"? Uh...what would that get me ;) ;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend...and thanks to Ron for his BD comment..appreciate it!

Life in the Weird Lane

Ok..not as catchy as the Eagles title but it's certainly apropos.

In my prior post I mentioned how crappy a job the Street Dept. did when they filled the joints with asphalt. This was a fact, not merely a figment of my imagination or simply my opinion. I know bullshit work when I see it. Anyhow, I got called out about it by some fuck that I have never had any interaction with prior. It seems his 'point' was that if I had never done this type of work before then I had no right to criticize and I should just accept the shit job that was performed. Evidently, no matter the quality, if this isn't my area of expertise, then I should have accepted it because I have no idea how hard it is to do the job correctly.

To this, I say 'What the fuck is your problem'? So, you've never had work done by someone else that was sub-par? And if you did, you just said "thats ok because I'm sure its a difficult job and I don't expect it to be done properly"? If thats the case (and it surely sounds like it) then you are truly a fucking moron and a shining example of whats wrong in the world today. Its my guess that you're one of the those that refuse to be accountable for your actions, that whenever you fuck up, its someones elses fault. Never taking responsibility, never being man enough to say "I fucked up"....just expecting others to be happy with what you do because 'you tried'.

I, live in the 'real world'. I expect of those that work for me, and also from myself, to do the best job possible, with no excuses or exceptions. I will not tolerate laziness or the attitude that 'its good enough'. I don't care if a customer spends $25 with us or $25,000, they are all entitled to the best possible service that we can deliver. There are parts of my (and my employees) job that are extremely difficult. If we make the wrong recommendation or sell the improper equipment, it could have devastating consequences for the customer, which in-turn comes back to us. Do you think if we fuck up we could get by with telling the customer 'Sorry...but you just don't have any idea how difficult this job is"? That is the most asinine fucking thing I have ever heard. We are being paid to do a job and perform a service to its fullest...not to do a half-ass job and expect the customer to just accept it.

I hold others to the same standards that I place on myself and my company. Why should I settle for anything less? If I did, then why would I be surprised to learn that my customers decided to go elsewhere? Fuck man, I wouldn't blame them. But...I guess you would.

The heat...and other things that make me crabby

Fuckin 98 here today (as well as the past few days) and gonna be like this for awhile. I normally take what 'summer gives', but it's still fucking June....way too early. I know, I know, I'm gonna hear from y'all in the South but WTF?? The temp is part of where you live....and its not supposed to be this hot here until mid-July.

Fuckin AC's were both running non-stop...until one them quit this afternoon....the big, main one. Trying to get an AC company here in this weather is next to fucking impossible...unless we have 3 days to wait. Current temp is now 87 fuckin degrees in here.

Fuckin Street Dept.............I come home from work yesterday and see that the Street Dept. had been doing work on my street......filling the joints between the concrete with asphalt. Ok, no problem with that. My problem is that they spilled (dripped, splattered, etc) more than they filled, all over the whole fuckin street. There are literally pools of this shit every 8-10 feet, in all fucking directions. Why can't they have the fuckin people who know how to do this properly do it...instead of these ass-clowns who don't give a fuck? This kinda crap really pisses me off because of the ensuing mess it causes. So, being the 'concerned citizen' I am, I called them this morning. Here's how it went:

Me: Whom do I speak to regarding street repair?

Government Lackey: You need sumthin fixed or have a complaint?

Me: A complaint

GL: Hold on...those lines are busy..wanna hold?

Me: (No fuckin doubt) Yes, I do.

Maybe 10 minutes goes by and its then answered by someone that could not have sounded more bored.

GL#2: StreetdeptcomplaintofficehowcanIhepyou?

I tell her what the problem is and thats where I lost her.

GL#2: So..you're complaining that we did the work?

Me: No...I'm complaining because it looks like it was done by a bunch of 4 year-olds.

GL#2: But...the work was done...right?

Me: Yes...but it looks like hell and there is puddles of asphalt in areas they weren't work working on....its slopped all over.

GL#2: Sir.....we did the work and while it may not live up to your standards, the job is finished.

Me: Look, all I'm sayin is that if they would taken a little more care they could have done this job so it looked alittle less like it was done by a bunch of semi-trained chimps.

GL#2: Sir....I don't see how this has any adverse effect on you or the other residents.

Me: I'm sure you don't 'see' but I'll try to explain this. What happens when you drive through a big puddle of tacky asphalt thats located right in front of your concrete driveway?

GL#2: Sir, I would suggest not driving through it then...you should try to avoid those areas.

Me: (Trying extremely hard to keep from telling to her go fuck herself) Hmm....I guess that would be a solution..IF IT WAS HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO AVOID BUT SINCE THE MORONS DECIDED TO SPILL ASPHALT EVERYWHERE YOU CAN'T HELP BUT DRIVE THROUGH IT!

GL#2: Sir, that happens whenever asphalt is used. There is nothing we can do to prevent that.

Me: Okay (getting real fucking exasperated)...so, do I call you back to schedule someone to come out and clean all that crap off of my driveway and my garage floor? What I'm saying is that I am holding your department responsible for my property being damaged due to the negligence of your employees and that I am going to make it 'official' by putting everything in writing and stating that I spoke to you and that you basically said 'too bad...my problem'.

GL#2: Uh......would you like to speak to my supervisor?

Me: Nope....you've told me everything I needed to know and I think I have properly recorded it all down. Can I read it back to you to make sure that I am 100% correct?

GL#2: Uh...okay....what I can do is contact the Street Supervisor and have him go by and look at it. I do know that if they find the job is 'sub-par' they can remedy the problem as well as clean up the 'subject area'.

Me: Thats all I wanted in the 1st place. Here's my cell number, have him call me when he knows he's going to come out and I'll meet him.

Now, may I ask..What The Fuck???? Why not just come out and say this to begin with instead of all this 'hard to get along with' bullshit? This fuckin phone call coulda been over in 5 fucking minutes.

Fuck....didn't she know I was hot................and crabby????? Well...I bet she knows now.